Worried about friend

13 years ago

Years ago, when I was a member of Professional Secretaries International, I became friends with one woman who was in charge of an on line publication we started. Unfortunately, the organization decided the name we used was too close to theirs so we had to shut down. But in the course of this, we became close friends even thought we never met..

Fast forward through the years. We've stayed in touched by emailing each other once a year, mostly either right at or shortly after Christmas. We'd bring each other up to date on our lives, families etc.

I sent her an email early this year in early December, but didn't hear back. I emailed her this month to see if she had received the email. (We both changed email addresses at one time and forgot to tell the other, so wanted to make sure that didn't happen again).

I received a very short message saying she had received it with the addition of " blank (husband's name) and I have had some challenges over the last several months, so I've been away from my computer a lot."

I sent back a short note saying I hope things are o.k. for you both. I know you've both had some health issues in the past.

I'm really concerned for her, but felt this was the best thing I could say.

All I can do now is wait and see if I hear anymore from her. The last thing I want to do is appear pushy or noisy.

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Comments (9)

User
13 years ago
If she wants to let you know anything I'm sure she will email you. I wouldn't push it. To me she didn't sound too interested in your friendship.
azzalea
13 years ago
I can understand your concern, of course.

However, from what you say, you were really just casual acquaintances. I think you just need to sit back and realize that whatever is going on, she's made it clear she's not ready to share it with you (and may never be). The ball's in her court--if she wants to be in touch she will, if she wants to give you more details, that's up to her. I'd give her time, and next time you e-mail (at your usual annual time), just let her know you're there for her if she needs anything, and let it go at that.
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Listen to me, Tisha, just stand by her the best you can---you do know only part of the story---and even if it is in response to outside factors, the pain to HER is still real. I've included a link that might help. http://my.clevelandclinic.org/disorders/factitious_disorders/hic_munchausen_syndrome.aspx My sister Margie, was diagnosed with Manchausen's years ago by one of the many Dr's she saw sometime after our Mom died. We know she did have Lyme's Disease from a tick bite she got in Ct. while delivering a horse----down here in the South----it had barely ever been heard of at that time---the aches and hurting joints all played their part in her suffering, though. Margie, after years of missing Mom so much, (They were celestial twins in the universe. They loved and fought each other more than anyone else on earth..) she began to rely more and more on painkillers---her husband would call and I would go over and try to help, but finally gave up----she was too much out of control and would go into screaming frenzies---we were never very close and that made it easier for me to just stay away from her. Margie's husband called early one morning to say she had died sometime in the early morning hours in a bathtub, with a syringe with partially dissolved painkiller medication in it. We went to St. Mary's Hosp. in Richmond to see her. I walked in the room with my family and and it was the FIRST time I'd seen peace on her face since our Mom died in 1984. Margie died July 27, 1997. I was relieved to see peace, not pain. She had a wisp of a smile on her face----the same sweet smile she had when she was a little girl.... I'm telling you this because you will always be plagued with questions. You will NEVER know the whole truth. It's her journey, Tisha and you can only help so much. Someday, you might not be able to help at all. What you CAN do is try your best to support her, even if it's a 'Thinking of You Card' in the mail--it's something positive for her to connect with....being remembered. Just let her know you still care about her. ---And you can pray for relief and support for her, and guidance and patience for you. One thing that has gotten me through some rough times is the uncanny way 'Lucky Pennies' would always show up when I needed a boost. I would be doing some dirty job, tired and worried----and suddenly, there would be a Lucky Penny, right in front of me, waiting. I always heard the words, 'I Am with you' in my heart, with each penny I picked up out of the dirt and grime. It helped immensely. It never hurts to say a little prayer. I send you warm support, prayers, and a great big hug to help you along, Tisha.
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dedtired
13 years ago
Can you just send a short email saying "just checking in to let you know I am thinking about you. I'd love to hear how you are when you have a chance. I know life is hectic for you at the moment. Take care."
sleeperblues
13 years ago
I would wait a couple of months, then email her again. Say what Dedtired suggested. If you hear back from her, great. If not, I would not try any more communications until she contacts you. She is a "friend" in the most casual of terms.
pammyfay
13 years ago
I don't think her first email is reflective of your friendship. I think she was (and likely still is) quite distracted and focusing on something else, which in my case means I step away from other activities.

Sometimes casual friendships mean more because the person in the hard spot recognizes that she has more friends than she thought. In casual friendships, neither really has to try very hard and there really are no expectations.

Advice to give her more time and then send a gentle e-mail is good.
neesie
13 years ago
"__________husband's name" and I have been having some challenges over the last several months so I've been away from my computer a lot"

My first impression was that the husband complained that she was dedicating too much time to her on-line friendships and not enough to her marriage.

Just a hunch....but that's how I perceived it.
joyfulguy
13 years ago
It seems to me tjhat a message along the line suggested by dedtired, sent in a couple of months, would let her know that you'reconcerned for her/them, but without appearing to be pushy.

ole joyful
marie_ndcal
13 years ago
I kind agree with others, but to me just emailing a person even over the years, and not ever meeting that person is more an acquaintance than a friend. In a few months, I might email something several suggested, hope things are going better, etc---- and let it go. She will get back if she wishes to.
Alice_sj
13 years ago
I think it is nice that you showed care and concern for your friend. I think maybe she just needs time to deal with the issues she is currently facing before she can handle sharing. I wouldn't give up on her, but as others suggested, maybe in a month or so send a thinking of you and wishing you/hope to hear from you when you have some time kind of email. Something short, to the point, and not pushy. I know when I am too busy to properly engage with others, I am still appreciative of them thinking of me.

Worried about friend

Comments (9)

User

azzalea

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