" The way you phrased the question "Do you feel guilty about preventing me from having children" is really a cloaked attack. You aren't really asking him if he feels guilty, you're telling him he should feel guilty" That's true. It wasn't my intention actually - I was reading something on the internet where a woman didn't want kids and said she felt guilty about depriving her husband of what he wanted. I asked immediately after reading that without thinking about how the question would come across. Believe me I don't normally communicate in a passive aggressive manner (at least not intentionally), but if he had asked me the same question I would have been irritated too. And you are right, I DO feel that he SHOULD feel guilty! LOL. When he responded the way he did I became furious because I was surprised at his response. But I can see why he reacted like that looking back on it - he didn't know what I had just been reading so had no background. He was very upset that he upset me. I'm also upset that I upset him. It was funny, I was talking to one of my closest friends about it today, and I said that I thought the only reason I wanted kids was hormones. She paused and then told me that she thought I was telling myself that to try and shake off the feeling and that from what she's seen that's not the case. I think I have a lot of work to do, to try and unravel my feelings on this. We both come from divorced families and when I asked my Mother what she thought about having kids, her response was "I think it destroys perfectly good relationships". To be fair I don't think she really meant that, but I certainly feel like I don't have a lot of support with it. None of our parents ever ask if we are planning kids. I don't think they mind much one way or another. I also worry as we have no family close by, so we would have to do everything ourselves. I did tell him (in a calm conversation) that I was very afraid of becoming accidentally pregnant and that I would be terribly afraid to tell him if it happened. I asked him if he would want me to abort. His response to that was reassuring, he did say that if it happens of course we will do all the necessary things to make sure that things went as well as possible and that he couldn't possibly abort our child. That has to be a good sign? He knows for sure that I would never have a deliberate accident ( I would NEVER do that), and I know that if it did happen he wouldn't be marching me to the abortion clinic. I am on the pill and have been for years and years, so a mistake is unlikely, but you never know. I don't think we will ever start deliberately 'trying' though, and I have to either live with that, bully him into having a kid, or leave. I'll probably live with that knowing the doubts I have myself on the subject. One more comment; I realize that it would have been sensible to talk about kids before marriage. I get that. However many women simply change their minds about kids as they get older. Then you have even more of a problem than we have as now someone has gone back on what they said. So discussing things 5 to 10 years earlier doesn't actually always solve everything. Cecily; that's interesting. I agree there do seem to be lots of reasons not to have kids and only a few reasons to have them! The thing is that I have no doubt that my dh would be a fantastci father. I really think he would. He has a strong personality, no doubt about it, but he does care a lot about me and he is a nice man all around. When he gets home he loves to play with the dog (who is 5lbs). Again I know it's not the same, but the instincts are there, I can see them. He's just worried that he would be a bad father. His Dad wasn't the best role model - not terrible, but he can be a jackass, and he was mean to DH's Mom when he left. Then he had another son with wife number 2 before he divorced her too. That son is less than half DH's age and my DH has seen his Dad crippled by child support for the past 17 years. His main concerns seem to be that he wouldn't be a good dad, and the cost. See where this comes from?? I know he would be a good Dad and he thinks I would be a great Mother. He's just afraid. Now that he's opened the door a crack I will back off for a few months and revisit this later to see if it has opened more, or slammed shut again. I'm 30 so I do still have some time.

thank you both! no cats, but i went to the store to order and discovered that the stock fabric is dry clean only! gasp! and they're not slipcover style chairs, so i had to go with something practical. that immediately put me into the custom fabric category but i got to choose exactly what i wanted. i went with a washable microfiber in a color called hemp. we've had good luck with light washable microfibers on our sofas in the past. i'm a color person, always drawn to color but really trying to exercise restraint in the main living area of this house, so i'm feeling so proud of myself for such mature color choices. :) the base of the chair is a very light neutral, and then the pillow is a large plaid with a warm gray base and beige/cream. it looks very ski lodgey and cozy. bad lighting, but you get the idea. the flash just made it worse on my phone.

Thank you for your input. I do believe that nothing will change and the kids will always just get their way and be spoilt to their own detriment. I can't live like this because myself and my brothers were not raised this way. I am not use to bad manners and no respect. It infuriates me almost daily and makes me not like the boys. Some people might think that kids don't know what they doing, but trust me they know exactly how to behave to get what they want and its always bad. Sometimes I think they just not normal kids because I have never seen this before. But i do understand that the father and grandparents are to blame because the kids learn from them. When I know the kids are coming to visit, the anxiety builds up every single time without fail and that isn't normal. I can't accept this for the rest of my life and I guess at the end of the day it is okay if I get out. I just had to come to terms with the entire situation and that it really isn't normal behaviour because my boyfriend made it seem like I'm overreacting and that I take things too serious. Thank you

Good morning! Grandson age is 7 weight is 80 pounds length from mid-calf to longest toe is 16" calf of leg is 10 1/2" I have a tiny 5-yr. old grandson, too, but he's not ready to get out of bed - LOL - will measure when he gets awake and post those measurements.