Guys DO talk about the same things women do - but generally with other guys instead of women - at least in California. It might be different in NY. However, there is no reason to assume that the husband has any idea of what the wife did - it would be very easy for her to buy clothes for herself or other indulgences that the husband might think she actually could afford. I'll admit that most men have no idea how much women's clothes cost. For example, my boss once told a group of salesmen (who were selling high end furniture) that they should tell their clients, "Anyone can go into a store and buy a dress for $2,000 off the rack, but if you want a couture dress, you would have to go to a special salon and pay $20,000 for a custom dress." I'm not sure if that helped sell furniture, but it does illustrate the concept that prices for common items can vary greatly. She could also have investments that she keeps hidden. It's easier to hide things from men than from women. I think your husband should continue to ride bikes with his friend - and if he feels comfortable in bringing up the subject, he can. He could do it in a round about way - such as asking how his wife is doing. He doesn't have to refer to the article directly. From what you've said, there is little reason to be suspicious of the husband, although that does not mean (yet) that he was unaware of what she was doing. When I used to go bike riding with one friend, he would talk to me about pretty much everything - even about the one time he cheated on his wife. Lars

I had to laugh about the lawn mowing thing. I am the eldest of 3 girls. I had never, ever even dreamed of mowing the lawn or shoveling snow. The latter remains unexperienced. Mow!? Shovel!? "I don't think so," she replied disdainfully. However, never say never. When we moved out here, DH was still working 7 days a week, sometimes 16 hours a day. Waiting for him to mow was just plain (crazy) rude. We didn't have the $$ to pay someone for 3 hours' worth of mowing, so..... He once said that he had to call my mom with the weirdest thing he'd ever heard me say: "I'm going to mow the lawn, then I'm going to Wal-Mart." O. M. G. But my lawn's mowed, I have my seasonal bummy poision ivy, and it looks purty. My lawn, not my bummy. (You forget that ladies also don't spit, pick their noses [or bottoms] or teeth, have gas, burp, use the word "cheap" [unless in relation to another's look or behavior], swear, wear curlers in public, and many other elements of deportment. I guess admitting to mowing the lawn is something my mom has gotten over. Or, being a lady, is just chosing to ignore it. Out of sight...)

Call the company one more time and give them a time limit to have it picked up. Tell them directly if it is not picked up you will consider it yours. Either they will pick up or may tell you to keep it. A third option if you do not want a spare table is for you to suggest you donate it. I do not believe there is a legal time table in most states for returns. Becertain to write down names of whoever you talk to as you don't want to be billed for the extra table.

"in many cases the abuse to DH was triggered BECAUSE (his) Mom had seen a beating coming her way and diverted it with comments about something DH had done that needed correcting." I was my mother's favorite scapegoat; I got beaten when she wanted to beat me; it had nothing to do with anything I did or did not do. I am nearly 60 years old, & I still feel terrible guilt about an incident that happened when I was about 4; one 2-year-old brother was raking in the garden, & his twin & I were playing together. Somehow, I can't remember how, I hurt my brother, ran into him with a toy or something, & my mother came raging out of the house with her nostrils flared & her teeth set & her enraged look on her face, razor strap in her hand. I begged Mark to tell her that Dave did it, & he did. Dave got the beating. I was terrified of my mother until she died, in her eighties, tied to her wheelchair in the nursing home, out of her gourd. One of her favorite things to do was to beat the he!! out of all 3 of us; she'd start with Dave, yank him up by one arm until his feet barely touched the ground& whack him several times, go on to Mark, snatch him up & whack him a few times, & then turn on me & beat me until her rage was slaked. I have a lump on one of my ribs that I can't explain; I suspect she broke that rib yanking me up & holding me in mid-air while she beat me. I've seen that same sort of deflection of rage several times, once with a woman who alawys got her husband all riled up at somebody else when she sensed that he was building up a head of steam, & once with a man who goaded his wife into being enraged at somebody, anybody, else. I finally understood why he was always talking ugly about somebody or other when the wife's mother (in her eighties, had just had heart surgery) had to call the police to get away from this woman. People will do terrible things to keep from getting another beating. What is on that video is not "spanking"; the full-grown man hauls his arm back all the way & beats that girl; when she tries to get away, he grabs her & does it again. When she makes it to the bed, he turns away & then turns back & hauls his arm back all the way again & hits her on the arm & the side. That, dear friends, is called beating the he!! out of somebody. "Part of what perpetuates abuse is justification of it." Amen to this, too. It's always the victim's fault; one of the classic lies is "she kept aggravating me until I finally couldn't stand it anymore" which is similar to another classic "I don't know why she's like that." This guy criticizing & *blaming* his daughter for posting the video is the same; he's on the internet beating the daylights out of her, yet he doesn't try to defend his behavior; he blames her for posting the video! As far as beating being the norm in times past, *that does not make it okay*. It used to be English common law that a husband could beat his wife all he wanted to as long as he didn't use a stick any bigger in circumference than his thumb. In some countries, it's still legal to kill your wife or daughter if she "shames" you by, say, getting raped & thus no longer being "pure". Does the fact that it's legal & that it has precedent (that's the way it always has been done) make it right? Victims are often afraid to leave their abusers; these rage-a-holics & violence junkies tear their victims down so that the victims don't think they can possibly make it without this incredibly strong person. They think that the only way they can get by is to try not to enrage their tormentor. which of course doesn't work, because the abuser dishes out beatings beatings when he/she has built up a head of steam & *wants* to beat somebody. It's horrible & it's inexcuseable.