Reward her for staying dry.....
Find something she likes and give her one when she has been dry for a day.
Perhaps take away her pretty underwear and make her wear plain white panties until she stays dry for a day.....and take them away again if she relapses.
Linda C

Don't embarrass her, especially at school.

When it becomes important to her she will do it. Kids have little control over most things in their lives, they CAN control this, so sometimes they do. I suggest dropping the power struggle, it has to be her idea at this point because she DOES know when and how. When other kids won't play with her because she smells, she'll want to make the change.

You might want to revert back to the potty training reward system, whatever that was. I used stickers. Each time my son used the potty, he got a sticker (he covered the potty with them). Eventually we moved on. One day he regressed, and then it happened again. I talked with him about it, he wanted his sticker system back! We went back to stickers for a short time and then he was over it.

Well, it looks as though she is trying to see who is boss. (The more you get mad at her for doing it, the more she will do it.) ItÂfs just a phase. She should get bored with it after she realizes that it doesnÂft bother you anymore. On the other hand, if you donÂft have the time to sit it out, positive reinforcement seems to works too. Good luckÂc

If it is just 1-2 times a day, everyday, Or 1-2 times a week? If it is a power war DON'T PLAY. Tell her before you do what ever it is you decide to do, but when you decide be consistant! If she is just not going to the bathroom and wets during play then no choice! She gets up NOW and changes and may lose time, not forever just for now or today, with what ever she is doing. After all it made it so she did not make it to the bathroom. Be carefull not to be confrontational, just very matter of fact type voice, about it. Unless there is some physical thing going on she will quickly figure out staying dry means more time with what ever it is she is doing. Tell her when she is dry and really working hard at something that as long as she is dry you don't have to interupt her to change. Praise a lot! Set a timer when you know it is a time that she usually has her accidents. Maybe work out a regular schdule. Like before going outside and before she plays with (what ever) she is to try. Tell her when the timer goes off she is to go to the bathroom and try, until then she is done with her game work or? when she comes back she can return to her game work or? Give her a goal to reach so that you don't have to do these new rules forever, like 2 weeks dry or something along those lines. I would never say these hard rules to a 3 yr old, but she is almost 5 and is able to use the bathroom other times and if it is a power struggle these put the control squarly on her shoulders. Because You won't argue or change these rules until she does. It sounds harsh, and thats not the tone I am saying for you to take. That is why I said to have a plan and let her know that this is what is going to happen. Don't argue or anything like that just do the plan and move on. JUST MATTER OF FACT NO SILLIES TYPE VOICE. Just like 'ya have to wear a coat outside when it is freezing' type thing. Or 'no it is 95 outside you can not wear your snow suit to the swimming pool.'

I know it difficult, but you MUST act like its not that important.

Have a plan of action as to what to do when she "goes" in situ. Presumably that makes a puddle on the floor. Perhaps you could get her to clean it up, saying things like "oh dear, a puddle, it must be cleaned, help me do it". (in a nice voice).

Look at the problem objectively - that you both are going to solve together.

Don't sweat it. My DD did the same thing and I think it was because she was "too busy" and having too much fun doing whatever it was she was doing and didn't want to be interrupted for something so "trivial" as to go to the bathroom. It will pass and believe me, when she is 16 she will not be doing that. At home, you will just need to go and remind her that it is "bathroom" time every so often. Possibly you can get her teacher at school to do the same thing. Remember she is still young and there is no set "law" that says every child has to do things by the book. This is just one of the many thousands of things that being a parent involves.

Since you've ruled out medical problems, then it is behavioral. My son was the same way. So I made him take a bath and put his pajamas on when he wet his pants and had to stay inside all day. If he wet his pajamas, he had to take another bath and put on clean pajamas and had to stay in his bedroom with nothing but books to look at. Once I stopped getting mad and made it more trouble than it was worth for him, he wised up and used the toilet!

Julie
The Mean Mom

Here is a link that might be useful: Ask Mean Mom

I totally agree with msjay and popi. If your doctor ruled out any physical problems and she had previously gone to the bathroom with no problems, she may now be at that age where she just doesn't want to stop what she is doing to go to the bathroom.