You guys are so nice! Many thanks! Joyce, Therese and I will be using the Florida room next year...and we look forward to it. The area is not heated and the days have gotten colder lately. We have laid down on the 2 lounge chairs which we got as a gift from my family and friends. Janice, the flooring is made of ceramic tiles which I have laid with my son Marc. Jill, I'm doing just fine. I have adjusted to my new lifestyle. Inasmuch as I do not like to inject myself each day with Lovenox, nevertheless I got used to it...and this is part of my daily routine now. I dont feel sick, I eat well, somethimes my bones ache but nothing serious that I cannot endure. I keep busy, and take life one day at a time...Who knows?...I may live many years yet! Mary, you remember well. I have transplanted my best looking hostas on one side of the concrete steps, so Therese and I will have a perfect view next summer. Carol, we went to see my brother Mau in Montreal...and when we got there...surprise...all members of our families and friends were there to celebrate our 50th. It was a wonderful gathering! Thanks for your toast.... Papou

We're going on ten years this summer, so I don't know if I qualify to answer, but I'll do it anyway. :) One, make sure you cultivate at least one major interest that you can share and participate in frequently. Besides raising the kids, that is. Two, cultivate friendships with people in similar situations, and share friendships with those who aren't. What I mean is, it's wonderful for us to spend time with other couples with kids similar in age to ours, because we're dealing with the same issues, our kids can play together, and we encourage each other. DH has single guy friends too, but I consider them just as much my friends as his. So their issues are mine too and it's never them vs. me. Three, don't fall into the trap of believing that sex "isn't that important." Of course it is. Sex is never just a physical thing, after all. It's tied up with ego, self-esteem, emotional intimacy, and is a great indicator of how things are going otherwise. Four, don't get caught up in dramatics. Always think of the outcome before the process. If you're angry, think first of the result you want before reacting. Five, and perhaps the most important - remember that your spouse is not psychic, and that he/she may forget things. If you want jewelry for your birthday, tell him. If you want him to put the kids to bed when you're tired, tell him. Don't expect him to "just know" that you wanted jewelry because you saw an ad and said "that's pretty", and don't expect him to "just know" you're too tired to tackle bedtime and be generous enough to volunteer. Don't be resentful when he doesn't pick up your cues. Yes, he may be ignoring them on purpose, but so what? Make demands. Six: Pick your battles. Sure, it may bother you to no end that he won't put his underwear in the laundry hamper twelve inches away from where he drops them, but is it really that important in the long run? Hm...that's a good question ;-)

I feel compelled to give you all an update. We talked some more today and she told me that part of the reason that she married me was to get out of her bad situation at home. She also told me that she would do anything for the kids but maybe not for me. The cincher she told me that we have nothing in common and the she thinks she may just want to live alone. She doesn't have a great relationship with her family, but what I noticed today is that we weren't sad talking about ending the marriage or anything like that. It was like planning a trip or something. It was very weird. As crazy as this sounds, I have always had to take care of her as well as the kids so I keep thinking that I need to fix this as well. Until today. I told her to make a decision and tell me how she feels and what she wants to do. I think it will probably end I just need to see a divorce lawyer and start to learn more about what I need to do. It's time for me....I'm tired of taking care of everyone else....may sound arrogant...but I'm exhausted and not going to stay with someone that doesn't want me around. I told her that there are times that I see her looking at me in disgust...she said sometimes she does. Being alone and enjoing my kids is better than wasting my time taking care of someone that doesn't want me around. I hope I meet someone too that wants to laugh, travel and enjoy life. Life isn't very enjoying to me right now and all the counseling in the world won't make me forget what she said to me. Take care everyone and thanks for all your advice.

Ask any woman who is in love. Only one person matters to them. ------------------------------------------------------- I think the answer you are searching for lies within your own comment. Just be sure you are objectively understanding what you wrote. Here's a big hint just in case there's no one around to throw a brick at your head: She just got married to someone else. And here's one for you guys. I had a crush on this guy in college; we'd hang out from time to time at college. He was from my hometown and one weekend we were both home and we ran into each other at a bar. He asked if he could call me. I said yes and without me giving it to him he recited back to me my home number (not my college number) which I was shocked at (well, that he knew it by heart and that he somehow tracked down my parent's name to get the right number from the book)...Plus, we were only in town a couple days, etc. so to know my home number by heart seemed strange. It could have been sort of stalking-like on his part if I hadn't had a crush on him. But the kicker, he never even called. What was that all about?