Will the party be casual, cocktail, formal, etc.? I would base your wording on that first. Seems all my events are casual so I would go with a funny, and personally I would mention that he had never had a b-day party before. Alex

Ladies, thank you so much for responding and sharing all your great ideas. To update, the party was held on the 20th, and it was a well attended, casual affair. (roughly 65 people, nicely spaced out over 4 hours) I used regular blank invitations, and wrote that my sister and myself were hosting a party for their (70th!) and (75th!) birthdays on such and such date, time and place, as well as letting them know it was "come and go". I gave people my email address and my sister's phone number to contact if they needed specific directions. Then I enclosed a second note that said "We hope to see you there, but if you are unable to attend we know R--- and S--- would enjoy hearing from you with a card or note." (pretty much what Texas Red Head suggested.) Keeping in mind lindac's suggestion that "no gifts" implies you expected one in the first place, I didn't write "no gifts", but that also worked out well, as almost everyone brought a card instead. Actually, the only people who brought gifts were a few of my mother's oldest friends (her traveling buddies) who arrived in a group toward the end of the day. In fact, by the time Mom opened her gifts they were the only other people there besides family, so it worked out fine. I also took to heart what sherrman wrote and made surethey waited to open cards until after we'd cleaned up and were having coffee. Considering they had roughly 60+ cards to open, that was a geat idea. We'd made a video/DVD thing of old family pictures of both of them, and had contacted relatives some time ago looking for pictures. They've been married for the last ten years, and there were pictures of each other that neither had seen, so it was a great surprise. FWIW, we mixed them all up, his and hers, and nothing was in chronological order; we didn't want it to come across as one of those "This was your life" slide shows that are so popular at funerals. The little DVD was about 12 to 15 minutes long on a continuous loop, and yes, people stood around watching, and laughing and saying "I remember that!" it was terrific ice breaker. As guests were leaving, I had them stop briefly out front so T could take a quick picture. Everyone received a print of themselves looking relaxed and happy, and Mom and her husband got pictures of all their guests without annoying anyone during the party by having them stop and pose. It was just a very nice party, and again, I can't thank you all enough for your insight and advice. You're (all) the best. Melody

Talley Sue has it exactly right, as always. Send invitations, not announcements, to those whom you want to invite. Don't send some "casual" invitations and some "formal" -- all the same, whether or not you think they will attend. Don't overdo it in an attempt to be helpful; it very quickly becomes pushy. I understand that you want to give people plenty of time to plan (and save up). But unless you run with a very wealthy crowd, please understand that very few people will be able to accept your invitation, and don't feel hurt that most cannot. (If they don't, it won't be because you didn't send them enough brochures and stuff early.) I think you can even pretty much figure on only your closest family and friends, and probably relatively few of them. That being the case, it should be easy just to let them know (if they don't already) that the wedding will be in Jamaica and what the date is. I would do this by phone call, a handwritten note, or e-mail, not a printed "pre-invitation" (you save a little money that way, too). You can either ask them if they'd like you to send the info about the resort, or just included it with a letter or as an e-mail attachment. I'm happy for you that some of your friends or relatives (you just said "couples") say they are planning to attend. Expect some drop-off, though. My cousin had his wedding in Kenya (where his fiance's family lived, not just because it was cool), and they sent us all info that did make it seem like the trip of a lifetime. Although several of us said we'd try to come, and we meant it (at least before learning the cost!), in the none of us did. Yes, it would have been amazing. But if I am going to save up that kind of dough, I want it to be for MY trip of a lifetime, not someone else's. Jamaica would be a lot less than Kenya, but it is still an expensive trip for just a weekend (except maybe for Floridians) so you may be contemplating everyone making it a whole week or something. But please understand that few people will be able to arrange their vacation schedules around your wedding plans, and even those who could might prefer to choose their own destinations and arrangements for what will be rather an expensive trip and possibly their only vacation of the year. There is another string going on about destination weddings right now; you might want to check it out. Is there some reason that the ceremony itself, not just the honeymoon, has to be in Jamaica?

Our rehearsal dinner was held at my parents' club with a pretty firm "jacket and tie" rule. But one of our guests never, ever, ever, wore a shirt and tie, always looked dashing in a turtleneck or mock, with a jacket. We brought our dilemma to the dining room manager who allowed the exception. Then, to the shock of all, the guest donned a handsome shirt and tie for the first and only time. Fori's phrasing is perfect. Have a "wunderbar" time!