Not unreasonable in the least. I think you'd be entirely justified in going out there right now and saying, "Okay, we have to get up early in the morning so everyone needs to quiet down now so we can get some sleep. Thanks! Love you! Goodnight!"

And if the noise continues, I'd go back out and say, "Hey, the walls are not that thick and I really need you to quiet the kids down now so I can get some sleep for tomorrow. Thanks!"

It's a completely reasonable request and I'd go ahead and let them know. It sounds like they're not thinking at all, they're just acting how they usually do, so you need to let them know it's a problem.

It might not seem to others that what I propose is the right thing to do, but...scream! Let them know that you are not happy with the situation. Let them know that this is NOT acceptable. Then get real quiet and tell them if they don't obey your house rules, then they will never ever be allowed in your house again.

You home is your castle. They should abide by your policies. Read them the riot act! Scream like you mean it!!

Jim

Jim - let me guess, you have no kids.

You don't scream in front of 4 and 5 year old kids. The problem is their parents, not them, And best to have the husband talk to his brother privately (if I have the relationships right). No one likes to have their head handed to them by an in-law, whether they're right or wrong with the message being delivered.

I would first do what Silvercomet wrote and if that did not work follow up with Jim's advise.

It is your house and you are doing them the favor by allowing them to stay. Heck, they could be there for several days! Set the ground rules now before full chaos reigns.

I think it's incredibly rude for them to "take over" like that.
I hope you're able to get the rest you need.

Not unreasonable at all. Ask them to either quiet the kids, and go to bed, so you can sleep, or they can go to a motel. Plain and simple. Those are the options. If they don't want to do as you ask, they can leave. Am I hard hearted? No, But I also wouldn't put up with inconsiderate "guests" who invited themselves, no matter what the situation.

Your house: Your rules. You need to tell them to shut the you know what up, get the kids settled down and go to bed. They're guests in your home, if they don't like the rules get a hotel room. How rude of them! You're helping them out. They need to respect you a little. Okay a lot. Get out there and tell them enough is enough.

They won't know it bothers you until you tell them. This is their normal. Speak up!

This probably should have been discussed BEFORE they arrived. I think it's time to ask them to "keep it down" a little.

I may be a doormat, but if it was my young nieces and nephews who were disrupted from their house through no fault of their own, I'd see if I couldn't find some earplugs instead of telling them off! Maybe the only time the parents used to have to spend with their kids was their evenings and it became a habit?

Are you adults all similar in age? Do YOU have children?

With the weather conditions I'm seeing on the news, maybe you won't have to work tomorrow? I know that's no solution, but it would help.

I am well aware that my position on this will NOT be popular. All of this is coming from a long-time night owl, however....

This post was edited by redcurls on Thu, Feb 13, 14 at 1:08

Yep, I agree with everyone. It's not unreasonable at all. Yet, they may not know that what they're doing is not respectful to your hospitality. You should let them know the boundary.

When my brother & his wife stayed during a hurricane, I did the same. I laid out the rules at the beginning and let them know that they must clean after themselves and I wasn't their servant. The rest of the time went well and we had fun even under the candlelight.

Go get the ipads, tell them you need to do a few things on them before bed.
And mention that bedtime in your home is (time) and please remember that tomorrow morning is work. Be calm and just let them know, if they don't know they can't comply. Then if this last more than one night, have a discussion among adults so everyone is on the same page.
I personally would never have allowed the children to have the ipads, much too expensive to be a toy. Surely they brought toys.

It is perfectly acceptable for you to ask that they tone it down after 9:30. And you can do so without ruffling feathers or making them feel unwelcome.

Sheesh. No more video games at your house, ever! I hope you resolved this without ill feelings. I'm perplexed that so many people seem to find it difficult to be direct and honest without being uncomfortable.

They just might need to find another campground! Keep the baby and women with you and send the BIL and older kids to a cheap hotel after dinner.

I would not have given the kids iPads either. Too young for expensive gadgets like that. Your house, your rules. Tell them it's quiet time after ten o'clock because the two of you need your sleep for work tomorrow. If this isn't working, suggest a motel tomorrow night.

Agreeing with Snidely. Let the "blood relative" deliver the message.

just add my name to silvercomet's name! and I second the idea, if it absolutely doesn't work, to scream. :)

It is your house, claim it.

Moni

It sounds to me like you knew what they were like and you allowed them to stay without ground rules. The next mistake was giving them the ipads. Like Dear Abby says, no one can take advantage of you unless you let them (or something like that). I think you were very generous in opening your home to them, now go take it back and let them know what you need in your home.

I am no help at all. I think everything is an adventure, and when something like this happens, it is okay to let the everyday schedule slide.

I probably would be in a fort made of blankets with the kids in the livingroom, goofing around with flashlights.

I would still go to bed early if I need to, but I have never expected everybody else to tiptoe around while I was sleeping. I grew up in a busy house with activity around the clock. And I like having family over and time with the little kids, I don't get to see my nieces and nephews as often as I would like (they are all older now as well).

Dances.

I'm of the mind to say ask, but try not to let it bother you "too much" if it's not 100% better.

I hear you. I can also hear your blood boiling all the way over here.

First, your anger at how inconsiderate your in laws are.How can they possibly think it is OK to allow their kids to behave this way?

I agree that it is up to your husband to talk to his brother.
This will be a lesson learned. When things settle you can all calmly talk about what to do in the future.

Sometimes I like to go to humor. "Crazy me, but after 11:00PM I need my beauty sleep. Can we keep things down to a silent roar?"

Kittiemom, what did you decide to do?

I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

If it were me...and knowing the loud habits of the family I would have set down the rules before they came over.

1. They are getting shelter from the storm and a power outage. How blessed can they be? They are going to be warm, not frozen. They will have showers and hot meals. They should be thankful and do everything to keep your home rules.

2. Your house, your rules. You have to work tomorrow. If I were so lucky to have the shelter you're offering I'd be so happy to do everything in my power to do everything for you...cooking, dishes, cleaning, catching up on any chores, keeping the house rules.

3. Just because you don't have children does not mean you have to tolerate undisciplined wildings. Just because Billy runs wild with no rules at his house does not mean the rules are the same at yours.

4. Set a bed-time. After this time there should be no video games, no internet, no TV...all things that add to the hyperactivity of kids, and/or their parents. Lights out, quiet.

5. I would not use the words "low roar," "tone it down," or anything that could be interpreted as anything other than what you want. Quiet. No electronics. No loud talking.

I'd say you knew what to expect so you need to grin and bear it...it's what family is all about...they need you at the moment and you need to help them out even though it's a rowdy situation..

I agree about the iPads. That was DH's decision, not mine. And they are actually quieter and less destructive with those than when they're running around yelling.

They actually know when we go to bed. We've mentioned it before when talking about other things. It was not a surprise to them, which was part of what bothered me. That and the fact that they didn't ask or act like they cared. As it began to close to bedtime last night, I asked the kids (hoping the adults would take the hint) if they were ready to read a story and get ready for bed. BIL laughed and made a comment that they were still going strong and it would be a while before they wanted to go to bed. That was when I started to get really annoyed.

After several hints, I said firmly that it was getting late, that DH and I would likely have to work today and that we all needed to get some sleep. They finally started making bedtime preparations at that point.

It still surprises me that so many parents tjust allow their kids to run wild, destroy things, and dictate what time they'll go to bed.

I put my foot down about the tv even though their parents wouldn't. The kids were playing on the iPads and DH turned on the tv. The kids immediately demanded to turn on cartoons. I told them they could decide on either the games or tv. If they wanted to play with the games, the adults got to decide what was on TV. If they wanted to watch tv, they could give the iPads back and watch tv.

I think dances in garden has a great attitude. Both the hosts and the guests should be ready to show some degree of flexibility.

Whether you have children or not is immaterial. They should not have inflicted their unruly children on you without constraints. They chose to raise them that way but that doesn't mean you have to deal with it unless they are autistic or have similar challenges to having socially accepted manners when visiting others homes.. They should have brought things to amuse their children with. Most people would take a hint when the hosts went to bed and behave accordingly. They abused your generosity. Hopefully power will be restored quickly and the situation forgotten.

When you were aware of what they were like, I think that it would have been wise to have laid out some ground rules at the time that the arrangement for their visit was made.

It sounds a bit as though you and hubs may not be entirely on the same page, and it would be well for you to make sure that you are in agreement about what's acceptable in your house prior to reading the riot act to the visitors. And it seems to me preferable that he be the one to indicate what the amendments to the rules in your household are to be.

(Blow up an air mattress and sojourn in the furnace room till they're gone? Not bloody likely!)

ole joyful

I could see turning it into an adventure, but only if you and dh were both on board, as well as the other adults.

If they're with you tonight (?), tell the parents that at (time) you want to turn off the electronic stuff and start getting ready for bed. You can help with baths, etc. and then maybe have a family slumber party in the living room. Sleeping bags/blankets, maybe an indoor tent. Stories - must be told in quiet voices, you know! Flashlights - make those fun shadows on the walls. Do fun, quiet things until the kiddos fall asleep - and then you and dh can sneak off to your own bed if you want.

You can set ground rules ahead of time, while still turning this storm caused event into a time to remember.

What does it matter if you have children or not.
My brother and sil and two kids would come to visit and it was a nightmare for me.Sil would get on the exercise bike and ride it like crazy at dawn and I would be woken up thinking a train was coming through my bedroom. I worked and am the kind that needs so much sleep or I am a bear and not nice person to be arund, crabby I get. The crying from oldest nepew was awful.
They wouldn't help parents out or making suppers, nothing at all and claimed with a baby they couldn't do things like dishwasher,etc. So, I did it with him on my hip and working with one hand cleaning up the kitchen.
Sil would go running just before supper and arrive in time to eat.

You have to talk to them and tell them they are responsible for putting kids to bed by such and such a time, you wear the kids so they are tired out, they sure don't have a bedtime routine ad found that out being a nanny and evening babysitter.

They need to be told its bathtime and yes, start doing it and then giving them a small snack and drink and brushing their teeth, make sure they go to bathroom before bedtime and then what book do you want read and make bedtime special.

Tv and electronics are gone including for adults too after certain time of night and they might settle down after all that.

That is who I would settle kids for naps or quiet time is wear them out in am, gave them a nice lunch and read to them and bedtime.

Kids need routine and so many parents are lazy and won't do parenting, they would rather let them do what ever they want to do and wait until they drop off somewhere and carry them to bed.

When they go to school, kids are exhausted even teens from lack of sleep.

I agree if that won't work, then motel they can go and separate mom, grandma and baby from them as mom and grandma must be tired out too.

I used to tell my dad why mom lets her son and sil and grandkids not help and do things? But she wouldn't and would be so tired.

I finally was the bad guy and told my brother he has to pull their weight around here when visiting, they kids were older teens, they were told motel they will stay when they come out for their visits as its too hard on everyone and he wasn't hapy but they did that.

So, talk and put straight what must be done and make sure its being done or motel they go.

When you go visiting or welcomed in when things like power outages happen, then you respect other homes and rules whether you are family or not.

That is great the dances can cope with it all and grew up used to all that but not all of was and makes it hard.

Most of us probably have visitor from hell stories. I sure do! But I also have had friends and family come to stay that I hated to see pack up and leave. Hated it!

I lived on the coast of S. Carolina, a perfect place for vacationing, so I had frequent company. I had to roll up the welcome mat for one or two, but I mostly truly enjoyed my visitors.

The only thing I can add is, it's not up to anyone but the parents to discipline a kid under ten. Have your husband speak to his brother as bluntly as needed to get your points across. They are family, so you "have" to take them in. But they should be behaving a lot better than they are ( both adults and children). By the way, are they chipping in for food?