Years ago, when I and both my kids came down with a severe case of chicken pox, my then-husband had to fend for himself for several days, while his family shared the one large bed, and their misery, together. When eventually we were over the worst of it, hunger set it and we requested some hot chips (fries) to nibble on.

Shortly afterwards, his head appeared around the door of the bedroom, asking:

'How much water do I need to cook the chips in?'

I was a bit too sick to be amused at the time.

About 5 years ago my neighbor asked if I had any lemon zest in the house as she was making a cake. When I handed her a lemon and the zesting tool she looked all confused.

Years ago I was at the grocery store and a lady picked up the package of bagels she had in her card, looked at me and asked how to prepare them. I managed to say with a straight face "Usually you slice them in half using a bread knife and spread cream cheese on them." she thanked me and moved along.
Katharina

Years ago a co-working was talking about canning green beans. As she was talking about it, I realized she had only heated the green beans & jarred them, without processing in any way. I was only about 20, she was about 15 years older, so I would have thought she knew something about canning. I had never canned, but I knew you had to can by water bath or processor. She thought I didn't know what I was talking about, but the next day she had checked & every one of those 20 some jars was spoiled.

Well, I'll tell one on me. When I was a kid I decided I wanted to make supper, and one of the dishes I was going to make was mashed potatoes. I peeled and chopped the potatoes, and proceeded to try to mash them. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't get them to mash. I called my Dad at work and asked him how you're supposed to mash potatoes. It was then I learned you're supposed to cook the potatoes first!

Sally

I remember when microwave ovens first became the rage, I had a girlfriend who'd gotten married knowing only how to make scrambled eggs and fried bologna sandwiches. She was always calling me so I could talk her through cooking dinner.

Anyway, she was so excited when she bought a microwave, convinced, I think, that it would magically turn her into a good cook. She called me, and madly enthused over all the things it could do, ending with how quickly she would be able to cook her Thanksgiving turkey.

Even with a "browning element", I shudder to think what a microwaved turkey would be like, and they had no such thing then. I so hated to burst her bubble.

Oh gack-microwaved turkey????? I have a few friends and family members who call me for cooking help. My niece was texting me last week asking me how to make buttercream frosting. I told her how to make both regular and chocolate using cocoa. She wanted to know since she didn't have any regular cocoa if she could use swiss miss cocoa mix. Actually not too bad of an idea but it still made me smile :)

Tracey

A lady who worked for me, who was older than I was and she cooked for her active, healthy family asked me where the seeds were in the celery. She looked in the grocery store and could not find the round celery that still had the seeds~LOL

Unfortunately, too close to home:
Dh had to help me make a cake and an apple crisp for a funereal because my back hurt. So I had to direct from a char...and he did not know what a teaspoon was. I had to tell him where the measuring spoons were and how to read each spoon size- he could not pick out the teaspoon without reading it on the side.
He did not know how to turn on the oven either...

a little off topic but, Bumblebeez, that's exactly why its so important that men know how to cook. They may remain bachelors or be widowed, or have to cook for someone else. I'm proud to report the my DH is an excellent cook--he started in the Boy Scouts & has gone on to bigger & better things. You should taste his oxtail stew!

I shared Marilyn's recipe for those chicken enchiladas with my adult niece. She was so excited to make them and the emails were flyng back and forth between us, her asking questions, me answering.

She got hung up on the part where you dip the tortilla in the heavy cream. She kept emailing me asking, how much cream? I told her. How big of a bowl? I told her. How long do I dip them for? I told her. Do I flip the tortilla over in the cream? Yes. This went back and forth and back and forth until I was just OVER IT! My last email to her was "JUST DIP THE MOTHER F****R!" She and I still laugh about that to this day!!

I gave a friend some Cherry Belle radishes from our garden. She asked how to cook them. This was a woman in her 30's with two children and a husband. God help them.

leel, dh did know how to cook before I took over! He was a bachelor until 37 and managed quite well. 15 years later, new appliances and me cooking, he has forgotten everything.

Someone asked me,

" how do you get a heaping teaspoon of Vanilla Flavor ",
as in your Recipe.

I said " it's not easy ".

While they still have the puzzled look, I tell them ,
" just wanted to se if you were paying attention "

LOU

My father proudly tried to make Kraft macaroni and cheese for the first time. He called us puzzled and sad because his macaroni was so soupy. He hadn't drained the noodles--and was indignant when we laughed, as he said the box hadn't spelled out that step.

Marlingardner...radishes are very tasty when you cook them!! Slice and saute in butter!!
Joann

When I left my DH to fend for himself once when I went for a holiday he emailed me to ask how long it should take to steam potatoes because after cooking them over half an hour they were still hard.

I found out later that he had put them in the steamer pot whole and didn't know he had to put the lid on!

SharonCb

Gee, I guess I'm lucky! My husband doesn't like to cook, but he can. He can take a packet of parma rosa sauce mix and make himself pasta or he can make stir fry or eggs or he knows how to operate a take out menu. He just can't fathom why I'd want to spend hours in the kitchen cooking or baking. Just not his thing.

I can't think of any funny cooking questions people have asked me, maybe I'm actually living up to the "there are no stupid questions" motto. Wait, no, I'm sure there were times I just shook my head in confusion. I'm not that good. :P

Bri

Yeara ago when we were both young newlyweds, a friend and I used to car pool to go grocery shopping. She was trying to cut back on caffeine due to headaches. While shopping she came up to my cart with a bunch of bananas in her hand and asked...."How much caffeine do these have in them?"

I've posted before that I once asked DH to pick up some heavy cream at the grocery, and he came home with a container of Cool Whip. I don't know how I was supposed to make a sauce out of that.

One of the absolute weirdest experiences I ever had at a grocery store was when a woman, riding one of those mobility scooters, asked me to help her find a jar of cloves out of a wall of spices. Asked her, did she want the ground cloves or whole cloves. She looked puzzled and said, "I'm not sure". So trying to help I said, "well, what will you be using them in?"

She looked embarrassed and said, "My neighbor told me to put them in my pooter." I was just about to say, "I beg your pardon" because I thought I heard her wrong. It took me a few very long seconds to realize that she had been instructed to use them as a suppository. I handed her the whole cloves and excused myself to continue shopping. I'm not sure whether her neighbor was having some fun at her expense, but I didn't want to hear any more of the story.