You write beautifully, Michelle and touched a soft spot with this thread. I have old correspondence too tucked here and there. I haven't started reading the scores of letters my father saved, tucked away in his dresser to be found years later by me when my mother died. Tied in silk ribbons. Most from my mother, but some from my sister and I. Who'd thunk?? A big, burly soldier carting that precious cargo home with him from the war. I have letter he wrote to my mother. I found her stash, also tied up in silk ribbons. I just could bawl right now, there are tears in my eyes. They loved each other passionately for sixty years. I would have felt like an interloper any sooner, but I am ready to start reading them. Old letters are like smells. I love those 'everyday' memories they conjure up. You know the kind. Those memories, some of them totally forgettable one just happens to think of decades later and smiles. ' What I chose to keep for myself out of my parents estate ......makes me smile. I gave away the most valuable items and kept the memories. How is your doggie doing with the rehab?

Hi, it's me - Tricia. Great advice. I agree about the birthdate. Birthdays were not celebrated like we do today and many immigrants lived in countries where vital records were either not kept at all or were sketchy, at best. Church records are baptism dates - not usually birthdays. Result - many immigrants simply did not know when they were born. So, because it was required info they made a date up and, sometimes, didn't remember what they had put on each different form. Then, to further confuse the situation many immigrants were not literate or spoke dialects using just phonics and each person from the same village spelled the same word differently. Now, add in the problems on the other end in the US (lack of ability to understand foreign languages, poor literacy rates, equally poor spelling) and mistakes were more the rule than exception unless your immigrant came from an English speaking country. I agree to check other points of entry besides Ellis Island. Remember, to a non-English speaking person Ellis Island meant nothing. But, over the years it became the place most people associated with "immigrants" so they said that is where they were processed. T'aint always so. Even if they write Ellis Island on their official paperwork. My own grandfather is a good example. All of his official paperwork read Ellis Island. He told everybody Ellis Island, including me. I spent 10 years looking for him. Nadda. Hired the National Archives to search. Nadda. I'm a contact person for the German-Russian Historical Society for the village of Norka. Got an email one day - from a women searching for one of my aunts who immigrated with my grandfather. She said, "Ellis Island? Gee, that's funny. My aunt always said they arrived through Portland, Maine." With the correct point of entry - Grandpa was easy to find. Fifteen years old and towing behind 3 younger sisters. Sometimes, there no better genealogical research than dumb luck. :) I also think a membership with ancestry.com is a good investment if you're just getting started. But, I warn you - BE CAREFUL! People are idiots. They just copy what somebody else has written with no further research on their own. So, mistakes get passed on and on and on and on. LOTS of them. I use whatever I find on ancestry.com as a clue, nothing more, until I've confirmed the info by independent resources. Also, the Mormon church site is notorious for mistakes. So much so I could not with good conscience even recommend using their data bank. But, if you do - proceed with caution. My goal is always 3 separate confirming documents saying the same thing. And, I get copies if possible. I've got tens of thousands of hard copy records. I set an annual budget for vital records and such because it does get expensive. I had my second book, "Thunder on the Steppes, a genealogy of ______________", edited this past spring (while we were rebuilding from Sandy). I was especially nervous because I've written a novella inside the book to bring my German-Russian ancestors to life for my grandchildren. My first attempt at fiction. My editor loved it and said I should seek a publisher believing it has a broader audience than immediate family. I'm thrilled. First though I need to publish the entire genealogy and not get sidetracked. I'm so close to being finished - just got to sprint those last 200 meters and cross the line. It's taken over fifteen years. At that point, I'm going to call my genealogy project finished. Genealogy is never truly finished but after nearly 3 decades of research and two books each exceeding 800 pages and going back to the mid-1200s it's as complete as I'm going to take it. I'll leave it up to future generations to carry on. Have Fun! /tricia

Just thought I would pop back in. Doesn't god hate lazy people too who refuse to help themselves or take care of their family? We went to visit both our families this weekend...about an hour away. We were supposed to eat lunch with my family today. He had wanted to stay at his mom's and I wanted to stay at my mom's (more comfy bed), so he said lets split up. We ate dinner with his mom Sat night, she offered to pay and he grabbed the check and said no we will pay. Then proceeds to hand it to me since he has no $$$. I don't know why but I paid. I should have said something. His mom knows we are having trouble - he told her we are declaring bankruptcy and I told her the business has failed. So I call him at 12 today to say I was on my way to pick him up. He says no I have to go home to work we need to leave now. I said that we already had plans and he could eat with us if he wanted or stay at his moms, and I would pick him up afterwards.. He chose to stay there and sulk. His mom pissed me off as she knew we had plans with my family and she says to me on the phone when I called to talk to him at 12...oh we are celebrating aunt so and so's birthday today at such and such place if you want to go there instead. Then we get home at 5pm and he goes to bed. He hasn't had any photoshoots in a month, so any work he might have is from over a month ago. Plus he never mentioned he needed to leave at 12 even when I spoke with him the night before. Whatever. y mom asked what was wrong, because clearly I was upset, even though I was trying to hold it all in. So against my more rational judgement I kinda told her what was going on. I really didn't know what she would say...she is pretty religous. She said, well I hope he gets it together and you don't have to get divorced, but you can't keep wasting your life and always having to push him. I was pretty suprised. I thought she might say, that its not that bad and it would be wrong to divorce. I told her I would feel like a failure for getting a divorce and she was very reassuring that isn't the case. (Note: She is divorced, but my dad beat her all the time and finally she left after 11 years - the church told her she shouldn't) I mentioned the only way he will probably find a new job is if I do his resume and send it out. She said she wouldn't do that...that he needs to do it himself and if not, then he has made his choice and I shouldn't feel bad to have him leave. Then my brother arrived at lunch and asked where my husband was since he figured he would be at lunch. I told him less. Brother is younger than me and has his own business and really likes my husband...considers him a brother. I just said he was in a bad mood, that the business wasn't going well. Brother said that he had talked to him at XMAS trying to help...suggesting sales calls, networking, inviting him to his business assoc. mtgs etc. I said he hasn't went on one sale call, sent out any direct mail, phone calls or trade shows ever in three years, doesn't call his customers back when they have complaints and has a bad rating with the better business bureau. He said, well he could turn it around, but it would require 80 hr work weeks, tons of sales calls, resolving issues etc. He said it doesn't sound like that will work. I was very calm just matter of fact with my family...not emotional, not saying I hate him etc. Just the busines isn't working and that I told him he needs to go back to work. Brother asked how much the business is making, if I didn't mind saying, which I didn't...I told him $615...he thought that was per week....I said, no that is per year. He agreed time to say goodbye to it. He did say his 1st three businesses didn't succeed, but that he doesn't have a "sugar mamma" so if he doesn't work he doesn't eat. Then went on to say its not fair to me to have live that way. Of course I asked each of them to keep this confidental. I really hadn't planned on saying anything to my family since I embarrassed about the entire thing and also because if we do reconcile I do not want them to hold a grudge, but I think the way I presented it, that will not be the case. Plus my family typically doesn't hold grudges. I didn't tell my brother I was thinking about a divorce though. Not really ready to tell everyone. Hopefully it wasn't a mistake to mention it to my mom. I delivered all the bankruptcy forms and support docs to our atty this week and we will file March 15. I found a new job that pays 10k more as my current employer eliminated by job in Dec and I have been doing data entry work for the past four weeks, so I start that in a week. It will involve some travel. Even with the increase we still qualify for the bankruptcy, thank god, because I can barely pay all the nessecary bills. Thank you all for listening to my vent...I really needed to get that out. I am willing to give it to the end of May. If he doesn't have a job by then, I am done. It makes me cry just typing that out.

Hi dotz! Geez, you reminded me of fathers day lol. I don't know if his son will call him. He might, now that he has opened that door again, even if it is only because he wants something. I am also conflicted about the whole situation. I don't want anything to do with him, but he is my dh's son and first born. So whattya do? I think that my dh will always leave that door open for his son to come through and make amends, if you will. No matter what. That is what I see. Yes, he has a lot of patience lol. I don't. I couldn't fathom my children acting the way his do. I would kick some serious butt! But then, I am an active parent, and have been there since the beginning and always let my sons dad do what he could when he could. But I still would never let my son disrespect his dad the way my dh's son disrespects him. It's just not in me to see him be that kind of person. So far so good, if only I could get that to carry over to his sister and brother lol. Aahh, gotta love sibling rivalry!