At 8-9 days old Dad can do it no problem, especially with only 3. As Michelle said get some meal worms out there for him to help. www.sialis.org has some information about losing a parent. You should both read up if you have nestboxes. Im sorry to hear about the loss. What happened?

My DD is adopted. We got her when she was 6 weeks old. Her daddy died when she was 15 & couple of years later she wanted to know if I thought it was a good idea to find her birth mom. I thought it was great idea. Get medical history, maybe she was longing to see her etc. She went to couple of meetings of people looking for birth parents & I had told her doesn't always turn out well. Ended up mixed bag. Birth mom was shocked & not happy her secret was out,2 older siblings were glad, cousin was thrilled & very helpful. DD told birth mom dying (couple of yrs ago), she made it to the funeral. It was worth it tho she would have liked to talk to her in person. You will always wonder if you don't contact them & if you do you might have a nice extended family. Years ago it was very shameful to have child out of wedlock, if girl was young her parents stepped in & stopped them from marrying etc.I think they will be happy to find out that you are related by blood. Even if you never meet them you can email or write & would be good idea to find out if cancer runs in family & what kind it was as you might want to be getting checked more often if colon or another type that often runs in families. My parents are 89 & 95 & I know it will be hard to lose them but I see them everyday & help with their care.Glad you had your parents for a long time too. Questions will eat away at you & I think you will at least get some info. Wondering why you never saw your brother if grandparents adopted him, did you move far away & never had contact with grandparents again. Sounds like GP's did make mom give him up. How old was she when he was born, 21, I think if I did the math right? Any indication of who father was & what happened to him? Was she in college? Sometimes parents just didn't think guy was proper for their daughter. I think your mom may not have had much to do with it & therefore was estranged from her parents which would be very hard to deal with. Glad she got a good man in your dad! Good Luck!

Sadly, I think kathline is right, and that women in general are held to much higher standards. yes, definitely by other women but I think by men too. For laughs, let's do a little compare/contrast here. To be seen as basically "a good guy" or "a cool dude", men are generally expected to do/be the following: -good providers -non-physically abusive -non-verbally/emotionally abusive -knowledgeable about sports -knowledgeable about tools -married to or sleeping with an attractive, compliant woman -not TOO bald or TOO fat (but a little of both is passable and even endearing) -funny On the other hand, in order to be considered "a good woman" or "a catch" as a woman, she needs to be: -hot... -...but without obvious effort in maintaining "hotness" -nice... -...but also "bad" when that turns him on (at highly circumscribed moments) -intelligent... -...but not so much so that it's "intimidating" -not an airhead, thus... -...capable of profound thought... -...but not so much that it makes you "a drag" -financially secure... -...but not so much so that it takes a way the man's pride in being the provider, thus... -....somewhat dependent... -...but not a gold-digger -well-groomed and stylish... -....but not materialistic -a great housekeeper... -....but not SO GREAT at it that he's reminded of his mother (b/c that's a turnoff) -a great mother... -...but not so busy with the kids that you don't have time to do/be all the other stuff or you "let yourself go" -a great friend who's well-liked by many... -...but not by so many that you're "always yakking on the phone" -emotionally attuned, empathetic and engaged... -...but not "clingy" -funny... -....but not so funny that it de-sexes you -knowledgeable about sports enough to be cute -unwrinkled -un-bald -un-fat -free of extraneous body hair at all times -unblemished nails -non-physically abusive -non-verbally/emotionally abusive -always available to schlep kids around, be woken by them in the middle of the night, etc. -always available to deal with DH's MIL, FIL, BIL, SIL, CIL, neighbors, unexpected dinner guests and/or boss -AND.... -...still up for sex after all of this... -which you also better be good at... -...but not TOO good.

Well Momof5angels, can I share my touchy pictures-of-mom-and-dad story? I have the same situation, except it's not one picture, it's a bedroom full of pictures like this. Childhood pictures of the three of them, or pictures and drawings of just her mom. I think I'd be more understanding if (from all their accounts, I've never met her) she was a loving wonderful mom. They tell me she was/is a drunk, a user, a seller, and had several BFs behind dad's back. One of SD's complaints is that her BM would come home from work, go to her room and ignore all 3 of her children. Dad made major life changes and wanted his then wife to clean up her act too. She didn't want to leave her BF and partying ways, so he divorced her and they shared custody. (Only the SD is his. Other 2 were fathered by someone else.) Five years later, I enter the picture. Dad has since gained full custody of his then 14 year-old daughter. It was SD's choice to leave mom's filthy, unkept house where the live-in BF hung around drinking all day. Well, my custody arrangement w/ my ex requires that I live in my current town. I let my then-just-dating guy know this immediately and he let his daughter know she'd have to choose whether to live with us (4 hours away) or stay at her mom's. BM flipped out! She threatened to have a friend of hers come over to the dad's apartment (while we were house hunting) and rape her own daughter to punish her for even thinking of moving away! What kind of mom threatens her own daughter to have some thug rape her as punishment? Well, SD decided to come live with us. (14 then, 19 years old now.) I know it's hard to leave your home town and move away from friends! (I'm a former military wife, moved 20+ times over 9 years!)We made all sorts of accomodations to try to ease her pain of having to move away: taking her back for every school holiday and summers to visit her friends and family. (Expensive!) Unlimited Internet and cell phone access to her friends/family. I certainly don't expect SD to deny her past! I want her to treasure the happy moments, like we all do from our childhood. BUT! We all eventually move on into adulthood. I was a professional photographer and we have TONS of current photos of all sorts of family functions. I do scrapbooking, painting, collages, sewing etc. and have let her know she can invite friends over from her new school or our new congregation for any of these or other activities, but no. For the first 2 years of our marriage she spent her free time online or talking to all her old friends w/very little effort to make "new memories" to hang on the wall. I talked with my husband letting him know I appreciate we all have previous memories to treasure, but she seemed stuck in "Little Girl Land" and was in denial. We had a discussion with her once to encourage her to do things with us, make new friends, start taking the steps to becoming a young lady. She bawled (literally) about "not having a childhood." She was 18 then and had no plans regarding her future. A job? College? Move out eventually? I'm just the meanie "not letting her have a relationship w/ her dad." Our parent-child relationships evolve over time. She was 18 then w/graduation just weeks away and it still hadn't dawned upon her to make plans for schooling or employment!It's not that she doesn't know, it's that she doesn't want to learn ... at least not from me! I was stunned. Oh yeah, you had a childhood, I told her. Unfortunately, it was pretty crappy since your BM neglected all 3 kids! (So why is she the one STILL adorning the walls?) I try to be understanding that since BM didn't teach SD any personal hygiene skills or etiquette, it isn't automatic. But, I ask my husband, she's been living with you for 4 years now. So why does she still belch w/o saying 'excuse me'? Spit phlegm out the window? Take food of my plate? Keep her room in total disarray? I'm "the bad guy" for expecting her to not sleep in till noon, take a shower and be presentable every day, (not just when we'll go to services), further her education so she can become self-sufficient some day, and bother to include us in her major life decisions? I'm the one driving her back and forth twice a day to two different schools so she can take foreign language classes, to doctor appointments, etc. I don't WANT to replace her mother. I want her to learn from my varied experience, not criticize my cooking, home decorating, etc. I love her dad, and she's part of him. I guess it must be crappy to have to accept that your mom is a disappoint. Maybe she feels she'll be disloyal to mom if she likes me? I wonder this because now she does do things with other people here. And I mean other people MY age(40), not just with other teens. She goes to their house to watch movies, eat dinner, etc. I ask her dad, how does letting her do this promote family unity? Sure, I think these other women are great friends to have, but now even they replace me and take her to functions I should. They'll have some congregation event and my SD, not me, is the one invited to share a dish. Am I the wife, or is she? Example: I recently invited my husband to go to bed early for once, so we wouldn't be so tired for our "private time." His response? "When do I get to spend any time with (SD)?"(They spend hours watching movies together almost every night of the week!) Anyway, I'm going on and on ... guess it's not just the pictures of "Mommy Dearest" still on the wall that bother me. BTW, I am also a high school teacher and deal with some pretty rough teenagers every day. My students send me cards, give me hugs (nothing inappropriate) and say "thank you" for sharing life's hard lessons. My husband's response to discomfort over walls of BM photos? "It's her room." Excuse me? If my 18 year-old or 9-year-old hung a photo of their father, or our former family, in "their" room, I would talk with them about part of healing is moving on. My girls' dad left me for another woman, has since left her and is now shacking up with a third. (I only hear this through the grapevine, I don't ask!)So does he have a place in my home? No. In their lives, yes. Hang those pictures on your apartment walls, not my house. I gave my ex tons of family photos to give to our daughters, but no, those will not hang on the walls of where my current husband is to be respected. Am I being too sensitive? What do you all think? THANKS! No one I know personally understands this from their own experience.