oh my gosh, that is hilarious!! What a great picture. Like Catherinet said, I hope they don't smash the eggs. Karen

It seems that most older people, when faced with the loss of their independance, have great problems dealing with it. When we asked my father about giving up driving (he was 93), he was in tears, saying that would just kill him. He drove until the day before he died, no accidents luckily, but I was so scared for him. The sight of my take-charge, strong father reduced to that emotional state when faced with giving up driving really shook me. Now I'm taking care of my 95 yr old Mother, altho she lives in a senior apt complex, now with assisted living. I've had to take all financial matters away from her because she was driving me crazy, not understanding the bank statements, obsessing about every penny. Her finances are just fine, but she would not leave it alone. She was upset if the SS check was deposited to her account on the last day of the month instead of the first of the next month, because she was sure "they" would take it away from her. I suppose I took the checkbook more to save my own sanity, but it is, again, one of those independance issues. Most senior complexes like where Mother lives do not accept AD residents (even tho many of the residents are in early stages, I am sure). So that would not be an option for you. What about trying out an apartment close to where you live, if you could do a month-to-month rental, and let your father give it a try? Possible? Maybe with a visiting aide part of the day? But there is no easy answer for your question of how you tell someone that they can no longer take care of himself. It's got to be the hardest time of life, in so many ways. Especially for us kids, who remember when our fathers were larger than life and took care of us. One thing to watch out for is the depression that comes along with this. Is your father on anti-depressant medications? Mother just went on medication this past summer, after saying she didn't need it and then calling me to say how she wanted to die. (I needed medication after those phone calls---if she hadn't taken the medication, I would have!) Depression in the elderly is way under-diagnosed and treated, I have learned. It's an issue you might explore. Keep in touch here on this board. No easy answers. I have often thought that it is a different mind game for you and me dealing with a healthy older person as we are, than dealing with an AD patient. Very different, no less difficult. I recently found that our local Alliance on Aging in Monterey County has a peer conselling group for caregivers who are NOT dealing with alz or cancer patients, like you and me. There are other support groups for specific diseases, but this one fits my needs. It's been my life-saver. So call around and see if you can locate a support group for yourself. It's worth it, I assure you. Helene

My Dad who is 91 lives with us and he often requests Baked Spaghetti. It's an old depression era recipe his Mom used to make and so my Nana taught my Mom and my Mom taught me and we are still eating it! I just made it for him last week!!! 1 pound ground meat 1 green pepper diced 1 onion diced 2 cans stewed tomatoes 1 8 ounce can tomato sauce 1/2 pound spaghetti noodles grated parmesan cheese Brown the ground meat and onion and peppers. Add the stewed tomatoes and tomato sauce and simmer for about 10 minutes until well cooked together. Cook the spaghetti noodles al dente Place the noodles and meat and tomato mixture into a greased 13 by 9 by 2 inch baking pan Sprinkle grated cheese liberally all over the top of the casserole Bake at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes till bubbly and the cheese has turned golden brown Now lots of folks would like to add garlic or other Italian spices but they were never used at my Dad's home so we are used to having it plain. In fact my Dad does not like garlic in anything so I leave it out to please him! Joann

Giving a gift is something you do because you WANT to, and I think it says a lot that your DD feels comfortable asking you to take her shopping to get her stepsister and dad a gift. I also understand why you reminded her to get SM something, it teaches her to think of others feelings, etc. though I'm not sure I would push much if she said she didn't want to get certain people gifts if she had an acceptable reason. As for your family, when they family say something like that, I'd tell them that I understand what they mean but if you stoop to dad's level and refuse to take your DD shopping, the only person that will be hurt by it is your DD. Besides, you are teaching her to be a better person. I wouldn't worry so much about showing her whether you are accepting of the situation, etc. You are showing her that you care about HER feelings, despite your own. I used to take my exBF's kids shopping for their mother on her birthday, mother's day & Christmas. I would also save the things they made in school for "mom" and put them in a box so when she rolled into town once a year, she had all the stuff they made her over the year, along with school pictures & presents. I didn't like nor dislike her. She wasn't around to know much about her except she chose drugs & her boyfriend over sticking around to raise her kids, but the kids wanted to give mom that stuff & it meant something to them so that is what I did for them. Now with SD, it's a totally different scenario. In the early years, I took her shopping for her mom. I also got BF's kids and SD's sister things too for Christmas. I made BM a scrapbook with pictures from all of SD's Christmases. It was my attempt to be friendly with BM. As things progressively got worse with BM & SD over the years, I stopped shopping for BM but still bought BF's kids things. I stopped shopping for SD's sister after she wrote nasty things about me on a social network. and this year, I have decided to give SD one gift for me & let DH do the rest of the shopping for SD. AS for taking SD shopping for her mom or anyone else, DH has always said no but didn't care if I did it. Of course, I agree that if the child earns money, they can spend it how they choose. I offered SD a job over the summer & she said she wanted to but never did it. Since now she isn't talking to me, she can't exactly discuss payment for chores with me and DH is not interested in paying her to do anything... he can't even get her to do her basic chores. Amber is right, you are teaching her something so valuable and hopefully your family will come to see it. On the other hand, if your DD asks dad to take her shopping for you but he refuses, then he will have to deal with the consequences... and your daughter will know who is cooperative and who is not.