Have no problem with hubby going out to bars with his friends that are married or single. They were his/our friends before we married and they are still his/our friends now. They go out to sports bars to watch the games, take soon to be married guys out to strip clubs, etc. It's not an every week sort of thing, just once in a while. I trust him implicitly. He is the same with me. He has no worries with me going out with my girlfriends to bars, to the movies, etc. It' all comes down to the trust you have for your spouse. It's either there our it isn't. If I didn't trust Wayne I would have never married him, and here we are 28 years later still going strong and still very happy and very much in love. NancyLouise

IMHO, depends upon

1) The spouse

2) The "bar"

3) The circumstance; ie the occasion and the company.

4) The frequency

I was a part of that other post that you mentioned. I didn't talk about going to bars myself in the post, but it came up in the responses.

I personally think it's okay, but then I'm having some trouble adjusting to being married:) But...I don't go all the time. Sometimes I'll meet my sister and we'll have a couple of beers and I don't think there should be a problem with that. I wouldn't choose to go to a bar that's a known pickup place, and I don't go to interact with the other people that are hanging out there. I view it as a place to relax and catch up with a friend. Also, I wouldn't stay till the bar is closed. A couple of hours in the evening is a different story.

I am single and could go to bars if I wanted to, but don't because I won't drink and drive. When I travel I will go to the hotel lounge and have a couple of drinks. I feel safe there and enjoy watching people and visiting a little. On my last road trip I had a chance at a little romance, but that scared me more than any bar could. LOL

My ex used to go to bars every friday after work,i never trusted him,he was always unfaithfull.but its nothing to do with bars.if your man is gonna be unfaithfull,he will,in a bar or not.It is a trust issue.Im seeing someone now and dont have a problem attall him going to bars or anywhere.I feel good about myself and look good,if hes gonna mess about then its his loss.Im not gonna loose ant more sleep worrying about a man doing the dirty on me.been there,not going there again.

Tracy, that's partly true, if someone wants to cheat they will cheat, but working with someone or seeing a waitress in a bar often is another story. You can fall in love with a lot of contact. My husband's ex left him for another man, her boss at work. They saw each other 5 days a week, became friends, then fell in love. My step daughter and I were pretty close for awhile and we talked about it and we both felt like if her mom had not worked outside the home she would not have been tempted and the daughter agreed. Later the step daughter decided she wanted to work and I reminded her about her mom's situation. She said it won't happen to her, a year later she was divorce. It happens and I'm not saying every working woman is going to cheat, but the points is falling love happens whether you set out to cheat or not.

dont agree.your either a cheat or not,simple as

Tracy, you are right, but they don't necessarily set out to cheat.

I disagree very strongly. I think everyone has the capability of 1.making mistakes 2. Making bad choices 3. being vulnerable.

No one is totally safe or totally incapable of being involved outside their marriage- however, there are some circumstances which make some people more vulnerable.

Hanging out in a singles environment, or hanging out where people are intoxicated and judgment impaired, increases the vulnerablilty variable.

I perform music in bars, and though I've never tasted alcohol, I do realize that the bar environment invites a type of behavior that wouldn't be expected or even accepted somewhere else. I've received more compliments, more gifts (soda), more uninvited attention in bars than anywhere else. There is a basic assumption that if you show up in a bar, you're there to socialize, let your hair down, push the regular boundaries of life a bit further, and for some, get some action. People have to figure out what category you fall into when they see you at a bar -

I would prefer never to go to another bar in my life. However, I'd have to give up the 2nd most important thing to me, that is my music life. But, since my first most important thing is my family, I set major boundaries around me - I don't flirt, I make it clear I'm not drinking, I always surround myself with respectable people, I dress appropriately, and I never involve myself in a one on one conversation with the opposite sex.

I've known gobs of people, who are really really good people, who under unfortunate circumstances (stress, job loss, vulnerability, whathaveyou) have made decisions that slowly lead to affairs, sometimes sexual sometimes emotional. Most of them would never have predicted such a thing, and most people around them haven't a clue. It's foolish to think "it would never happen to me" because such a stance is what allows the watch guards to sleep.

I'd much rather be married to someone who admitted vulnerability than someone who foolishly denied that it could ever happen and therefore allowed themselves to be put in vulnerable positions.

make as many exuses as you want,being unfaithfull is within the person.you either are like that or your not,are u ok,im guessing your noy email me

Alcohol is a drug that, among other things, lowers inhibitions -- in everyone, every time.

That's not necessarily bad. That's why it's also often referred to as a "social lubricant." I find it quite pleasurable on occasion. However, we all know folks who's behavior changes in unacceptable ways. In particular, it's been an effective aid to seduction at least since writing was invented. Men often approach women more boldly than they otherwise would and/or respond to an approach more readily than they otherwise would. Same for women. And then forgive themselves by blaming it on a drink or two (or three or four) later if they have to.

Some folks handle themselves perfectly even when totally smashed. Some folks behave inappropriately after only a little bit. Some of them know it. Some don't.

Do you know who you're married to?

Well then, if that is the scientific truth, then the reality is that there is no way to guarantee whether you or the person you are with is "like that" or isn't.

I have yet to see a test that can predict with accuracy whether or not you have "it" in you. I bet you would make a lot of errors deciding if certain people have or haven't had an affair in their lifetime - or if you will. Sure there are repeat offenders out there- folks who are narcissistic, borderline, personality disorders who aren't capable of being faithful, but there are many many folks out there who make mistakes ONE time, address the issue, and never re-offend. There are also many who live one way for a very long time and something will trigger a very different reaction, out of their character.

It's my opinion based on personal experience as well as profession, it's not excuses. You have a different opinion. It's okay to agree to disagree.

Don't know what 'guessing your noy email me' means so I'll leave that alone.

At any rate, the point is, going to a bar doesn't necessarily directly lead to inappropriate behavior - but it is definitely a variable that needs to be respected and not minimized - otherwise the vulnerability is increased.

Well then, if that is the scientific truth, then the reality is that there is no way to guarantee whether you or the person you are with is "like that" or isn't.

I have yet to see a test that can predict with accuracy whether or not you have "it" in you. I bet you would make a lot of errors deciding if certain people have or haven't had an affair in their lifetime - or if you will. Sure there are repeat offenders out there- folks who are narcissistic, borderline, personality disorders who aren't capable of being faithful, but there are many many folks out there who make mistakes ONE time, address the issue, and never re-offend. There are also many who live one way for a very long time and something will trigger a very different reaction, out of their character.

It's my opinion based on personal experience as well as profession, it's not excuses. You have a different opinion. It's okay to agree to disagree.

Don't know what 'guessing your noy email me' means so I'll leave that alone.

At any rate, the point is, going to a bar doesn't necessarily directly lead to inappropriate behavior - but it is definitely a variable that needs to be respected and not minimized - otherwise the vulnerability is increased.

Amy, you said it much better than I did.