Anyone married to a chronic complainer?
dcrowex
19 years ago
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Gina_W
19 years agogandbb
19 years agoRelated Discussions
Not married a year, a lot of issues already
Comments (36)Wow, I just read all the posts. Thought I'd add my comments to motivatedmother. I'm also pregnant at the moment, so I totally understand the hormonal thing, the size thing, work, all of it. Difference between us is that I'm a little older and married to the most wonderful man. That said I'm sure I'm about to make someone angry but here goes...... Actually I thought Asolo's comments were not mean but helpful and to the point. It may not be something you want to hear at the moment which is another thing. This is a bad situation you're in. I'm sorry, but if you are living at home at this age, and with 3, almost 4 children, your parents are indeed supporting you. You should be grateful for that and acknowledge them for it. They don't have to do it but they do because they love you and your children. If you wanted a marriage like your parents, it was possible, but you chose the wrong person. Actions speak louder than words and you should have chosen someone who is actually in the process doing things to achieve the life you want to live, like an education, greater job responsibility, and so on. Any adult man who plays video games is a HUGE clue on his emotional and mental maturity. Adult men who are emotionally and mentally mature spend their time with their families or doing things that will otherwise benefit the family. They are committed to their family FIRST. I don't mean to say they don't have hobbies or interests of their own because of course everyone does, however, video games as an adult man's "hobby" would be alarming to me. Video games cost a lot of money and take up a lot of time, time away from family. They are a great way for adults to avoid spending time with others, isolate yourself, or to zone out of/avoid reality. I think your husband spends his money on HIS wants (vs needs) because he's immature, another HUGE problem. He is not focused on you or the baby, or the other three children you have. He's focused on himself. This would be very alarming to me. Your parents are in an awful position and I feel for them. They obviously love you and your children and want to help you. From your husband's perspective, they are great because they support him and this relieves him of responsibilty towards you and even himself. It allows him to continue to be immature. There's no incentive to change. If he really wanted to grow up, he'd take this golden opportunity to get some skills which he could evenutally use to better his life, your life and that of your children. A mature man would be looking for ways to build a better life for himself, you and your children, whatever way he could, even getting another part time job if that's all that is available. As wonderful as I'm sure your children are, I hope you will not have any more until you are capable of providing for them yourself so they will have the best chance at a better future. You owe them that. That means more than just food and shelter. Are you saving for their future education for example? Are you saving for your own home? Your parents provided a home for you, and you should provide a home for them. Even if you continue to live at home for the rest of your life, and you work and save for them, you have chosen a difficult path. You are now responsible for 4 lives in addition to your own. It doesn't sound like you will ever have much support from their fathers. You have created a difficult life for yourself, not impossible, but much more difficult than it needed to be. Whatever the past was, you have to make today the best it can be so just do it. I think what you are asking here is how you might change your husband to be the man you want him to be. Well, unfortunately that's just not possible. You can only control yourself. You have no control over him. You can suggest, ask, beg, plead, cry, explain, reason, force, threaten, manipulate, or whatever else you want but you will never be able to change him, only he can do that. That's why we must be especially careful in who we choose to marry and have children with. We can't let emotions rule our head. Teach your children this so you won't have 4 children with their husbands/wives or boyfriends/girlfriends, plus all their children looking to you to provide for them. That's a lot of people. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Words are easy to say, but actions actually require hard work and lots of effort. Don't listen to what he says, look a what he does. If they are different what he is doing is who he really is. That will tell you what kind of a person he is and what kind of life you will have. I truly wish you the best in your pregnancy and with the coming baby. I hope you will work all this out, however it ends, and that you are able to improve the situation for yourself, your children, and your parents. Yes, I include your parents in that because since you live with them which makes them part of your immediate family life. You already know everything you need to do, the answer is in your heart....See MoreRecently married -- DH wont tell his kids
Comments (29)I remember helenar all your previous posts and you cheated with this man before he was officially divorced. You are the other woman to begin with. So dont' complain about your Dh not telling his kids he married you. It was a small wedding because the fact is, YOUR THEOTHER WOMAN. So who is going to support this wedding? Obviously a small crowd. I dont care if his marriage was dead for the last 5 years. There are ups and downs in my marriage. Does that give me the right to go F someone else and start seeing someone else while having kids? NO! You signed a iron clad contract. Good for you. I'm not saying you are a gold digger. Cause u signed it. BUT, you didn't want to work and you wanted him to support you. His kids and exwife probably thought you were a leach. I'm not saying you are one. I do not know you well enough to say that about your character. But from your previous posts, about sitting in the back of the church etc.e.tc.. and now complaining that your DH wont show off your marriage to him. It began on questionalbe terms to begin with .I'm surprised he married you . Yes he may have fallen in love. and you may be great together helenar. BUt you both got together while he was still married. Stillunder contract. Your foundations were built on cracked ground. Dont cry wolf now. You built it this way with hiim. Now live with the consequences....See MoreCan I just complain?
Comments (42)Rococo, yes your handle. Just curious. JJ I haven't mentioned anyone by name and what will be will be. Lavender lass, love that handle too. He is a super dad and extremely good to my DD. I think he is a perfect match for her, and that is what counts. He texted me to tell me he is spending a week with us with his daughter next week. He asked permission a month ago. I think since he will be here a week, he will jump right in and them two of us will get a lot done. SIL is not really a problem....it was just an annoyance on top of frustration from cabinets still not being finished since we started in January. We are totally stopped in the remodel. I turned my attention from the wedding and remodel. Now I am concentrating mostly on me. Things are getting done. My old classroom is getting emptied and I am going through teacher junk. Everything is getting organized. All is well with the world. Peke...See MoreFatigue from chronic illness
Comments (24)Very interesting stuff about nutrition - thanks for posting, Cookie8. I have tried eliminating foods for several weeks at a time - dairy, wheat, sugar, caffeine (not a food, I know) - and have never noticed any difference at all in how I feel. How long does it take? For those of you who noticed a difference when eliminating foods, did you suspect anything before? Digestion problems, or something else? If not, what made you try eliminating foods? The juicing idea is interesting, Susan. I have some friends who do that. You're basically using food as medicine, right? The quantities seem to be much higher than anyone would include in a "regular" diet. How do you know which foods to combine? Is it palatable? Do you all discuss this stuff with your doctors? What do they think about it? How do these natural treatments work with traditional treatments? I can't imagine I'll ever be able to cut out synthetic hormones. Before synthetic cortisol, people with Addison's disease invariably died. (I had four addisonian crises before I was diagnosed and nearly died during three of them, so I'd never take a chance of going without steroids again.) Btw, Susan and Ravencajun, I have Sjogren's, too. I was diagnosed after an acute case of iritus where my eye was so dry and inflamed that the cornea stuck to the pupil. I spent two hours at the opthamologist's office, getting pupil dilators at regular intervals to try to break the cornea's hold. Little bits of the cornea would break free and the pupil at that point would dilate, so my pupil ended up looking small and round but with protruding "fingers". Really weird. Thank God it worked - they were worried I'd lose my eyesight in that eye. Do you get plaque on your front teeth from the dry mouth? Like you, Susan, I am never without water, but it never seems to be enough! And the nasal dryness in the winter is awful. I have bottles of saline spray all around the house. One thing that has definitely helped me is regular exercise. It doesn't make me less exhausted, but I am much stronger, so I can often push through despite the fatigue....See Moredcrowex
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