Thank you Sweeby ada all.... Right now, I feel so alone. My family is far away and I can't even talk to my best friend because she has problem of her own. I don't want to talk to the priest because I don't need any religious lecture from anyone. The only thing I need is suggestion which I got from all of you. For that, I really appreaciate any suggestions and comments. He went to doctors several times but he quit soon after that. I don't understand why. The doctor gave him viagra and cialis. Both medicine are not working (or he just resisted whatever on his head). Im affraid he has some kind of other medical problem. He is so stuborn with doctor, medical, treatment and everything to do with it. From what I read of his medical record, he has low testoterone and ED problem but all those can be treatable with medication. All he need is a hormonal treatment but like I said, he is so stuborn with medical stuff. It get on my nerve for this one. I rarely dicuss this with him because everytime I discuss this he went balistic. We talked about this three times and three times end up with big fight. Three times we fought, he always wanted to run away. We never fight anything else besides this. I talked nicely to him but he went mad and I got very defensive. It all ended up just like a detective interogated a criminal. I don't really like psyciatrist. I deal with them everyday at work. The only thing they do to solve someone's problem is by medication. All those medication are not making a person better but worse. I'll try to talk to him and find any marriage counselor near by. Strangely, I can easily confront people but I can't even confront my own husband. Im so tired crying almost all the time on my off duty days....so pathetic! Im so tired of my marriage and surounding.

Boy it took a load off my mind reading other people's posts on this topic. It's a hard one to talk about with any of the 'normal' people you would talk to about things in your life. I realize the original poster is a woman discussing issues with her husband and I'm glad she isn't upset that men are 'hijacking' her post and discussing their own sexless marriages. I met my wife about 8 years ago and started dating just over 7 years ago. We got married in 2004. In my case my wife and I are the exact same age nearly 40 and just had twin boys a year ago; our only children as she had a tubal ligation during the C-section delivery. Our sex life was phenomenal during our first few years and I thought I had met someone with a 'matching sex drive' both for frequency and 'adventurism', although it hadn't been all that great even the last six months before we got married, but it was 'survivable' because while the frequency wasn't much and kept declining to the point of once every few months after we got married, the sex itself was awesome and not just 'orgasmic'. It also seemed that when we started trying to get her pregnant that maybe things were turning around. Not only were we having sex more frequently, but it seemed that we were laughing together more and definitely spending more time together outside the bedroom also. Unfortunately, the last time we had sex or physical intimacy beyond a brief 'closed mouth' kiss and a hug was the day she told me she was pregnant. Nothing since... over a year and a half now. I'm nearly at wit's end as my libido is and always has been very active, and while masturbation can 'take the edge off' it isn't really satisfying and becomes less so after becoming the only sexual stimulation you get. An affair isn't an option as I made a vow and that is more important to me than I can say in words, and would simply add guilt and self-loathing to my misery of not having sex with my wife. I asked her if maybe there was something physical she could ask her doctor about... she didn't talk to me for days. I've suggested counseling a few times and her attitude is that it would be basically worthless, but that if I wanted to go alone I was welcome to...great...thanks. The few times I've tried to 'come on to her' she has treated me like some creepy cousin at a family reunion, and when I try to kiss her and maybe rub her shoulder or back a bit in bed she literally flinches. That got me to the point of changing my bedtime to be well after hers just to avoid the temptation to touch her. We still sleep nude in the same bed so that seemed most prudent...but sad and frustrating. I've tried suggesting 'date nights' which she'll agree to but once it's 'date night' she's always 'too tired' and just wants to sit and watch TV; which I'm very picky about... not controlling the remote doesn't bother me as I would just as soon read as watch almost any TV, but there is stuff I just won't watch and my wife knows it, but she won't do anything else like go to a movie, or even just sit outside and watch the sunset. I know she's not cheating for too many reasons to count, but trust me... here is just one reason... she ain't the type to have sex with unshaven legs, and I don't mean 'stubble'... and she has gone weeks at a time without shaving since the pregnancy started. She really is a great person, a wonderful mother, good with animals and treats almost everyone she meets with respect and kindness... except me. I'm terrified that if our marriage melts to the point I'm miserable all the time I will be forced to get a divorce which in our country means I lose my boys. I'm not sure I can take that honestly. I never thought I would love something or someone so fiercely but I just can't imagine not seeing and playing with my boys every day. So what do I do? It's horrible that the only reason I'm not seriously contemplating divorce is that in our culture and legal system simply due to the fact that I have a penis I would never be given daily custody of my children unless she was simply incapable of caring for them... ala Brittany Spears... and thank God my children do have a mother who absolutely can and does care for them. So I reiterate 'what's a guy to do?' Any suggestions would be very welcome! Peace

FWIW...I've been close to a number of these situations over the years. Each situation involved a viable father/son enterprise that did well over the years providing good livings for all concerned as the businesses grew. Here's how it went: Father and son have up-and-running business that they want to leave "off the table" in case something goes wrong in the son's marriage. That's fair enough, right? That's all the pre-nup does, right? What happens when the break-up comes? Because of the proprietary nature of the business, much of the increasing value that could have been paid as wages -- and therefore remained "on the table" during the marriage-- was, instead, plowed back into business equity, which -- according the terms of the pre-nup -- remains "off the table" at break-up time. I'm not saying it was in anyone's heart at the time. Just saying that's what happened in the cases I'm familiar with. In other words, via a pre-nup, your prospective husband will have a built in avenue by which to "hide" assets accumulated during your marriage that you will have agreed in advance -- via the pre-nup -- never to claim your fair share of.....ever. Pre-nups can easily be structured to avoid this. Personally, however, from your description, I have zero doubt that will be the kind of pre-nup you'll be signing when the time comes. Understand the legitimate desire of father/son to "protect" this business. That's fair. Securing your own legitimate interests is fair, too. If there's going to be a pre-nup, STRONGLY suggest you be represented by your own attorney who will better-explain these contingincies to you. It's common as nails. Not suggesting anybody's out to do anybody harm. The situation is what it is. The law says what it says. We're all grown up. Just look at what there is to look at before deciding is all I'm suggesting. Talk to anyone you know with any kind of legal background. They'll tell you the same.

cindy pond, Your comment about my doctor discussing it with me made the think back. I've been on the antidepressant since my mid-40's. At that time my doctor told me she figured my sex life was pretty much over with anyway. Now that I think about it, that wasn't a very nice thing to say! I still go to the same dr. office my particular practitioner has changed twice since then. Perhaps I'll talk to my new dr. about this. The thing is, Zoloft has worked very well for me for a long time so I hesitate to mess with that. Also, per my first post I never did have a strong sex drive in the first place. Now that I'm going through menopause I doubt it would make much difference even if I could switch drugs. Part of me wonders then, if I have no sex drive why am I complaining about not having sex? Because even though my husband assures me he loves me, and I believe him, I still feel unloved because of a lack of intimacy. I don't think he really needs intimacy honestly. So then I feel like I would just be making him do it to appease me, and that's no good. If I try to talk to him about this it will only put more pressure on him to again appease me, so I don't say anything. I have asked him a couple of times why we don't have sex anymore and he says "sex isn't everything" and mentions the hormone and drug interactions and says he just doesn't think about it anymore. But then I wonder if that's a lie because of the fact that I accidently caught him masturbating so he MUST think about it. When I think along those lines I think he's just bored with me or with our routine or maybe I just disgust him. But those tables could be turned so I can't be judgemental there. I realize all of you have made suggestions and I am making excuses. I guess this has become my venting place for my frustration because I am afraid to talk to any of my girlfriends about it.