Thank you Sweeby ada all.... Right now, I feel so alone. My family is far away and I can't even talk to my best friend because she has problem of her own. I don't want to talk to the priest because I don't need any religious lecture from anyone. The only thing I need is suggestion which I got from all of you. For that, I really appreaciate any suggestions and comments. He went to doctors several times but he quit soon after that. I don't understand why. The doctor gave him viagra and cialis. Both medicine are not working (or he just resisted whatever on his head). Im affraid he has some kind of other medical problem. He is so stuborn with doctor, medical, treatment and everything to do with it. From what I read of his medical record, he has low testoterone and ED problem but all those can be treatable with medication. All he need is a hormonal treatment but like I said, he is so stuborn with medical stuff. It get on my nerve for this one. I rarely dicuss this with him because everytime I discuss this he went balistic. We talked about this three times and three times end up with big fight. Three times we fought, he always wanted to run away. We never fight anything else besides this. I talked nicely to him but he went mad and I got very defensive. It all ended up just like a detective interogated a criminal. I don't really like psyciatrist. I deal with them everyday at work. The only thing they do to solve someone's problem is by medication. All those medication are not making a person better but worse. I'll try to talk to him and find any marriage counselor near by. Strangely, I can easily confront people but I can't even confront my own husband. Im so tired crying almost all the time on my off duty days....so pathetic! Im so tired of my marriage and surounding.

Boy it took a load off my mind reading other people's posts on this topic. It's a hard one to talk about with any of the 'normal' people you would talk to about things in your life. I realize the original poster is a woman discussing issues with her husband and I'm glad she isn't upset that men are 'hijacking' her post and discussing their own sexless marriages. I met my wife about 8 years ago and started dating just over 7 years ago. We got married in 2004. In my case my wife and I are the exact same age nearly 40 and just had twin boys a year ago; our only children as she had a tubal ligation during the C-section delivery. Our sex life was phenomenal during our first few years and I thought I had met someone with a 'matching sex drive' both for frequency and 'adventurism', although it hadn't been all that great even the last six months before we got married, but it was 'survivable' because while the frequency wasn't much and kept declining to the point of once every few months after we got married, the sex itself was awesome and not just 'orgasmic'. It also seemed that when we started trying to get her pregnant that maybe things were turning around. Not only were we having sex more frequently, but it seemed that we were laughing together more and definitely spending more time together outside the bedroom also. Unfortunately, the last time we had sex or physical intimacy beyond a brief 'closed mouth' kiss and a hug was the day she told me she was pregnant. Nothing since... over a year and a half now. I'm nearly at wit's end as my libido is and always has been very active, and while masturbation can 'take the edge off' it isn't really satisfying and becomes less so after becoming the only sexual stimulation you get. An affair isn't an option as I made a vow and that is more important to me than I can say in words, and would simply add guilt and self-loathing to my misery of not having sex with my wife. I asked her if maybe there was something physical she could ask her doctor about... she didn't talk to me for days. I've suggested counseling a few times and her attitude is that it would be basically worthless, but that if I wanted to go alone I was welcome to...great...thanks. The few times I've tried to 'come on to her' she has treated me like some creepy cousin at a family reunion, and when I try to kiss her and maybe rub her shoulder or back a bit in bed she literally flinches. That got me to the point of changing my bedtime to be well after hers just to avoid the temptation to touch her. We still sleep nude in the same bed so that seemed most prudent...but sad and frustrating. I've tried suggesting 'date nights' which she'll agree to but once it's 'date night' she's always 'too tired' and just wants to sit and watch TV; which I'm very picky about... not controlling the remote doesn't bother me as I would just as soon read as watch almost any TV, but there is stuff I just won't watch and my wife knows it, but she won't do anything else like go to a movie, or even just sit outside and watch the sunset. I know she's not cheating for too many reasons to count, but trust me... here is just one reason... she ain't the type to have sex with unshaven legs, and I don't mean 'stubble'... and she has gone weeks at a time without shaving since the pregnancy started. She really is a great person, a wonderful mother, good with animals and treats almost everyone she meets with respect and kindness... except me. I'm terrified that if our marriage melts to the point I'm miserable all the time I will be forced to get a divorce which in our country means I lose my boys. I'm not sure I can take that honestly. I never thought I would love something or someone so fiercely but I just can't imagine not seeing and playing with my boys every day. So what do I do? It's horrible that the only reason I'm not seriously contemplating divorce is that in our culture and legal system simply due to the fact that I have a penis I would never be given daily custody of my children unless she was simply incapable of caring for them... ala Brittany Spears... and thank God my children do have a mother who absolutely can and does care for them. So I reiterate 'what's a guy to do?' Any suggestions would be very welcome! Peace

Lets think about this a minute. You were a virgin so you don't have any experience except with your husband and that was painful.The reason that the other guy seems like a wonderful horizon is because you haven't done anything with him, and you are assuming it won't be painful. The fact that you avoided anything intimate in high school and in college suggests that you have inhibitions (lots of us went to Catholic schools and can understand that.)Since you have little outside experience coupled with pain, I believe that you need a new ObGyn and also need some counseling for yourself. Not a lot--but somebody to assure you that sex is okay and maybe give you some practical advice. there are great books out there. Lonnie Barbach wrote several that will help. Joy of Sex is another good one. A new guy is not going to solve your problem and will make it worse especially if they are tactless.

I don't want to seem unkind, just being realistic. If you have gained a lot of weight that could be the problem and I don't think he would tell you if it was. He wouldn't want to hurt you. Would he have dated you if you had weighed as much as you do now. My neighbor wants to meet someone so bad, but she has to weigh 275 to 300lbs and she is never going to get a date. She is beautiful, kind, worlds of fun, every where we go people open their arms to her for a big bear hug. But no man is going to know that because he can't get past the picture she makes when he looks at her. He is not going to introduce her to his friends. She had an old friend who she had dated until he moved away. He flew in to see her a while back and he was shocked. He even mentioned her weight gain. He bought her a gift, went home and she has never heard from him again. It's not fair, but it is reality.