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I'm going crazy

11 years ago

Hi, this is my first post on this forum so here goes. Basicially I've been married for 6 years, together 8 years, we have 2 children, ages 3 and 14 months. My wife is a fantastic mother to my children, but in the past 2 1/2 years our marriage has been, for lack of a better term non-existent. I am a very romantic and affectionate person and over the last 2 1/2 years my wife has become very distant. So much so, she refuses to hug or kiss me at times and says she is not required to do those things. Recently I was gone for a week to a conference for work, I made sure the house was clean before I left, including the floors and toilets. When I got home I greeted my family with hugs and kisses, my wife refused both and said I don't need to kiss you right away. Finally 2 hours later I was able to coax a hug and kiss from her, except the hug was more of a 1 armed pat on the back, something you do to a friend. Sex is the same, usually she says hurry up and get it over with,sometimes it happens frequently like once a week, but usually it occurs only once every couple of months. I have tried talking to her, she says I'm just this way, I called her on it, stating you hug the children all the time, and a few years ago this wasn't a problem. She agreed and she was better for a little while, then back to her old self. She refuses to go to marriage counseling, in fact now she throws it in my face for even suggesting it, saying things like, "Poor baby, maybe a counselor can fix it for you". I try to do nice things for her, I leave love notes around the house, Flowers, gifts, etc. and the response I usually get is, "how much money did you spend?". she hates it when I spend any money. Once for our anniversary, I made her a message in a bottle. I wrote an original poem on a peice of parchment paper, burned the edges to make it look old, hand crafted a wax seal with a heart on it and packaged it all up. I had a few ladies at work look at it for thier opinion and 2 of them cried and said it was beautiful. When I gave it to my wife, I got the same old response, how much did it cost. When I told her it only cost $2.75 for the bottle and the rest I made from stuff we already had, she said nothing, not even a thank you. I've tried talking to her about all of this and her most recent response is, if your not happy then leave. She says she still loves me, but to me, somone who loves you does not act this way. Now I am certainly no saint, sometimes I get excited easily about things, I can spend way to much time reading on my IPad, and I get tired easily. I have a very rare autoimmune disease that contributes to some of this, but majority of the time I help out around the house, I clean the entire house, including floors and toilets once a week, I do all the yard work, and I put one of the kids to bed every night. Basically what it boils down to is that I feel very alone, I should not have to beg my wife for a hug or a kiss and I certainly shouldn't be berated for everything I say or do. However, there is part of me that says that I am going crazy and the problem is with me and that I am being selfish. What are your thoughts? Sorry for being so lengthy in my post, and if you want to know anything else, feel free to ask.

Kind Regards,

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