Some days I feel like throwing the lazyboy and remote in the trash. I have talked until I am blue in the face and nothing changes. You are right about the lonely single people not understanding. I would rather be lonely and alone than lonely and with someone. At least I would have the choice to go out and find someone. Now if I want to do that, I would have to get a divorce and then I would lose everything that we have worked for all of these years. I don't think I am an unattractive person. I am 5'7", 150 pounds, and have been told be people that I am quite attractive. There are days when I consider an affair, but if I did that, I couldn't live with myself and that would only make matters worse......

Hi silversword,

My wife and I are the same age and that's great for us because we have many of the same memories of things when we were growing up.

I know couples where there is a six to nine year age difference and that appears to be ok for them. I knew one couple where there was an 18 year age difference and they had a great relationship. She was 34 and he was 52 when they married.

As a father, I would be concerned if my daughter married a man who was in his thirties while she was in her early twenties (she's only 8 now so I have a long time to wait on that). I think that people do a lot of growing up and changing in their twenties.

I think that having shared interests and compatible personalities are the most important factors in long term relationship success.

I am sorry to read about the men in the other posts who have become TV addicts. I don't think their current age has anything to do with it. I just believe that they are being lazy.

I'm 47, and I think that TV is mostly a waste of time. I only like to get about 15 minutes of news in the morning and 30 minutes of news at night. I will watch an occasional program or sports event, but that's it.

I think that my wife watches way too much TV, though, and I find myself turning it off after she's left the room.
So, I can empathize with the desire by some to throw the remote in the trash.

Athlete

My very Dear H is 10 years older than me - I am 47 (in 2 days) & he is 57. I feel terrible for those of you whose husbands are connected to the recliner & the TV. My husband IS NOT and the sex continues to be great! He has 2 kids, I have 2 kids - WE have 4 kids & 3 grandchildren (second time for both). My husband has a ton of energy - make sure your hubbys work out - do a work out together, or bike together, garden together... my husband & I are best friends & we make sure we have fun together - we laugh alot!

The age difference works for us - my DD is 24 & is dating a 32 yr old - it seems to work for them too.

Athlete - you say you don't watch much TV, what do you do instead of watching TV ?

I only watch it at night after dinner, but I am usually physically exhausted and couldn't get my brain around much else.

Although I might make an exception this morning, they are going to broadcast the Palin and (the other guy !) debate. I find that strange as I am in Australia, but they are putting it on the national broadcaster.

Sorry a bit off topic there.

Hi popi,

I have an 8 year old daughter who keeps me busy in the evenings and on weekends. I help her with homework, play games with her, take her to the park, etc.

I love to read and work out in the yard, and my wife would like it very much if I organized my office.

Athlete

I don't think age matters nearly as much as compatible life goals. If a 20 year old doesn't want children and wants to travel a lot, and she/he is with a 55 year old retiree with 3 grown kids and wants to travel- no problem!

I think being together in life goals is MUCH more important than age, race, religion, political views, etc. Obviously where age, race, religion, political views etc influence life goals there is an issue, but people should recognize the source of the problem for what it is, and not be confused about the extraneous details.

That said, when I married Dave, I was 20 and he was 27. We had been together for 2 years prior, and I knew him since I was 14. Age was never an issue since neither of us wanted kids, we both like to travel, we love our fur. feather, and scaly kids, and we also love spending time doing the same things together.

I am in my earlly 60s now and dated older men for much of my dating life. When I was in my early 30s and they were between 40-50, the age difference did not matter. We had wonderful times and enjoyed the same things. I never married either of those men but I do run into them today. They are old, have lost interest in what we considered fun and important and their life goals have drastically changed.

While a relationship or a marriage can survive most anything if the two parties are committed, I think the chances of making something work are greatly enhanced, the closer your goals and ages are.

bonelady~~
Aren't you glad you did not marry them?....you were far more wise that I was. My DH (11 yrs. older) is now really "old" and has lost interest in everything that we used to do for fun....he only likes his TV and Lazy Boy anymore~~~~ You are lucky!

This isn't an age difference issue.

My husband is only two years older than me, we are in our mid 40s, and he has no interest in doing anything and seems to have no sex drive. He is retired from a first career and prefers to sit in front of the tv, the computer or with a pulp novel to doing anything at all, including sex. He may well be depressed now but the not wanting to do anything isn't really something new.

As for me, I'm done talking waiting for him to want to make a life with me. I'm done trying to talk to him about it, or trying to get him to see a doctor or therapist. I've started doing the things that I want to do.

Last night we went to a foreign film at a local gallery. It's not his kind of thing to do. But when I asked him if he wanted to go, he said no. In a bit he realized that I WAS going to go with him or without him and he decided that he would go after all.

We took a ballroom dance class when we were dating and I've been wanting to do that again for years. Next month, I'm going to sign up. He can come, too, if he wants. Or not.

My life IS going to get better. I am going to find balance, make friends and have fun. I'd like for him to join me on the journey, but I can't make him do that.

My two cents. MMV.

la abejita

Abejadulce,
Good for you to take the power in your own hands. I wish you the best!

I'm with you Abejadulce. I can't make him want the same things I want or to even make m a priority but I'm making me one. I feel the same, join me or not-whatever...

Good for you!

~Cat

Here is what I have noticed from those who I know who have made this choice and married the much younger woman. Say 15-20 years younger.

Their friends are usually "her" friends, and he becomes the "older" guy, in a group of much younger people. He may have friends, but if his friends wife is much older than his own young wife, I imagine his friend's (wife) does not want to socialize with the couple. For awhile it is OK. But as he ages, he really becomes the old guy in the group of her friends, and she becomes very aware of the new differences between all the young guys in the group and that her husband is now old.

I wonder about these men that have the mid life crisis and leaves his wife for the much younger woman. For awhile, I don't think it sinks in and all seems well. But at some point, he is so much older than their friends, and I imagine at some point must wonder what he has done, as he begins to age, slow down. Now I imagine as he is older, he must have the worries that she will leave him for a vibrant young guy who is young and fun. Kind of what he did to his first wife.

What about when the woman is older? I'm almost 11 years older than my hubby. When we started dating he was so mature for his age, but now I think he never got past 25....
We have a 13 year old and I swear he's jealous of his own son. They fight like cats and dogs. My hubby thinks that just because he's THE man, we are supposed to bow down to him and neither one of us do. I'm sure my son's disrespect of his father is partly because his dad is a drinker and usually doesn't follow thru on anything. Sorry, to hijack the post, just wondering what people think about the woman being older.

Hi Deedlesmom,
I think it applies either way. People can have a lot in common and have a big age difference. I recently spent a good portion of a party discussing common interests with a freshman in college (12+ age difference). He was delightful. However if I married him I'm sure his lifestyle would not match mine at this point.

Problems emerge in everyday life. When I originally posted this I mentioned my friend who married a man 25+ years older than she is. He has essentially lived half of his life by the time she's just starting hers. She loves him and thinks it's fine. I have a really hard time being around them because she is pretty immature, and he and I will be talking and she will not understand what we are talking about. It's embarrassing for me. I don't know how he can handle it. Not that she's bad, she's just young, and I don't understand why he wouldn't want someone to whom he could relate more.

Deedlesmom, I don't think your problem is so much that you're older as what you have already put your finger on- your husband is immature and a drinker.

Bingo!!! give yourself a star..... ;) LOL

Actually, in mid-life, the age difference should not make a difference. Its later when the man begins to age more rapidly that the differences can become a thorn. It vey much depends on the health of the man. If the man is 10 yrs older, then when the woman hits 60, he is 70 and might not be able "to get it up" and is too embarrased to discuss it, plus his libido likey has waned. This can be troublesome. However, there is no guarantee about which partner first becomes "aged" sexually - it all depends on the health of the individual. But if the man is 20 yrs older, it is almost a given that he will be the first to retire to the easy chair.

Also, females in the US typically live a few more years than males. I don't have the data at hand, but suppose the difference is 3 years. This computes to the female living an average of 13 more years after her mate dies if the male was 10 yrs older.

I think that the worst case is a man 20 yrs senior to the woman while she is yet quite fertile. For example, they may produce a child when he is 50. He is so much older than his child that he won't be much of a playmate if the child is a boy, and there could be bonding problems. Also, this means the he will be 64 yr old when that child at age 14 enters high school, and will be 68 when that child graduates from high school. He's staring retirement in the face when this kid is ready to enter collge. And these days, not retiring isn't always an option. Many employers cull the older workers from their staff during economic downturns. The child could loose financial support at a critical time in his life.

Age difference can be a problem but only if the gap is .. let's say over 10 years. If you have the same interests and energy you're both good to go.

My bother married a woman who was 4 years older than he. In mid life there is never a problem. When he was hitting 56 and she was 60.. things got pretty stressful. He wasn't the TV hermit at all but a true athlete & still is entering marathons etc. She became the book reader and their relationship become stressed to the limit.

My brother was also an avid reader but everything was balanced. Her interests were balanced too but they just weren't balanced together. That's all it takes.

i have been a book reader since grade school and it wasn't a problem in either of my marriages. i heard a marriage counselor say: you don't have to like the same thing or do the same the, just be there to share each others triumps/sucess.

There is a 17 year age difference between me and my husband. It's usually not a problem. When we were first married people used to assume we were daughter and father. That doesn't happen anymore. In fact I have more gray hair than him!

He was 49 when our son was born and having a young child has kept him young. In fact some days I feel like I have a 12 yr old and a 61 year old!

I wouldn't change too much! I've been lucky to have a husband who is very ambitious and has been a great provider.

He does like his remote and couch too - but only if it's an off night - no school stuff, hockey or work. If he was a couch potato every night I'd lose my mind.

The age difference isn't a big deal here, but I have nothing to compare it too. We've been married for 19 years last month. I don't know if I could have a relationship with someone my age.

my .02

I am a 28 y.o. woman and I am married to a 45 year old wonderful man. I married when I was 22 and he was 39. We have had some great times together and we also have had a good many issues in the past and now that we are still having to deal with. I do think it has to do with our age difference. Issues that he thinks are issues, I don't think they are that big to deal with. He also had a vasectomy at the time we were dating. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to go through a pregnancy and have a little girl. Now I agreed before we got married that I would not want a child but sometimes I wonder. It's not something I dwell on. My husband treats me like gold. I am so thankful for him. On the other hand, we get into a lot of arguments over petty things to me but are big things to him. The arguments have led to me leaving a few times. I'm so confused. I really don't want to lose him. But I can't put up with the emotional torture because I love him so much. Talk to ya later.........Kelsy

Wow Kelsy...

I think that "issues that he thinks are issues, I don't think they are that big to deal with." can happen regardless of age difference, but I do know what you mean.

I think that agreeing at 22-ish that you won't ever want a child is the decision of a young person that can't possibly know how she will feel in the next ten years. I know many women who didn't want children at that age but want them very badly now. I think that was immature of him to assume you were making that decision at a mature level.

I dated a 39 year old at age 19. Nearly the same difference as you and yours. We lasted 1.5 years. Now that I am 30 I look at 20 year old people and think there is no way I'd want to be romantically involved with someone so young. And it's only a 10 year difference.

I don't know your situation, but my opinion is there is probably something wrong with a 38 yr old man who is dating a woman under 30. There is a radical change in a person around age 25-30, and no matter how mature a person is I think they will have a big shift in priorities around that age.

I think it would be cruel to assume a woman at age 22 would never want a child. At 40, I think it's safe to assume someone would know what they wanted in that area.

I wish you the best.

I married my 43 yr old husband when I was 25. I also said that I wouldn't want kids. How wrong I was. My biological clock rang loud and clear just a few years later. Well we talked about it and decided yes we wanted a child and at 31 & 49 our son was born. I cannot imagine our life w/o our son. He keeps us young and gives us such joy. It was the right thing for us to do. People change their mind about this subject all the time. It's only natural.

I'm 3.5 yrs older than my fiancee. We started dating when he was 17 and I was 20. I caught a lot of hell for it. I was accused of being a child molester and lost my job; which was completely ridiculous since I was a virgin and he had his first sexual experience at 14. We decided to put sex on the back burner. He wanted to wait until I was ready, and I of course wanted to wait for him to be legal. lol. We were abstinent for nearly two years. We've been together for over 6 years. He's a very career oriented guy...very mature for his age. When we first started dating all of his friends thought he was "the man" for having a "hot, older woman," now they they just treat me like I'm an old woman. I've always tried to give the space he needs to discover himself. Although the age gap isn't that great, I do realize that there are things that I have experienced that he hasn't, and I want him to have his own experiences without any pressures from me. He's now 23 and I'll be 27 this summer. We're currently planning our wedding. Of course we have our ups and downs and the occasional doubt like most couples, but we're good friends and that has always been the foundation for our relationship. I feel like he keeps me a little bit younger...lol, and I definitely keep him on the right track.

I'm 25 and my bf is 50, we've been dating for 9 months and we just found out were pregnant. I think he's a little more excited than me, only bc I'm just so nervous. I love him and I hope he out lives me. What are the chances of this really working? Could it be that we make it all the way?

"What are the chances of this really working?"

Nobody knows that.

"Could it be that we make it all the way?"

Could be.

Might be thinking about marriage now as a good beginning on whatever future hopes you have for yourselves and your child.

I think people worrying about age difference may only be worried about what others will say. You can never give an advice to everyone to date within sertain age group. My husband is 19 years older than me and he's at the gym several times a week. he is a lot more athletic, a lot more outgoing than some of the younger man I dated or seen my friend's date . We met when I was 26 and had a 4 year old daughter from previous relationship. My DH has been an excellent father figure for her and our own 2 boys who are now 6 and 8. I wouldn't change my life for anything!

I don't think age matters unless of course you are 16 and he is 26. LOL Both of my husbands were 10 years older than I and it was just a coincidence. Character is what matters. Maturity doesn't even count, some people never mature others are mature at 10.

My wife and I enjoy a 16 year difference in age 58 and 42. She has always been drawn to older men so I was happy to fit the bill. We have been friends for the last sixteen months helping each other through some difficult moments while our divorces were still very painful. We would email and go out a couple times a month ,developing a close friendship. Recently we married after much pray and visiting about the furture. She with 4 kids and and me 3, so we have quit a large entended family. My kids love her and for the most part hers care for me. We share a strong faith in Christ together and have built our relationship on our Christianity. She has brought into my life a love and concern that was lacking and I have brought the stability and respect she desired. At times the age difference does concern me. Not for lack of love or commitment but for perhaps leaving her prematurely. None of us is promised tomorrow. We both feel quite blessed to have each other and seek to enjoy the time we have.

Hi,

Just a bit confused so dropped in here.

I am a 35 old single guy , look around 30 since i always had a younger look, very active and settled too..thinking to get in/out of a relation with a 25 yr old girl, whos mature in looks and mind.

I am a funloving guy, like kiddish stuff sometimes, movies,eating out..guess most gals her age would also like it.

However reading so many posts..I am now comtemplating marrying someone 1o yrs younger..

Is it such a big issue ?

Pl advise

35 years old and no more perspective than this? Interesting.

"Is it such a big issue ?"

Based on what you wrote, I'm sure I have no idea. Marry her. Tell us how it goes.

"....a 25 yr old girl, whos mature in looks and mind."

How could anyone doubt it?

kiddish stuff like movies and eating out...

hmmmm... yeah, we old folks don't like that stuff at all. Better marry her.

I recently met a gentleman 26 yrs older than I (50 & 24). It's difficult to not think about the age difference and try to get to know someone romantically. I'm not really looking for advice on this as I beleive everything is as it should be in this moment. I'm recently single .. my ex is 12 years older so I guess I have a history of being with someone older. Oy vey-- in a nutshell I'm ok with age difference but honestly not ok... if that even makes sense.

I got recently divorced after a 10years marriage and 2 kids (he 32, me 31). to make a big change I also changed my Job, and there was he 48 year old attractive colleague. for me it was love at first sight (thing which i discovered only later on). I made him proposal to have private intimate meetings and he accepted. we met 4 times in 2 months..he is married and has a 16years old son. he started to feel something towards me so he decided to finish our relationship..not to complicate everybody's life. Now I am totally in love but don't know how to think...or act. sometimes i feel God put him in my way to experiment real love, but didn't expect it to hurt so much...I think he can be the ONE? many times I feel like fighting for it...but then I think about 2 issues: age diference (17 in our case) and about his wife. (i don't want to be the cause of a family breaking, eventhougt he says they are in couple crisis since 2 years) I am only giving excuses?

Since you don't respect any other traditional boundaries, why do care about the age difference?

"I am only giving excuses?"

Seems to me you're not "excusing" anything. You seem more-or-less proud of it. Nice touch bringing God into it, too. Your powers of rationalization are right up there.

Totally agree with asolo.

By the way, God wouldn't do what you're suggesting. If you think so, pay more attention in church.

You're not "totally in love" - you're totally in love with a concept and your vision of the guy you propositioned. Are you kidding me? You actually "made him proposal to have intimate meetings"??? Why would you do that to another woman?

Please get your priorities and morals in place and leave his family alone. Raise your two children to have more respect for themselves, other people, and values than you do.

I'm in DEEP love with my brother best friend! but the thing is Im only 15 and he is 26 ): ! it tears me a part cause i really like him and he really likes me . he is always so sweet to me and he respects me! im just scared one day my parents will find out! we have a thing going on over a year now! but he says he don't wanna go out cause "im still a lil girl" but i act so mature!! what can i do?

First of all...26/15 is illegal in most states, he better watch out or he could do jail time and be labeled a sex offender for years to come.

Second of all...at 15 you have no concept of what "Deep love" is...only some silly school girl's concept of it.

Third...any 26 year old MAN that would be interested in a 15 year old GIRL, well lets just say there really can't be a lot in common there other that a physical thing. He is in the real world (I assume) working and all that...you are in the fantasy world of high school.

I have a 14 year old girl who is mature for her age, is 5'8" and well developed. I catch 20+ guys looking at her all the time. But honestly, and she is my daughter and I love her to pieces, she is clueless about anything having to deal with reality. She still thinks life is all about going to the mall and shopping and all that....despite all my efforts to raise a more "well rounded" daughter (I'll blame my ex for that). But if I ever found out a 26 year old guy was interested in her, we'd have a nice chat. And if it continued, I'd call the cops.

Now you have what is probably your Dad's view on it.

Hi - let's say first that I completely understand your feelings. I, too, had them many times when I was a teen and even afterward. It's called a crush. And a crush can be powerful! I'm not meaning to diminish what you feel; I understand.

But mkroopy is right about what he says.

Could you elaborate a little, please? You say that you and he have had this "thing" going on for more than a year. Exactly what is this "thing"? If he won't go out with you, what do you and he do? Is this something that, when he's visiting your brother (how old is your brother?), you see him and you and he flirt? Or is he simply very nice to you, including you in things, teasing you, etc.? If the latter, I would guess that he's not really into you but rather being extra nice to someone he is fond of in a non-romantic way.

Or, do you have a "thing" where you and he kiss and make out? But he just won't be seen "out" with you? If it's that, please, please stop. Tell him to stop. Regardless of how you feel about him, this is very dangerous.

Please give us more information. And do know that I understand how strongly you feel about him.

Suzieque

Yo, AnaCeleste16.....

Did you, by chance, notice this is the "marriage" forum?

As long as the younger less experienced gal obeys the older, more mature, more experienced and, especially if the older guy is better educated AND as long as the Old Coot always considers his mate's wants, needs and desires and decides what is best for the couple there will likely be fewer problems.

Every "ship" needs a "captain."

Here is a link that might be useful: Disgruntled Old Coot

I d sink your ship real quick Coot......

Another thread in the ditch.

Yo, obbopp......WTF? Sup witchoo? Jerkwad stuff bean posted bayou.

ummmm bop... chicken bop ... oooh hop... diddly dop... shoe drop wawawawa

hey... i read some of the stories here and its actually super interesting... I'm currently interested in a 26 year old guy, and I'm 18. and just to make this clear, I AM NOT ASHAMED of liking him or being liked by him but i am WORRIED that what we do on a daily basis would affect our relationship. like, what is considered "dating" between an older man of 8 year difference? is it going to bars? because i don't like drinking... (i don't think i would even like drinking when in 25 to be honest XD like my mom who is 50 and still hates drinking) and other thing I'm worried about is... just that i can't spend my ENTIRE LIFE with him.

we see eye to eye on a lot of things and we have a lot of the same interests and even the same childhood experiences from time to time. but i am scared. not by society or prejudice or shame, but just because i am scared that we can't hang out and "date" like a regular couple.

i have never even CONSIDERED on dating an older guy before. I always fell in love with guys my own age... i even preferred guys that were in my class so that we can talk more often. but now its different, he's perfect... in such an imperfect way... i guess my main point is... how do people with an age difference date, and hang out and stay together and see each other? i am not worried about prejudice or judging or shame at all... I'm just worried about spending my life together with the person i love the most...

I think one of the big issues of dating someone significantly older is the culture difference. When you're close to the same age, you generally have had a similar educational style, watched the same TV shows, remember the same world events from a similar perspective, wore the same clothes, were parented similarly, and are generally on the same page: you know where each other is coming from. If I say to my DH, "Oh, this is just like (insert some famous person/event from my youth)" he knows what I mean, and doesn't say, "What?"
And vice versa.

My husband is 8 years older than me. I was 20 and he was 28 when were married. We just celebrated 26 years of marriage. We have 3 sons. We couldn't be happier. We had some significant issues with infertility, depression, health problems, but we have overcome it. I can't imagine being married to anyone else. I am 46 and he is 54. He treats me like a queen. The sex is great. He gets along great with my friends; I get along with his friends. Most of the couples we are friends with are between my age and his age, so it works out well. If I had been married to a man closer to my own age, I don't know if the marriage would have survived with all the trials we had early in the marriage. I love my husband!

what do you guys think about a 50 to 60 year age gap

Is there a lot of money involved?

That would be my first thought, Sushipup :-)