feeling abused/used by my husband. is it??
verysad
15 years ago
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catlettuce
15 years agocarla35
15 years agoRelated Discussions
self confidence is gone feels like husband deserves better
Comments (13)Since I don't know the full story ie your husbands side and also only what you wrote here it sounds to me like your husband is abusive. Sounds like my ex. (note we had an amicable divorce and we still talk on occasion like friends). At some point when I'd tried to be whatever it was he said he wanted and nothing changed I moved to the never let his things about looser etc. get me down instead I continued to build my self-confidence and it just got worse. It wasn't me, it was him. He had to put me down to make him feel better about himself. He would have preferred me being completely dependent on him and not the self-sufficent person I am by nature. Which in the beginning I was more dependent on him. You are not doing anything wrong - keep repeating that to yourself. I see nothing you're doing wrong. You are caring for your daughter, you love your husband, you are working and supporting yourself. I don't see you doing anything wrong. What I think is that your husband has other issues and he is just taking them out on you and making himself feel better in the process. Social sites and being on sex sites is not normal for a married man, however I doubt that is your fault either. My ex cheated on me so it made my decision really easy. My 2nd husband and I dated for three years and was married for two years without living together during the week. Long distance can work, both people have to be comitted to it. Did your moving make things worse? I'm guessing it was pretty bad before you moved and if he said something like I'd kill you then you definetly did the right thing for you and your daughter to move. Why not try reading up some on verbally abusive spouses and see if this fits what you've been dealing with and go from there. I wouldn't want my daughter (or son) to be around that as then they grow up thinking that is how men treat women, which trust me they don't. My second husband is wonderful and there is nothing like it in our relationship. One thing with an abusive relationship is that us women often become very attached and think we are doing something wrong and think we are very much in love. Once you realize and sort of wake up to what the relationship is it makes it much easier to decide what to do. As I said I don't know if yours is a verbally abusive relationship or not, but I encourage you to read up on it and see if your husband fits the patterns. I never thought my ex was until I read a true crime book and saw all the signs in it on my ex. and after that is when I got my self-confidence back and started working on myself and let those things roll off my back. I wish I'd decided to leave then too instead of sticking it out (we didn't have children), which was dumb as I thought I still loved him. I care for him, but I don't love him....See MoreMy husband is mean to my little boy (his stepson)
Comments (41)I am having the same problem , i know my husband for 7 years but married a year and half my son was 7 when we met, he decided to call him daddy but he was okay and he started treating my son badly, i left in 2019 for him to get help, he did and we got married in 2020 he was good to my son in the entire 2020 till our marriage in dec 2020 my son got on very well with him then we moved into a house he bought and then the nonsense started he shows no love and reprimands my son all the time and we have to walk on egg shells with him, he treats my son badly and says i dont shout at my son or reprimands him which i always do and give him the rope to discipline him, but nothing my son does or say is right in his eyes, i left in may 2022 and he still is picking on my son ,but even he did go for counselling but nothing has changed i cannot expose my son to this, because i choose my son all the time, and i will always, my son is 12 now, and he does not want to ever see my husband again and he said he will never ever call him dad he has damaged my child and therefore i will never go back, he is toxic and a narcissist, he has uprooted my son and my life so many times and i have had enough and i am done, i love my child too much to allow him to treat him this way, i love my husband as well, but at the end what is the sense in having a house but not a home.My son is my life and i will not allow anyone to treat him that way, i dont deny my son does things and is naughty as well, but to be treated like you always wrong is not on, my son talked about suicide as well, so that we can be happy and that pushed me over the edge,i wont lose my child to a man, i also have cancer and he is the one that is aggravating my cancer because i stress so much what is he doing to my son, we are emotionally abused by this man, he walked away from 2 marriages because of the children and by the way it way his own so there is no way he will tolerate mine. any advise for me...See MoreFeeling used and abused--not sf issue
Comments (5)what do you mean it's not sf related? haha it sounds exactly like so many of the complaints of adult stepkids moving in and having no boundaries or taking no responsibility, leaving a mess, etc. etc. Maybe those are not sf related either, maybe they are just 'lazy people that manipulate anyone they can to get what they want' issues. I think you are enabling her and when you try to put your foot down or force her to take responsibility, she lays guilt on you... manipulative! Some people will never learn how to swim unless they are tossed into the river to sink or swim. That probably sounds harsh but sometimes it's true. In my opinion, the difference between helping and enabling is when you are helping someone, they are doing for themselves the best they can and you are supportive of them.. filling in any shortfall (helping), etc. Enabling is when you do more for them than they do for themselves and they usually expect you to do more so they can do less. Well, that's just my take on it. There is nothing for you to feel guilty over. You can't sacrifice your own sanity to clean up her mess. If you don't stand up for yourself, then it becomes acceptable for her to treat you that way....See MoreMy 6 YO daughter vs. My husband...she's winning
Comments (63)Demon Based on what you've said here, I think you've made the right decision. It concerns me that his reaction is to blame the child and focus on how it affects 'him'. Classic abuser behavior. I'm even a little concerned that his reaction will change from cooperative to hostile when he realizes that tactic won't work. If I were you, I'd set up a strong support system. I have a feeling you are going to need it. I also agree with silver, it's not a waste of time to learn such a valuable lesson. When I left my ex at 29, I spent years feeling sorry for myself because I wasted my 20's in a crappy situation. But, the worse part wasn't the time I wasted, it was that my kids were in that crappy situation for 7 years and you can thank your lucky stars you figured it out in less than a year. Your daughter is young and you can spend some time in counseling and might even think about working on your parenting skills too. Before, you said you were lax in discipline, so now might be a good time to shift your focus on improving things in your life. When I was a single parent, I was also too lax and inconsistent. It's so easy to parent out of guilt too. My kids were pre-teens when I began to force myself to be consistent and push the guilt to the back of my head and it's been tough. I still struggle with guilt because they know how to make me feel guilty. Good luck....See Moreathlete2010
15 years agoasolo
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