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In Laws

23 years ago

does anyone else have the in laws form hell? I could really use some stories right now to put my recent nightmare in to perspective.

I invited my mother in law and sister in law on an all day shopping trip it was a big mistake.

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Comments (9)

trekaren
23 years ago
Your post was kind of vague.

But in the immortal words of Popeye (or was it Olive Oil?) I yam what I yam.

And they is what they is.

And with all my inlaws, as well as my own parents, once I realized that they have their "ways", and accepted it as a fact, then a weekend together is much more enjoyable. There is really no right-or-wrong in the big scheme of things, just how miserable you want to be for the sake of being right.

To take it a step further, I certainly have my own less-than-endearing qualities, so I should not be too critical of the foibles of my relatives and loved-ones.
sewcrazynurse
Original Author
23 years ago
I don't really care about who is right or wronge. After all that is decided on by what perspective you have. I just wish they were more open minded and less money oriented. That's all.
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I understand wanting to feel "normal" again after your spouse dies. I knew I wasn't thinking straight, and I had 5 little kids to take care of, so I became a victim of a man who "threw me a rope" from the abyss I was in. I have to believe he heard about my husband dying and saw dollar signs. Our marriage did not last. I didn't come out of a fog until about 2 years. I didn't understand about waiting at least a year before making big decisions. Family and friends didn't object, but I think no one really knew what to say or do. Your father in law is clinging to what he has had. That love and closeness, sharing his life with someone. It's possible he is avoiding you because he understands what he is doing is not right, he may be under the "guidance" of this woman and doesn't want to jeopardize the relationship, or he really isn't thinking straight and is focusing on this woman and his old routines have gotten dropped from the huge rift of change from his wife dying. You might suggest very gently and only once, that this is a huge adjustment for him. Having a list of things widowers go through from a professional would be best. He is being led, and he will allow it. It is possible to lead him to a difficult, but better grieving process. Because of my marriage within a year of my best friend and husbands death, I didn't actually grieve until after my divorce, 6 years later. Take care. I wish people would discuss these situations more, instead of trying to deny that death happens. It is such a horrible time and any help through it would be nice.
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I'd love to see the MW somewhere other than over the range, for safety reasons as mentioned above, even if it needs to be on a cart somewhere. (My mom is short - about 5'3", and has arthritis in her hands. She also likes soup and teas piping hot. I would not let her get a MW over her range because I was worried about her reaching up and holding something super hot near her face.) FWIW I had a drawer MW in my old house and loved it -- I'm 5'11" and my kids are over 6' and none of us had to "bend over to see in it" - you look into like any other drawer - and we all liked it. Plus one to using as many drawers as possible, and you can get peg boards and other organizers at IKEA at great prices. Also, you may want to consider something like this pull-down shelf in one of the upper cabinets (over the refrigerator would be great) to make items more accessible without a footstool. I'm considering adding one over my tall fridge and wish I had ordered one when we did the kitchen. You lose some of the depth space in the upper, but the items will be much more accessible so in my case at least I think the space will be better used. If you get advice against some ideas (like MW over the range) it's only because folks here want to help you get the best kitchen space for your MIL. I think it's lovely that you're making a wonderful space for her.
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trekaren
23 years ago
If you're as vague with them as you have been here, misunderstandings can happen.

Best of luck in your life's journey!
sewcrazynurse
Original Author
23 years ago
I wasn't sure how much to post with out looking like a cry baby. See I suffer from depression and when I am low all I do is cry and whine to anyone who will listen. So I'm trying not to look like that pathetic creature.
lea808
23 years ago
This is the best place to cry and whine - go look at my post on the Stepfamilies forum, entitled "what to do about troublesome family members", dated sometime in April (probably you could just run a search on my screen name).

After I posted that, the whole situation has become totally not an issue, not because anything changed, but because I got it off my chest. Before the Internet, I used to keep journals to get things off my chest and then move on, but this is even better - it's a journal that talks back!
Martina_WV
23 years ago
last week MIL called and said she wanted to come in with her daughter and SIL to go camping, she was told not a good time,it was before payday, boat motor was being repaired, just not a good time. Later that day here they were-the live 4 hrs away- brought the dog tied it out back where it barked all day. MIL said she would take care of the camping, so we loaded stuff up in the truck, they (I had to work) took off and was home the next day. MIL didn't have the money for camping fee or for groc. they took little out of the house. then MIL went to her sister's house w/her daughter, SIL went fishing w/my husband. I went to bed (dog still barking) and everyone eventually drifted back in...only the MIL went to the car to sleep. Husband came in with me, and the daughter and her husband went to the camper... Just a bunch of nuts. everytime they come in it's nothing but chaos and confusion.Told husband that they were not wrapped too tight and he didn't say a word.....

Martina
Cuddlebones
23 years ago
I'm afraid I have just the opposite. My MIL and I are best friends and I love her to death. I'm very lucky indeed. I hope I'm half the MIL to my DIL's someday.
phyllis_philodendron
23 years ago
Boy, I wish. My MIL is nice and we get along, but I'm just not as comfortable around her. She puts up that wall, though - she doesn't really allow herself to get close to anyone, for some reason. I laugh about this now, but I was thinking, we're both Scorpios and I think that's why she gets on my nerves sometimes! LOL I'm 7 months pregnant and sometimes just not in the mood for it, you know? She'll ask me things and when I answer, disagree with me, only to agree with my DH when he says the exact same thing. It's like she's not even listening when I speak half the time. I tell her things in what I think is confidence and then she goes and tells FIL, who "lectures" me about it the next day. Once before DH and I were married, FMIL and I were discussing "The Pill" as birth control, and she went and told FIL about it - who then proceeded to address the issue at the DINNER TABLE at a RESTAURANT! Go figure. Thank God we live 6 hours away. ; )
sueque67
23 years ago
Well my FIL had passed away before I came into the picture. My MIL told me on my wedding day that she had nothing against me but no woman would be good enough for her son. I tried being as civil as I could through the years with her. She has never been nice to me. So I have as little interaction as possible with her. I wont subject myself to it anymore. As I dont deserve it.

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