Taralee, it's obvious you haven't been reading my posts very clearly. Any tenant who disturbs another by making an unreasonable amount of noise needs to be reprimanded. Someone who does this deliberately needs to be evicted. A woman who used to live on the first floor here was unusually sensitive to sound (as well as inordinately stuck on herself). She complained constantly that residents shut the front door too loudly, stomped up and down the inside stairs, banged their car doors in the parking lot, let kids talk too much. When she first moved in, she griped about the couple above her having sex. Then they moved out and a new guy moved in. She claimed he raised his voice while on the telephone just to annoy *her*, and that he flushed his toilet right when he *knew* she'd be going to bed, etc. She went so far as to actually cut the phone line leading to the neighbor's apartment because she said *he* needed to be taught a lesson! (She also put poison on the tree outside her window to try and kill it, because she wanted more light.) This woman wanted management to make the perfect climate that suited *her*, ignoring the fact that someone else paid perfectly good rent to use his telephone, flush his toilet, etc. also; and that every other tenant who went in and out the front door was not being rude--just living here! When we first moved in, the guy on the other side of our kitchen came over and demanded we not make any noise in our kitchen after 8 PM, as he liked to lounge in his bed watching TV or whatnot and didn't wish to be disturbed. When I asked why he didn't just move his bed off the wall on the other side of our sink, he said the furniture "flowed better" that way and didn't want to move it. Therefore *we* should not turn our water on or whatever after 8 PM. I answered that I had a young daughter and a husband who worked the midnight shift, and would need access to my kitchen after 8. I offered a compromise of 10 PM, and stuck to it. This didn't satisfy the neighbor, who went to the manager. The manager stood by my compromise, saying I wasn't doing anything unreasonable and was being generous in my offer. (This was the same tenant, BTW, who wanted the guy underneath him evicted for snoring.) He moved out. Since then, there have been two other tenants over there, and I haven't had a single complaint from either of them. They are reasonable neighbors who understand I need to get a drink of water once in a while. I give them the same courtesy, by not getting upset when their relatives come over or they practice their music or watch their big screen TV. I am now assistant manager of the building. I see this from both sides. There are people just not suited to live in apartments--either ones who are too sensitive to anything not being exactly as they want it; or those unwilling to be respectful of other tenants' needs. Both extremes need to find more appropriate living arrangements. How saying all this makes *me* the bad person, I have no idea. But I am more and more thankful to be living where I am, every time I come to this thread.

I also found my husband jerking off. At first I thought it was ok, then it started bothering me. Then I asked him to stop doing it, then I asked him to do it (because I kept telling myself that's how men are wired) in a way I wouldn't find out. Then I caught him and got furious. First I found his underwear with cum, then I caught him in the act. I also know I haven't dealt with the problem the best way. I have tried and feel bad to ask him not to do it. It's kind of unfair to ask him not to do it, if sometimes when he's gone for work and I get turned on I also do it. I think boys will be boys, and we shouldn't be worrying so much about what they do in their privacy. We, even as a couple who live together, share beds, share rooms, share food, should also have our intimate moments to be alone. He has never told me no when I want to have sex, he has never rejected me. I never do that either, never reject him. I think that a healthy sexual life doesn't mean that we should have sex every night, or that everything has to be shared. I am my own person and also need my time to myself. Am I that wrong?

Thank you all for your responses. In response to the last poster, yes he does have many other women in his life! Not women who he cheats with but he is friends with his ex who he works with (she is married also) and he has casual friends or aquaintances that he sees when he stops at the convenience store or gas station (he befriends these women). He hasn't crossed any boundaries and I believe that men and women CAN be just friends but not at the expense of your partner. My husband admits he enjoys the attention of other women because they are new and they don't EVER argue with him or have any disagreements with him (as we do from time to time) I look at it as those "friendships" are so superficial nothing like a marriage so of course they have nothing to disagree about. I just don't understand how to reach him and make him understand what I am feeling. I am tired of feeling as though I am bothering him when I try to be affectionate or when I ask for advice about a problem (that has nothing to do with him) He willingly gives advice/listens to any other female and he is very attentive to other women who are casual friends. With me, he's not mean just acts distant.

Wow,I definetly dont feel alone after reading everyone's thoughts on this.I am 33 years old, and I am to the point where I am very frustrated with my marraige and my husband. I have been married for three years, my husband has no desire in making love to me, or correcting the problem. He tells me he is going to make things better, but it never happens...instead, he prefers to drink his beer every night and go to bed. I have tried to get him to stop drinking, but he is an alcoholic..and it just made things worse, so I gave up. I am so fed up, but I do love him. I am not a cheater, so I have asked myself many times...Do I just need to go ahead and get out? I know three years isnt a long time compared to some of you ladies, but I feel the same way as yall when it comes to the pain and anger. I have cried many times because I feel I am not pretty enough, good enough exct. He had a great sex life with his ex wife...and she is anything but what I am. I have constantly tried to talk to him about it, we have tried the counseling thing, books, lingire, ext. In my past relationship, I was used to being one over, and made love to, but my husband cant even touch me...Uggggh. Im really to young to have to deal with this crap, but I dont want to leave because I love him, and I dont look forward to the pain I will have to go through when I do leave.....This isnt fair. I have tried to just take care of me, and play all the little mind games, but you guys see where it got me. He is laying next to me sleeping, and Im posting in a forum for women with this problem.....I feel sorry for all of us. After all we do for them,you would think that they could give us a little of their time. Geeze. Any more advice on how to deal with this? I have enjoyed reading some of the other posts.