I hear so many stories about parents who pressure their kids for grandchildren. Am I the only one who was actively discouraged by their parents from having kids? When I was 20, one morning my dad stormed into my room and flew into one of his tantrums, told me he didn't want me to ever have kids and would disown any child I had. My mom didn't seem to care one way or the other, but at least didn't pressure me to remain childless. I actually wanted to have kids at only 18 or 19 when i was in my early teens. I remember my gf from my junior year in college and imagining a future with the two of us together at home by the fireplace with our two rug rats. She would be the only woman I would ever have that thought about; by the time I left school I decided I would never have kids, and have only become more unwavering in that stance in the years since. Having to take care of young children would have reminded me of too many things I didn't want to be reminded about. I did contemplate being a foster parent, taking in someone at about 13, but circumstances didn't work out to allow that. I don't regret in the slightest not having kids. I occasionally hear from women who initially didn't want kids but found themselves reconsidering in their late 30s or early 40s. Something about biological clocks, or biological time bombs maybe. I almost never hear this from men; there seems to be a widespread misconception that men can become fathers into old age. Sometimes they can, but there are all sorts of things that can happen that will rule out that possibility. Treatment for an enlarged prostate left me infertile by my early 40s. Despite staunchly wanting not to have children, it somehow still irks me a bit that I ultimately couldn't make that choice myself.

Soooooo happy I found this post. I just got off the phone with my mother after a heated argument about my long-standing decision not to have children. Actually, it was just a repeat of the same argument we've been having for *years*. I'm confident in my decision, but I often feel like I'm the only 31-year-old woman in my area code who does not want children. I know there are others out there, but they are completely absent from my current sphere of influence. It gives me such peace to hear that many of my opinions/positions/frustrations/etc on the matter are shared by other reasonable, conscientious, and (seemingly :)) well-adjusted people. For me, the CBC decision sprang from deeply rooted environmental concerns. That angle never works with anyone I know, so I usually defend myself by employing the standard "we're not thinking about that right now", "we might adopt at some point in the future" and/or "we don't think we'd make good parents" non-committal-type responses. This post has armed me with so many great arguing points, I'm tempted to call my mother back. She, too, loves the "childless people are selfish" argument. I always counter with the notion that, if all childless people possess that character flaw, perhaps their reluctance to bear offspring serves a greater societal purpose. Selfish people would most likely be crappy parents. I don't feel as though I'm selfish, nor do I think my friends and family regard me as such. I imagine if I *had* to raise a child I would be at best, an average parent. If Mom's postulate is true, and I am innately selfish, I thinks it comes from the belief that I would be a far more creative, useful person without children in my life-- as would most people, if they were really honest with themselves.

we had 2 kids, b and g, then before dh could be clipped we "oops" and omg it was b/g twins, lol...needless to say the appt was made asap..doc that did dh, did have me sign, but it was mere formality...that was 1976...one reason was his wern't reversable..he took a piece of the tube out, and reverse the direction of the remaining... in retrospect, i'm glad i had these 2 wonderful kids. and in the end it was by choice...had a pal who was social worker and could have arranged to ligit abortion but MY choice, said no... i'm sorry to hear that you ladies/guys are having such difficulties still...it's just not right... and as for interferring insurance co's, i'd send them the bills for unwanted kids!

Wow....what an amazing list of people.... too many of them no longer with us or active here. It is nice to remember some of their names and their struggles that we shared. Thanks for the memories.