You have a problem here. I'll encourage you to stop being a spy (that feels so crappy to do that stuff - it's addicting and crazy making, don't you think so?) and pay attention to what you do know and what you do feel. Speak to those things as often as you need to and by all means go talk to a marriage counselor who specializes in trust issues.

Sorry you're struggling -

why did you two get married again? He is possibly cheating and lying, you are spying, nothing good comes out of it. Go talk to an expert, marriage counselor and possibly a lawyer, and please do not have children.

Sorry this is happening to you. Once someone cheats and lies, I bet they continue. It is a pattern and porn sites like the ones you are describing are addictive, so he will continue to have these emotional affairs too. It is up to you to decide, do I want to continue being with a man I can't trust and who says he's single when in fact he is married? No good could come out of that. I suggest you both either go to counselling and see if he can stop visiting porn sites and cheating or you leave him.

I don't know how old he is, but it sounds like he is just not mature enough to be a married man. There is a chance that he will grow up, but do you want to be his mom until he does?

Sorry -- But he sounds like a chronic serial cheater.
And with his ability to cheat while deployed,
his propensity to cheat as demonstrated by his phone games,
and your trust issues rom your previous relationships and his games--

How can this marriage ever work?
I agree with FD -- DON'T get pregnant for goodness' sake, and see a counselor and a lawyer.
Chalk this one up to a youthful mistake (yours) and hit the esc. key on this marriage.

SORRY FOR THE LATE RESPONCES!
I figured I would get email alarts :) But what I think yall are getting out of this is the fact that yall think he's cheated....he's never cheated on me....it was just the fact that he was talking to other girls (over the internet and the phone) and saying he was single when he's not. yes thinking about all of this is killing me, but when I got married I didn't think about divorce, and I don't think about divorce...I guess the advice I was seeking was how to fix our problem because to me, divorce is the last resort. My husband isn't a bad guy...he's just a little "stupid" He sees the way it hurts me even if it's been two months ago and I do see he's truely sorry for what he was doing, not because he got caught.

and just an FYI:: We aren't thinking about kids for a long long time....he's 22 and I'm 20, no need to rush children! lol

but i do thank everyone that replyed and I will keep the advice, I did take it to heart and it scares me to think that 4 out of 5 thinks I should leave when I just got here.

So here's the deal. We responded to information YOU gave to US. Interesting how common it is that folks will come here and draw the picture, we comment on what we see, and then you defend the subject in the picture.

Your husband has cheated on you. Cheating is about betrayal and secrecy.

Maybe that's okay for you though - and yes, you are scared, and yes, there's a reason for that, and the worst thing you can do right now is hunker down and believe all is well. You don't HAVE to leave him - you get to make your choices. But for the love of god, don't ignore this. Address it, have a bottom line for yourself, and take care of business. Don't even consider kids until this has all been resolved - not ignored, resolved -

Good luck.

bstearman, one of the things that jumped out to me the most in your original post was this:

"...explained to me he has been doing that for years with girls....meaning he would get girls to fall for him over the internet and in person then just stop talking to them completly..."

What kind of a person does that to another person? That's not just immature, it's cruel. Do you respect that? That's just an indication of the kind of person he is - he gets a kick out of inflicting pain. The fact that it's emotional pain doesn't minimize it.

Get out.

"it was just the fact that he was talking to other girls (over the internet and the phone) and saying he was single when he's not."

and that's OK with you, why?

"My husband isn't a bad guy...he's just a little "stupid" "

hahahahaha it will be my new punch line "he is just a little stupid", nice guy but just a little stupid hahahah that's too funny, I imagine telling my parents, I am going to marry this guy, he is nice just a little stupid hahahah I can't stop laughing

I don't know what to say other than I don't know...I feel like everyone diserves a second chance. No, I don't think what he did was okay at all. And I'm not TRYING to defend him....I guess it's hard when it's your husband. But from my past, it could have been so much worse. If flirting over the internet is considered cheating than I am guilty of that too. Not in my marriage but in my past. I think I will take the advice to go seek help. and I'll probably go a lone for a while becuase I need some of my issues listened to first and worry about my well being. If my husband agrees to go too, than I know we can really work it out, if not it'll really show me if he's really willing to change. But I do thank ya'll for your opinions, atleast now I know I'm not crazy for taking it the way I am...besides the whole crazy wife going through all his things...

and FINEDREAMS: Glad I could make you laugh, I didn't literally mean he's stupid, he's actually very smart...poor word choice on my half :) How about :: he's not a bad guy just did something stupid. better? ;)

and one more question for ya'll....He doesn't know that I do go through he's computer & phone...and since that night I haven't seen anything at all, I mean doesn't that count for something? I do feel like that's a huge sign of he's trying.

I used to know these 2 guys, both married, the one had 2 children. These 2 guys would go to a bar and see how many women they could get to want to leave with them....like a contest. The one guy would go home to his wife.....the other one...would go home with a girl.

From what your saying, I believe your DH is not just bedding you. It's an ego thing, thrill of the hunt. Your already bagged.

To be completely honest, I think he sounds sort of like a sociopath because of this: "...explained to me he has been doing that for years with girls....meaning he would get girls to fall for him over the internet and in person then just stop talking to them completly..."

Something isn't quite right with a person that does that, but I don't think that's the truth anyway. Why would a happy, newlywed be on all those sex sites AND have a fake myspace acct? Why would he purposely start talking to a local girl on these accounts, and by the sound of her texts...planned to meet up with her. I'm sorry but he does indeed sound very much like a BAD guy.

I'm sorry, but I think you are in for a sad and deceitful marriage. If he cheated on you once and came clean about it, I would tell you that you two should go get some marriage counseling and try and work it out. But do you really want to be with someone for the rest of your life who is that much of a liar? And possibly a sex addict? You are so young and would have plenty of time to find an honest, good man who would treat you well and never deceive you.

If you are dead set on trying to make it work, INSIST on a marriage counselor, and find a good one. If he refuses, then there is your answer.

And please, please, please...go to your doctor and get some STD testing done (just in case).

"...every guy I've ever been with has cheated/lied to me..."

Plus this one, obviously. I've never known why you gals agonize so over calling these creeps out on their sleaziness. You've described an active and enthusiastic predator. If you think you're going to tame that down at age 22 and military you've got a rude awakening coming right up.

Hope you've got a backup plan. No babies, please.

'If flirting over the internet is considered cheating than I am guilty of that too. Not in my marriage but in my past."

for a single person it might be a silly way to spend time but it is not cheating, for a married person yes it is inappropriate and yes it is cheating. you do not sound mature enough to be married if you think flirting on the Internet is Ok for married people. it is not OK.

also if he truly is trying to get girls fall for him and then stops seeing them without explanation then not only he is "a little or a lot stupid' he is also not a nice person. you must have very low expectations of men if you think he is a nice guy.

it is funny how in the first post you described a complete moron but as you got responses all of a sudden he is a nice guy and does nothing wrong, bizarre

"I mean doesn't that count for something?"

it does. he is hiding better, deletes the history and using different sites, using his friend's computer, plenty of ways to lie

Do you *honestly* believe he's not even flirting online anymore?
And are you completely comfortable that he'll be faithful to you while he's deployed and his buddies all go off tail-hunting?

Because if you don't seriously believe that, and if you don't trust him 100% to be faithful, then what you have isn't really a good marriage. You can admit it now, get a quickie divorce, and try again in a little while as a woman who's older and wiser. Or you can string this thing out until you catch him again and he admits it but promises never to do it again,
or 'sorta' catch him but don't have 100% proof and he denies it,
or maybe just 'smell a rat' but can't prove it beyond a doubt.
This gut simply doesn't sound 'beyond a doubt' trustworthy.

Honestly, I'm NOT one to give up on a marriage easily, and ended up staying in a bad marriage for a long, long time. But now that I'm older and wiser, I'd say take a good hard look at what you've got, and without cleaning it up and 'fixing' him (he won't change) -- decide if that's the marriage you want. Then decide. If it's not the marriage you want, End It! You've got no kids. You don't *have* to try to work it out. Unless you see concrete proof that he's really, really changed, I honestly wouldn't believe it.

And new passwords is certainly NOT proof that he's changed.
If anything, it's proof that he hasn't.