Well, thanks for all the posts. I'm kinda surprised this thread is still kicking around after all these months. Not surprisingly, our marriage is still in what I'd call "a struggling phase." If I could find (and afford) a marriage counselor, I'd seek one out. Our problems continue and i guess that's just part of life. Last week, he helped my daughter with a thorny problem. He's a professional and was able to give her some sound counsel on a financial matter. I was so grateful that he was willing to do that. And then when he came home that day, he groused and groused about how he had to skip lunch because of *my* daughter and her problems and it took him two hours to do the research and then send her a note explaining what he'd found and how he sure would have liked to have had lunch and blah, blah, blah. I keep revisiting the Ann Landers question: Am I better off with him or without him and I still don't have an answer. He's just so selfish sometimes and he's smarter than I am (by a lot) so he wins all the arguments. My self-esteem has plummeted since I met him and I've gained 25 pounds and some days, I just sit and cry. Still glad you asked?

First of all, I wud like to thank you all for your valuable inputs. I feel much better having spoken my heart out. Nothing has changed in my life yet but atleast I can think more clearly now. Some of you have been very supportive, by that I don't mean agreeing with me but saying things the right way. Some of u are just being nasty & don't seem to have a broader view of life. I don't want to waste my energy answering carla35/mkroopy, but I wud like to reply to asolo. I see my future in the post titled "loveless/sexless marriage". Your reply to this post was interesting. You are advising this person that its ok to leave & be hopeful that she will find someone. I am not nit-picking & I had to give some example for the folks here to understand my husband's personality. Its all these small little things that makes a complete person. And the folks who are picking on me are completely ignoring the positive things that I have mentioned about my husband. Anyway, I came to this forum within days of me developing feeling for the other guy & the reason being I did not feel right about it. I was also worried like the OP of "loveless/sexless marriage" that my life would end up in a similar fashion which is not imagination, as u can see, someone is experiencing it. I do not want to spend all my life waiting for something to happen that may never happen. Another reason I came to this forum was I wanted to ensure I was not blowing things out of proportion. I got enough inputs & I am again thankful to everyone. I think I am going to quit at this stage as like I said earlier people start getting judgemental the moment u say u are attracted to someone. So I may not find any more useful suggestions. You don't have to agree with me but I wud like to hear from someone who has been through a similar situation & how they handled it, but not people who just use this forum to vent out their pent up anger.

I feel compelled to give you all an update. We talked some more today and she told me that part of the reason that she married me was to get out of her bad situation at home. She also told me that she would do anything for the kids but maybe not for me. The cincher she told me that we have nothing in common and the she thinks she may just want to live alone. She doesn't have a great relationship with her family, but what I noticed today is that we weren't sad talking about ending the marriage or anything like that. It was like planning a trip or something. It was very weird. As crazy as this sounds, I have always had to take care of her as well as the kids so I keep thinking that I need to fix this as well. Until today. I told her to make a decision and tell me how she feels and what she wants to do. I think it will probably end I just need to see a divorce lawyer and start to learn more about what I need to do. It's time for me....I'm tired of taking care of everyone else....may sound arrogant...but I'm exhausted and not going to stay with someone that doesn't want me around. I told her that there are times that I see her looking at me in disgust...she said sometimes she does. Being alone and enjoing my kids is better than wasting my time taking care of someone that doesn't want me around. I hope I meet someone too that wants to laugh, travel and enjoy life. Life isn't very enjoying to me right now and all the counseling in the world won't make me forget what she said to me. Take care everyone and thanks for all your advice.

I don't know -- I married a man that was never married and had no children and it has been drama free bliss! Just because I was married and had children does not mean that I MUST be a stepmom NOW. I chose not to be a stepmom for this simple reason. If OP was a mom, it would not change the BM in her life. it wouldn't help her to understand either. My ex's new wife is a divorced mom and she is the crazy one. I've heard from my Dd that she is a crazy BM too. I have no idea although I can't imagine her ever being sane anyway. I think your advice is great for a person who enjoys being #1 and wants to be the first wife and the first mom and the first of everything. But that isn't how everyone is. I AM THAT way! I did not want to deal with someone else's kids and someone else's baby momma. That's just me being honest. I dated this guy once that did have kids. He was divorced but his ex lived on the other side of the country. She was never a problem for me. This was when I made my 'no ex or kids' rule. But the guy was always talking trash about the mother of his children. She was a B or she was a Wh09e or she was spending his child support on a new car, this and that. I would get so mad at him. Why? Because I was a mom and these same complaints were being said about me. They could have been in a 'hate my ex' club together. He would go on and on about how he never loved her and that they were young and dumb and she for pregnant on the pill etc. And this was a man that I really really liked. But the more he talked the less I respected him and felt sorry for his ex wife. No one should use the young and dumb or drunk excuse when talking about how they conceived their children. I realized that I had become that ex that men complain about and place blame on AND that I could be her AGAIN with this new guy. Because he could not stop talking trash about her I wondered what he would say about me when we split!! I also just told my husband, do you realize I trapped you into pregnancy? Lol he said WHAT? I said remember how I was on birth control but I had gotten strep throat and received a shot of penicillin? He said ya and your BC didn't work anymore that month Yea I remember. I said 'and do you remember how drunk I was that night?' he said nope cause I don't remember it myself. Lol yes my son was conceived on birth control, on the night of our company christmas party when I was suffering from the worst case of strep EVER!! I hope he tells his second wife what a wh09e I was for trapping him into having our first son. Lol it will be a riot!! Any woman that sits back and listens to that garbage and still respects the man enough to marry him and have more children with him, better hope she never ends up being his ex.