What a bunch of great answers. You guys had me laughing and giggling like a kid. But Fairgold gets the prize! As a matter of fact, that is exactly what I decided to tell my dh. He did agree to a vasectomy, believe it or not. Now, I just have to make the appointment. I was 14 days late and think I probably had an early mc, so it's time to get serious here. I'm too old to risk this again. Thanks for sharing all of your wisdom with me on this slightly embarassing post :) You guys are the best.

ifonly, You mentioned that this has been going on for sometime but that things were healthy in the beginning. Now, though, there is no physical contact and your DH is also distant emotionally. You also mention that DH is in good physical health and not suffering with depression. Unless DH is angry which can dampen libido or has issues from her past (abuse of some kind) which might need to be addressed, then it is possible that she just might be this way and it is "normal" for her. When people first get together and fall in love there is a change in body chemistry which causes the sex drive to increase so they can bond. After a couple of years it dampens down and the true nature of the person emerges. If that is the case in your situation then some compromise needs to take place on both your parts. That is why it might be a good idea to explore the issue with a therapist whithout making judgments. If she cares about you and you about her you might be able to find a middle ground. If DH is not willing to work out a solution then, when and if that occurs, you will have to make some important choices about your future. Stay with her and accept a life such as you have come to describe or exit the situation. When all means have been undertaken to make a positive change and the situation exhausts you, then the time will come when you must accept life as it is. It is possible that in the no so distant future that you will become an angry man. Someone who will be bitter. You may cheat, or fight a lot, or become jealous of others. If children are involved they will be impacted. Or, you can accept it (and I mean really give up trying to change DH) and be happy in your circumstances by learning not to want or expect more. It is premature to advise a person to leave a marriage. But, you are young without children and have a long life ahead of you. A sexless marriage will necessitate that you change and some cannot easily make the transition so easily. It will be your "cross" to bear. Wishing you and your marriage all the Best with much Hope that your efforts work out Well with a Happy Future ahead of you.

Yes, I think you are correct in that I'm usually very trusting of people. It's not my nature to look for the worst in people and I'd like to think that people will treat me the way that I treat them. However, in the past few years my husband has taught me a valuable lesson in what happens when you are too trusting. When I look back on some of the different situations that have happened I can't believe that it totally slip past me or how deceitful he is as a person. I trusted him to move money out of my checking account to pay monthly expenses until one day when I was trying to make a purchase and the clerk informed me that my debit card was declined. My first thought was my account must have been hacked. On my way home to figure out what had happened I remember how during the past few weeks he kept reminding me that I was spending a lot of money. I only spent what I knew that I could afford to spend and never more than what I was making. His statements should have been a clue. When I went online to view my banking account I saw where he had transfer more than $30,000.00 out of my account over a period of year and half without consulting me. Hence the "you're spending a lot lately". I never really checked my account because I always knew that I had a pretty good cushion for what I wanted to spend. My spending was nothing more than a visit to Walmart every now and then and I knew with the amount of money that I make (retired Federal employee and now a government contractor making six figures) that I really never had to worry about my card being declined. When I confronted him about it the first thing he yelled was "I pay the house note out of my check'! There was about an ounce of truth to his statement with the exception that the money was first transferred from my account to his account and then of course he paid the house note but using my money. What a snake in the dirt! At that point I really just wanted to know what was going on with him so I was willing to sit down and discuss the situation with him but he got angry and slapped me across my face. He told me that I had repeated to him that I didn't really need to know what was going on with the budget just as long as everything was paid and on time. That was his excuse for not telling me that he was taking money out of my account. Well needless to say when he put his hands on me I used his cane and beat the crap out of him. No one, and I mean no one is allowed to touch me in that way and every since that night we have not shared a bed. I knew then that the marriage was pretty much over for me. That happened last March and I'm still trying to figure out how to get out. It can't be that difficult because people do it all the time. I think I need a some sort of life coach to help me to navigate all of the changes that I'll need to make. The other thing that I noticed is that he no longer takes his mom and sister out to dinner and movies anymore and he's not offering to guy rounds when he visits a bar. REALLY?? When I look back at the time that I've spent with him and various situations that are questionable I realize how he's been lying to me all these years. I've had people question me about his comments and how they say he bashes me behind my back. Oh well, I'm sure you're probably bore and have heard enough of me. Thanks for your time. Pam (forgive all errors in this almost book that I've written. I'm writing this while on my break so I don't have much time to proofread.)

Brass tacks, I totally agree. That is an excellent point. One must know thyself. These days people do not know what they like or dislike. They jump into situations without realization of anythign around them. Fly by the seat of their pants. I truly believe now adays, people have so much in front of them they are blinded or just dont want to deal with things. Like that the commercial ' Easy button' Honest, this day and age things are so easy or made easy. Everything is given to kids, punishment or consequences are rare because of politically correct ideals of society. My parents came from War . They we lucky to have bread on the table. They went to school for education and religion in secracy. Kids just dont appreciate things at all because we have done this to them. We do not teach them. We dont take the time to sit down and drill it into their skulls on morality and consequences. Vivian, you are right. "kids dont have to do it..." i didn't want that to sound like that. That everyone is doing it scenerio. i dont believe that. If your friend jumps off a bridge you do NOT do the same. I believe God gave you a brain. Use it. the topic is living with one another before marriage. We all have our opinions and we all have our reasons to decide what is best for us. Brass tack brought up a very important point. To know what you want and what your shortcomings are as a person. An individual. If one stands on solid ground and knows what she or he likes and dislikes and is open and honest to tell others, we would have less problems in this world. Even less divorces. Now in some cases of divorce, there is abuse, physical psychological. Some people just make honest mistake, people change over time..etc..etc.. But i think for the most part, people just dont try hard enough or give up easy. And they say...ok divorce if i dont get my way. Its a selfish society we live in...me..me..me...what can i get out of this. I just wish people would think of others. ok..sorry. i'm rambling now.