Okay, so she says you are the one with the problem. Whether or not you agree and whether or not it is true, it does not dismiss the proposal to get counseling, yet you seem to allow her remark to dismiss your suggestion. I understand you resent her saying that. Nevertheless, what happened to the counseling suggestion? Tell her since you have the problem and in need of help, would she please participate also to ensure you receive the help she feels you need. What I think is your wife is resentful, and she probably has good reason. I think you need to stop comparing yourself and all the wonderful things you do to her and her reactions to the same or similar sets of criteria. None of it is the same. You are not her and will probably never understand. She likely doesn't understand either and also does not recognize her feelings of resentment. An example is you saying you enjoyed watching your son that day. My response is so what. You don't have the daily buildup, and the baby does not respond to you or act the same with you as s/he does with her. I have a son who as a toddler would not allow me to work (I worked at home at that time). I could do anything around the house, and he would busy himself. I could sit in the family room for hours watching television, and he would busy himself. I could sit at the dining room table reading a magazine or balancing my checkbook or whatever, and he would busy himself. But he absolutely would not allow me to sit at my desk in front of the computer. From the moment I walked into the office room, he demanded my attention from that point on.....until I left out of that room. So I couldn't get any work done, and I was very resentful because work had to get done. My son never did this to my husband. He was accustomed to daddy being away all day. My husband was also helpful after he got home, but it was too late to help me through my day, and it was too late to reverse the frustration. My point is, you don't know what your wife goes through. You babysitting your child is not the same. She needs to recognize it isn't necessary to take everything out on you, and you are not the cause of her frustration. You need to stop responding to her the way you do. You acknowledge things are done or said out of anger, so how can claim to be so miserable when you know you are contributing to the problem. Find a way to get yourself and your wife into counseling. You need therapy with a step-by-step plan for you both to work through, not someone to sit and talk to every visit. That cannot accomplish anything except you both having your bit_ _ing sessions. Six months later you will still have the problems and will still be attending your bit_ _ing sessions.

I have a very similar story as tiredoffighting its a hard situation to be in but for me i have full custody of our grandaughter who is 7 years old and severley handicapped!! I dont know why i love him so damn much i keep asking myself over and over!!! I also feel trapped because i do need his help with our grandaughter. And i have had a hip replacement and a back surgery i have osteoprosis along with other bone/muscle diseases. I cant get a job because i have to care for the girl. Plus my medical problems its a catch 22 situation. Hes so mean to me he will not give me money for anything hes on porn sites live chat sites and now dating sites im so upset all ive done is loved him. I dont know what ive done or what im doing wrong or even if iam doing anything wrong for him to treat me so bad!!! Even if i ask him a question he sighs and answers like iam bothering him and hes so disgusted with me and he cant stand the sight of me it hurts so much!! And the fact he would rather watch porn or whatever he does on his phone. And pleasure himself than to have sex with me!! To me thats a real kick in the teeth!! I dont know if iam right or wrong but to me thats a form of cheating!!! He doesnt tell me he loves me or hugs me at all unless i hug him first or say i love you even when he does you can just tell its with all his effort to say i love you or to hug me its just an arm around my shoulder with no meaning behind it!! WHY THE HECK DO I LOVE THIS GUY DO MUCH!!!! Iam so scared to be alone to move outta my home to be lonley and i need his help with the luttle girl!! Iam so damn scared to make a step and for fear of regret!! Ive had so much loss in my life including my oldest son comitting suicide. Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated thanks everyone have a great day sad me

Hello I'm sorry if I have offended some people with my comments. I don't think I explained my situation very well and, as we are all prone to doing when we are feeling down, I focused too much on the negative in my posts. I hope that in not having put my best foot forward I haven't messed up my chances of being able to use the forum to offer and receive support in the future. I certainly didn't want to upset anyone. Hoping to clear up a few issues of doubt (my fault for not making it clearer): 1. I have no problem at all with my partner calling his kids once a day. Twice a day. Whenever he needs to. I should have made it clear that my gripe was with my partner usually calling his ex-wife when his kids aren't even there. This is his right, as their father, to ask about their well-being, but I happen to know that the conversations are rarely limited to his kids. I simply ask him not to hide these calls from me because it creates suspicion where there doesn't need to be any. when he calls her in fron tof me i leave the room. i respect his privacy. But there is no place for hiding stuff in a partnership. he does not HAVE to hide calls to his kids from me in any way shape or form. I'm sorry if my post gave that impression. 2. With regard to the financial situation. My ex gives me as much as he can, which is enough for us to get by on if I work. I have to work to raise my kids. I have always worked. I'm not looking for a free lunch from anyone. My problem with my partner is that his ex has refused to look for work for two years now. We have been struggling because the money he has left after giving 70% of his salary (his choice, not court imposed) to his ex does not cover what we spend and we do NOT live a life of luxury. I appreciate that he has to pay for his kids and compensate his ex for her loss of income due to their divorce. But it's tough when you are both working so hard to make ends meet (actually not BOTH...three of us..because my ex also works hard) and your partner's ex can run up three hundred dollar phone bills in a month calling her latest guy...and you know you will end up footing the bill. This has happened. Things LIKE this happen too much. 3. His kids visiting. I will admit that I did not have a very clear concept of what this would be like for my kids. There are a lot more issues here than I went into in my posts. One of my children has Aspergers and we try to keep to a fairly a tight routine for him. This is not respected when his kids come. My kids are supposed to be in bed by nine but often, he is still here with his kids at this time and I end up having to virtually ask him to leave, which is really ugly. But when you are trying to hold lifer together as a working mom with four kids, things like getting them to bed on time are really important. Having two kids running around at this time makes things stressful when they don't need to be. Rules are not respected sometimes because tends to be soft on his kids. I understand this, when he has limited time with them adn doesn't want to be the bad guy. but it means that my kids get very confused about what is right and wrong. I take a back step and allow him to discipline his own kids but it's hard for mine to understand that there is one rule for them and one rule for my partner's kids. he feels his kids should have complete run of the house when they come. i say there are boundaries that should be respected, which are ONLY the same boundaries that I impose on my own kids, such as them not being allowed to take food without asking, such as the younger kids not being allowed into their older sister's bedroom without permission. To him, this is me not making them feel at home. 4. Vacations. I appreciate that my attitude seems selfish. OK, I admit that it is. I have tried to suggest us going on separate vacations. Last year we did that. We went away with his kids for six days to the beach while mine were with their dad at the beach. Then, when I wanted usto go away with my kids to the beach later in the Summer, he insisted we take his kids too because by taking mine away with us to stay with my friends who had invited us to their rented beach house for a week, my kids were then getting more days at the beach than kis because they had already had six days at the beach with their Dad. Things like that leave you with a bad taste in your mouth because everything gets painted like a competition. my kids are always painted as the lucky ones. I can't take them on a day trip without him insisting we do the same with his kids the following week. He is NOT expected to pay for these trips, by the way. I have familyin England. My whole family. I take my kids there once a year. I can't afford to take them all. I usually have to take one at a time for financial reasons but it is important for them to see their grandparents. What we keep on getting is that it's HIS kids' turn next. I find this really hard. I pay for these trips. Actually, the last few years my family have helped me out and paid for these trips. I would find it so hard to justify to my kids that I would take his kids to stay with THEIR grandparents, leaving them behind. OK, so his kids miss out on a plane trip. But they have all four grandparents down the street. We all have blessings and crosses to bear. They're not always the same. And yes, I am sadly doing my children a disservice a lot of the time because I am trying so hard to make this work and to make him happy and make his kids happy. I think maybe that is why I feel so resentful at times. And I'm glad that some of you have pointed that out to me. xx

My son first met his father when he was 4 years old. I tried to fight him getting any visitation but was told if I didn't cooperate, I could lose custody. He had a few 'supervised' visits for them to get acquainted and then a few day visits and eventually, overnight. And his father was married to a woman that hated me and harassed me. I had several restraining orders against her for threatening me. I once refused to let my son go because he cried that he didn't want to go. His father came with the police and I was told if I refused to let him go, they would arrest me. I told the officers that he was crying, he doesn't want to go. They took my son, crying and ten minutes later, the officer came back and assured me he had stopped crying once he was buckled in his father's car. (at the time, I didn't know that it was not uncommon for kids to act that way at an exchange and my behavior was part of the reason he cried) It was hard. Not only had I not shared him for four years, I had to hand over my son to the person that violated me. Talk about not trusting the other parent. But, now it's 17 years later and looking back, my fears were about what he did to me, and that doesn't necessarily translate into how he would treat my son. I guess what I'm saying is that a guy can be a terrible husband/boyfriend but still be a good parent. (I will probably never say my son's father was a good parent but my son says he was. I don't agree with some of the things he taught my son or his lifestyle, but then he never tried to tell me how to live my life or raise my son) In the OP's case, BM chose to have a baby with him. I agree he should have tried to be in the child's life sooner, but he's there now and she should encourage the relationship, not make it more difficult for her child.