Anger issues?

19 years ago

Please tell me I'm not the only one! My family deserves better....

I got kind of tweaked this weekend because, as usual, my husband and daughter made us late to our destination. I HATE being late. On the way there I 'let it go' since there was no changing it. So I thought I was in a fine mood. Long story short...before the day was over my husband and kids were all really angry with me because they said I'd been rude all day! I thought I was fine! They said I'm always angry. I don't feel like I am....

How do you handle this? I got a royal chewing out by my husband for being so ridiculously rude. He says I started all of the tiffs that took place during the day. I've tried over and over to tell him that being menopausal is kind of like having PMS and being pregnant at the same time....but worse. My hormones are unbelievable! I take a supplement, which usually helps, but every once in a while they don't touch it. Of course, there is NO way he'll ever understand. HOW do you get family to understand and give you some space?

My family deserves better than a grumpy, mean, unreasonable mom/wife. I'm hearing that it's ALWAYS me that starts things. How come I don't know it????

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (7)

cheerful1_gw
19 years ago
You are definitely not the only one. I get extremely cranky nowadays, and try to keep it in. It's difficult. My husband told me on one occasion that I was being rude, and I didn't realize it either. Men will never understand the hormonal issues. He appreciates it when I tell him ahead of time that I'm having a bad day. At least he'll know when to duck!
shotzy52
19 years ago
Wow this is me! "The dance of anger". The book I mean. Old book, same stuff. What I found was, the unresolved issues just DONT get better with hormonal fluxs. In fact they blow up to double You could leave your family to drive themselves to the event. But I know that isnt the point. I started setting some boundries for myself. I like being on time too, I am sorry you had a bad weekend. Cheer up, your family maybe right, OR they may just want the woman back that made everything OKAY for everyone.
Related Discussions
Anger issues but not a bad guy?
Q
Comments (2)
I was married for 18 years to a man with major anger issues. Like your husband, mine was not physically abusive towards me. But emotional abuse is just as bad. Those scars are just as deep you just can't see them on the surface. I too "fell" out of love with him early on but stayed because he threatened many times to take my children from me if I even tried to leave. Do you have children, is that why you stay? If you don't have children, don't have them with him at all. He may be calmer now, for awhile, but he will revert, trust me. When I finally left my husband he didn't understand why. I told him anger, meanness and "you" are just not a nice person and if I wasn't married to you I wouldn't even want you for a friend...ask your friends. So he did (surprise, surprise)and even more surprising they all told him the truth. That was ten years ago. Last year he told me divorcing him was the best thing that ever happened to him because that was the only thing that would and did get through to him was loosing everything, including his kids. Forcing him to really take a long honest look at himself, with the help of a counselor. However it did take him almost 10 years to reach that insight. Asolo is correct, you are in danger, maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but it will come eventually. Each sucsessive outburst that he gets away with will be just a little more intense until it eventually becomes physical. But to answer your original questions: NO!!! It is my belief that it is not possible to "fall" back in love. That level of love requires a level of trust that I don't believe can ever be restored. But that's just MHO. Alexis
...See More
2 oldest stepkids are out of control, help?
Q
Comments (3)
You certainly have a full plate going on here. And no, you're not a bad person for feeling what would be normal and expected frustration. I think you're due a break yourself...the day in and day out has got to be taking a toll on your own mental and physical self. Can you do that? Can you arrange for some occasional help and an evening out for yourself? Maybe a housecleaner a day or two a week? Somebody who can maybe premake meals for the freezer on Sunday afternoons so you can just pull them out during the week? You've taken on a lot all by yourself and have both children and teens that are making things even harder than necessary. I'd say get these older kids up and into helping, but with some of their health conditions I don't know what they can and can't do...or what might set off one of their problems. I'd hate to say something like 'get that oldest kid going into action' and then have him go full blow asthma attack on you. Only you, your wife and their drs know to what extent you could push this area. Their mouthiness and bad attitude are not physical though and you really do deserve more respect than what you are being shown. Maybe a sit down family discussion with your wife fully backing you up and supporting your stand. No cooperation no treats. You don't owe them nights at the movies or other fun activities if they can't at least appreciate it and realize that such events/items are not going to be forth coming if the attitudes don't change. Reality check the little darlings. The teens especially are old enough to know that if you walked out that door along with your paycheck , housecleaning, and cooking they'd all be 'up a creek without a paddle'. They can either behave themselves and start showing some respect, stop the fighting and constant crap or you stop cooking, cleaning and handing out money. Your their step father and the only father currently willing to step up, you've taken this on as a volunteer, you're working your butt off to make a home for them all and you did it out of love...they can start appreciating it and acting a part of the family or they can figure out how they are all going to fend for themselves. If you don't begin to find some sense of relaxation and a few moments of happiness now and then you're going to destroy your own health...caretakers usually take a bigger toll on themselves than on those they are trying to care for. It's not an easy thing to do and your body will begin to pay the price.
...See More
My sister -- just a rant
Q
Comments (10)
--" my nephew is kind of over the anger, he is doing great in school, he is managing his mental health with medication but with behavior modification he is doing excellent. I'm so proud of him."-- Good for him! It sounds like that no matter the chaos and mess around him, he at least is doing 'ok' and working hard at overcoming his own issues. It is strange though that your sister assures he get help and therapy yet does nothing to deal with her own issues. Ever watch that tv series on hoarding? OMG is right. I won't even begin to think I understand hoarding behavior, cause I don't, but I wonder if the moving/partner to partner lifestyle of your sister has somehow helped create the hoarding tendency? Perhaps she views the total mess and junk in her house as the one consistancy that belongs to her and the one thing she can control with thinking 'my possessions'. IDK. Such inconsistancies. Poor son has no shoes yet the lady has a housefull of them. No clothing, yet the house is littered with clothing. No food yet hands her money to others for food. Makes one wonder why she did not hand her friend the address for the foodbank instead of the cash. Is the 'stuff' all over her home the reason she is always broke? Meaning she spends her money on all this junk and therefore has none for the things she really needs? I'm not sure there is anything you personally could do to 'help', it seems like professionals with training to deal with people with these issues would be the only hope of breaking what is going on. Has your nephew talked to his therapist about his living conditions? Is there a school counselor that might be able to assist him? A sink full of dishes would not give CPS much room to work with, but a housefull as in unsafe, unsantitary ect might. If you 'rat' her out, be prepared that your sister will be angry with you and perhaps try and shut you out from interfering with what obviously she sees as 'no problem'. I have not a bit of advice, but wanted to say from your 'vent' I think you have real reason to feel concern. I'm just not sure what it is you could do to 'help' all on your own...this sounds like it may be a bigger issue than you yourself could take on without some outside assistance. In the meantime, perhaps you could include your nephew in a bit of your weekend activities (minus Mom) just so he knows Aunt Myfam is there for him and give him a wee bit of a chance to have some normalcy in his life, a decent meal ect. And continue to help out a bit with the little things you have been doing (like the facewash).
...See More
Do I have any recourse at all?? Please help!!
Q
Comments (16)
I have only been a stepmom for just over a year. I understand what it feels like to have kids not respect you or your household. I get that. I have SS that just turned 11, SD14 and SD that jsut tuned 13 last week. Believe me that can get my pulse rate up. I ask my Skids to do things, sometimes they refuse or get mouthy about it. Thats when my DH comes in and tells them and makes them if he has to. I do NOT touch them. I am not the one that takes things away, or decides punishment at all. If my DH ask my opinion the I give it otherwise I stay out of it. They are his kids, he is the one that has to deal with them. My husband has had to spank them a few times that I have seen. They are getting too old to spank so he usually just takes their stuff away from them. Believe me their ipod touch being taken away is more punishment than anything. He has to get their attention sometimes but never has he just popped them in the mouth. I am sure he has wanted to, for that matter I have wanted to sometimes when they are talking ugly to me. BUT we DONT, their mother does not either. My Skids do not have to respect me personally but they do have to listen when I ask them to make their bed or pick up after themselves. If he sees them not listening he takes over. My DH makes them respect our house and our things. Maybe this child has not been shown how to respect his mother and therefore he can even begin to respect you.. Is sounds to me like their is more violence going on then actual disipline with your SS. "So she then slaps him and tells him not to disrespect her." Its my opinion that slapping a child does not teach them to repect the parent. Consider a parenting class. They have alot of great tools that could help your family.
...See More
mtnwomanbc
19 years ago
Oh yeah...in the last couple of years since my period stopped, I've had instant rages and rollercoaster mood swings. Well, I had the mood swings during perimenopause, but not the instant rages. It's the instant rages that are so atypical for me since I've always "rolled with the punches". I'm on Wellbutrin XL, which helps a bit, but I've recently started hormone therapy (estrogen patch/progesterone pill) and the rages (at least so far) seem to have subsided.

I've tried to identify a particular internal "rile-factor" at which time I will step back mentally and take a deep breath and figure out exactly what is going on...it it me or is it the rest of the frigging world?

Other than that, no particular suggestions from me, just empathy.
shotzy52
19 years ago
I started therapy, I thought it would stir things up, but really it put in percpective how great life really is. Of course jazzercise 4 times a week helps. I am glad the patches work. Staying of refined sugar help me with so many things, that I thought at first I was imaganing it! AND I LOVE SUGAR. Empathy is a good thing. Shotzy
kissthecook
19 years ago
I can relate to all of your posts! I'm so confused and unhappy, and just can't figure out how to fix this. I'm almost 49 with a 2-1/2 toddler...(surprise bonus baby!!). Hubby is constantly telling me I'm sarcastic and disrespectful. I don't see it myself, but sure don't want to be that way, either. I know I'm short of patience some days, but I'm worn out chasing after a very, very busy toddler and also babysitting for 5 month old grandbaby. I've tried Estroven, but didn't notice any appreciable difference. How do you decide when hormones or antidepressants are the way to go?

I've tried explaining to hubby, but I honestly think he just thinks I'm out to get him.
shotzy52
19 years ago
Antidepressants (some) help keep you in the middle. Sounds like the middle would be good for you right now. Ask your Dr. I think they would love to help you. If not find another.
barb_larue_verizon_net
15 years ago
I can empathize so much. I don't have a family--I'm divorced and live alone with cats. Sometimes when one of the cats gets on furniture she doesn't belong on, I become enraged. I don't hit or hurt the cat, but the anger is way out of proportion to the actual occurrence. I let the cats on all the other furniture and just try to have one piece cat-hair-free, but my anger just boils up so fast and furiously when that's "violated" that I don't know who I am! I'm unemployed, with the position I loved having been taken by a man half my age for less pay and I don't have kids. I find myself wondering if the change in hormones (I went through menopause at 47) has made me less soft and gentle, which is my predominant state. My life, like everyone's, has good and bad in it, and most of the time I feel thankful for all I have, but there are times I could just scream at the littlest thing. It's just not the me I used to know!!

Anger issues?

Comments (7)

cheerful1_gw

shotzy52

Related Discussions

mtnwomanbc

shotzy52

kissthecook

shotzy52

barb_larue_verizon_net

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US