Congratulations! We'll celebrate 39 years in December. Trailrunner, I know what you mean about "whole new territory". My DH retired May 29th. And, while tears come to my eyes to think of life without him, if he relocates one more item in this house, I may have to beat him to death with a ballbat in his sleep. (My daughter says I shouldn't publicly announce this because the prosecutor could call everyone as witnesses. I say it would be justifiable homicide) Dee

Do you *honestly* believe he's not even flirting online anymore? And are you completely comfortable that he'll be faithful to you while he's deployed and his buddies all go off tail-hunting? Because if you don't seriously believe that, and if you don't trust him 100% to be faithful, then what you have isn't really a good marriage. You can admit it now, get a quickie divorce, and try again in a little while as a woman who's older and wiser. Or you can string this thing out until you catch him again and he admits it but promises never to do it again, or 'sorta' catch him but don't have 100% proof and he denies it, or maybe just 'smell a rat' but can't prove it beyond a doubt. This gut simply doesn't sound 'beyond a doubt' trustworthy. Honestly, I'm NOT one to give up on a marriage easily, and ended up staying in a bad marriage for a long, long time. But now that I'm older and wiser, I'd say take a good hard look at what you've got, and without cleaning it up and 'fixing' him (he won't change) -- decide if that's the marriage you want. Then decide. If it's not the marriage you want, End It! You've got no kids. You don't *have* to try to work it out. Unless you see concrete proof that he's really, really changed, I honestly wouldn't believe it. And new passwords is certainly NOT proof that he's changed. If anything, it's proof that he hasn't.

"Seeking advice for online lunatics (such as myself...lol!) is not really the best of ideas you know." I dunno....seems like a viable an alternative as many others....spill your guts anonymously to strangers and see if anything worth considering comes out of it. Even responses to trolls may have some good ideas for others within them. What's to lose? Dks27.... "I always feel so angry, depressed, lonely, and hopeless." With respect, these are your issues -- not your husband's or anybody else's. If you're resentful because your husband doesn't fix them for you, you're making a mistake. Being jealous because your husband -- and/or the rest of the world -- seems to be going on without you gets you nowhere. And certainly doesn't make him -- or anybody else -- want to be around you. Don't know how may choose to deal with it but inasmuch as your life has changed, you only have to choices: wallow in it or break out of it. From what you've written, I think the changes needed must start with you. Counselors can be good for this. Your life has changed. Your mind needs to. Get some new perspectives. If your husband is ignorant of the affair, don't tell him. Suck it up and move along from where you are.

Well.... she says that "this has nothing to do with the childhood memory. ... she just doesn't like it.... " She keeps trying it ...thinking some day she would be able to enjoy it. She wants to enjoy it like I do. But it just doesnt happen. Earlier she would not even be happy about sex in movies. .. but now she is cool... she is open to talk about it.... she doesn't feel a big deal talking about the incident anymore... and above all she tells me that is not the reason.... she says she doesnt like it. Say everyone in this world loves icecream.... and we wonder how can anyone not like it??? And believe me I do know a few people who do not like It.