Re: the rototiller, it was (well he didn't say, but I think it was $325 or so)...cheaper than renting, if you think about it, we have spent at least $75 a year renting the big beast from the rental place, and had to hork it into and out of our van, and use it ALL DAY LONG in order to 'get our money worth' and of course, he didn't do something quite right and I had to live with it (and it was too big for me to use)...this one is about 1/2 the size (but still much bigger than a mini-tiller). I told him, "this is something we will use for the rest of our lives, don't skimp!" He seemed pleased with himself, he's probably the only man in the world who doesn't like grass, doesn't like to mow, so he's perfectly happy to tear out as much of the lawn as I can fill up with WS stuff!

Sigh...dlm, you've hit the nail on the head. With this marital issue going on, the kids are being a bit withdrawn, and this is causing me some strife. DS is feeling extremely overwhelmed right now, he told me he's having a hard time sleeping and now he's going to go to counselling to help transition back to the real life. I hope that in a few months things will smooth out for everyone and my son will feel better. I am learning how to let the birdies leave the nest all over again! It's hard, but I can say that I am now sleeping better and can finally breathe, knowing he's free, safe and far from that horrible place.

Nope. You're pretty clear, but I don't think you're coming across like you want to. Instead of being happy for OP that the BM got caught defrauding the system, you drug her into it and called her judgmental and insinuated she's living off her dad, you brought Myfam into it and insinuated she'd never been 'on her own' so therefore she was judgmental, and you've continued on that vein ever since. "But I would not judge her for not working if I myself did not work, had no children at home during the day and was supported by a husband and a father. Not everyone is that lucky." " I think you are just lucky your DH makes enough or you have other family to help, isn't your father paying for your DD's education?" "Everything is relative. Just have some perspective, not everyone has parents or men to move in with." " I don't care if others don't work. But if someone stays home and is fortunate enough to be supported financially, but then suggests other women must work, it does strike a chord with me. It seems arrogant to me, maybe it is not meant this way, but sure comes across." "Many on this forum got lucky to live very comfortable lives and a lot of support and felt it is OK to pass unkind judgments on those who aren't as lucky." ETC, ETC... IE: If you get help from family when you need it, you are entitled and judgmental toward those who have to ask for help from the govn't. PLUS... It appears that your opinion is that if a mother even thinks for a moment that she wished she hadn't had kids... even if she'd never had an abortion and didn't consider having one when she got pregnant (even though she's pro-choice), it's sickening. Try looking at it from the perspective of others for once.

Thank you all for your comments! I had just needed to vent and I felt better after I wrote it all down. It's just such a stressful situation and to have this girl's mom calling me as well, leaving messages, is just...I don't know. I think you are very right...having her stay in a hotel is a very good idea. My first instinct is to just have her go home if she decides she can't control the things she says, but underneath the hurt I feel, I know that's probably the right thing. I know I definitely wouldn't go to a hotel, if only for the simple fact that it's Christmas and I have small children - 6 and 4 years - and they are greatly anticipating Santa tonight. :) But I did leave this summer when I knew she was coming and I guess that's kind of the same thing, although I went to visit my family and not a hotel room. But honestly, I did feel some resentment over it but tried to put it in it's place. My husband and I had some big fights over this because that's exactly how I felt - why should I have to leave my own home because this 'girl' can't control herself? My husband would only say - Well no one is making you leave! But I think that just misses the whole point when my only options were to stay and suffer through the poison this girl emits or leave. Anyway, in the end, I just decided that this was bigger than me and that for him to reestablish a relationship with his daughter was important for him. So I left and it was ok I guess. This girl has never wanted anything to do with my children. Before we had children she would say all the time that if we ever had kids, she would never acknowledge them as her siblings and that they would be nothing to her. But now, years later, she is beginning to say that she wants to get to know them. She's only seen my older son once or twice when he was younger and she's only seen my youngest when he was a baby, as she's not been back to our home since. HOWEVER, she wants a relationship with them without me being around. She asked my husband if it would be possible to spend time alone with my kids without me being around. Fortunately my husband told her that that would not happen under any circumstances - I guess he knew I would really go ballistic if he told her anything other than that. It made me feel good to hear that he told her that our kids are a package deal. I want the best for my kids and I know that one day I will not be around and that these girls will be some of the only family they have. I have never said a bad word about either of the girls in front of my kids, no matter how I've felt and I never will. But right now, this girl is just too filled with bitterness and hatred and there is nothing in this world that would make me leave my kids alone with her for 5 seconds. Honestly, as bad as this sounds, I wish I could just make this girl vanish as if she's never existed. Oh well. Thank you again for all your thoughts! I've just really needed someone to hear me and appreciate so much the time you've taken to respond. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas! Amy