"It would be nice if some men would respond. Linda put her side of the problem on the forum (Posted 11-8-09), only women responded." Wrong. I am male and here is what I wrote to her then: "Posted by asolo (My Page) on Tue, Nov 10, 09 at 15:17 You had separate finances before. You have separate finances now. Nothing unusual about that. But there must be mutual understandings. I assume your presence and activities within Dan's house amount to something. Cleaning, housekeeping, errands, cooking perhaps? In that sense, what makes you a "tenant" -- one who pays rent -- as opposed to a "housekeeper" or "personal secretary"-- one who is entitled to a wage? I would encourage you not to open that pandora's box. However, if he does, I wouldn't hesitate to turn it around instantly. Spouses often share expenses but they do NOT pay "rent". Suggest you share all expenses (excluding taxes and insurance on Dan's home which remains his asset) but not "rent". I think "rent" within a marriage is an obnoxious term. As time goes on and you may buy furniture, etc,. you must be careful to record what's his, yours, and "ours". Your union can work just fine with separate accounts. Both of you should gain. Neither of you should have your assets depleted. "Rent" would be a net depletion for you because if you still lived in your own house, you wouldn't be paying it. I would resist that. If you contribute to repairs and/or upgrades to Dan's house over time, that becomes your equitable interest in the property, too, which you'll want to record. Overall, I think Dan's being kind of a jerk about this. He's creating more problems than he's solving. You may have married a pedant. If he persists, you may want to consider a "post-nuptial" agreement and put this nonsense to bed permanently. How's the marriage going otherwise?" Your questions from this post: "1.) I am asking Linda to share the living cost of the home we live in. 1/2 of the cost is $240.00 per month (includes taxes, insurance, utilities etc.). Is this right?" Yes and no. Your idea of "living expenses" is flawed. She should share in "expenses" such as utilities and food and cleaning products, other things you both consume. She should also be willing to contribute to occasional appliance repairs and other wear-and-tear items that both of you use and that will require repair or replacement in time. That part would be fair in my opinion. How much and whether or not that will represent equitable interest thereafter will be a can of worms for both of you, of course. She shouldn't contribute to any capital item. You remodel the place or replace the roof, you pay for all of it. She should not pay taxes or insurance or anything else related to the capital value of your separate asset. "2.) I am also asking Linda to share $160.00 per month of the profits she makes from her 10 rental units. Is this right?" No. Hers is hers. Yours is yours. You've already agreed to that. Your justification is nuts. She could say the same thing if you wanted to turn it around. She's agreed to dance to your tune and you want her to pay the piper, too. "3) I feel the request I am making for her to share is fair and honest. Am I right or wrong?" I don't doubt your honesty. Making requests is "fair" but I don't think an experienced disinterested outsider would back you up about the logic or "fairness" of your proposal. I suggest two things -- and both of you should share the cost: 1) Seek out an experienced family-practice lawyer, lay this on the table before them and ask their opinion/advice. Nail down the financial logic -- which may give both of you new perspectives. 2) Assuming you reach an agreement, I would then lock it down in a post-nuptial agreement. What the hell....the way you two are thinking, you're going to be talking to lawyers soon enough anyway if you can't clear this off the table. You could allow Linda to purchase 1/2 of your house. Maybe she could do her own financing or maybe you could carry the note. That wouldn't disrupt anything else for either of you and would remove the root cause of all this financial pedantry. If, in your opinion, those options can't be considered -- you will have told me more about yourself than you may have intended.

You've got two very young children and lots of history together -- What you have is so very important that you REALLY need to try to save it. But 'saving it' does NOT mean "suck it up"! You've already done plenty of that and it's not working... Right now, you're exhausted and feeling resentful; and hard as it is for you to believe, your wife is probably *also* exhausted and resentful. Caring for two little ones at home all day is truly exhausting, and the lack of sexual intimacy in a marriage with young children is legendary. It's become a running gag on TV precisely because it is so true... Get yourselves into counseling! It sounds to me like your wife may have some anxiety issues; and you and her parents have been enabling her for years. Weaning her from all of her crutches will take time, and possibly even medication -- but it can be done, and you all will be better off for it. It's not hard to see how her fears will be passed along to her children if they're allowed to continue. Of course you should be able to have the occasional night off. (As should she, and the two of you together.) And as others have already pointed out, what's with the homework duty? YOU are not the one who's going to be a teacher, and if her own work is not up to snuff, how is your fixing it helping her? Or the kids she will go on to teach? If she were trying to get into medical school, TOP grades would be necessary, but to teach? Sometimes 'good' is plenty good enough. Make some changes Struggling, and do it NOW. (Before you're so darned tired that nothing could work.) Stop just sucking it up and start talking to her. Organize your thoughts, and make a list (yes, a paper list) of the most important two or three points you need to make. Find ways to explain your points that are short, simple and kind; and don't let her get away with twisting your words into things you don't mean. Ask her to repeat back to you what you said (and meant) so you know that she understands you, and be sure to emphasize that it's because you want your marriage to last that you're saying these things.

First, you have to address the disrespect. Calmly say, "I feel disrespected when you (description)" you want to make sure you objectively describe the problem. "I feel disrespected when you yell at me," not "I feel disrespected when you are mean to me." Find a time to talk to him about the anger and room issues. If he starts being demeaning, state that and ask to have the conversation at another time, when he can been honest, but not rude. If your husband is going through a difficult period, adjusting your schedule so you are busy elsewhere when he is angry in the mornings or needs to cool off in the afternoon. If this is an endemic problem, I'd consider divorce. This might be a nerdy thing to do, but I find writing an e-mail/note is very effective. My husband doesn't need to apologize or acknowledge he was in the wrong, but he usually takes on board the point and changes his behavior. In addition, I have plenty of time to compose my thoughts and leave out the non-productive or fight-provoking parts. Ideally, it would be nice to get an apology, but extracting one tends to devolve into a long list of each other's faults, which is never fun or productive.

You had separate finances before. You have separate finances now. Nothing unusual about that. But there must be mutual understandings. I assume your presence and activities within Dan's house amount to something. Cleaning, housekeeping, errands, cooking perhaps? In that sense, what makes you a "tenant" -- one who pays rent -- as opposed to a "housekeeper" or "personal secretary"-- one who is entitled to a wage? I would encourage you not to open that pandora's box. However, if he does, I wouldn't hesitate to turn it around instantly. Spouses often share expenses but they do NOT pay "rent". Suggest you share all expenses (excluding taxes and insurance on Dan's home which remains his asset) but not "rent". I think "rent" within a marriage is an obnoxious term. As time goes on and you may buy furniture, etc,. you must be careful to record what's his, yours, and "ours". Your union can work just fine with separate accounts. Both of you should gain. Neither of you should have your assets depleted. "Rent" would be a net depletion for you because if you still lived in your own house, you wouldn't be paying it. I would resist that. If you contribute to repairs and/or upgrades to Dan's house over time, that becomes your equitable interest in the property, too, which you'll want to record. Overall, I think Dan's being kind of a jerk about this. He's creating more problems than he's solving. You may have married a pedant. If he persists, you may want to consider a "post-nuptial" agreement and put this nonsense to bed permanently. How's the marriage going otherwise?