LOL -- have to love them.

1. Be someone trustworthy. In ALL areas. In love, in finances, etc. 2. Cover each others back. In other words, that you both know without a shadow of a doubt, that your spouse believes in you and will stand up for you. 3. Do the small things for each other that tell each other they matter. Greet them with a big smile when they come home. Sew on a button. Bother to make dinner special. Tell each other how much you appreciate them, and that you value them (tell them what it is you value about them)! Let them know that you also appreciate what they do for the family. 4. Be willing to bite your tongue and let things slide......................................once in awhile. Extend grace where you can. 5. Be able to forgive and move on. 6. Try your best not to badmouth each others family. It only makes everyone defensive. We all have flaws. 7. Do not join into "husband bashing" with your friends or family...I see women do this all the time. It is extremely disloyal (would you like your DH sitting around with all the men you know telling them awful things about you? Then don't do it to to him!!! Besides, for those of you who indulge in this past time, keep in mind that it tells other women that things aren't so perfect between you two, and lets another woman know she may be able to squeeze in. Because she won't believe all the bad things you tell her, regardless of what she says. Why, because women think that "she can change him". 8.Be each others biggest fan. Encourage one another. Ask about each others day, and actually listen and care. 9. Do not flirt, or hang around flirts. When one is exhausted, the other rallies. When one is discouraged, the other can encourage. Smile... and be the kind of person that "you" would like to come home to. Simply...love each other. It softens the hard edges in life. LEARN TO PERSEVERE...like an athlete!!!! There will be times in marriage where you feel like running. When you wonder what in the world you were thinking when you chose this person. When you look at them some days, and are not even sure you like the person...let alone love them. Hang in there. Just hang in there, and remember that another day will come when you will feel like the luckiest person in the world to have this same person. Life can be funny that way. Everyone pitch in and keep the house decent. No one wants to come home to a pigsty, and no one feels happy, let alone romantic in one. It weighs heavy on everyone in the house. Believe in something bigger than you both. There are probably more but it is late, so I will call it a day. By the way, they are not necessarily in the order of importance. Just what popped into my thoughts as I was typing.

Sorry, gurley, this forum doesn't get much traffic. All the forums are free now.

I'm going to try to ignore the things TOS is writing about my situation b/c I know she is just trying to cause problems. I truly don't understand why you would try to do that in a place where you should offer support and encouragement, but whatever... But I must say...of course I realize that the destruction of a family is not humorous. I was just trying to be a little lighthearted. Their marriage has been over for years. As I've written several times now, my former husband passed away. After his death I found out he had several "girlfriends" on the side. You think that didn't destroy me??? Believe me, I could write a book about destruction. Anyway... Thank you, Kathline, for your response to my post. I will admit wholeheartedly that my attitude needs to change, and that's one reason I am here. I'm hoping that by hearing other stories of struggles, listening to what others have been through, it will help me to face my own problems with a better heart. Yes, I admit that I wrote that I don't like Sarah right now. She has lied to me and about me SO much that it makes me physically ill. She has stolen money, clothes, make-up and other belongings from me and 2 of my children, she has called my 12 year old disabled child "retard" right to his face on several occasions. And it's not 1 or 2 times...this is consistent behavior. It is VERY HARD to like someone when they constantly hurt you. Sarah knows nothing about the fact that we have looked into residential treatment for her. Nothing! We have also NEVER told her that we don't want her, although her own mother has several times. At one point a few months ago, Sarah was mad at dh and me for grounding her for something and she announced, "I want to go live with mommy." She called her mother and directly there on the phone her monther said, "nope, you can't come live here. You cause too many problems and I don't want you." I felt horrible for Sarah, at the same time understanding how bm felt (b/c Sarah, if possible, often acts worse at her mom's house than she does here). We have to check her bags when she comes home on Sunday nights from her mom's house and more often than not, she has stolen something from there. So yes, Sarah is aware that he bm doesn't like her or want her to live with her, but as I said, she knows nothing about us looking at residential homes and I have NEVER said, "I don't like you, Sarah." Now she might get the feeling that I don't, but isn't that something she needs to earn, kind of like my trust. Would you "like" someone that continued to steal and lie from you CONSTANTLY??? I hope I'm not coming across like I just want people to agree with me, b/c I am VERY open to hearing all opinions. And if you think I'm horrible b/c I said I don't like Sarah much right now, it's okay. Believe me, I feel pretty bad myself and I'm trying to change that. I'm just so frustrated in this situation. Thanks everyone! :)