Here's more from the same article, where he uses movies to illustrate behaviors of a narcissistic mother: For the narcissistic mother who tends to merge with her child, struggles ensue as the child begins to separate. Mother Erica in Black Swan treats daughter Nina as if she were a little girl and refuses to accept that she has grown up. When Nina is cast in the lead role in Swan Lake, Erica (a retired ballerina herself) buys a cake to celebrate -- " the kind of sheet cake you might serve at a child’s birthday party. When Nina doesn’t want to eat the cake, Erica feels it as a kind of narcissistic injury; she becomes angry and manipulative until Nina backs down and lets Erica feed her a bite. Don’t grow up, Erica seems to be telling Nina; if you do, I’ll turn on you. It’s also clear that, not far below the surface, Erica envies her daughter. She subtly undermines Nina’s self-confidence and repeatedly tries to sabotage her as the premiere approaches.

Go ahead and try to say "no" to that face! They like to have your attention, and like to be around their owners. So if you want a dog that is independant and on their own a lot, a pug is not for you. Basically, if I am there then Ruby is there. If I am sitting, she is on my lap, or lying next to my leg, or sleeping on the floor with her chin on my foot. If I am cooking, she is leaning on my leg, squeezed between my legs and the cupboard, or lying on the floor with her chin on my foot. If I am lying down, she is across my leg, on my head, or curled up behind my knees. If I am in the bathroom, she is lying outside the door waiting for me LOL. They snore and they snot and they snorkle. People think they cannot breathe, but the CAN and I do believe those sounds are part of their communication. When Ruby is happy or excited she does this heavy pant that sounds like she is gasping for breath. I have to tell everybody she is NOT having an asthma attack. While pugs might not seem to mind temperature extremes, they really can't handle long periods of very cold or very hot weather. Not an outdoor dog for sure.

I want to thank everyone for taking the time to read my 3 hour post and also sending me some advice. Sometimes I just start to question myself and I do want to do what's right, so your advice really means a lot to me. Its kinda like like being able to take in a deep breath in and exhaling. I do have plenty of court documents and police reports and reports when he was ordered to visit ( when he actually did ) through family house (supervised visitation for drop offs and pick ups). My kids we/ are old enough to remember enough things to know that there was abuse. They remember some of what happened to them. My older son has unfortunately had to call the police before.I do feel in my son case its more of a control case. Like he's going to prove he's in control now. Their dad used to tell the kids it was always my fault he didn't visit. (Everything was my fault) so its kinda nice now sitting back and watching things play out as they are older and he's still not around. But it seems as though my son is trying to prove something to him. My son and I have talked and agreed that we don't speak of his dad ( unless its something he really needs to of course) but he's 29, plenty old enough to understand my feelings about him. I told him that I respect any relationship he has with his dad but that's HIS BUSINESS. So we never speak of him which is nice. But my son still has this need to run to his dad about my personal life, even some financial things. When I ask him why he tells his dad he says" well don't tell me anything anymore then". And I just think that's being very immature and disrespectful. He NEVER specks of his dads personal life, which is how it should be. So, throughout all these years I've learned that my ex husband is dedicated to hurting me but in actuality it was always the kids who suffered. Well now, its going to include the grandkids. But my two older kids are grown adults. I cannot control what they do or think. I know I raised them well, with a lot of love and with good hearts. I'm just stepping back and letting them sort out what ever it is they need to but I just know their dad is not going to be a part of my life what so ever. My goal in life is to find peace and happiness in my life. I know I'm in control of who/what is in my life to maintain that. I've worked so hard to become the stronger person than I am today than I was when I was married to that man. And I don't like going backwards. But its crazy how much it can mean to a person to get advice from a complete stranger. Because I know they are completely biased. You guys have given me a little more strength to get through my crazy life!!!!!!!! Thanks a Bunch!!!

As much as it sucks, I think giving her at least some time for each holiday is the right thing to do. I would say to alternate them like we do with SD, but who knows if BM will be around next year?? You could give her the day after Thanksgiving since there is no school, and Christmas Eve until 9:00 or so. 1/2 a b-day seems okay as long as the party isn't on that very day. Were it me, I would send BM a certified letter basically reminding her that per the custody agreement she has NO specified visitation or holiday time. Because she has moved back to town you are willing to allow some, but only if it is not disruptive the the children's already established schedules. I would then lay out the approved times/days. Let her know that there will be no make ups or substitutions unless arranged a week in advance BETWEEN THE PARENTS, not through the kids. Additionally, no changes to the plan are to be discussed with the children until approved by both parents. This is my BIGGEST pet peeve - BM uses SD to convey everything to DH regarding scheduling that changes the normal arrangement. We have asked, begged and pleaded that she leave SD out of it and provide us with 24 hour notice, and she'll agree for about 2 weeks and email her schedule but then we'll get the calls FROM SD again 10 minutes before she needs to come home. Another fun one - SD just told us at dinner the other night that mom thinks she should go to the other high school in town rather than the one she feeds in to. She admits she hasn't looked into if it's a better school - it's just 'prettier.' I though DH was going lose it - why the hell would she discuss this with SD before discussing it with DH? Has she, he could have told her the amount it would cost to have SD transfered. Betcha anything that amoutn would change mom's mind real quick like.