i am married and in love with a married man
Lalamtx24869
17 years ago
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lindakimy
17 years agoRelated Discussions
I am Married but in love with a married man
Comments (7)What a great influence your church has been on the pair of you. (Sarcasm very much intended.) I have to ask, if you were in an on-off relationship with your now husband, why the he[[ did you get in a position to become pregnant? Bad idea. Sorry to be harsh, but your whole approach to relationships seems to be a series of bad ideas: -Get pregnant in an unstable relationship -Marry someone you don't love merely because pregnant -Before marrying get involved with someone else -Get involved with a married man -Know you're doing wrong but not stopping Could this be any more of a train wreck? Stop. Cut off all contact with this other man, it will only end in tears for two marriages. If he's unhappy in his marriage, let _him_ deal with it, sort himself out and be free to be in another relationship honestly. Change churches if you have to to avoid being in contact with this man. Get some counselling. Sort out _your_ feelings without the confusion of your infatuation with this other man. Consider carefully and decide if you want to continue with your marriage or not. Only you can decide if security is enough (sounds ATM like it isn't) but having decided, you need to follow through one way or the other. Either fully commit to your husband or divorce, don't sit on the fence. It's not fair to anyone concerned and is a terrible example for your children....See MoreI'm married, he's married.....but we've love ea. other....
Comments (9)So you were in love with this guy when you married husband number two? I don't understand how people can do that. I understand he may not have been attainable at that point, but how could you commit to someone else if you really loved him and how could he commit to and marry someone else if he really loved you. What's real is real, what is fantasy is fantasy. Fact is, he loved his first and second wives enough to marry them... not so about you. And, he obviously didn't care enough to wait arround for you. He goes to bed with his wife every night, not you. If you're married, quit communicating with men you are attracted to.. it's only going to cause heartache....See MoreHelp... just for help. The man I love got married today
Comments (9)Thank you all for your responses. There is not much I can say for myself, other than I am truly sorry. Sylvia... yes I am devastated... I'm human. I've been in love very few times in my life. I feel stupid to admit this is one... My nights are sleepless and that's when I stay up conflicted about this situation. But be assured my days are spent struggling through the loss of my career opportunity. I play over my evals again and again in my head, but it is easier for me to deal with because it is black and white why I failed. I had a 90% avg going into those final days, but the program is set up to put the pressure on, and I choked. My field is one in which I can still find work but will likely have to resort to contract work and the process is painstakingly slow, but I have always been able to take care of myself, and job wise it's easy for me to sit and make a plan to dig myself out of a hole. Unfortunately when it comes to matters of the heart, it's much more difficult for me. I'm just... sad. Yes Popi I did think with my heart. It's very rare that I let people in, but when I do, I certainly have made mistakes and gotten hurt. (Though this is the only time I've ever fell for someone who was not single) Thank you for the advice. Sylvia the drug reference is good... you are certainly on to something, but I suppose for me it was that I'm a hopeless romantic... I kept picturing Swing Time scenarios... a fine romance indeed. I can't tell you why he pursued me, why I gave in, I can't tell you what it was that made it happen between him and me, I can only admit that it did happen, and that I'm guilty, shameful, and embarrassed. Not an excuse... there is no excuse, and please understand that I do know that... and that I truly am sorry. That's most likely why I feel like I'm struggling the most. That's why I asked, can one be sorry without regret? Meaning I am sorry, but my feelings for him are still there...I want him to be happy. I will always have questions as to why, what if, is he truly happy, etc. But I have blocked him since that last email and now that the wedding day has come and gone, my resolve is solidified. I know time is the only thing that will heal, but I have to say writing it all out the other night helped. And your responses... I needed it. Scarlett I can pretty much guarantee that lesson was learned....See MoreA married man
Comments (39)I always enjoy the athleticism of some people gained by jumping to conclusions! Branding him a "loser" without any more info than he's unemployed. I guess I'll have to remember every time someone says they're out of a job here, to remind them that they're a "loser". And to be married and unemployed, sounds like we've had a few "winners" around here! I agree with much of what Wildchild says, but obviously not all. And nycefarm and paula_pa really hit the nail on the head. There are lines across which people cannot cross and be my friend so yes, I will put conditions on a friendship! You will not embezzle from me and remain my friend is one thing. You will not lie about me, damage my reputation and get me into trouble unjustly and remain my friend. There are certain things that are beyond acceptability. At the same time I can accept differences where it's not something major. Each person has their own level at which choose how major something is. Why would the wife stay with him? Could be a lot of reasons. Could be she doesn't want a divorce. Could be that she believes in her wedding vows and takes them seriously. Not everyone finds divorce as fashionable as do some. Could be she's waiting for him to go back to work to try and get more in a settlement. Could be she knows nothing about it. Could be she's a nutcase. Could be a lot of reasons and without knowing more it's pretty arrogant to condemn either one of them. Do we even *know* there *is* a wife??? LOL We don't even know if the guy is in agreement with the friend! I know how that goes from experience! A co-worker and I would get together quite often. We were good friends and nothing more. We shared a crazy work schedule and it wasn't compatible with other friends for various reasons so she'd get together, talk, go to flea markets, go out to eat, but certainly not a "date" by any means. It was clear I didn't want more with her, especially after getting to know her better. It didn't take long to figure out why she was divorced three times! Massive trouble handling money and other issues. But we were friends, would help each other out occasionally as friends do. But then the sideways comments about when we're getting married coming in from other co-workers and other friends. Well, she was telling them that we were getting married. Uh, not quite. So, it might be a good idea for some of you folks to remember what happens when you assume. AFAIC, if the husband and wife are on the same page that it's over and is an issue of time, I have no problem with someone seeing someone else. If it's a platonic relationship anyway, which it could be - we do not know, I have no problem with that either. I do think, as a friend, I would say something about how I feel about it, but especially on this topic, I'd give it some deep thought and decide if I'm a little too demanding. I realize there's many who subscribe to the if you an't say anything "nice"... I'd advise you simply proceed with caution. Make your feelings known. But to cut off the relationship at this point could certainly hurt you a lot more than them. Especially if you don't know the facts. And maybe when you think about it, there's a way you can work this out in your own mind. OJ, you can just open up a second window and switch back and forth when you need to reference something. I find it easier than scrolling up and down the page. Ctrl+alt+shift+N will duplicate the page, including the page history in Opera. And you can refresh the page and see if anything new has been added while you're typing if it should happen to get lengthy....See Morekareen
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