I wouldn't donate ...especially since you got the second envelope........infact I would tell her that at the moment you are funding your husbands trip....

I would throw it in the "circular" file.

The way "if too much is donated" is mentioned would
make me boiling!!!! Basically, she wants you to
fund her trip, and fund HER donations to her favorite
charities. Sorry....that wouldn't fly with me. :)

But...you know in your heart how you feel, and whatever
you choose, don't feel badly.

I think you are overreacting to the request. Most people I know ask for things for mission trips. Just because they put something on facebook, doesn't mean they wouldn't send mail requests to people too and they probably "should" for the sake of the mission.

Now, with that, I don't think at all that you should feel you have to give even a cusory amount. People can request, but you choose how or who you give your money to.

You're not the first person I heard of who has had problems with donation requests. I had a friend drop out of her church because they asked for money every week. Really, they must need money so they ask. If you want to and can give, give. If not, it is only a request. Why do people take these requests so personally that they get mad about them. I've done volunteer work for nonprofits, we have to ask but no one is mad ever if you say no. Just remember that. You're not turning down a marriage proposal. Don't think it's all about you personally giving your money. It's not. It's just a request for someone going on a mission. Do you get mad when people ask for sponsors for breast cancer walks, etc.? It's almost like a guilt complex only certain people have. I just can't understand why you would get upset over the asking. If it's not your thing, just ignore it.

I would ABSOLUTELY NOT donate. I have a similar situation in my family. I don't care if I'm considered a scrooge. I choose my charitable donations and will not be bullied into donating to a cause I do not believe in!

I would not send money. My ex-hairdresser also belongs to one of those Mega Churches. (She goes to the church early for every service to do the pastor's hair). She was always going on some sort of mission to Africa or wherever. Every time I went to her salon she was always asking for donations for her latest venture. Then, her daughter started going and the request was for her daughter's trip as well. I suggested that maybe they would be better off ministering to the poor and unsaved in our own community. Certainly would save a lot of money. It got so bad that I finally left her. Enough already. Do not be pressured into giving money to these people. Charity begins at home.

I would just say that you are currently funding your husband's medical mission and leave it at that.

The only thing that makes this hard is that it involves family. Please don't waste your time and energy feeling offended but just go on contributing to where your heart tells you. You owe no token nor explanation.

I wouldn't give her one red cent! Being a relative, I'm sure she knows your husband is on a medical mission. Did she send you a check to help with his? I'm guessing she didn't. And surely your family will understand why you choose not to at this time. Nope, not a penny!!!

No Donation

Carla-they get mad because its an imposition. This isn't the first time she has been solicited for a donation. If people want to go on missions-great!, but don't badger every one you know to fund it. I can pick my own charities to fund. Sleeper-I wouldn't give her a dime, you and DH funded his trip. Enough is enough. Personally I don't like it at stores requesting donations for this or that at the checkout.

No. I have my fav. charities, and hers would not be one of them. The part about the too much donated would have really not set well w/ me. A mega church supports itself. Don't feel bad at all. Toss it. Did you ask her to help with your DH's expenses?

Sleeperblues, I wouldn't send them a cent. There's no reason why you should be coerced into spending money in a way that doesn't appeal to you. It's your money, and if someone thinks you're cheap, that's their problem. I don't believe they will, though. If the word gets out (but why should it?), I think some will wish they had done the same.

Maybe it's my age, but I don't have a problem saying no. One nice thing about your situation is that you actually don't have to say anything. Just throw away the request.

A guy I know went on a trip that was financed by friends and family. Guess what everyone got for their Christmas gifts? Yep, gifts from Germany bought with others money... The guy doesn't work...

File it in the nearest trash can! The nerve....

I would just ignore the request and hopefully your name will get dropped of of the mailing list for donation requests. If you donate this time, there 'will' be another and another request.

I have an aunt and uncle who were missionaries. They'd go to their mission for 4 years, then come home for a year's 'furlough'. BUT during their 'year off' it was their responsibility to go around the country, speaking at churches and soliciting enough pledges to cover the next 4 years. We used to get donation requests from them (even though we weren't members of their church or denomination.

It certainly wasn't anything to be offended by, IMO--but neither did I donate, since I don't agree theologically with the group they represented, nor was it my responsibility to pay their way.

I don't think you should be annoyed--the relative was probably asked to turn over her address book to the PR firm handling the donation requests. BUT there's no need to send money, either (and really, it's quite unlikely that she's going to know whether or not you donated, anyway, since those things generally go into 'the pot', and not to the individual).

I agree, don't let the relatives send you on a guilt trip. You are doing enough just helping your own family out with your DH helping others. I would just trash it, or if you really feel that you need to respond, just say, you cannot help out, but will keep you in my prayers. And send it back in the envelope you received, especailly if it is stamped. Make sure it has a forever stamp . No stamp, into the trash. And I thank you and your family for helping out the best way you feel you can. You will be blessed.
Marie

I would not waste the energy on being offended and if you are offended or just even annoyed , why the heck would you send a dime? Sending money is definitely encouraging future requests. Just say nothing and shred the request.

I would say that all current funds are going to the mission that your husband is on and then say that they would sure be open for donations so if she has excess rather than give it to the large church his mission could benefit from it. And mention that you know family is not able to make many donations so your husband did not ask for money.

I don't think you are wrong to be offended. It's hard not to be sometimes.

I would probably just throw the letter away. If she asks you about it directly, let her know that you are putting all of your money towards your husbands trip. I'd be tempted to say more, but since is a relative, I'd let it go.

I'm sorry that you are being squeezed, by a family member yet, and feel you have to send $50 so you won't look bad..
I guess I would look uncaring as I would throw away the letter and forget about it. I don't like to feel pressured.

The letter would be thrown in the trash , family or no family. You have the right to donate to causes you choose and not be coerced into giving to others.

It's not an imposition unless you allow it to be.

Do you get up in protest every week when they pass the basket of money around at church?

For Christ's sake, and I mean that literally, this is a mission trip. It doesn't matter if you've personally funded all of Mother Teresa's missions already, if you have tons of money, or if you are collecting unemployment, she is just asking if someone would like to donate for the mission.

Have you ever had to collect money for a fundraiser, or disease, or a church, or anything? Or have you just been blessed enough to be able to pay for everything yourself? Did it ever occur to you that often people even with money like to get others involved for the "cause". I had a relative going on a mission trip-the trip was paid- but she was asking for toys, medical supplies, etc. on top of it. I commend her for going the extra mile and giving the extra effort. It's not necessarily easy to ask for things. If you've ever really had to collect and seek out money for a good cause, you may feel differently about the requests.

You owe her no explanation or money, but to be offended is misreading her intentions and your responsibility or duty (because you have none).

A request for contribution is exactly that -- a request. The answer can be Yes or No. I think your answer should be No, expressed by simply not responding. You are on her mailing list. Toss the letter in the recycling bag and forget about it. If you send her some money she will just keep bugging you.

I did fund raising for a living for nearly 20 years and believe me more people say No than Yes!

Hahaha. I guess you know the consensus of us all here!
I feel the same as the others. Try not to feel guilty as you throw the letter in the trash.

Patti made a very valid point. Did you relative help out with your husband's trip? I'm sure she didn't.

Thanks for all the replies. You all have more backbone than me, lol.

You're probably right, Carla, that I am over-reacting, but I can't help the way I feel. Being that this is family, it's not quite as easy as just throwing the letter away. I like the girl personally, but as I have said this is at least the fourth time she has asked us for money. Perhaps if I don't respond this time, the requests will stop. I am not a scrooge by any means, and make donations to causes I believe in. This just gives me a bad taste in my mouth.

I agree 100% with what Carla said - in both of her posts.

why 50? why not 10 or 25

I wouldn't be offended at all, but if you don't wish to "donate", then don't... . but I don't think you should feel you must give her a donation.. Just give if the Lord lays it on your heart to do so..

Carolyn

If you give the money, the way you feel, you will be mad.

At yourself.

For not having boundaries.

If you've given to her in the past, or have done missions in the past, then "of course" you will be invited to give again. Are you afraid she'll be mad at you? Or that you'll be damned because you didn't give to a mission cause? Neither makes sense. You can always send a lovely note - "I wish you well in your efforts and honor your dedication to improving the world. You have my prayers." End o story.

Sometimes we give - sometimes we choose to not give ... especially to some specific request.

You've helped her on earlier occasions when she requested.

If the donation was to a recognized charity, that can give tax-deductible receipts ...

... in whose name was the receipt issued?

Right now you and your husband have other irons in the fire, and are some stretched to fulfill the commitments that you've made.

In your situation, were I to see her, I think that I'd casually mention what your family's busy doing now - and funding - and that her request has to be down below the red line on your list of priorities at the moment.

And leave it lie, right there.

Without feeling a shred of guilt.

I also like the idea of suggesting, if you happen to be with her, that your project could use some of the overflow, if such should develop in her plan.

Looks like she made her plan, on her own, but there wasn't a lot of thought given to the scenarios that were part of the lives of other folks rather close to them.

ole joyfuelled

P.S. My 24-yar-old car has a broken spring ...

... anyone care to help fix it?

I know - this is my own personal affair.

But I get a bit put off by some of the folks that want to take, as an offshoot of some helpful project, an international vacation ...

... (partly) on my dime.

o j

Next time you see her, you might just mention that you have a annual dollar limit on donations and that you weren't able to help her..
If the family gets crabby with it... repeat the message... it's no one's business how you distribute your money..

Raven said it as well as others. Your husband is on his own mission.

Also, $50 is waaaayyy to much money to donate especially when you don't want to. If you handout that kind of money you will be called again and again.

NO, don't donate anything, especially if it is a church you don't support. Many of these mega churches don't teach sound doctrine and if you are not in agreement with it don't be a part of spreading what may be false teaching. You should be accountable to the lord for your finances not a relative or another church.

i'd send a card congrats for their effort and for joining your dh in helping the world...

my dd went on a short trip to mexico, and never asked us or any family memebers for anything...

Please don't just throw it away; Recycle!!!
Every Day, Thousands
of Innocent Plants
Are Killed by Vegetarians.

Help End The Violence.

Pooh Bear

I recycle everything, which is exactly what I did with it. End of story. Thanks again for your comments!

I have to agree 100% with what OJ just said-after all its the 4th request-

"But I get a bit put off by some of the folks that want to take, as an offshoot of some helpful project, an international vacation ...

... (partly) on my dime."

Glad to hear its recycled. I'm sure you are not the only family member who did that.

Well, I'll chime in now that it's been said twice ..... I've been on several mission trips. They're hard work and exhausting, both physically and emotionally. They are NOT an excuse for a vacation, international or otherwise.

I get pretty tired of seeing the same person with their hand out...all the time.

I'm a grown person and have my own charities and interests. Do they think I have "extra" money after taking care of my family and the charities I support?

I'm finding it easier to say "no" every day.

I agree - if this is the same person over and over. That would annoy me too.

Bless your husband for the work he is doing. The world needs more like him.

That said, my hubby leaves the last Saturday of February to go to the Dominican Republic. They will pass out the filled shoeboxes and each take an extra bag along to fill with vitamins and meds for children.
His church asked that he try to raise the money ($1300) for the trip and not pay for it himself. It gives other people a chance to help.
A neighbor lady stunned us by donating $200!
Some people didn't give anything and that is OK too.

It's not a vacation - they are going to work in a bad area and are warned not to leave the church property because there is always a danger of kidnapping.
He's a homebody who will have no contact with home for a week so it might be interesting.

Keep him in your prayers please. Doesn't cost a thing but your time.

Kathy

Wow, I'm really surprised by the responses.

Moonie, what surprises you?

Our next door neighbors have a 16 year old son who is being, well, a teenage boy. He is extremely polite to me, a very smart kid in school, he is just way ahead of his classes mentally and acts out.

His parents took it on themselves to find him a nice Christian school to shape him up. It costs about $17k for the school, and we just got a form letter from his parents telling us and everyone on our block what was going on, and that it was a financial burden on them, and would we help pay for his schooling? Hell no!

OP, I wouldn't pay a dime.

I would have ignored that letter. If she has the nerve to contact you again, tell her, "I'm sorry, but I'm counting my pennies with Tom away on a mission himself.." You don't owe your family an explanation. This is a private matter. Yes, I'd be offended. I have a relative who funded her own mission by selling flower pots she had painted. Good for her!

Gogwmos, OMG!!! I cannot believe the freaking nerve of your neighbor. That would be almost laughable if it wasn't so pathetic. I'm sorry that you have people like that as neighbors.

I would absolutely ignore that letter. I wouldn't give one dime, unless I wanted to. And I wouldn't give any explanation either. If someone in my family had the nerve to question me, I would go right back to her and want to know why she felt the need to disclose whether I "donated" or not.

Old Ann Landers advice, you can only be taken advantage of by someone if you let them.

Tell them what I told a priest once....our church gives everyone a box of envelopes that are preprinted with your name and address for the tithes...

One time the priest stopped by the house and asked me if my wife and are were doing ok? I said, "Sure, why do you ask?"
He said, "The church secretary said we had not received your tithe envelope in a long time, but I know you have been attending the services so we were concerned that maybe you folks are having a hard time at the moment."

I said, "When you pass the hat is their any cash in it when it comes back?"
He says, "Yes"
I say, "Well, some of that cash was mine because how much I give the church is between me and the Lord, and really none of your damn business!"

Hi lazypup,,

Unless you're in a catgory in which you pay no income tax ...

... I imagine that using the envelope(S?) that they provided would help, when tax season rolls around.

ole joyfuelled ... with a bit o' help from charitable donations' receipts

Most mega "churches"=cults in my book.

What's offensive to me is "I will probably send a cursory $50.00 so I'm not known as the scrooge of the family". Why? They use this to shame you into "donating", aka extorting money from you.

No contribution to this scam from me. From you is your choice.

And no, you're not wrong to be offended.

Didn't mean to offend you, Cynic. I have decided enough is enough, and really don't care anymore if I'm the scrooge of the family, lol. As stated earlier, request recycled. Out of sight, out of mind.