Darn...I kept my mouth shut for a change.....

14 years ago

Now I wish I hadn't because I got ticked and I'm still ticked. I see the doctor for my sinus problems on March 10. I'm trying hard to stay well until then...it's hard with all the flu going around and the colds. But..yesterday, we went for coffee at Target. We usually go there in the mornings and meet friends (a good time). Yesterday, we were alone because all of our friends have headed in different directions for a while. Anyway, we were setting there drinking coffee and talking and just generally relaxing and having a nice morning. This man we know walked in and set down with us...then he proceeded to tell us how sick he was and that he had tried to get in to see a doctor, but they couldn't see him that day and that he really had a terrible, miserable cold. So..there he sat breathing on us :o( :o( We hardly ever set with this man and don't particularly like him....we should have asked him why he hadn't just gone home after trying to get in to see a doctor. When he left, I used hand sanitizer and then I wiped down where he had been setting, but I wasn't a happy campter...and it would have made me feel much better to have just told him where to go (if he didn't want to go home) :o) And...I kept my mouth shut for a change and I'm sorry I did :o) And...yes, I know...before someone says it..."I" could have stayed home myself..but I had cabin fever

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Comments (7)

marilyn_c
14 years ago
I would have gotten up and moved, saying, "sorry, but I don't want to catch what you have." I haven't had a cold in so many years, I can't remember the last time, but if I am somewhere, like in a store, and someone sneezes or coughs, I will go two aisles over to get away from them. It may not help but it makes me feel better.
Georgysmom
14 years ago
Unfortunately, we never think of the right thing to say at just the right moment. An "excuse me, I can't afford to get sick right now", said with a smile and moving two tables over continuing to talk to him. Just for the record, no I do not think you're the one that should have to stay home. Maybe your moving would have been rude, but in my thinking he was the inconsiderate one sitting down uninvited with a cold that is making him so miserable he's going to the doctor.
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Does she work? She may be with kids all week long and this is her way to get some time out. It is probably better for her marriage that her dh doesn't mind if she goes. This may give her the release to be a good mom and wife through the week. Eventually she may not need to do this as the kids will be a little easier to take care of when they get a little older and may not be so stressful for her. If she is not drinking, or doing drugs and her dh is ok with it I would just leave it alone. You don't want to make her feel guitly from what may be some much needed time away for her. Too bad more moms couldn't get some more time to theirselves with their dh's being supportive of it. Of course most would not need every single weekend but to each their own. :)
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Love - You said "He said fine, he would have to leave work early, didn't want to "inconvenience me" yada yada." and "I asked him what made him say that and he just said "well, I can't leave work early today." WOW. So I guess in his MAN MIND that is his way of acknowleding that I wouldn't do it." The way I see it is this was his way of making you feel guilty for being a SAHM, but unwilling to help him out with his kid. Don't give in!!!! Be strong in that HE needs to do what HE needs to do for HIS kid, and it wouldn't have to be this way if the (in the words of Sweeby) bat-sh*t crazy b*tch hadn't come in your home and punched you. Pseudo said "....I guess my point was if he puts BM before you ... if you had a child with him where would he draw the line ...." This is totally what I have been thinking for a few months now, but could never get the courage up to say anything. Where will he draw the line? Your DD has already been subjected to so much from this woman, and he's not even her father! How much would he put a child of his own through? Example: my friend has a DD with her DH who has 2 DDs with a crazy BM. The DH is a SAHD to the little one (DD with my friend) and would take her with him to pick up the other DDs on his weekend. It became a habit that the BM wouldn't be home at p/u time and wouldn't answer her phone. He would wait around for them to return (afraid that if he left he wouldn't get to see his DDs). One time, the little DD was in the car and carseat for 4 hours while he tried to track them down and waited for them. 4 hours! My friend finally said "You can wait around for 4 hours if you want, but you will not have MY daughter sitting in a carseat for 4 hours while you sit in your car outside their home." Basically, he had no problems putting BM ahead of his new DD. Remember...the squeaky wheel gets the grease. You just have to start squeaking louder than her. Jupiter said "I think that they need to see their ex's as good mothers (even when they clearly are not) maybe to somehow reassure themselves for when they are with her." So, so, so, true. My DH knows BM is a back-stabbing liar. But then he says stuff like "well, BM says it's SD's decision and she asks her all the time if she wants to visit". So why would he believe that one statement when he's caught her in so may lies before? The only thing that makes sense is he NEEDS to believe she's a good mother. Jupiter also said "I too run into arguments where he lets her slide on things that he wouldn't with me..I try to give him the example that if it was anyone else in his life he would have told them to go to h#$% because normally in life you don't do favors for people who don't do for you let alone someone who puts him down as a father..." and Love said "But it just totally goes against DH's overall nature, which is so frustrating." This is the issue. Which personality is the REAL one? I have this same problem with DH and I'm starting to think the way he is with HER is his personality when he's vulnerable and that scares the crap out of me because I guess I rarely ever see him vulnerable. I agree with FD. When I am flexible and accommodating with X, it is usually in the best interest of DS, and I do the work. I rarely (if ever) ask DH to do anything for DS, although he would be willing, because I feel like DS is my sole responsibility since I am the parent.
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dilly_dally
14 years ago
Sick or not, if a man sat down with me at a restaurant, cocktail lounge or coffee shop, I would make it very clear he was not invited or wanted - and I have been very vocal about this when it happens.
sleeperblues
14 years ago
I know exactly how you feel, Maybee. The older I get the more protective of my health I am. I work in a hospital and am around germs all the time. Normally I would say "just wash your hands and keep them away from your face and you'll be ok". This works for me MOST of the time. However, I just got hit with a 24 hour stomach thingy and am getting over it today. Other than my hubby, the only person I was around Sunday (the day I am assuming I contracted the bug) was my exercise buddy. We walked and did an exercise tape. Got a text from her yesterday while I was laying in bed shivering and nauseated and she was sick with the same thing. Don't know where we picked it up. It just reminded me why I am so stringent about handwashing and staying away from sickies if at all possible. I probably would have asked him why he was out in public if he was sick, and then moved to another table.
folkvictorian
14 years ago
If it's any consolation, he probably wasn't contagious any more. I think a person is most contagious with a cold before the worst symptoms show up. I'm a clean freak since I have bad sinuses and allergies and asthma (Oh my!) and try very hard to stay as healthy as I can. :)
jannie
14 years ago
If I were you, I'd get to a drug store , Vitamin or Herbal shop and buy a bottle of Ecchinicea.( Not sure of my spelling). Take a few pills today, with food or on an empty stomach, and keep taking them every day for about a week. Then gradually taper off. If you were taking six a day, take 5, then 4, etc. Ecchinicea is a natural herb flower that builds your immune system. I take it whever there are colds and flus going around. Frequent handwashing also helps.
joyfulguy
14 years ago
I'd have told him, quietly and pleasantly, that my health is fragile, that I've been (deathly?) afraid of getting a cold, and that I'm not enthusiastic about sharing air space with him.

That, as we'd been there first and he'd joined us, that I felt that it would be courteous of him to leave ... but that if he chose to not do so, that I was going to.

I'd not tell him that he was about as popular within 100 feet of me as a suicide bomber would be within about a quarter mile.

ole joyful

P.S. My friend (a smoker, and in more fragile health than I) just had a cold when we were riding in my car together, and I came down with it a few days later. It was mainly a nuisance and not that troublesome for me, but it did send him to the hospital for a couple of days before he got through.

I considered missing a reunion of a dozen of so former Korea missionaries in Toronto (120 miles away) while it was on, to avoid spreading it to my friends, but when I felt a bit better, decided to go. As someone said, I have a feeling that when our cold symptoms are most evident, that most of the contagious aspect has passed.

I might be a bit biased, do you think?

o j

Darn...I kept my mouth shut for a change.....

Comments (7)

marilyn_c

Georgysmom

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