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Where do I go from here?? It still isn't over, MIL attacks(long)

15 years ago

I had posted about the problems with my MIL and her coming and

"cleaning" and pitching things. I am over that, I can't get the stuff back and there is nothing I can do about it. I do feel violated for her coming into my house when no one was home and taking it upon herself to throw things away, completely rearrange the living room, removing items, throwing away all my candles and glade plug ins. Also when I would ask her about something and where it would be she would be nice to my face and then immediately call up DH and go off on him and be crying and telling him how awful I am. It is almost like a manic depressive cycle.

DH told her what she did was wrong and that she shouldn't email or call me. I agreed not to contact her. She told me that she just got tired of my stuff and started throwing things away. She also lied about what she threw out and after going through the garbage I realized that she took a lot of things home to dispose of. I had gotten nasty emails that accuse me of being a bad mom, how I am an ungrateful B&^$#, that she has helped us out but I don't appreciate it, I take things from her, how I am the one in the wrong because she was doing some necessary work in the house, and that she is the one that is hurt, attacked and that I am in the wrong.

I haven't had any contact for 2 weeks and let me tell you it has been heaven. DH suggested I call her this week and I told him I wasn't ready. It doesn't mattter how nice I am or what I say she will turn it around and make me look like the bad guy. Then tonight I get an email from her. I thought that it might be an apology but it wasn't. She forewarded an email from my sis in law and then sent it along with her own message to DH and then made sure that she sent me a copy of the email. Here it is:

Dan I received the following from Nancy today. You know, the part about "Stacie is not ready to forgive-forget me. . ." Dan, doesnÂt forgiveness work two ways? I believe, I said, I was so sorry for that which I did. I am wondering, too, what hasnÂt she found yet? I know I was accused of throwing some things away I never saw or what have you  the tupperware, etc. I have always been good enough when she wanted and/or needed something and thatÂs what really hurts. And now, she isnÂt ready to forgive me? I absolutely havenÂt been able to win for losing. Again, I AM SO SORRY! I do love you and yours so very much. I have always had to be gun-shy as I could never do or say the right thing. There were times we came to your home and she wouldnÂt even speak to me. So, the best thing for me to do is just stay away  and I will do that. And then the telephone message  itÂs all because of the problems that I caused. No, I havenÂt always done and/or said the right things. Can she maybe, think in terms of what I have done rather than all the things I have done wrong? Mom

And no, I don't ignore her and refuse to talk to her when she is at my house. There is no sign of apology or acknowledgement of what was done. What did I do that she has to forgive me for, I was the one whose house was ransacked:) I am not ready to talk to her because I know that she is one to come to her own conclusions and read into things. I have had enough and am ready to pull my hair out. What should I do. I think that she has some serious mental issues and needs help. She keeps picking and picking and trying to get a rise out of me, and I refuse to play her games, so then she will go out of her way to try and make me look bad. I have no desire to talk to her, the hurtful things that she said are not easily forgotten. I should mention that she has done the same to my DH's brothers 2 wives and her 2 step daughter in laws. I have heard from her that each of them is a B***h and that they are ungrateful, so this isn't anything new, she isn't happy unless she is causing problems, strife and conflict.

I think for me the best thing is to step back and not respond and let her go on her tirade. I am not going to get sucked into her vortex of negativity. I am one that finally got to the point in my life where I would stand up for myself, so backing down and letting her vent is hard. She keeps saying hurtful things that stick in my head.


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