My son had similar test results, but his processing speed isn't as low. His "diagnosis" was Non-verbal Learning Disorder ... which seems to cover a wide range of things that don't fit into other more common diagnoses. Medications were never recommended in our case. Luckily he has an incredible memory, so he is able to do well on school tests, but he loses points on basic assignments that he avoids doing. Regarding quack doctors ... one of the first docs we saw was a top, long term guy at Mass General. He was close to retiring. He met with my son for a whopping 10 minutes and wrote out a prescription for medication. I walked out of there and would have ripped up the prescription if my DH didn't stop me! From there we found the Hallowell Center where they did the extensive testing and suggested ways to help DS. As I said, no other doc has ever suggested medication. I'm very glad I didn't listen to that first "expert".

It's a sad truth but many people marry with the idea that they can change their spouse after marriage. The trouble is that people are usually on their best behavior BEFORE the marriage and things that bother you then will only be potentially worse after the knot is tied. It's a hard lesson but I'm guessing it's one your son has learned. You can't change someone else's behavior, only your own. Your son cannot change his wife. If she WANTS to change, then maybe she can, but that's a big if. Counseling can help but it's basically going to result in one of these things: 1. wife REALLY will want to change and will make the effort with the result being SOME improvement (she changes) 2. husband will realize the wife will never change and accepts it (he changes) 3. husband will realize the wife will never change, won't be able to accept it and the couple will split (neither change and neither can accept that the other one won't change) I once had an acquaintance whose marriage broke up because she felt she was doing all the work (she was a SAHM) with her husband not lifting a finger. So, similar to your son's situation but with the roles reversed. She held it in for YEARS. Played the dutiful wife while swallowing her anger and frustration. By the time they sought counseling, it was too late. He made an effort to change (although I'm not sure how much of an effort) but she didn't care, she wanted out. This was her version of the story and I know very little of the details except that she started to see this behavior before they were married and (I think) she thought it would not be as big a deal as it turned out to be. With or without counseling, one of the three things I noted above is going to happen. Without counseling, it's probably NOT going to be #1. But even with, the chances of it being #1 are slim. Your son probably needs some individual counseling to come to terms with that. He has to come to the realization that there is only one person whose behavior HE can change or control: his own. Once he really understands that, then he'll have to decide whether it's worth staying with her as she is, or not.

Justmetoo actually said it better than I could. I know & I have thought about how drama follows me & have wondered how that is. I LOVED the peace and quiet the entire week SD was gone... a boring life with no drama. I enjoyed the Easter party... even though I was surprised to see my son show up with DIL when he told me he was going out of town the day before. (Again, it felt like they are sneaking behind my back) I know it must be things I do that cause drama to follow me. If I had more time, I would figure it out... I may go back into counseling because I do agree with that. Just for the record.. no, I don't support them being together. I support them both having a relationship with their son ~ separately. They are horrible for each other and if they get together, I'm more likely to have DGS LONGER or forever. Their "marriage" happened because she broke up with him & he decided to "prove" his love for her by taking her in the middle of the night and marrying her. I got countless calls from him in the middle of the night to come get him, she threw him out at the beginning of the marriage. Then calls telling me not to come get him when I was in my car. Finally, after a couple of times, I told him he's married to her & work it out yourself when he called. She was hitting him. He did not want to leave. Within a couple of months, he told me she was pregnant and he had joined the Army. He came to see me one day after they had a fight. She called him repeatedly, telling him that she was going to abort DGS & he would do whatever she said. Just recently, he told me that she really wanted to abort their son but he insisted she continue the pregnancy. He says it was HER idea for him to join the military, not his. Then she used it against him and was angry that he "left" her. While she was pregnant, I took her to birthing classes... trying to be helpful & get along with her since she is going to be my DIL. The question came up, "what do you hope to get from the class?" and she answered, "get this out of me!" referring to the baby. She never rubbed her tummy & showed any excitement like most pregnant ladies and they moved into my house just before he was born because they were planning to move to Georgia. Her parents wanted nothing to do with it. He took her and DGS (just after he was born) to Georgia before he was deployed for 6 months. During that six months, there were several incidents of domestic violence, MP's arrested her & he was disciplined for her behavior. DGS was taken to the ER three times for "falling" when he wasn't even rolling over yet. They destroyed a moving truck when he moved her back just before his deployment (because the military kicked her off and banned her from the base). The truck's transmission was gone... I can only assume she grabbed the gear shift while he was driving. She used to have emotional outbursts over anything... and she has never been "loving" toward my son. They stayed with me for a week before he had to fly back to be deployed. We were going to look for housing for her. She beat him up (put nail marks across his face on one incident that he didn't report) but on Halloween, she got upset with him & started beating on him while he was driving. They had DGS in the car & witnesses called police. She was arrested. A few days later, she was out & they talked before he left. He insisted on her going to the airport so I agreed. After we dropped my son at the airport & returned to my house, where her car was... she told me to keep DGS so she can go look for a house on her own. I didn't see her for days. Weeks passed & I still had DGS so I found an apartment for her (because she said she couldn't take DGS until she had a place to take him) but even after she had the apartment, she left him with me. She had him a day or night here and there. On one of the night visits, she had brought home a guy & at some point during the night she left the apartment (either drunk or got drunk), rolled her car into a ditch and was arrested. She did not tell police she had a baby in her apartment with some guy she met. Fortunately, the guy called some of her friends to come stay with the baby so he could leave and I found out the next day that she was in jail & I went to get the baby. That's how I ended up with Guardianship. She has gotten better with DGS, the older he is but there is no real bond and she doesn't seem to mind the lack of bond. My son does. He wants a bond to exist but I believe it's his lack of maturity to think it's automatic... and doesn't seem to have a desire to put in any time toward it. But, DIL has so many problems... she has been in rehab so many times, she is bi polar, and she recently was diagnosed with an eating disorder.. which is why she had a meltdown over the cake pop. And the only thing I can say is that I made the cake pops because DGS asked me to and he loves them... and I didn't think it was fair for anyone to say no cake pop as they are being handed out to the rest of the kids. Would it kill him? no. Would he get over it? sure. But, the basket of candy he ate.. DIL unwrapped for him and sat with him as he ate didn't seem to bother her. It wasn't out of concern for his health... maybe a power struggle or an unrealistic fear because of her eating disorder and mental illness. Rational parents know a cake pop (not even two bites of cake) is going to cause a disease like diabetes. When she threw the fit, I did not respond to it... other parents seemed to ignore it & walk away. It wasn't given any energy and she ran to her car where my son followed to console her. The questions I posed were because I WANT to include them in events but I do not want to have her outbursts... jeez, one year she started crying hysterically when my son got a plate of food at Thanksgiving. She has mental issues & I get that, but I don't want to walk on eggshells when I plan an event. I got tired of SD causing drama with her grandma and the grief it cause me, so I don't have parties when SD is here anymore. No SD, no drama. With DIL, it's only events that are focused on DGS but those are events that also include kids he's in daycare with & their parents that I know. It's embarrassing. DIL may or may not have a meltdown at any given time over any given thing, which is why I backed off at the birthday party. I realize now that it was a mistake but it was also the first thing she's been to for him. I let lots go & roll off my back to keep the peace for DGS. DIL has given me lots of reasons to want nothing to do with her.. but I have let so much go. As JMT said, they are welcome to plan things for him but they barely spend time with him.. and yes, it bothers me to have my son live less than a mile from my work & not see his son more than a few hours a week. He came over last night & saw him for a couple of hours. Yet, he will drive three hours to see his wife.. and a little more insight into their "marriage". All the time he was gone in the military, there were guys in & out. One of her friends told me she was prostituting from the apartment. He had a girlfriend in Georgia that he dumped the day he moved back here. This "reconcilliation" came out of left field for me, when I envisioned my son coming back & being a dad to his son. DIL told me she wanted nothing to do with him and from the outside perspective, she appears to be torturing him... acts like they are reconcilling and then dumps him. She's done it several times in the last few weeks and he has been very emotional, depressed and suicidal. Then they get back & he's happy. IMO, she's playing games with him. She has emotional detachment problems (I think based on her childhood) and them being together is bad... not ever going to be good for DGS. (unless she deals with her mental issues and he grows up!)

snookums2 said: "How did you go about finding your own house inspector, greenhaven?" Our realtors have always arranged them for us, although after our first disastrous inspection (second inspection overall) we made it abundantly and redundantly clear to our realtors that we were willing to spend extra for a hard-core inspection so that we would never again be surprised the way we were that awful time. When we moved here to MI we were assigned a realtor. I hated it, but she ended up being great. The inspection company she recommended was licensed to the hilt, a local family of contractors who have lived here for...ever! I think some still contract, but the main business is inspecting. lascatx: We really do not know the exact history of the house, except that we saw before and after ics and the whole thing has been freshened, painted, replaced, retiled, new kitchen (cheapo stuff but new) and recarpeted. It has changed hands a couple times in the last year, our best guess is that is was bought as a short-sale with the intent to flip. They are gathering up all their documentation now, going back through it. They found out today there home warranty will cover the bulk of what needs to be done for the gas leaks, which is a relief! DS did not want to mess with gas lines, DIL was terrified they would get gouged by tradesmen. She was prepared to replace them herself if need be. Money is tight for them right now with all their moving and closing expenses. I don't know what their plan is. They know exactly how I feel about it, DH feels like they got ripped off. I think their plan is to take their grievance to the inspection company. I would hope they would at least ask for the fee back. If it were me I would ask them to cover the cost of a new inspection, too, or accept an offer to send a new guy out to do the fine-tooth-comb inspection they asked for. Thank you, though, everyone, for your responses. This was a good conversation for me, personally, even though it was on behalf of my kids. This little pooper (and his parents!) thanks you!