I feel that way pretty much every year by this time. Then, by Christmas Eve, I'm feeling pretty merry. The stress leading up to the holidays seems almost unavoidable, unfortunately. We have had a lot of uh, "stuff" hit the fan around here recently, but I'm hoping for some peace and lightness by the end of this week! I'll hope for some for you, too, Aunt Jen!

Jen, first I am so sorry about your grandmother. I know how close you are with your family.

Second, congratulations on your new position at work. I am not surprised you got such a wonderful promotion. I saw your thread on the "other side" and OMG, your building is magnificent.

As far as feeling out of sorts, count me in. There is a thread on here regarding holiday gratuities and it really got me thinking. I always give cash gifts at the end of the year, even if I don't think the people deserve it and even though I give tips all year long (hair stylist, manicurist, etc). But, this year, I've had it. I'm tired being taken for granted and given poor service. No big cash gifts this year...maybe none for some.

And then I go to my bank to make a deposit and cash a check (I did need some cash for some people) and they told me that there was a freeze on my account and that I couldn't have MY money! Apparently, there's been a lot of fraud lately and my account was flagged for no reason other than I have TOO much money in my checking account ....seriously. The amount of cash I wanted was a fraction of what I have in my account and they wouldn't let me have it. It took an hour to get this resolved but it was pure incompetence!

I know this has nothing to do with what you were talking about, but it's an excuse to rant!

I hope you start feeling better, Jen.

Thanks, Sue and Marlene. I guess I really did want to just start a "Let's Vent!" thread, and am glad you replied. Not that I want others to be miserable along with me, but in a way it does help to know that others don't feel all shiny-happy-festive all the time, at this time of year. I really miss my childhood at Christmas. The holidays were always filled with magical moments when I was a little girl, and there's just no way to truly get that feeling back as an adult. At least, I've not found a way to. Even if the holidays are as lovely as they can be, they're still tinged with a touch of sadness for what once was, and what can never again be experienced in exactly the same way it was when I was a child. ::sigh:: Just feeling some losses, I guess.

My throat hurts, but I think I'll go eat candy anyway.
;-D

I don't want to to be over because then I'll have to take everything down. I'm not looking forward to the put away part of Christmas decorations.

I also want to say that I'm so sorry for the difficulties ya'll are going through, and that you're feeling out of sorts. I hope Sue is able to send some of that merriness around. Peace and lightness by the end of the week would be a very nice thing indeed. Here's hoping ...

I'm so sorry about your grandmother - that is so hard. Hospice, though is a wonderful organization and can be of great support to your family.

I do love the holidays and am not ready for it to be over, but this year is very different for my family, as we lost my mother in September. So, I have had my teary moments, my just plain emotional moments mixed in with the happy holiday moments.

I guess in one way I actually will be glad to get through this because I know this first Christmas without mom will be the hardest. Still, we've had a fairly relaxed holiday season, things done early, etc. are are enjoying the season. I guess I'm contradicting myself which is kind of how my feelings are this year! Bittersweet.

Hope you get to feeling better Jenn and get your holiday groove on. LOL

Here's to happy holidays for all of us!

tina

I came down with a chest/head cold today but I got most of my dinner shopping done at just under $400 on Saturday. (Does anyone who has never hosted a large dinner even think about the cost, never mind the labor?) Still have to pick up some fresh veggies later in the week and am carefully plotting my time schedule.

My dog, Isabelle, opened all of our Christmas gifts when we were gone yesterday. The thing is, she paid no attention to them so I trusted her. Now I know what everything under the tree is and I had to enlist Aimee to re-wrap them all. Thankfully, she didn't destroy any gifts, she just opened every single one. I couldn't believe the mess. She has been known to open a gift or two in the past but I thought she was over it. Gifts had been under the tree for days and she ignored them. She is 5 years old and hasn't opened a gift since she was a pup.

I can't wait for this all to be over. It's storming and our electricity keeps going off and on. I can't host Christmas without water, heat, toilets, etc. and I certainly don't want to lose $400. worth of food.

Tina, I am so, so very sorry that you lost your mom. I can imagine how this season especially can trigger memories and make for some extremely emotionally-charged moments. I wish you strength, peace and an incredible amount of comfort. (((((Hugs)))))

Thank you Jen. That is very sweet of you. I am going to lunch tomorrow with my mom's group of friends - since highschool. They called themselves the "lunch bunch" and met at least monthly for lunch. There are two of the gals she was particularly close to and they have been such a help to us (the family). I think I will feel alot of comfort tomorrow among her close friends. Again, thank you for your thoughts!

tina

I can relate to those feelings, I had them for many years and never did anything about it, I felt I would have passed for a "bad", mom, wife, DD, to both our families. So I did it all, Xmas Eve for DH's side of the family ( over 40 people)
and my own family (10) on Xmas Day. Plus attending multiple open houses and corporate functions.

One year, we decided to go to Florida on Dec. 22 and I never looked back. We spend the holidays here every year with no gift giving, we fly our kids down with their partners; this year, both are single so it's just the 4 of us . Our families manage to do their Xmas without us.
I don't do a pre Xmas before leaving either, it would defeat the purpose.

I find that the holidays are too much work crammed in so little time, and there are very high expectations. I'm over it. I guess I'm a scrooge now.
But I did my part for over 30 years. Overdid it , I guess , so that's why
I feel entitled to forego Xmas all together.

Hugs Tina & Jen.

I'm not really a scrooge, just so not into the whole Christmas thing right now. My kids don't want to do the presents thing (we just did a single name gift drawing with only a $30 limit and you had to write 3 things you wanted). My MIL is pouting that she wasn't included and now she doesn't want to come for the big dinner I had planned. My Mom is upset because I told her she didn't need to give the kids the check she was planning (it's like $10 each and they don't even cash them), and she was in a tizzy about having to make 'vegetarian' spaghetti sauce. (Ummm...Mom, just don't add meat??)

I have half the decorations down from the attic, and two trees up...one with lights...but nothing is up yet. I didn't do a single bit of outdoor decoration this year...just not inspired at all!

I tell you, tho...making the conscious decision NOT to buy gifts has been remarkably freeing. Last night, however, I had stopped in at Home Depot and started to get sucked in by a display of little items under $10. I was thinking stocking stuffers, but realized if I went down that path, then I'd have to go buy more to equal out the ones I purchased for here, then the whole vicious cycle would start up.

I was feeling guilty for not getting my co-workers a little something, but then...it'd be that whole weird thing there, too. So I thought IF I still feel this way in January, I'll get them a little unexpected mid-winter pick-me-up instead.

I hope you feel better soon Jen, it's rotten to have any kind of buy this time of year.

I really miss my childhood at Christmas. The holidays were always filled with magical moments when I was a little girl, and there's just no way to truly get that feeling back as an adult.

That's it in a nutshell, unless we have small children at home to see the magic in their eyes.

Ever since my boys left the nest, I don't really get into the Christmas Spirit until Chirstmas Eve, and usually the week after.

Come January 2nd, I feel empty.

Now that we're adults we can't escape "real life" like we could as children.

My rant though is lack of Christmas cards, the "real" one's. It just seems weird and not Christmasy receiving nothing but photo cards. I'm actually mourning the loss of a 200 year old tradition! I just get picture after picture of people I see all the time, and no card. :(

I am not that anxious for them to be over, although I won't be too sorry to see 2010 over.

I took a continuing education course to learn a new procedure for work and the cost of the course, the equipment and supplies and missed work took my entire salary from one of my four jobs. It is a growth thing, but the return on the investment will take a while.

I needed a new bathroom so I could go on the market (or stay, really). I have had offers on two houses and the contingency expired. I don't need to move, but the process is still stressful

Major car accident involving four family members. One sibling in hospital/rehab for 90 days out of work for six months.

My mother died after nine months of hospitalization or nursing care, not as a direct result of the accident but as a downward spiral of events at the end of 20 years of a debilitating disease.

But, we put the Christmas decorations up at their house starting the day after her funeral. Its best that things stay a bit the same. And actually I am very thankful this year. I got over a major hurdle with learning this procedure for work; I made a decision regarding my living arrangements however that happens, three out of four people survived a bad accident. And my mother survived some agonizing months and near death to die with dignity and in relative comfort with my father holding her hand.

I still like Christmas because I celebrate it as a religious holiday as well as a secular one. We still get each other gifts, but we are just as likely to buy something when we see it throughout the year. I ignore all the external stuff until I am ready for it, and then make the best of it.

"I really miss my childhood at Christmas. The holidays were always filled with magical moments when I was a little girl, and there's just no way to truly get that feeling back as an adult."

"That's it in a nutshell, unless we have small children at home to see the magic in their eyes."

I have to disagree with that - at least for me and my household. All two of us and a pup. Christmas is DIFFERENT as a child - especially the years we believe in Santa, etc. but I think it can still be a wonderful, meaningful time as an adult. We don't have children, but I don't think that has taken away from our Christmas celebrations. I've always love Christmas and the older I get it has taken on new meaning. I love spending the time with extended family. I cannot imagine not spending time on Christmas Day with my parents (just my dad now), my grandmother (who is in assisted living now), and my siblings (and their partners). Later in the day we will visit hubby's mom (who was widowed several years ago but now has a MAN-FRIEND who will be there). And just like Pal, we celebrate it as a religious holiday which is very meaningful to me. I love going to the candlelight Christmas Eve service. I, too, ignore much of the external stuff.

Pal - I am so sorry about your mother! I know you had mentioned before your parents having some health problems. My mom passed in much the same situation, my father holding her hand, all of us children there with them, and I cannot tell you what a comfort it is to me that we kept her at home and were there with her. My heart goes out to you as I know this Christmas, while it may still be merry and happy, it will be a very "different" Christmas for your family. I truly hope 2011 is a better year for you my friend.

tina

Christmas was different as a child because I had to do nothing but anticipate all the fun and presents.
It was lots of work for my mother who did everything, which I now do.

Something I find uplifting this time of year are local Christmas concerts: chorales, choirs, chamber singers, bell ringers, quartets, duets, soloists, etc. Even going to a local high school winter concert is surprisingly good. The events are sometimes free or very inexpensive. The concerts bring beauty to the season & make you forget all the crass commercialism that spoils everything. I always leave in a festive mood.

"Christmas is DIFFERENT as a child - especially the years we believe in Santa, etc."

Yes, but mine carried over to when my kids were home. Being an Empty Nester makes things very different, although I'll still spend Christmas with my kids.

I was so blessed to have such wonderful Christmases as a child and while raising my family. We still light the tree and mantel, and various lights around the house. We light a fire each night, and we ARE in a good mood and in the spirit of Christmas, but it's just not the same.

"We still light the tree and mantel, and various lights around the house. We light a fire each night, and we ARE in a good mood and in the spirit of Christmas, but it's just not the same."

Of course it's not the same, but that doesn't mean this can't be a wonderful time for you and your husband. You are still young and hopefully have many years ahead of you. These years are a different chapter in your live. Make these years special and enjoy this time of your life with your husband.

We always had wonderful Christmases too and I have always been determined that I would try to create the same for our family. It is different as years go by and some aren't here with us. Things often can't be the same but still wonderful, just different.

I don't know if it was the same even *when we thought it was better.

In Junior High and High School, I had Midterms in January. I spent part of Christmas vacation feeling worried and guilty about not preparing for exams.

In College I finished Finals right before Christmas. I spent the first half of Christmas vacation exhausted.

During my doctoral training, I hated the school I was at, I spent from the day after Christmas until I went back having NVD and anxiety attacks.

In my post doc I had to travel on some of the busiest days of the year through the busiest airports in the country just to have a few days at home.

I was worried about getting good grades to make my parents happy, to get to the next step...I was worried about having the right presents to give to people ...I was worried about being relaxed enough to have a good time, or drinking enough to relax and have a good time without getting wasted in front of my parents.

I dunno but I don't think Christmas had much of a semblence of anything festive except when I was very young until after I was in my early thirties. As far as it is concerned it just gets better and better because I worry less and less about it being special. Having to be so special puts a lot of pressure on one day. Contentment is something I feel I have achieved as I have gotten older. I feel sorry for people who look back and think their life was better in the past. Thats not much of a way to feel about the present.

I'm sorry about your grandmother auntjen. No, you're not Scrooge, you're just in circumstances that make it very difficult to take joy in Christmas even if you normally do.

I'm in the same boat. My Mom had a stroke in late August and while I'm very grateful that she's come back as far as she has, she still needs quite a bit of help. (She can talk just about normally, she can walk well with a walker but her left hand has little function.) I have to get over to her place about 5 hours away days earlier than the rest of the family so that I can run errands for her. I was way behind on everything to do with Christmas because of Mason and because I just got back home from Mom's 2 weeks ago. Normally that wouldn't be a big deal but, because since she's using the walker and somewhat fragile, I just can't take the dogs. Now I'm terrified that Mason will die while I'm gone.

Nope, I'm not feeling the ho, ho, ho at all. I really hope that seeing my nephew and the rest of the family that I only see once a year can snap me out of this. Right now I'm exhausted, very sad and would just rather curl up and ignore the whole thing.

Sorry to hear that you are feeling blue AJ! Hope you're cold is over asap. Dh & I recently had colds too. When there's so much going on in your life, a cold feels like pneumonia!

If our lives are going pretty okay, we expect to feel good. Usually, we are upset if we don't feel good, but I think that we feel more upset than usual around the holidays if we don't get to this good loving place in our hearts. And if we don't help ourselves out of our upsetness, we start feeling worse. If our lives are not going so well, we expect to not feel as good as others during the festivities going on all around us, and this is even more upsetting and harder to bear.

What can help us? No matter what our situation or condition, we need to acknowledge that every human being needs the same thing. We all want to matter, and we all want to know that someone cares about us. We forget, when we get too self-focused on our momentary despair, that we are already that which we despair of being. We do matter, and people do care, and this is the abiding, not momentary situation.

"Having never left the house we are looking for a way home." Old Eastern saying

We need to access the positive in our own hearts and stop sourcing the negative of our fearful minds. We always have the power to do this. We just forget.

Sourcing our positive is not easy to do. It is simple but not easy. Often we can accomplish it alone when we remind ourselves. Sometimes we can't. Sometimes we get so into the mind's fearful negative thoughts that we need a little help from the natural good-heartedness of our fellow humans.

We need each other to be whole, so we need to reach out to each other when we are feeling empty. I'm glad you reached out here, and hope you feel much better in every way very soon, AJ!

Here's a positive thought for you. Remember the light within you. The wonderful goodness & warmth within you will radiate to those you love no matter what. The love you have for your grandparents will be with them eternally, and theirs with you. Death can't cause separation, because of the deep, abiding bond you share. Peace be with you.

Beautifully, beautifully said, Stinky. Thank you so much for sharing such lovely words. Thanks to all who have opened up and shared. We each have our own unique experiences, but it's nice to be able to empathize with one another. Thank you.

May I join your pity party if I bring some chicken soup? (I'd like to offer something good & boozy, but can't drink until my triglycerides are back to normal.)

It's annoying as all get out to express sadness or melancholy or the blues and have someone lecture you, isn't it? I've found it somewhat satisfying to give a stiff and formal reply like, "So kind of you to take an interest" before turning my back on such unhelpful people. It's tough enough for me to admit that I'm not dealing well with what life has thrown at me/us without having someone attempt to make me feel guilty about it. Yes, I know there are others who are worse off and I try to do what I can to help, but that doesn't change my own circumstances.

Both of my parents died during or right after the holidays; one last year and one several years earlier. I spent quite a few years before my dad died praying that he'd be released from his pain and suffering. I don't pray any more, and at this time of year I feel the loss of the traditions of my former faith (but don't want to be a C&E attendee.) My beloved MIL also died a couple of years ago, and FIL is not likely to survive her for very long. Dh seems in denial about that.

I don't have any happy memories of my childhood holidays, but I do terribly miss my own children's early years. Every year we baked enough for half the neighborhood, made gingerbread houses, filled stockings to take to nursing homes and shelters, and celebrated from St. Nicholas's Day on Dec. 6th through the Feast of Epiphany on January 6th.

This year, only one of our kids will be here for a brief while, but will likely spend much of the time on the computer or sleeping. Last Christmas, dh & I saw them for dinner and maybe an extra hour a day. Visits home are generally spent resting up from late nights with friends and working overtime. Dh gets annoyed and ends up cancelling his vacation days since he feels they're wasted just sitting around waiting for the kids to wake up. This is a busy time of year for him, and taking off when the kids come home means that he will work long days and weekends before & after to catch up.

I'm going to put on a happy face and pretend that all's well for the week that at least part of our family will be together. It will likely require a couple of Lortabs each day to mask the pain, and I'll force myself to take a nap in the afternoon before Kid 1 wakes up so that I won't be falling asleep on the couch before 10 p.m. We'll do Skype calls on Christmas (if my laptop doesn't bite the dust beforehand) and I will have to be content with that. Once my siblings left home, my mother couldn't be bothered about holidays; I never want my kids to feel that having just one here means it's not worth the effort to celebrate. I'll still bake and decorate and make a fuss, but am so looking forward to spending the first week of January taking warm soaks and watching old movies and being self-indulgent.

I hope that all of you who're having a rough time, for whatever reason, find something/someone to comfort you and make things at least a bit more pleasant for you.

Sigh...I've not truly enjoyed a Christmas since my mom died 15 years ago. My dad was already gone at that time. My boys were small and it was just HARD.

Part of my thing is the sense of loss...there are no grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, and such crowding my house. I miss all those folks. If my brother liked me...well, he doesn't have children, so. My sons, now grown, don't know any different. We do get together with dh's family at Thanksgiving, but it's not the same as gathering on Christmas day.

The other thing is expectations...we live in an affluent area. We can not afford to give gifts to our sons that other families give theirs. That gets OLD.

Sigh. Every year I do my best to enjoy the season. Very few people know how difficult December is for me. I serve. I give. I celebrate. But it is hard.

One of my goals in going to work this year is that I can afford to take our family on a trip or something during the holidays in future years. I think it would be a joyful thing for me to do. Skiing, a cruise, renting a mountain cabin...ahhh....

Ah well...I do have a year old grand daughter to shop for this year. That's been fun. A baby and a girl--after years of boys. :0)

I will survive! January is coming! (and I really hate February--dark, cold, gray. Bring on spring!)

So, no, you are not alone.

Gads! I didn't realize there are so many folks out there who are feeling exactly the way I do. The older I get the more I'm finding the holidays (except Thanksgiving) becoming more and more stressful. Mitch hit the nail on the head when she wrote:

"I find that the holidays are too much work crammed in so little time, and there are very high expectations."

Bingo! I remember the holidays from my childhood and they seemed so...idyllic. But that was 50+ years ago in a very different time and place. Things have changed over the years and even though some things have improved there are some that I wistfully wish had remained the same. It really hits home when I watch old movies from the 40's and 50's and think how wonderful everything seemed back then. Being born in 1951, those movies echo pieces of my childhood that I can relate to on many levels. And I don't believe it was all hooey - I really believe that things were wonderful, that the world was a simpler and kinder place where everyone looked out for their neighbor and people were so much happier.

I think the hardest and most stressful time of year are the holidays because life is not perfect and yet we're expected to put a smile on our face, chin up, deal with it, "get over it" (whatever "it" is) and pretend that things are just hunky-dorey. But the reality is that sometimes they're not and the expectation that we have to pretend that they are can be daunting and downright overwhelming. Which makes some folks even more depressed or sad or melancholy.

And I don't like feeling this way but unless we barracade ourselves in our house and never venture outside in the hopes of protecting ourselves from the day-to-day stressors and all that they bring we have to grin and bear it, putting one foot in front of the other and do the best we can with what we have. I really am thankful for everything we have. We're blessed to have each other, our DS, our health, job security (for me at least..thank goodness!), a roof over our heads, food on the table and hopefully enough resolve to deal with the ups and downs that life throws at us.

I don't want the holidays to be over. I just want them to be simpler and more meaningful. But that's up to me to take care of...I just haven't found the "perfect" balance yet but I'm working on it.

Well, call me Scrooge and fickle. After posting a brief "swan song" on another thread, I've received some kind words that compel me to keep posting. There are some very warm, thoughtful, intelligent people here, as evidenced by the outpouring in this thread. So many of us are feeling the blues, it seems. I think there is something about it feeling so forced this time of year. There's a definite expectation that you'll feel/think/act a certain way this time of year. I know it's up to each of us whether or not we buy into that kind of unrealistic pressure, but the pressure is there for many of us, no matter how we choose to respond.

I think this year I'm just going to continue to focus on my family and what's going on with my grandmother - being with her when I can, and reaching out to others in the family who are carrying the burden of decision-making about her care. It will be good when our group can be together, and we'll make the best of the time we can share even though it may be touched with a good deal of sadness over the likely impending loss of a dearly loved one.

One day at a time is a good mantra, but particularly during this season. We'll all get through it, and perhaps there will be some love and laughter and lightheartedness along the way.

Jen, I'm glad people reached out to you with kind words.

You and I exchanged a few emails 6 or so months ago (remember me, I was the one with the picture with the lipstick all over her teeth...but I digress...besides that belongs in the British thread). Anyway, I always admired you before we exchanged the emails and found you even more compassionate, caring, intelligent, among other things good), than I had before we exchanged the emails.

You are a beautiful person, inside and out.

If you'd like some laughter and lightheartedness, I can send you another picture of myself.

With regard to other posts in this thread, my heart goes out to those who have loved ones who are so ill or have lost loved ones. It is never easy.

Marlene, you are a treasure. Thank you.

And yes, send me another picture. I want one of you lifting weights and wearing a tutu.
;-D

There is so much kindness in this thread, the rest can be disregarded. So many people here are hurting, disheartened, etc. and others here have shared what they are personally going through and have reached out. That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy (smile). Seriously, it has lightened my heart. I wish I could reach out to each of you struggling and help, or at least give you a hug of encouragement.

Jen, be thankful you can somewhat prepare for what is to come and yes, spend as much time as you can with your grandmother and the rest of your family. That will comfort you in days to come.

Thank you all who have shown caring and compassion. Even though this should be the happiest of seasons, for some, especially those who have lost or are facing loss, it can be hard.

There are some wonderful people here!

tina

I know that ever since we became empty nesters I have been trying to figure out how to do the holidays. Every year I feel a bit Scroogish, until about right now, a few days before Christmas. Then I wish that I had decorated the house more, sent Christmas cards (I am going to start a new trend - New Years cards!) Last year was very different for us, as our youngest two kids were in Europe. We spent Christmas Eve and morning with our oldest, who lives a few hours away, then drove home to our empty nest. This year, the youngest two will be home, but our eldest is in South Korea teaching English. Every year is a bit different. Every year is different, and we just have to reinvent how to do things.
My mother just lost her boyfriend of 5 years, and the memorial service is going to be the Tuesday after Christmas. I know that I need to be there for her (and I will), but she is several hours away, and I hate to have to leave my daughter, who I only get to see a couple of times a year now that she is all grown up.

I'll be glad when Winter and the holidays are over.

Someone here said "disheartened". That's how I feel.

Christmas with my family has become so difficult! It has turned in to a stressful race to see everyone, two or more dinners in different houses, and a tight schedule to be everywhere. I don't mean to complain about seeing family, especially when so many here have had losses, but it used to be easier.

Even when our parents were still around, my side of the family would traditionally get together on Christmas Eve. I mean, for over 30 years! This left Christmas Day to have a relaxing morning with my kids (we would watch a new movie, play a new game, etc.), and then dinner with my husband's family. Then, my brother met a new woman and HER family tradition is to do Christmas Eve, so for the last 6 years the rest of my family has been scrambling to get together on Christmas Day. I'm divorced, so my kids have to see their father's family, we want to see my husband's family, and now we also have to fit in my family. It's horrible! My brother's now fiance is in retail, so she has NO time off before Christmas, or any day after. So we can't schedule it any other day, and my brother thinks the rest of us should just give up the Christmas plans we have had in place for years, and have dinner with them. It's not just me with a conflict -- most of us have other places to be. And we can never just stop by, have an eggnog, give a gift, buh-bye no way, it has to be a big deal have a meal.

So this year I'm trying something new -- Christmas morning brunch (11:30ish) at my house. This way, I hope, I can be together with my siblings early in the day, my kids can leave to go to their Dad's mid- afternoon, and everyone else is free to go somewhere for dinner. My kids will come back from their father's and we'll go to DH's cousin's house which is always the most beautiful Christmas dinner you can imagine -- candlelit 18th Century house, good wine, great food and fun people. Sorry, I am not giving that up! And yes, my kids have at least three Christmas meals (more if you count girlfriend/boyfriend houses), and they are so glad that their father's girlfriend is Jewish so that they don't have any more than that!

The brunch of course is not with controversy. I discussed it with my brother weeks ago, but he didn't share the info with his fiance, so she knew nothing about it until I sent an e-mail to everyone about the time. I feel bad -- I really should have called her. Ugh, just another stress factor!. Anyway, I'm serving bagels, smoked salmon, quiche, fruit salad, coffee and Bloody Marys and Mimosas. I'll let you know how it goes!

I just got a call that made me feel a whole lot better about the holidays. The caller simply said "your biopsy is benign." I only wish everyone could get the same results.

Jen, I'm now in the mood to get my red and green tutu and matching weights for the picture!

Oh Marlene!!!! That is wonderful news! I'm so very happy for you! That is indeed reason to celebrate! Don you now your gay apparel! LOL!
:-D

Marlene I am soooooo happy for you. Personally, I think the stress of having to wait for the results of my biopsy was actually worse than hearing that mine was malignant. I was actually relieved to just hear yeah or ney. But again, I am thrilled that you are not part of the club. I hope no one else here becomes a member.

I tend to feel a lot like everyone else here too. We are all so much alike. I think as we get older we miss the way it all felt as a child. As my kids are now 13 and 10 we are starting to feel the magic disappear. Giving a gift just because the calendar says you should. It is all so unfullfilling to me.

I won't go into details but for those who know my dd's situation I will just say that we are dealing with her issues even though some may be wondering if we have been. I did not reply to the comments from my latest post about the schoolwork because I have had so much going on so I just injested it all and are dealing with it. There is no easy fix to all of her issues as you all may already know. Today was a good day until this evening. Won't go into it but lets just say it was hard. But dh and I know all we can do is move forward. But with Christmas a few days away all this makes it hard to feel jolly.

Jen- congrats on the job. Sorry to hear about your family issues. I never had grandparents or any relatives really close. Only visits every few years from my mom's sisters but that was it. Hard to believe considering my dad is youngest of 18. He was in fostercare most his childhood so he was not close to his family that much. I envy people who have grandparents, I don't know what that is like, wish I had. But the loss I hear is sad. Treasure what time you have with her.

Hopefully we all can trudge along and survive yet another holiday. We start snowboarding this Friday which is always fun for us in Winter. Hopefully we will manage with dd to have fun this year.

Marlene, that's super news! Sure put a smile on my stressed out face, LOL!

Just read something and thought about all who have shared on this topic...and hopefully this will help with a suggestion I really like:

"Create your own holiday traditions! Decide what's important to YOU and your household and celebrate accordingly. Don't be pressured into following society's or extended family's expectations. And don't get so caught up in details that you forget to celebrate the real meaning of the holiday - everything doesn't need to be perfect."

So...without trying to dismiss or invalidate anyone's feelings, maybe this can be a time to start one new fun or meaningful tradition. Perhaps a dinner out with someone special at a great place that can be done every night-before-Christmas-Eve from now on. Or going somewhere quiet for an hour to concentrate on feeling peaceful. Or picking out a toy or gift that you know a child loves and adding it to your local angel tree or toy drive. Or...whatever works.

Hope everyone finds their own personal holiday tradition this year and it brings you all comfort if not joy.

Ann

Got a nice video for Auntjen, Marlene, and all "stressed people" here...

Not sure if everyone likes Enya, but I think this is a BEAUTIFUL video.
We all have secrets...stop and take 4 minutes for this video.

Merry Christmas, and God Jul!

Faron

Here is a link that might be useful: Christmas secrets...

Thank you, Jen, Shannon and Awm!

Count me in.

To all who have lost someone, and the holidays are difficult because of that loss, I'm so sorry.

Both of my Grandmothers died this year, and brother #2 is in the Middle East doing a very dangerous job. The last few months have been emotional and stressful.

Palimpsest, you just might be my long lost twin. Wow! Your description of the years past is just spot on for me. As I age, some of my angst issues get better, some get worse, but I don't miss many of those earlier years. And I *really* don't miss school.

I don't have happy childhood memories of the holidays, and I think as a young adult I tried to overcompensate for that. There was a lot of (self imposed) pressure for everything to be just right and perfect and happy and wonderful. Year after year was a miserable failure at that, so I've changed my expectations a LOT. Both for myself and everyone else.

DH grew up not celebrating Christmas, so when we met, the whole family/tree/presents thing was difficult and uncomfortable for him, which also made it weird for my family.

Over the years, everyone has changed their expectations and stretched their comfort zones, and it's mostly all good.

I didn't work for the first 5 months of the year, and have only been working part time since. I had no idea that I would have this much trouble finding full time work (I'm in medicine) and the loss of income has been pretty substantial.

I'm just not feeling very merry this year. Not neccessarily ready for the holidays to be over (I almost feel like I've missed it this year) but ready to move on to 2011.

Hey Faron, you finally posted a video I like! Thanks!
I love Enya- Memories of Trees is a favorite.

Thanks for sharing that lovely video, Faron. I was ready to just let the tears flow freely tonight, and that music helped get it started. We visited with my Grannie today, and it was so very, very hard. But I did get to hold her hand and kiss her and tell her that I treasure her and that she's the best Grannie in the whole, wide world. She understood me perfectly too, so I'm just incredibly thankful to have had such an opportunity.

Despite being sympathetic and caring for my needs right now, DH is very excited about Christmas this year. We haven't put up a tree, but he's wrapped several packages for me and has them sitting on top of the china cabinet (out of the reach of naughty cats). Even though I'm really melancholy, I find that I do want to put forth an effort to have a nice Christmas for his sake. I feel like he deserves the happiness that he's feeling this season. We have a couple of small family gatherings over the next two days, and I'm looking forward to spending time with my loved ones. I'm hoping that in the midst of the sadness, we'll still find a lot to laugh and be joyful about. I wish the same for each of you who is also hurting right now.

Thanks, Faron. I lost the man who raised me on Christmas Day, 2004. I abandoned my company to sing him the cowboy songs he taught me as a child and witnessed his last breath. It was a gift for him, to finally be taken.

Jen, you do have something big to be Joyful about. Your grandmother. When I was born, both of my grandmothers and one grandfather had already died.

I grew up with no grandmothers and to this day I get sad thinking about all I missed as a child. I am so blessed to have a 5 x 7 picture of both, along with some of their heirlooms.

It sounds like you've had a wonderful life with your grandmother. Smile about it even though this is a sad time for you.

You're one of the "lucky one's." Your husband sounds like a wonderful man so he'll be there to cheer you up.

God Bless!

Thank you, Oakley. I know I have so very much to be joyful about ... but it's bittersweet right now. I'm trying to focus on the many, many happy memories I have. I know that although I'll soon lose my Grannie, nothing can ever take her from my heart. I wore her charm bracelet yesterday - it's filled with little silver reminders of her travels, her children and grandchildren, her life ... and with each little jingle-jangle I made a point of telling myself how much of her I will always carry with me. I am indeed blessed.

Wishing you, and everyone here, a beautiful Christmas.

If you all are still hating holidays after New Year, come on over to Sanford, NC and join us at our annual Post-Holiday Bash. Forget all your holiday woes and troubles, enjoy the lights and decorations, and just RELAX for a change.

Promise it'll be fun!

Merry Christmas, all.

Thank you faron that was perfect. c