Yes, pill is Tamoxifen.

Sorry to hear about another diagnosis.. Nothing I can say will make the pain go away.

How is your cousin doing? I really need to update my post, hubby had complications last week. btw, from what I hear, his sister was diagnosed with skin cancer a few weeks ago.

You know where to find me if you want to vent. I'll understand where you are coming from.. unfortunately...

hugs

Oh sweetie...I'm so sorry for all this. What a rotten streak you've got going on right now. All I can say is just give your cousins a big hug and tell them you love them. I think that is all we can do. Whatever you do, don't hide from them, even if it's so hard to see them.

My prayers for your family.

I'm right there with you. Cancer runs in my family to the point where I can't remember anyone dying of anything else - other than my father - and he died at 62 of an aneurysm.

We just buried a friend who died just 4 weeks and 3 days after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He was 52 and his youngest son is 21. I am sorry to hear about your cousin. I hope she received a diagnosis in time to prolong her life.

Another friend is being treated for breast cancer. Her tumor was 4 CM. Isn't that huge? It seems huge to me. She is being treated very aggressively. She lost her hair after the first chemo treatment. She is getting radiation as well.

The power of prayer... got it. Roselvr, please tell us what is happening with your DH!

pesky - thanks, K lives nearby but we never see each other outside of funerals (and used to have pig roasts). J lives out west. I don't know whether to call K or not - her cousins (my uncles and dad) did once they heard (she mentioned to my banker uncle handling her dad's estate that he might need to do some things for her). They said she was really upbeat - so do I call and what do I say? Since I *never* call her. Maybe just include her on my holiday card list (used to just send one to her dad)? (I haven't even sent cards in 2 years, with building the house in 2007 and then vacation mid-Dec 2008 - guess I'd better get writing now!)

golddust - same thing here, if you don't die young of cancer (youngest was my dad's older DB at age 27), then you die old of it (what finally took my grandfather at age 88, my grandma at 81, etc.) or if you're lucky you just die old (my godmother/great aunt age 90), usually heart condition. When my dad said he had bad news I thought it was his 96.5 yr old uncle. But a month??? I thought she might have longer than that. Hope so, since she is going to do chemo. My dad said Patrick Swayze had operation and lasted 2 years but hers is inoperable. You'd think they wouldn't start chemo if they thought she'd only make it a month or so with it, so they must think it will prolong her life, but I don't know how long that might be.

roselvr - I never hear anything about J except through his mom and she hasn't sent an update in a while. I'll ask my parents if she said anything when they saw her (stopped on the drive down to FL to drop off more things from her sister's (my godmother's) that I was storing for her). Please update us on your DH - I hope the complications were minor? Thanks for offering support to others even with all you're going through. I just had to vent (and ask for prayers for K), it just is so unfair and as my dad said it can strike anyone, any time/age (esp. in our family it seems). But you know that just as well as anyone. Oh, and I checked my email - aunt is taking Arimidex for 5 years (and radiation starting Monday 5x/week for 6 wks).

Thanks everyone - I have to call eye dr (DS's pinkeye in right eye is looking better but left eye might be starting, he didn't Rx drops Monday but I think DS needs them now - ped who looked at DD's finger yesterday said it was protocol, DS should have had prednisone as soon as Dx'd with viral conjunctivitis but eye dr said only if didn't get better in a few days). Then volunteer at DD's school.

AJ- I am sorry for what you and your family are going through. all you can do is love and support one another and celebrate life when you can.

I agree with cooperbailey....."Celebrate life!"

Cancer runs in DH's family. His mom, his sister of 48yrs both died of cancer. It's frustrating there is no cure, just treatments. I feel your helpless frustration. Soooooooooooooooooo.......Celebrate life!!!!!

I am sooooooooooooooooo "grateful", yes, grateful is the right word that my DH is 51 yrs old and fine. He is the nicest person, my best friend. :0) Enjoy "now".

*hugs*

Now as counterpoint to what golddust said :-) my MIL 1.0 survived 14 months after her stage V pancreatic cancer dx, and only the last couple of months were bad. Patrick Swayze hung in there for more than a year too. So maybe you will be able to have that pig roast after all (and if - all gods forfend - she does not survive until weather permits, have one in her honor, maybe with a slide show of family pictures and her favorite goodies).

Ajsmama, I urge you to put aside all your doubts and pick up the phone and call her. You obviously care for her and are feeling the loss already. Just tell her how sorry you are, it doesn't matter if you cry. Just make the connection and keep it going until the end. These are the acts of pure love that are hard to do but so meaningful to the person who is dying. It will mean so much to her and her family. At times like that we're pushed to go outside of ourselves. You will be pleasantly surprised if you do. Prayers are flying from me. Good luck

ajm, just wanted to add my support too. Will add your family to the prayer list. Hope you get a break from all the bad news.

Thanks everyone. Mari, that is so encouraging.

yayagal - My dad said she was so upbeat (I don't know, maybe she's struggling to be that way) that I'm afraid if I call her and end up crying, that it will be harder for her. I just can't imagine what she's going through, I know it must seem like she just lost her father in Sept (b/c that's when the Mass was, even though he died earlier in the summer), and now she's faced with this. I just feel so bad for her *kids*. I've never been good with words, what do you say???

Weird that she's on something different then Tamoxifen. Hers might be a different form or be positive for something different; has to do with hormones. My mother in law is hormone positive for something which gets Tamoxifen.

Patrick Swayze did cyberknife. I'm pretty sure I sent you the info at one time; if not, google. See if there is a center by her. She can make an appointment. Patrick also did stuff like Brett Hudson; vitamin C drips; went to Germany or Mexico. In addition to the chemo he did the warm washes (not sure of exact term) which makes the chemo heat up and work better.

With your cousin K; it's very hard to say what to do. With mine; and I hate even typing this out.. people that are not in our lives; it freaks him out more hearing from them. It makes him feel like he is dying. Hard staying positive when all these extra people are calling or emailing/texting. Depending on who is doing the contact; it can tick him off.

Every person is different; a lot of men don't like the extra fuss where women do. Best I can suggest is that you make the phone call and it gives her the option of picking the phone up & or calling back. This puts the ball in her court.

I'll try to update the post later today, or tomorrow morning. Right now he's doing fine but had a major infection last week in the feeding tube & fungal in his mouth.

Ajsmama: I am very sorry to hear what your family is going through, and will keep them in my prayers. I would say to call your cousing with the pancreatic cancer, since it's so unpredictable. I have worked with patients who had it for over a year, yet my DHs cousin, who himself was a physician at a university hospital where he received the best/latest research treatments, did not last even 6 months after diagnosis. Roselvr, I still hold you and your DH in my thoughts. I am sorry for the recent set-back you had.

"Patrick Swayze did cyberknife. I'm pretty sure I sent you the info at one time; if not, google. See if there is a center by her. She can make an appointment. Patrick also did stuff like Brett Hudson; vitamin C drips; went to Germany or Mexico. In addition to the chemo he did the warm washes (not sure of exact term) which makes the chemo heat up and work better."

And MIL had none of these and survived approximately the same amount of time, which is a good illustration of just how much of a crapshoot PC is. She went to Italy to eat pasta instead of to overseas cancer clinics. :-) She didn't do radiation, special diets, megadoses of vitamins, anything like that, just palliative chemo for a short period; although she lived within fairly easy reach of one of the nation's leading cancer centers she chose to do everything at the local hospital. DH says she was doing extremely well until she got shingles, which just set off an avalanche for a bad last couple of months.

Ajsmama, I hear you when you say you may end up crying and get her all upset but, having had two sisters with terminal cancer, I know first hand that when they received a phone call and that exact circumstance happened, they felt at least someone was caring enough to talk to them. So many people hide from being real at a time when the person needs to know that others care. Cards are nice but it can feel like a cop out to the patient. Crying with a person who is slowly dying is a very healthy thing to do. It's a time when tears are completely appropriate. Usually the patient ends up making it very easy for the caller to get through. Visiting in person is even better.

Ajsmama, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry that you and your family are experiencing all this loss and illness. I hope that in the future things improve. You and your family have my prayers too.

I've been avoiding this thread all day, but I just spoke to my dad (he stayed with DD while I went to teacher conference for DS). He talked to K the night b4 last, she was starting chemo either yesterday or today, and really appreciates all the phone calls. She told her kids she had cancer but not what type so they don't look it up. I looked it up and it looks like a year is the best you can hope for. Hers supposedly is inoperable - she told my dad that it was all throughout the pancreas. I wondered if you could live without a pancreas, did some searching, and you can so I wonder if it's spread beyond that organ. I'm sure she's done research, but I can mention it to her. Do you think she'd want to talk treatments, or be too afraid her kids would hear?

I'm awful with words, can't think of what to say except I'm sorry, don't want to bring her down or even *mention* survival rates, but I *am* really good at research. Just don't know if she wants to hear "solutions" to an incurable problem, or just wants sympathy (that I have a hard time expressing).

(((ajsmama)))

(((K)))

I am so sorry, and am praying for all of you.

I am praying for your family.

Personally, I think you should call and just say you are sorry to hear about her news, and let her take it from there. You may wish to mention you're good with research, if she wants you to help. She may appreciate it, either way, she will let you know. If you don't call, I feel that you will regret it later.

And I read once that no one knows the right words, and that has given me strength when I have wondered myself what the 'right words' were. Your love is all she needs to have right now.