Most likely a meal would be very welcomed, however, in the long run it is always the thought that counts and is remembered. I would call the husband and say you would like to bring dinner over one night, find out what they like to eat and how many people will be there ( who knows with extended family) and then prepare something homemade. Set a time too for when you will drop everything off.

I often like to give people options" "Would you all like bbq ribs, grilled salmon or lasagna?" and then make appropriate accompaniments. If there are specific food restrictions it usually comes up at this point.

Having had a very sick child in similar circumstances, I second Bumblebeez's recommendation. We had friends deliver bread, meals, cakes, usually with a brief note. It was never an intrusion. You have no idea how heartening it is when someone makes a gesture like that.

I agree with asking the husband. In my neighborhood, someone often starts an organized dinner schedule.

With so many food allergies and preferences, it's alway a good idea to check first.

Joanie, try not to jump to conclusions. My across the street neighbor was diagnosed with colon cancer after she gave birth to her second son. She went through treatment, had a relapse and was treated again. It is now 17 years later.

If there will be extended family other ideas would be a cold cut platter, selection of breads or a fully cooked turkey that will will last for a few days.

If you are not planning to attend her service (I am getting ahead of the situation here), offer to house sit while the family is at the service. Sadly, burglars also read the obits and hit houses where the family is known to be away at a certain time.

A tray of things to make lunch for the family who will be visiting is nice. A spiral ham is good. Men are so clueless about these things and especially at times of grief.

When my sister died we had so much food we were swamped.

Ditto what Bumblebeez said.

If/when you ask about preferred food, you might want to ask, say, a dog needs to be walked or maybe to pick up packages if they're expecting any. Further down the line -- hopefully, much, much further, airport/train station runs might be appreciated.

If they are hesitant about a meal, you could offer a frozen casserole for their freezer. Sometimes people don't know when they will be home to eat, so they don't want something they would have to eat right away. But you can freeze a casserole or soup and chilli, and bring it over with some bread and maybe brownies. All that can go in the freezer until needed.

Another idea is to send a gift basket with food. Relatively healthy food, like fruit and cheese and crackers. If members of the family are spending lots of time at the hospital and coming and going at odd hours, there's a good chance that food shopping isn't happening on a regular schedule, and that when they are home, they are too tired to cook. So some healthy snacks that don't need much preparation can come in handy.

You could also offer to go shopping for them, if you wanted.

Set up the husband with with a local laundry service. A relative was in the hospital a few weeks last year, and another family member started laundry service for her husband. Afterward, he claimed how nice it was to have his favorite, comfy clothes clean and available to wear to sit with his wife in the hospital, and not have to worry about going home to change loads from the washer to dryer, etc. (And when his wife finally came home, there weren't piles of dirty laundry waiting for her, either.)

Meal arrangements depend upon her status, and whether the husband is available to be at home for a drop-off. At this point, if the wife is still in critical care and he's spending most of his time at the hospital, perhaps a gift card to a local deli would be welcome (and one that delivers, in case he wants a non-hospital meal while still at the hospital).

When the young child of someone in our community was in the hospital with leukemia, someone set up a meal schedule. However, one of the things they suggested was to also consider instead of dinner, something that could be taken to the hospital. If her husband or sons are spending a lot of time in the hospital with her, chances are they are eating nasty hospital food or picking up fast food along the way. Packing up some individual portions of something that doesn't need to be heated might be welcome (like nice sandwiches with pasta salad or something along those lines).

Hopefully she has just had a minor setback. While I know not everyone has a good prognosis, my neighbor had colon cancer 20 years ago. I hope your friend has a similar positive outcome.

Thank you everyone...great ideas. I think what threw me was that the boys came home....that makes me think it is very serious. I am so hoping this is just a setback.

joanipoanie - I'm so sorry - no advice what has been offered beyond what was said.

Could it be the boys are home early for Christmas as in I'm hoping things aren't as bad as they seem.

When we were caring for my terminally ill mom, we so appreciated the thoughts and actions of family and friends. People offered to mow the yard, people ran errands, there was a time or two that a close friend sat with my mom when my dad absolutely had to go out, etc. They received many home cooked meals which was so nice. I mostly did their grocery shopping so I second the offer of shopping. I cannot express how much these acts of kindness meant to my family.

Also, if your friend is up for visits, I would encourage you to do that. Of course, check with her husband. My mom delighted in visits from friends and family. I think she wanted wanted to say her goodbyes.

Just my thoughts and what was helpful for our family.

tina