I'm sorry that you are going through this life change.

The only advise I can give is that you check the laws in your state about leaving your home, if you indeed own your home.

(some states still have crazy laws about a spouse who 'abandons' a jointly owned property.)

Good luck.

ML

Oh goodness. I can't imagine what it would take for me to start over at this point and time in my life and I'm around your age. I'm sorry to hear of your struggles and confounded by your Lurker status!!! It's time to start living your life out loud, honey! Join us and throw away your Lurker status.

Maddie has given you sound advice but if you have equity, you need to take your share. Check into Social Security Laws too. I think you will have rights in that department too. Get a good lawyer! Don't just walk away IF you are financially set. It's the wrong time in your life. Secure your future!

Have you tried a good marriage counselor?

Are you separating/getting divorced or are you just going to live separately and remain married? You may need to talk to an attorney and/or an accountant. I agree about the mortgage--you probably cannot just walk away.

I moved by myself 500 miles from home to my graduate program with what fit in my small car. But I was single and no kids, not even a pet at that time. I did find a semi-furnished condo a couple months before for the time I needed to move in. Luckily, in a college town, rentals revolve around the academic year.

I can't address everything here for time, but if you possibly do own half the house, why are you moving? Make him move out.
More details!
In case you don't know it, 1/2 of everything -assets, debts (even secret ones he might have), furniture, you name it- belong to you.
Why would you move out and leave him everything?

It sounds to me like you're looking for a separation and a new life to try and discover who you really are after all these years.
I agree with all the above, but I'm thinking you are ultimately looking for reassurance that you can do this on your own and advice from others who have been in similar situations.

My only question to you is, do you have a career and skills to get a good job once you move to Florida? Having a good job that you enjoy goes a long way in helping someone feel good about themselves. Being able to support yourself is important. It's also a great way to meet new people.

I moved from my home and job in Michigan, back in my mid-twenties, to south Florida. I had my degree by then and two years experience in my medical field to fall back on. I wasn't divorcing anyone, although the move was precipitated by me deciding to call off my engagement. I did have two sets of grandparents who'd retired to the same town, though . . . and one surfer friend.

Still, my advice is to find a local group you have a true interest in (hiking, yoga, exercise, cooking, fishing, etc.) and make new friends that way. Joining a local church is also a good way to start making friends and feeling a part of your new community.
Even though I was only in my mid-twenties when I moved away from my family and friends, I know definitively that I grew and evolved in major and very positive ways in doing so. Although I believe that we continue to evolve throughout our entire lives, I know without a doubt that I became the basic person I am today because I took that chance and dived into life. I wish you the very best. Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing.
Lynn

I won't address any of the legal issues, but I agree with other posters that you should make sure you understand all of the ramifications of your actions before you make the big move.

As far as the move itself, there are lots of single women these days who are interested in doing things together. You will have to make an effort to join organizations to meet people, but once you have established a set of friends, you don't have to be active in the organizations.

I would suggest you spend a month in your brother's place on a vacation basis, not as a permanent move, and see what the area offers. Maybe one of your good friends from home who is outgoing would go with you for a week to help you scope out the area. It's always more fun to explore a new area with a friend.

Thanks everyone.
We are not formally separating or divorcing. We own everything 50/50 and he is not and I am not the type to cheat the other out of anything (I know, I know). However, at this point I don't want to involve the lawyers yet.

My job: I work from home, I can work anywhere with an internet connection. I go into the office once a week because I can, but our dept. has people who work in several distant states. I will explain to my boss and she will understand.

My best friend is going to drive down with me and stay for a few days and then I will fly her back home. She is upset but understands. I have known her longer than my husband (we all went to college together).
I have thought about joining a church and doing volunteer work to get out and meet people and not focus on myself.

My husband will not move out; he has 3 dogs (his choice not mine); he would not be able to find a place to live that he/we could afford especially with 3 dogs. MD is a very expensive state and Florida is not.

I think he would continue on this way indefinetley; oblivious to what is going on around him. I don't want to go to a counselor; even if he promised to change to meet my needs - it's kinda too little too late.

I agree; I will give it a month and think it thru before I do anything permanent.
thank you all for your thoughts, j

Justine,
I just want to say good luck! I don't have advice really, I just want to send good wishes to you. I know this must be difficult for you and your family.

Beth P.

"We are not formally separating or divorcing. We own everything 50/50 and he is not and I am not the type to cheat the other out of anything (I know, I know). However, at this point I don't want to involve the lawyers yet."

I've heard that before. Be the first to lawyer up--- then worry about whether you'll be able to cope with the move.

You may not be as 'alone' in this idea as you think.... apparently it is becoming quite a trend for retired women to push for living apart from their longtime spouses. These women don't want legal separations or divorces for a variety of reasons, but they recognize that they want very different day-to-day lives, and so they are going for it....

Here is a link that might be useful: Women want a different kind of retirement...

Even if you really trust your spouse to do the right thing, I would still consult a lawyer, even together, to make sure you both understand any legal/financial ramifications of living in separate states but remaining married. It will be acting above board and give both of you peace of mind.

I strongly suggest you move to an over 55 community...and Florida has them in spades. They will have many activities to participate in both social like dances, barbecues, etc to classes like photography, sewing, just about anything you can think of as well as card, book clubs, etc., making it a lot easier to meet people and not feel isolated living alone in a regular apartment complex.

Good luck and keep us posted!

To what city will you be moving?

Your question seems to be about how you settle into a new community. I agree with other posters who said, join an interest group. We moved to a totally new community and Ive met friends through volunteer work, a book club and a cooking club.

Many posters have also answered other questions, ones you didn't ask. So I will too!

First, you are looking to move to an entirely different state, and you say it is too late to change. But you are not formally divorcing. Why on earth not? That makes no sense to me. And, it is risky financially.

Fast forward the clock a few years, you are in FL, and he is living in your house in MD with 3 dogs ... and another woman. Still ok with the situation? I doubt it. You can't start over, as you say you want to do, without ending what you have. My 2 cents, unsolicited.