Alberta, I think the subject of wood chips is worth exploring, especially since I have a chipper/shredder and have started adding small wood chips to my compost :). Wood chips that are not fresh will probably take some time to break down, but they do break down. When they have broken down, they modify the soil in a way that's different that the usual compost-modified soil; they leave organic material that is favorable to fungi. Trees and perennials prefer a fungal soil, and fungal soils tend to be acidic. Annuals/vegetables favor bacterial soils. But I suspect that a 'bacterial' soil, like a vegetable garden bed, would benefit from the addition of woody material. Most plants will form a mycorrhizal relationship if conditions are right, and since the breakdown products of woody material support fungal growth, it makes sense to me that some woody material will benefit a vegetable garden bed. So, I'm starting to incorporate chipped wood (small chips) into my compost, and I'm going to add some wood chips to the mulch that I cover my garden beds with. Not a lot of wood chip mulch, certainly less than an inch, probably about 1/2 inch.

susieq, I tried the site, didn't work. Thought I'd download Internet explorer,and try picasa from that. (using google chrome usually). that didn't take either. something must be stopping the downloads. ??

Cacbeary- I may be a little late with this posting, but, better late than never! I don't think it is sick at all for your mom to place a stepping stone at your father's grave. Everyone grieves differently. I think it is a terrific idea. I also think it is better than a bunch of fake flowers that you buy at Walmart. No offense to anyone who does this, I do this, too. Not everyone can have a stepping stone at their grave. Its a very lasting momento. I, for one, think it is very sweet and a suggestion that I may make to people who want to commerate their loved ones. It would also be great for kids to do and then as they get older it will always be there. I'm into it. Kelly

I second what mizscarlett said. PTSD or even TSD is a very real thing that happens to many people, not just soldiers. Arcy- I understand why you wrote what you did, it is the common stance of the general public to abused and battered persons; I used to feel much the same. BUT....unless you have lived through it yourself and had the same crushing emotions, guilt, worthlessness and self loathing that these people have experienced from years of emotional abuse, you really are in no place to judge. It is easy to view as an outsider and say, "you should have just left", it is FAR more difficult to do when you've been, slowly over time, made to live in fear for your life and the lives of those you love or been made to believe that you are, in fact, worthless. The worst damage people like OPs husband do isn't physical, it's emotional and mental. Her mother was willing to pay for the divorce but she was so worried for her mother's safety from this lunatic that she was willing to endure additional abuse to keep her mother safe. You berating her for something she already regrets is simply blaming the victim and encourages other people to NOT come forward. Many people who are abused (not saying this is necessarily the OPs stance) state that their abuser is quite charming at first, a "catch". Slowly, over time the verbal and emotional abuse escalates but they still say, "s/he's so great, and they've never hurt me!". Then the first time comes and they are physically abused. They are so shocked that it happened and "it's never happened before" that they write it off. It happens again, a few months go by and it happens again...and again....and again. At this point it is happening at an alarming frequency but by this point, the battered person is so broken, so ashamed at not recognizing what was initially happening, that they stay silent. The victim blames themself. THEN, in worst case scenarios, they begin to actually believe what the abuser says. They believe they deserve this. They believe they messed up, believe they are worthless, believe they are at fault. Frankly, as much as I want to judge and blame someone for their past mistakes, I can NOT sit by and blame a battered person for their poor decisions regarding their abuser. It's not right and it's not fair. msgenie- you've been given some great advice already. The only thing I can add to it is that you've already given him power and control over 50 years of your life. He is gone now and you can finally live. Try to NOT let his ghost take any more of your life from you. You only get one life, one chance at this big game; make it count. Regret nothing, learn from it.