Moron In The Kitchen!

16 years ago

I just couldn't do anything right tonight. Everybody was super busy all day, no time to make a real meal. We decided to take it easy and just cook up some frozen potstickers and edamame. A no-fuss 15 minute grazing meal, right?

Arrrrrrrgh. In a hurry, I cranked too much heat on the potstickers and welded them too the pan. Then I added too much water and turned them to mush. Shoved the soggy potstickers under the broiler to brown and dry them out, a salvage operation. Got distracted and burned them to black lumps. Dumped two dozen former potstickers in the trash. Plan B, frozen spring rolls. Blackened these too. But my brother-in-law and mother-in-law scarfed them up anyway. Now the kids had nothing to eat. Breaded and baked some shrimp and served with aioli that I had in the refrigerator. Oops, the kids don't like shrimp. Getting desperate now. Dug some cod fillets out of the fridge, sauteed them in a cream-wine sauce and plated over sushi rice. In-laws ate those too. Darn it, kids don't eat fish. What am I thinking? Hunted up some more potstickers. SWMBO started cooking these, since I was beginning to gibber. Then she walked away and forgot about them. I came to my senses and managed to finish these. Wow, I actually managed to successfully cook a pre-cooked potsticker. Kids finally had something to eat. Then the cleanup. Oil was scorched onto my nice new Sur La Table pan, something fierce. I had to scrub for half an hour to get the pan clean. Whew. Finish washing everything and putting it away. Wiping down the oil-spattered range. This 15 minute meal had turned into a two hour fiasco. Wait, what's that in the microwave. The forgotten edamame, that's what.

Moron, just a moron.

Only good thing, I discovered a cheating shortcut for making sushi rice. You know how you're supposed to cook the rice and then carefully fold in the rice vinegar, sugar, and salt while your apprentices fan the rice. Well, if you simply add that stuff to the water in which the rice is cooked, it comes out as a passable imitation of sushi rice. At least, by the wretched standards of tonight, it was passable.

Anyone else have nights when they can't boil water?

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Comments (14)

empress
16 years ago
Yes, and when I do, I try to remember to stay far away from my knives.

Your "saga" had me chuckling, because I have been right there with you every step of the way. Tomorrow will be better. It has to be, right?
beanthere_dunthat
16 years ago
I haven't had one that bad in a while, but one day last week I had the dropsies so bad that it got to the point that I took out the paper cups. Did you know soy sauce doesn't come off white walls very easily?
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teresa_nc7
16 years ago
And an uncovered bowl of marinating cucumbers can and will explode from the fridge if you are trying to fit(shove) one more dish into an already crowded fridge. Picture it: salad dressing on the fridge shelves, on the inside of the fridge door, on the floor, running down my arm and....in my hair. Step away from the kitchen, Teresa!
John Liu
Original Author
16 years ago
It had better be. 12 of us are spending the weekend at the coast. I'm supposed to head out early and have dinner ready when the rest arrive. The order is for Chinese. I'm bringing a bagful of Asian-specific ''stuff'' that I don't want to buy there (mirin, soy, rice vinegar, ginger, black vinegar, sesame oil, etc), a couple of woks, and my cleaver. The rest will be figured out when I find the local grocery store. Many opportunities to botch it. Here's hoping to have my head in the game. And no salad dressing facial.
caliloo
16 years ago
Yes, I have had days like that and yes, I am VERY thankful when one is over and I feel like I ma in the clear for a while! But I am LOLing at your story.

Good luck, and there is no way you will have another day like that so soon so enjoy your time with your friends.

Alexa
sally2_gw
16 years ago
What impresses me is that your quick dinners include pot stickers, edamame, fish, aioli, etc.! My quick and easy dinners include a can opener and Progresso Soup, or a potato and an oven.

Yes, I've had times like that in the kitchen, too. It's frustrating.

Sally
annie1992
16 years ago
OK, it's not really funny, we're laughing WITH you. Yeah, that's it. (grin)

Yes, I think we've all had those days, mine is usually the result of trying to do too many things at once and doing none of them successfully.

My "fast" meals usually consist of eggs and homemade bread made into toast, or maybe pancakes.

Have fun this weekend and be careful with that cleaver!

Annie
jimster
16 years ago
I love slapstick comedy. I just don't want to star in it. LOL

Jim
sowngrow (8a) G
16 years ago
Ha ha ha! I need to print that off to read when my days are going the same way. Then, I won't feel so bad and alone in my ineptness. Thanks for the laugh.
Robin
spacific
16 years ago
Funny you mention potstickers. Last night DH was working late, so I though I'd make potstickers, rice and edamame for myself and DS...one of those "easy" 15-minute meals. Felt one of those days coming on... We went out to eat instead. I think you got my bad potsticker meal. Sorry!
mustangs81
16 years ago
I had a Moron In The Kitchen experience; unfortunately it was Easter Sunday Dinner for 20 family members. I was eager to serve my new recipe for "fried corn". I wanted to keep in warm in the chafing dish; I lit the sterno, walked away and returned to see a blow torch situation that turned the corn into "burnt corn".

Then I didn't taste the bourbon baked beans until the dinner and found the off taste of bad bacon. I suspected it when I was making it but forged ahead.

The eggplant for the casserole was too tough and wouldn't slice. Guests were spooning out a serving only to get half the casserole hanging off the serving spoon.

Teresa-that must have taken a long time to clean up.
shaun
16 years ago
Guests were spooning out a serving only to get half the casserole hanging off the serving spoon.

Cathy, THAT made me laugh!
sheshebop
16 years ago
I have had many moronic days in the kitchen, but the worst one was when I start at 5:00 pm on a Sunday and preheated the bottom oven where we keep the pizza stone, to 500 degrees for one hour. Then I make the homemeade pizza, go to the bottom oven and open it...it was cold. I had accidentally heated the top oven. So. Hubby, who must be much smarter than me, put the pizza stone in the top oven, which was already 500 degrees. Meanwhile, I turned on the bottom oven to 500 degrees, not realizing that he put the stone in the top oven which was already hot. So, 60 minutes later, go to put the homemade pizza in the bottom oven, and the pizza stone was in the top oven, which by now was no longer hot.
So, finally we got our heads together, and moved the stone back to the bottom oven where it goes, and preheated the stone for only a half hour or so. Needless to say, our hopes for an early supper were shot. We ate at 9:30. Hubby looked at me and said, "What will happen when we get old and forgetful?"
So then I removed my head from my butt and washed my hair.
jimster
16 years ago
Please don't do as some idiots have done and hide fireworks or ammunition in an oven.

Jim

Moron In The Kitchen!

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