Omg! You are an animal lover. You will not be able to live with yourself knowing the abuse this poor pup receives. I know. Something similar occurred with a former neighbor of mine . It was many years ago and I can still be in bed , ready for sleep when those memories of what I should have done strike. My heart still aches and my anger for those people, and myself, still lingers. I should have nabbed the dog when they were gone and placed him in a distant, compassionate shelter as a dog I'd found wandering in that shelters area.
It will take too long, with much effort from you to see that the dog is
Legally removed, and as you've stated, put your pets in peril.
The guys an ignorant jerk who lwill probably not change . Horrid situation...so sorry for you, truly. Get that dog out, please. And thank you for your caring heart.

Please help that dog!

Well, I suppose Olychick is right...if you can avoid the offensive people and enjoy the other neighbors, why not go if you want to? As far as the dog...I understand your reluctance, given your fears of losing your own pets to report the abuse. Could you ask someone else to report it?

I don't think one person complaining will get the dog taken away. But I'd definitely call the Humane Society and tell them everything to get their opinion on what steps can be taken to help the dog.

One problem you may run into at the party if you ask around to see if others have witnessed the abuse (which would back up your case), is you could be asking the wrong person and they'd go tattling to the abuser. Sticky sticky situation!

If you see it again, KEEP telling him to stop!!! Tell him all of our parents did something stupid but that's no reason for us to do the same!

And if he says the dog shows him a LOT of affection, then tell him "of course he does, he's a whipped pup and is afraid of getting hit!" Then run. :) Seriously, if he can hit a dog, he can hit a human being.

"Seriously, if he can hit a dog, he can hit a human being."
Excellent point Oakley! Very scary stuff.

I understand your point too, Oakley, about "be careful who you talk to." I wonder if a friend or co-worker of Betsy's--someone outside the neighborhood, could be enlisted to make a call to the authorities? The person could say they were driving through the neighborhood and witnessed the abuse. I don't know. (I know lying is not a good policy.) I just don't want Betsy to lose her beloved pets, but agree that action needs to be taken on behalf of the abused dog. Betsy, can you report animal abuse anonymously?

Oh my God. Give one of us (I'll volunteer) this guy's name and address and we will report this heinous abuse anonymously. That poor little dog ... I cannot even fathom a person who strikes an animal.

Betsy, What breed of dog is it? There are people out there who look out for certain breeds, all you have to do is call and explain. Honestly, I think the dog should come up missing in a mysterious way during the party.
The human society and such have to go through a long process to remove an animal. If the guy is punching his dog in the head/mouth it's only a matter of time before he completely loses it. I have a retriever who was badly abused by her first owner, she had a couple of grand operation on her back end right before we adopted her (vet gave 50% off to the pet mobile) her tail has many healed brakes and she has suffered a lot due to her injuries throughout her life. We gave her a good home and lots of love...just like that dog will get.

Is it at all possible to enlist someone to take the dog during the party? Could a gate be "mysteriously" left ajar, and the dog is simply no longer there when they return home?

Stupid, ignorant jerks. Both of them.

Jterri and Sunny...I like your ideas. This dog's home life is heartbreaking and terribly disturbing.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." (Edmund Burke)

Ditto what Sunny said!!!

tina

Bestyears, I think we all agree with that...figuring out *what* to do, is tricky, though. I like the staged "lost" dog idea a lot. The tough part would be getting in & getting the dog out without being seen. I wish Betsy would come back so we could get more info.

Trust me, you won't get anywhere reporting his behavior to the police or animal control. Been there, done that. The dog would have to be near death before they will take the dog.

This is a darned if she does, darned if she doesn't situation.

If the dog mysteriously disappears, he needs to go to another home, not Betsy's.

If Betsy or someone else calls anonymously, then the guy will know without a doubt it was her.

I'd still call the Humane Society to get their advice on what to do so she can also be protected along with the dog. That's where I'd start. They will give her good advice at the least.

That's a shame, Graywings.

Good idea, Oakley. This is a sad and frustrating situation. I hope there's an answer.

I had the same situation once. I witnessed a neighbor using a kitten as a puck instead of a hockey puck, I went ballistic and he retreated. Then he used to go skiing and leave the kitten outside so one day while they were gone, the kitten came and sat on my window sill shivering. I had called the spca and other agencies to no avail so I took it in the house, fed it and then got in my car and brought it to my mom in law who had it (Sooty, a Russian blue) for 16 years. She loved that cat so much. Did I do wrong, hell NO. Did I care that he might suspect me, my answer would be prove it. Now I was much younger then and may have taken a different course now but, who am I kidding, I'd do the same lol.

When you call to turn someone in or get advice you must give your name, address and phone number. How do I know this? I learned the hard way what its like to try and do things the right way. In my neighborhood there was a little beagle mix running around loose all the time. Every one complained about the loose dog because many narrowly missed running it over and it would jump up on their work clothes when leaving in the morning. The owners of that dog also had a mean old dog that hung out on the opposite side of the road and would chase kids and parents walking by and try to bite them. Several people called the authorities but nothing was done. One day when my husband and I went for a bike ride the little beagle mix followed us and kept running out in traffic. Cars would stop and scream at us to get our dog out of the road. I was a nervous wreck. While I had never called the authorities on the dog owners I did stop by her house that day and told her of her dog running through traffic and how worried I was that the dog was going to get killed by a car. I asked her to please keep her dog safe in her yard. Well time went on and I guess the old dog tried to bite a baby, the authorities finally came and made the owners put up a fence. They were also fined for not being up to date on shots and tags. I guess it was a lot of money they had to pay because they were hopping mad.

Guess who got blamed??? ME! They figured since I was the one who "nicely" asked them to keep the little beagle mix in the yard so it wouldn't get squished like a bug that I must have been the one to call the authorities. Although no one gave a hoot, the dogs owners worked hard at trying to make me look bad for costing them $$$$$ for fencing, shots, tags and whatever else. Those people were so stupid, all they had to do was put in writing that they wanted the name of the person who turned them in. Heck that's all I had to do to find out. I found out it was the people behind me.

Your neighbors are physically harming the dog and the dog needs to come up missing. There are dog foster parents that will keep the dog until a good home can be found. Sometimes though, if it's a full bred dog there are rescue people who will go right up to the dog's owner and ask them to surrender the pet because there are allegations they are abusive. Sometimes that actually works (although I�m not sure of the odds).

Best bet for you is to be seen at the party having fun while someone else helps the dog come up missing.

I've stolen a dog before after I witnessed the owner 'teaching' it not to escape through a hole in the fence. I think it is the best solution here. If you live near Houston, call me, and I'll go get it. The situation is only going to get worse. The owner is not suddenly going to stop abusing this animal. More typically, it will escalate. It will get worse for the animal, and for Betsy to witness. You reached out to us here, Betsy -please, please reach out to a rescue group. Tell them you need a safe place for a dog, and see what they can do.

You are my new best friend, bestyears.

I think you really do need to report the abuse. You can't let your situation be the factor that prevents you from acting ethically and morally. I understand the impetus behind the suggestion to steal the dog, but I am not sure that is going to change anything with that family. They will just get another dog or he will escalate to people. I think we all need to stand up to bullies and let them know their behavior will not be tolerated. There is no excuse for his behavior-I don't care what is happening in his life and I would have said as much to his wife. Children, the elderly, and animals depend on others to watch out for them. That is our job as human beings. Please report him.

Cyn said:

". I think we all need to stand up to bullies and let them know their behavior will not be tolerated. There is no excuse for his behavior-I don't care what is happening in his life and I would have said as much to his wife. Children, the elderly, and animals depend on others to watch out for them. That is our job as human beings. Please report him."

Bravo, Cyn.

Yes, Cyn...bravo! We do need to stand up to bullies.

My 2 cents? Would it be easier if you no longer see the dog and find out he has 'died'? Is there anyway you could 'dognap' him? My friend and I talked her DH into doing it after seeing a neighbors dog tied up all the time, in a fenced in yard. It was a small dog so he used a pillowcase~no harm done to dog or man. In their case they kept the dog but maybe you could find a home for it, or take it to an adoption center.

What is the purpose for this 'man' to have a dog? Does he want a pet or just something to take his anger issues out on? Get the dog away, ASAP! I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. I hope I don't offend you.

Well, first of all, thank you everyone for validating my feelings and actions. I was feeling very lonely about this - as tho I'm the fanatical animal person that's over-reacting. I've been told that "it could be worse," "he'll be alright," and other such things. I think I can tell that all of you would have done the same thing I did. Believe me, I am nothing less than appalled and I cannot stop thinking about it, which is why I exploded the way I did. I've had to take sleeping pills to shut my head off at the end of the day. Yesterday, I accidentally stabbed myself with a pitchfork, after which I went into my backyard and bawled like a baby bc of all the pent up anger and frustration. It's easy to condemn me for not taking immediate action, but I AM caught b/t a rock and a hard place. Clearly, you are all animal lovers. How would you feel if a cop came to your door and told you that you had to get rid of a beloved pet in one day. Think I'm exaggerating? It happened to me. At my former home on over an acre in the country, where I'd lived for over 10 years and had a potbelly pig for 8 years, ONE newly elected board member on our town board either decided that he didn't want PBPs in our town, or he just wanted to be mean, but he had a fit that I had one and demanded that it be removed. Mind you, my neighbors loved my piggy, and she was never any problem in any way. I had to take off of work to attend board meetings, I researched and put together booklets about PBPs to educate all of the board members, etc. etc. You know what finally put a stop to this months' long agony? The jerk lost his job and had to move. You've seen the examples above of people who tried to go through the proper channels and what happened to them. If my neighbors retaliated by taking one of my pets, I would die. If I had to get rid of, or even temporarily relocate my pets, I would die. Don't think that up to this point I have been standing idly by. I have brought the dog over to my house and taken care of him while they are at work several times and offered to do more. I've bought him bully sticks. I've sent them emails about the local dog park. Etc. Etc. If I hadn't blown up at him last weekend, I think the kidnap idea would be great, but you know they will now blame me. And then I will live in fear. I will talk to the humane society. I'm thinking that maybe they can investigate under the guise of doing follow-up on a placement. I also like the idea of soliciting another neighbor to file a complaint but, believe it or not, that will not be easy. The pickins are slim and I do run the risk of being tattled on. But, there were several incidents that took place in his front yard that many other people could have seen. I composed a reply to her email, which I accidentally sent bc I was editing it on my phone (never again!). I wasn't going to send it until I calmed down a little, but, well, it's done now. I've pasted it below.
I so, so appreciate everyone's support and suggestions. I will keep you posted. In the meantime, as I do, please keep this poor dog in your thoughts and prayers. Bestyears, I love it that you volunteered to be the muscle. I wish I did live near Houston.

My comments are in red and purple:

CRUEL: willfully or knowingly causing pain or distress to others. Source: dictionary.com

Hi Betsy,
I just wanted to let you know that I feel upset that you have put [husband] and I in the position where we feel we need to defend ourselves to you. It was not your place to say anything and it makes me so sad that with everything we have going on in our lives right now, that you have decided to attack [husband]'s character. After witnessing several instances of physical abuse of [dog], I felt I had to come to the defense of an innocent animal. I never attacked [husband]'s character. I asked him to reconsider his actions of using cruelty to discipline a dog. Whatever anyone may ever have going on in their life is never an excuse for abuse.
Obviously, whatever I say will not change your mind, but I want you to know [husband] is an extremely compassionate person, animal lover and has a great respect for all living things. You don't show respect by inflicting pain.
He will not even kill spiders!! He catches them and lets them go outside. Spiders. Really. Hardly relevant.
So for you to call him cruel and make comments like he mistreats our dog, you could not be further from the truth and [husband] is deeply upset about this. We are a very loving family who even lets [dog] sleep in bed with us! We obviously do not agree with you on how to discipline dogs, but we would never criticize you for your lack of discipline because it is not our place.
It is ironic because you have often commented on how well behaved [husband's sister]'s dogs are and every person in [husband]'s family trains dogs the same way- when they do something wrong we show him what it is and then he gets a a tap on the snout. "Ironic?" Hmmm. Well, here's the definition of "irony"; an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected. Again, not following your sense of relevancy. Had I known, which I did not, that [husband's sister]'s dogs were trained with physical abuse, I would not have been complimentary. Now I know why no one ever answered me when I asked how she got them to behave that way. The ends do not justify the means. A "tap"? Wow. I guess I've never seen a PUNCH by a drawn-back, closed fist of someone several times the size of the victim considered a tap before. How is a dog to know what it is doing wrong if you don't train it properly with specific, timely commands? What is the theory? Every single book or article that I've read on discipline advocates positive reinforcement. Is the theory just to beat the animal to the extent that it is paralyzed in terror every time you raise your voice? How admirable. So, in this latest instance, [husband] repeatedly yelling [dog]'s name, cornering him and then punching him and dragging him by his mouth somehow conveyed the message that - what?
I just hope that we can move forward, but I want you to know that we feel it was inappropriate for you to confront [husband] and would appreciate it if go forward, you could keep your nose out of our business. I acted out of concern for [dog], an innocent dog, just as I acted out of concern for [4 yr old dev disabled daughter] when I retrieved her from the middle of the street when she was out of [husband]'s sight. I've only ever tried to be kind and helpful to your family. I didn't say anything when, knowing that you were going to completely re-do your yard, you let the weeds get so out of hand that I now have massive amounts of creeping charlie in my previously perfect yard, destroying my lawn. I don't complain when night after night, day after day, sometimes after 10:00 at night, [husband] runs his loud saw in the backyard. I had to leave my home and go to a park many times last summer in order to enjoy some peace and quiet outside of work hours, but I never mentioned it to you. I've bought your children gifts. I was happy to go over and get [dog] and care for him for several hours after you called me for help after you had the fight with your mother-in-law. I've offered repeatedly to help take care of [dog] while you are working, and the thanks I got was to be blamed for his being sick. Was that a vet's diagnosis? I helped retrieve [dog] and [4 yr old dev disabled daughter] when I knew that [husband] was overwhelmed. I bought bark collars at $80 each to abate my dogs' barking in order to be considerate. I've prayed many prayers for [4 yr old dev disabled daughter].
We respect you enough not to confront you with what we view as your short comings so would appreciate the same respect. "Your short comings" [sic]? Being nasty is not a sign of respect. I thought that you were a kind-hearted person that would hopefully try to convince [husband] to be kinder to [dog], to not continue the cycle of abuse apparently set by the example of his father. I had hoped that cruelty was not something that you would want your children to witness or learn. I guess I was wrong. I criticized something that [husband] did, not [husband]. I did not act hatefully, as you are in your response.
Thank you.
As I told [husband], I don't intend to interfere. I don't want to fight with you. And I won't have a pissing match over email. After I send this, I'll block your email addresses, so don't bother composing and sending any more mean-spirited emails.
I would appreciate the return of the key to my house that [husband] "misplaced."
I wish you and your family well.

There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.
―Elie Wiesel

He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals.
―Immanuel Kant

There are some people in my neighborhood who don't take care of their cats. The cats are left outside in all seasons (we live up north, it's cold in winter) and cry to be let in. They don't really feed their animals either -- they'll take off for days and leave one bowl of cat food outside. I'm pretty sure the raccoons get it before the cats do! I've fed the cats. Eventually I just brought the cat inside and took care of it. The cat was adorable and sweet. We worked it out with a local rescue and rehomed it. I don't think people who treat animals badly should be allowed to keep them. If something happens to this puppy (hopefully because you have taken it and found it a foster situation with a rescue group) those people may go out to the various rescue groups looking for a NEW one. You should call your local rescue groups and give them these people's address and names. The rescues will put them on a DNA (Do Not Adopt) list so that they cannot get another puppy or cat or any other animal and put it through more misery. The DNA list is something most rescue groups have and are familiar with.

Betsy,
My heart goes out to you -it is obvious that you are a very compassionate person and that this is tearing you up.

You wrote, "I will talk to the humane society. I'm thinking that maybe they can investigate under the guise of doing follow-up on a placement." Are you saying that they got this dog at The Humane Society? In that case, I think you are on to something in suggesting that they could act under the guise of a 'follow up'. I worry though that even if you don't give them your name, your neighbor may assume your involvement. Are you are afraid he will retaliate by reporting you, and that may lead to the loss of some of your animals? Do you feel concerned that he may harm your animals as well? Your stress level must be sky high over this. The one advantage of the dog coming up missing, especially if it was say two weeks from now, is that it doesn't seem as likely that he would suspect you or retaliate. If the dog did come up missing, I'm wondering if you could call the Humane Society and simply report that this man has been abusive and you'd like to report that (anonymously!) so that he isn't able to adopt another animal (from there anyway).

This is probably a pie-in-the-sky-idea, but is there any chance he would watch a Cesar Milan's dog-training DVD?

Here is a link that might be useful: Cesar Milan

I'm not going to sleep well tonight. You are in a hard place but someone has to do something. I guess you could get a neighbor to call the authorities, the dog might still be alive by the time the powers that be are able to do something.

Wow...this is a pickle. Before you'd sent the email I would have said yes, go to the party and not to their house portion. Now, I might have to reconsider that.

On the one hand, going means you're not going to be bullied-and I can guarantee that you're going to be the subject of conversation-later...but on the other, by going, you might set yourself up for confrontation.

One thing that I'm curious about...is there something going on in that family that is causing them great stress? I'm not making any excuses for hitting that dog...that is inexcusable, but I'm trying to find out what their defense, poor as it may be, would be to others when the subject comes up...and it WILL come up.

It would be a very bad idea to dognap the dog, especially in light of your conversations with them and your position with your pets. In some cases you could be charged with a crime! What animal resources do you have in your area? Are there rescue groups? Is your HS proactive or just a shelter? These are important to know. Where I live, it is a criminal offense to intentionally harm an animal not considered a rodent or nuisance. We have a strong animal abuse system and rescue agencies. If you don't have that kind of civil support, you might be up a creek.

At a minimum I'd document, document, document and try to keep the dog out of harms way in any way you can. You're not likely to ever dog sit again, now that the line in the sand has been drawn (in their eyes), so maybe you can work with the dog when they're not home? They're going to claim he's only 'traning' the dog...but can you do something to help get the dog trained?

I'm sickened by this. DH has yelled at our neighbor when he hit his dog. That dog has bit DH, but he'd never harm it. The neighbor got a little put out but then apologized to DH for being a jerk and hitting his dog. Since then we've only seen him be nice to the dog.

Wish I could help you...but I think you're going to have to do whatever you can to find outside help. Good luck...oh, and yeah, go to the event. Now that I think of it, you will need to show face and show you're not a crazy witch, you're the one in the right and you might find that you actually get some allies rather than enemies. I doubt most people will have the nerve to say something negative to your face. Hold your head high, you did the right thing.

I would attend the party.

I will never understand amimal cruelty. Her email to you ...WOW. Just wow.

"So for you to call him cruel and make comments like he mistreats our dog, you could not be further from the truth and [husband] is deeply upset about this."
Deeply upset?! Boo frickin hoo. I could pick her whole email apart but I won't. I don't think your response was out of line. It would concern me that they have a, as you say, 'misplaced' key. If they don't return it real soon, I'd consider having the locks changed.

I was going to suggest temporarily having someone else take some of your animals. How many pets does the city allow? I'm assuming you'll have no warning if someone comes to your door. I'm an animal lover too and wouldn't give mine up so I can imagine your frustration.

Oh Betsy, what a mess! Poor dog, poor you. I think you are taking the best next step calling the HS. I wish you well with that...keep us posted!

I agree with Pesky that going to the party is a way of standing up to the bullies. This is your block too, and you pay handsomely for the privilege of living on it. You are entitled to enjoy the pleasant people & activities there. (I also would simply not want to share the same air space as this devil!) If you do go, would you please let us know how it went?

Praying for wisdom and guidance and safety for you, safety, care and love for the dog.

I'm an animal lover with pets. I would report anyone I saw abusing an animal. Even if nothing were done immediately, there would be a record of the complaint, which would help the next time.

If Betsy seriously wants to report this man with a clear conscience, she needs to first come into compliance with her town's rules and place some of her pets with new owners. There's really no other honorable way to do this. Dog napping or trying to get someone else report the neighbor is obviously unethical.

As a side note, the fact that the OP and neighbor have each others' email addresses may indicate a prior friendship that complicates the situation. In any case, the protracted email correspondence about the incident was extremely inadvisable, and---- to be perfectly honest, a little strange.

You need to report this. You have said that you have witnessed several occasions. I had a similar situation. Our neighbors had a small maybe 5-9 pound cockapoo. The husband was upset when the wife brought the dog home. Husband is a neat freak. Trades his cars in every 6 months or so when they get dirty. One summer the wife and gets went to her family's home for 2 weeks. This was during the summer. Husband ties the dog to a tree with a plastic bowl of water that was tipped over at the start of the day. Did I mentioned that it was 90 degrees and above? I would go and get the dog and bring her to our house during the day.

A friend of mine convinced me to call the SPCA. I did and they said they do not give the offenders the name of the person who files the complaint.

They did go to them and talk with them . The SPCA also followed up with me telling me what they had done. He did not put the dog out front again and I checked to see if he was putting the dog in the backyard.. About 3 months later the owners gave the dog up.

As for your situation, does the neighbor know the ordinance about how many animals you are allowed. I don't think most people know there is such a thing.

My real concern is that he has done this many times. Do you know where he got the dog? Maybe you could report that abuse to them also.

I know this is a hard situation and a difficult situation. Good luck.

Betsy, I am so very, very sorry that you're in this dilemma. It certainly sounds as though this family has a number of difficult issues - not the least of which is the fact that the wife is in denial and is therefore enabling her husband's inexcusable behavior. I wish you clear-headed direction as you consider how to proceed, and also wish you a strong presence of peace. I understand how you feel.

Any chance the wife is being abused and therefore fearful of her husband? Do they have children? If so, I can't imagine how they would not be abused as well.

I would DEFINITELY go to the party, and put on your biggest smile. Schmooze. Bring baked goods. Get on everyone's good side . . .and then report.

My mom's neighbors had a sweet little dog. They were not abusive, but they were neglectful. They left it outside during cold weather all day. My mom would bring it in and care for it and talk to them about what the dog needed. (Parents were from a warm country were owning indoor dogs is not the norm.) My mom's not such a dog person, but she loved that dog. She was going to ask them if she could keep it, but before she had the chance, one of the children let the dog out and it got hit by a car and died.

Just think of the worst case scenario-- would you be OK with the dog dying? If not, then you need to do something.

Put on your big girl pants, own the fact that you are in violation of the town rules and the potential consequences of your known violation(s) and report that sorry sack of excrement to the proper authorities. Then attend the party with your head held high, knowing you did the right thing.

sandyponder

I love that there's a DNA, very encouraging. Thx for that info.
Pesky: They are under stress and shd never have gotten a dog in the first place. Wife was against it. She has migraines to the point of passing out and the daughter was born with two different diseases and has health probs. And, yes, I have been documenting.
I will go to the party and hold my head high. I did the right thing and I will continue to do everything I can to help this dog until I am sure that he is safe.
Again, I want to thank those of you who were so empathetic. I devote a considerable part of my time and resources to caring for the rescued animals I have. This IS tearing me up. To have people here be so critical of me, when I think that most people would look the other way, is really unfair. It's easy to dictate when you aren't the one that has to take action. I have enough to deal with without having to take that as well. So, I'm done here. Thx again; most of you are very caring people and have really given me a boost.

Well since I can't do anything for your neighbor's dog I just made a donation to the rescue league where I got my wonderful Rottie. I just love my dog and so does everyone in my neighborhood. There were lots of people around me who did not like the idea that I was looking to adopt a Rottweiler but they all changed their minds once they met him. He has a large group of friends of all sizes; even down to little chiwawa's that he has walking play groups with. I took my large breed adoption very serious and he started obedience classes soon after I brought him home. I also make sure he is well socialized.

Look at some of the sad stories on site as well as dogs up for adoption. Some people do not realize that you can sort of put an order in for the type of dog you would like to adopt. Some people want a dog that's good with cats, some want a dog that's good with children cats and other dogs, some want an older trained dog and some a young dog ect...

http://www.ggarr.org/rescue.html

Here is a link that might be useful: ABUSED & dogs for adoption

"This IS tearing me up. To have people here be so critical of me, when I think that most people would look the other way, is really unfair. It's easy to dictate when you aren't the one that has to take action. I have enough to deal with without having to take that as well. So, I'm done here."

You are kidding, right? Please show us where anyone criticized you! It couldn't have been this:
"If Betsy seriously wants to report this man with a clear conscience, she needs to first come into compliance with her town's rules and place some of her pets with new owners. There's really no other honorable way to do this. Dog napping or trying to get someone else report the neighbor is obviously unethical.

You are honorable, aren't you? And honest and ethical?

Or this:
Just think of the worst case scenario-- would you be OK with the dog dying? If not, then you need to do something.

Of course you need to do something. You know you do. You just don't want to jeopardize your own situation. You want to eat your cake and have it, too.

Not this:
Put on your big girl pants, own the fact that you are in violation of the town rules and the potential consequences of your known violation(s) and report that sorry sack of excrement to the proper authorities. Then attend the party with your head held high, knowing you did the right thing.

Nothing but support there. I don't see anything anywhere in this thread criticizing you, just pointing out that you, too, are violating the rules, which of course you don't want to hear. What kind of suggestions were you looking for?

You are in a pickle of your own making, Betsy. If you can't own that, then I guess you just have to watch that dog get abused.

Sherrmann, what exactly were you trying to accomplish with that post? Clearly Betsy is already under a lot of stress, and is struggling to do the right thing -and seems, btw, to be the only person on the street doing so at this point. If you can' t be helpful when someone asks for guidance, perhaps you ought to just say nothing.

No, bestyears, I stand by it. Did you see anything anywhere that was critical of her? I thought perhaps she needed a little stern talking-to to help her make the decision to do the right thing. Tough love.

And for those suggesting she ' rid herself of an extra animal , I mutter...". How judgmental.". Or..." spoken as one who has never been fully
Committed to an animal, with a love , while less meaningful and all -important, is still similar to ones love for a child. Good lord! The woman is not some hoarder. She has one cat too many and a pig that, as I understand it, was taken in prior to a law prohibiting it. She is bending the rules for the love of her critters...hardly demonstrating a lack of ethics. Let's ask auntjen!/ C. Cottage, or any of the hundreds here who adore their animals , to choose one to give up. Walk her mile, for heavens sake , and then try pulling up your compassionate panties.

I forgot AJ's new name....SunnyCottage,,but could substitute for most of us here, I suspect.
Marti.

Key element of tough love: = compassion. Never seen tough love be successful without it, though lots of fools try....

Betsyhac, this is a difficult thing to say, but you must make the best decision for the animals that you have.
My heart goes out to you, I truly understand. Daily, I have to drive by conditions that are appalling, yet quite legal.

There is nothing I can do legally and yes, that is important to me. I am the caregiver, daughter, pet lover of those totally dependent on my life and I will not jeopardize that to save another. That may sound selfish, but they are everything to me. I may not be able to save the world, but I can save one starfish. Those in my care already.

"And for those suggesting she ' rid herself of an extra animal , I mutter...". How judgmental.". Or..." spoken as one who has never been fully
Committed to an animal, with a love , while less meaningful and all -important, is still similar to ones love for a child."

That comment is completely non sequitur.. I suggested she bring her household into compliance with the laws and ordinances of her town, and really do not see what's wrong with that. If Betsy wants to live in accordance with her own stated values there is a price to pay. What is difficult to understand about that?

Perhaps, kwsl. My passion was in charge of that last post. Let me try again . I'f you've not been in her position, it would be easy to say , " be ethical at all costs. Do not break the law.". Also easy to lecture ethics and the law here if you've not loved an animal with all your heart. There are pet owners and there are those whose pets become more like family members. This love of one dog or cat, etc , often leads to a deep seated compassion and concern for all animals. In my case, to animal rescue. Betsy's " stated values" read to me as one who cares deeply for abused animals. For anyone to suggest she pay the piper and give up one of her pets to meet some code of ethics is pretty harsh . It must stem from a point of view of someone who either has not made the attempt to mentally take a "walk in her shoes'', or simply cannot make the connection. Doesn't make one heartless. People are different...... comimg from different places, and unable to see situations as others might. " Others", in this case ,being the majority of animal lovers. IMO.

.

.

No, I don't think it is harsh to expect a person to give up one of her own pets in order to live up to her own code of ethics. It certainly would not be easy, but it is the only clear thing to do in this situation that will then allow the OP to act on her principles. If she steals the neighbor's pet, she is acknowledging that the means justifies the end. How is that different, then, from the cruel dog owner who slaps his dog in order to train it?

I'm very sympathetic to the OPs feelings, but don't think she should be given a pass to put her own feelings above her duty to that defenseless dog. My three cents.... Evidently more than enough!

They know it's you so a covert operation is out of the
question....such as filming...

If your other neighbors are on board how about an intervention
Not the attack kind ~
More like "we understand the difficulties of training a dog~
This is what worked for me ~
Let's take walks together and help you work on the problems with the dog~"
Don't attack with what the husband is doing wrong..
Instead sympathize with having to deal with a difficult dog.

If you can take the wife aside and explain the dogs are like men~
If you want him to cut the lawn
you praise him when he does~
You do not nag him when he doesn't...
It's like when people rub the dogs nose in the pee accident in the house~
Better to have the party in the yard when he does it right..

If the dog was trained the husband could have called the dog to him and told him to "drop-it"..
No chasing ...no hitting.

To teach a dog to come on command carry treats in your pocket at all times~
(Yes I'm a treat person ! Don't go there people)
Call the dog over now and then and give them a treat..
The treats dwindle off but the dog will always come.

I've not always been this patient ~ I've had my share of miss-steps in dog training.

But......In the past 10 years I've had at least 5 puppies that have NEVER pee'd in the house...
I also trained them to go in the part of the yard I want them to go in.
Of course my neighbors want to know why there's a party going on in my back yard with every new puppy :)

I cannot imagine being forced to give up a beloved pet. However, I do not think that one can set aside integrity in this sort of situation. Morals and ethical behavior should not be mutable. That said, I might be convinced to steal that pup after all-I have been thinking about him constantly and would gladly give him a home here in northern VA. Doing something dishonest/illegal to save a life doesn't really seem wrong to me after thinking and thinking. Ignoring it does seem wrong.

Im with you cyn, I personally do not think there is hope for someone who punches a dog in the head with his fist several times.