It's too bad the DJ didn't get the adults dancing, it can really make for a fabulous time. Most DJ's know what gets people up on their feet , odd that he didn't.

I'm glad you had a good time after all !!

Bizarre, just bizarre. How did the bride and groom handle the changes? How did the bride's parents handle all this?

Ah, families. You can't pick 'em and you can't kill 'em. Good luck to the bride and groom.

".... and the "wedding cake", which they took flowers out of centerpieces to decorate."

Oh dear. Those flowers were sure to have had pesticides, fungicides and preservatives put on them. Flowers used for food are specially grown.

We didn't get to talk to the B&G, and never were introduced to her folks. It was pretty much a free-for-all, but it was overall nice. Couldn't help but compare to DD's wedding, which was five star (IMHO...and the feedback we still get nearly a year later).

The DJ...well, he was just bad. He'd play a song then all the sudden it would cut off sharply as he would go to another, such as when the party would begin walking down the aisle. It was rather jarring. And yeah, the music...prior to the ceremony it was a lot of big band and Italian songs. Then he switched to country, but not danceable stuff. And then he had the B&G dance, Bride & father, Groom & MIL, Groom & Stepmother, Bride & Step father, ad nauseum! Then more non-danceable music, pleasant but not dance music. I said he needed to play some Lady Gaga to get people moving and then he did! haha...but no one got out there primarily because there were so many little kids out on the dance floor.

That cake was never even brought out that we could see. They were serving cupcakes and had a small cake on top for cutting, so we never did see this cake that was last minute. Thanks for mentioning that dilly...I will tell BIL's wife since she's trying to open a baking business and her daughter supposedly 'does' weddings for people.

At least I had an excuse to get DH dressed nicely and managed to get a snap or two of us. DH's uncle was the officiant and he stayed with us for a couple days...that was very pleasant and we're grateful for that, since we just found out he's got cancer. He will learn on Monday what stage it's at, but it doesn't seem good from what he says. But despite that, we saw a beautiful young couple in love begin a life together and that was worth it.

Oh my. At least the bride knows from Day 1 what she's getting into in-law wise.

Good for you enjoying what you could & seeing beyond the craziness.

Getting confused as to who is on first...

Is this the SIL you aren't fond of?

Wow. Just never know.

Yes, this SIL (call her Bobby) is one for the books. We basically never speak to one another unless we have to. BIL and I get along great, it's her that I can't stand. Everyone in the family detests her.

The groom(Jerry) is BIL's (Will) son from his first marriage. The daughters are Bobby's from her first marriage. Bobby also had two sons prior to meeting Will, and together they had one kid (Jack).

Jerry's mother(Tina) married her 2nd husband (Don) when Jerry was a small boy. But then Tina & Don divorced and Don raised Jerry because Tina got involved with drugs and is out of the picture; Don petitioned for custody of Jerry when they divorced. Don and Will have always gotten along fine, and Don has pretty much been the main 'Dad' to Jerry. Don was at the wedding with his 2nd wife Ellen, who helped raise Jerry.

It is my understanding that the bride (Kathy) didn't really know Will & Bobby...she'd always considered Don & Ellen as Jerry's parents. She's never met Tina, nor had she ever met all Bobby's kids except for Jack. Jack was one of the groomsmen...they're half brothers and Jack went to live with Jerry after he finished HS.

DH and I have always been around Jerry as he was growing up, and have been fond of him. DH is his only uncle.

We can definitely say that the bride had a lot of class not to go all Bridezilla on Bobby and her band of classless crashers!

OMG, you need to sell that story to Hollywood for them to use . . . how bizarre! Your head must have been spinning, Pesky! That wedding sounds like the makings for a Chevy Chase Family Wedding (Vacation) movie! Hope the bride and groom had a good time despite it all.
Lynn

As the world turns...lol.

Haha...that's NOTHING! DH's family is really, well...really something. Honestly, I must love the man to have put up with his family all these years. Actually, we don't spend too much time with his family (wonder why?). You really could write a novel using the characters in his family.

He's actually got cousins that married sisters...and his ex, the mother of his son, married his cousin after they broke up. So his son's stepfather is his 1st cousin once removed as well. His half siblings are his 2nd cousins.

I found out that one of his aunts married her brothers wifes brother, and then another aunt married the son of her late husbands best friend. His late grandmother married her late husbands cousin...It's just so weird I can't follow it all.

I never knew all these things about how weird the relationships were until after we'd been together for a few years. He was pretty estranged from most of his family (except his parents & brother) for years.

OMG Pesky I'm dizzy, but I laughed my head off. The band sounds like it was put on by Hee Haw. Your a good story teller, truly. Well, you will laugh at this someday, your a good sport and a good wife.

....Jane

OMG pesky your DH's family sounds like ours. My grandfather and his older brother married my grandmother and her younger sister so their kids are "double cousins." One of my dad's brothers married a woman whose sister married their own first cousin, then my uncle's and aunt's DD married that aunt's son who was not only her first cousin but since his dad was a cousin I guess he's also her 2nd cousin once removed.

My dad's youngest brother married his 2nd wife and then his niece (DD of another brother - my dad has 4 brothers) married that woman's brother so not only are they uncle and niece but also BIL and SIL, and his kids from 1st marriage are her first cousins and also her kids' first cousins (by marriage, they're really 1st cousins once removed by blood).

DD doesn't have many playmates besides her 2nd cousins but I've told her she can't marry any of them. Though she really wants to marry her brother...

Glad no one ate the cake. Didn't they have a professional cake/cupcakes you said?

LOL!! I grew up with a song called, "I'm my own Grandpa." It was recorded on an old 78, which my parents collected.

Found the words on the internet...

Oh, many, many years ago
When I was twenty-three
I was married to a widow
Who was pretty as can be
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red
My father fell in love with her
And soon the two were wed

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life
For my daughter was my mother
'Cause she was my father's wife
To complicate the matter
Though it really brought me joy
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy

This little baby then became
A brother-in-law to Dad
And so became my uncle
Though it made me very sad
For if he was my uncle
Then that also made him brother
Of the widow's grown-up daughter
WHo of course is my step-mother

Chorus
I'm my own grandpa
I'm my own grandpa
It sounds funny I know
But it really is so
Oh, I'm my own grandpa

My father's wife then had a son
Who kept them on the run
And he became my grandchild
For he was my daughter's son
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue
Because although she is my wife
She's my grandmother too

Now if my wife is my grandmother
Then I'm her grandchild
And every time I think of it
It nearly drives me wild
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw
As husband of my grandma
I am my own grandpa

[chorus]

Heehee. Great song Gold! I always thought that my family had the big scandal...my Dad's parents were 1st cousins. My Grandmother confessed to me that she was so scared when she was pregnant that her children would not be 'normal'. Well, no one had 3 eyes or even 11 toes, so I guess the gene pool was diluted enough.

But DH's family...sigh.

Yes, the cake/cupcakes were from the caterer, thank goodness.

My cousin's kids that she had with her own cousin look normal (girls are beautiful) but I wouldn't want to mix any more genes from her mom's side of the family in there. Not sure about even mixing genes from her (& my) dad's side. The rest of the marriages were b/t non-blood relatives - kind of thought 2 brothers marrying 2 sisters was romantic, nothing wrong with that. But I tell my kids that it's generally not a good idea to meet your future spouse at a family reunion (or even worse, family birthday party since those are smaller!) LOL. Great song.

I've made wedding cakes before but never put fresh flowers on them due to contamination issues dilly mentioned. I suppose if you made sure every single point of contact was covered with wax paper, or a frosting-covered board that was removed (and then patched with new frosting) before serving it would be OK, but who wants to take the chance that a pesticide-treated petal or leaf contacted or dripped on part that was later eaten?

Oh I have cakes with beautiful pancies on top and I didn't die. You see them in magazines all the time. Of course I didn't eat a pancy.

I'd bet that the cakes decorated with pansies are done with the edible pansies. I can't imagine a magazine featured food would be decorated with pansies trimmed from the yard. That said, I really don't think that the hand picked flowers posed much danger to anyone eating the cake, so long as they didn't eat the flowers themselves. I can't imagine that even eating the flowers would be any more dangerous than some of the foods the general public consumes on a daily basis.

Whole Foods carries the edible pansies from time to time. They can be used to decorate a platter, cake, or added to a salad to make it "pretty".

Golddust - great lyrics!

Ajsmama - "But I tell my kids that it's generally not a good idea to meet your future spouse at a family reunion (or even worse, family birthday party since those are smaller!)". Very good advice. You are so funny!

Wow, didn't dawn on me that people were still actually marrying their cousins. I thought that practice would have ceased once all of science of genetics became common knowledge. Go figure. I guess that's where the saying "you can't choose your family" goes a bit awry. LOL

You can use pansies (or violets) from your yard as long as you don't use chemicals (fertilizers, weed control, etc.) on the lawn.

Charles Darwin actually married his cousin Emma Wedgwood, their common grandparents were Josiah (of pottery fame) and his wife, who also happened to be his cousin so the families were very "close" in more ways than one. The Darwins had kids but he was worried (actually starting to work on his theory of natural selection before they were married). Three kids died young, may have been genetics but also may have been just Victorian sanitation/medicine.

I don't believe any of the surviving children had offspring, however.

At a family birthday party last month, DD found a "boyfriend" in the grandson of a family friend (no relation). I was worried, my uncle (the one who is BIL to his own niece) said "At least they're not kissing cousins", I replied that I wouldn't worry about them kissing if they were cousins (I could allow kissing a relative hello and goodbye as long as it didn't lead to anything else), I didn't want her kissing someone who had been a stranger hours before and calling him her "boyfriend"!

Actually, I think most of us are so distantly related nowadays that an occasional marriage between cousins (the more "removed" the better, but even first cousins may be OK) is all right, but when two families (like the Wedgwoods/Darwins and my grandpa's and grandma's families) keep marrying each other the genetic bonds b/t "cousins" are stronger than most people's who share *only* a pair of grandparents with their cousins (out of 4 possible pairs).

If the "grandpa" in the song had a boy with his wife, and his father and the red-haired daughter had a girl and the two kids married - the young couple could potentially share 100% of their genes (Dad has A&B, son (singer) has A&C (from his mom), Wife has E&F, red-head has E&G (from her dad), so each kid has a chance of inheriting copies A&E of this gene). Better chance of only 50% shared (A or E) and of course some chance of none shared. This is for *each* gene (and I don't remember how many there are) so potential for genetic "siblings" marrying is practically nil. But depending on the gene, a 100% match in a single gene could be disastrous, as it is in the general population. I just don't know how much more likely it is to occur in related couples.

"Cousin marriage has genetic aspects that do not arise in the case of other marriage-related political and social issues like interracial marriage. This is because married couples possessing higher than normal consanguinity have, on average, an increased chance of sharing genes for recessive traits. Consanguinity means the amount of shared (identical) DNA, the genetic material. The percentage of consanguinity between any two individuals decreases fourfold as the most recent common ancestor recedes one generation. To cite some examples, first cousins have four times the consanguinity of second cousins, while first cousins once removed have half that of first cousins. Rare double first cousins have twice that of first cousins and are as related as half-siblings."

"In April 2002, the Journal of Genetic Counseling released a report which estimated the average risk of birth defects in a child born of first cousins at 1.72.8% over an average base risk for non-cousin couples of 3%, or about the same as that of any woman over age 40.[176] In terms of mortality, a 1994 study found a mean excess pre-reproductive mortality rate of 4.4%,[177] While another study published in 2009 suggests the rate may be closer to 3.5%.[2] Put differently, first-cousin marriage entails a similar increased risk of birth defects and mortality as a woman faces when she gives birth at age 41 rather than at 30.[178] Critics argue that banning first-cousin marriages would make as much sense as trying to ban childbearing by older women. After repeated generations of cousin marriage the actual genetic relationship between two people is closer than the most immediate relationship would suggest. In Pakistan, where there has been cousin marriage for generations and the current rate may exceed 50%, one study estimated infant mortality at 12.7 percent for married double first cousins, 7.9 percent for first cousins, 9.2 percent for first cousins once removed/double second cousins, 6.9 percent for second cousins, and 5.1 percent among nonconsanguineous progeny. Among double first cousin progeny, 41.2 percent of prereproductive deaths were associated with the expression of detrimental recessive genes, with equivalent values of 26.0, 14.9, and 8.1 percent for first cousins, first cousins once removed/double second cousins, and second cousins respectively.[179]

Even in the absence of preferential consanguinity, alleles that are rare in large populations can randomly increase to high frequency in small groups within a few generations due to the founder effect and accelerated genetic drift in a breeding pool of restricted size.[180] For example because the entire Amish population is descended from only a few hundred 18th century German-Swiss settlers, the average coefficient of inbreeding between two random Amish is higher than between two non-Amish second cousins.[181] First-cousin marriage is taboo among Amish but they still suffer from several rare genetic disorders. In Ohio's Geagua County, Amish make up only about 10 percent of the population but represent half the special needs cases. In one debilitating seizure disorder the worldwide total of 12 cases is exclusively Amish.[182] Similar disorders have been found in the highly polygynous FLDS, who do allow first-cousin marriage and of whom 75 to 80 percent are related to two 1930s founders.[183][184]"

from Wikipedia

ajsmama - Wiki isn't a textbook-type reliability source. Especially if you're talking genetics, or anything else of the same importance. Anyone, and I mean anyone can add information which may not be scientifically correct.

I think any blood-related couple that may be considering procreation would be well served to make an appointment with a genetics counsellor. So not worth a roll of the dice.

I didn't have time to do a really extensive search, just thought it was interesting after I was trying to figure out probabilities on the fly. Definitely would consider genetic testing (which I think my cousin and her aunt/MIL did). Wiki info was just FYI, I certainly wouldn't take it as gospel.

When I was pg with DD (who was IVF and had done testing on the embryo), went for u/s and radiologist decided to play genetic counselor even though she saw nothing abnormal, started asking a lot of ?s about DH's and my ethnic backgrounds, when heard he was part French picked up on French Canadian genetic problems and we had to say no, not Canadian, French from France! RE gave her an earful later about doing her job not someone else's. You have to make sure the person really has the credentials and is up on the latest research, just like any dr.

Did everyone sit around while the bride & groom opened their gifts, like a shower? That's always a treat.

haha, I don't know Bee. We left pretty early. I don't think the pesticide cake made it out, since they cut the small cake on top of the cupcake tower (pretty sure that was catered). They also offered cobbler, which we had a piece (delicious) and I know that was done in the commercial bakery on the parents farm.

LMAO at that song! At least the wedding wasn't at Wal Mart or Home Depot.

LOL, Texan. You'd be laughing even harder if you heard the actual song. I can hear that song in my head like it was played yesterday.