Breezy, i am so sorry to hear the news of your father. I just want to wish you and your family all the best in facing your tough times ahead.

Breezy--many thoughts and prayers going out for you, your father, and your family as you travel this road. Please don't forget to take care of yourself so that you can help take care of others.

Breezy,
Thoughts and prayers with you and your family. Your love will be of great comfort to your dad and to the rest of your family. Just being present can give untold emotional support to them. I sat in my mother's and my sister-in-law's hospital/bed room for many hours, just sitting and reading while they slept. But they always knew someone was with them (we took turns) and they never woke up alone. I know you have fears and your father has fears too. Right now everything seems so desperate. But in a few weeks you will settle into a new normal. They are making strides with all types of cancer. Best advice is go to where they treat that type of cancer a lot. Your Gardenweb family is here for you to vent your fears, sadness and frustrations. (((hugs))).

((((Breezy))))

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I am praying that the doctor's are wrong, and his biopsy reveals something else entirely.

Cancer sucks and can happen to anyone at any time--do not feel as if you were in la-la land, because we ALL are at times. Who wants to think about awful things, such as losing a parent? I surely don't.

As soon as I post this, I will lift your dad, you, and your entire family in prayer. I will pray for wisdom for your dad's doctors and strength and comfort to your whole family. I will pray that the Lord I know and trust will hold you close to Him, and that you feel the peace that passes all understanding.

Sweet girl, know that we all are thinking of you at this difficult time.

Blessings,
Shel

Breezy, you and your family are in my thoughts and I wish you all the best. I have been there - my mom passed away 10 years ago from melanoma.

I realize that you are probably not in need of advice from a stranger on the internet right now, but I want to echo what some of the previous posters have said: enjoy whatever time you have together now. It is very easy to get overwhelmed and stressed out, even if you are not a major player in coordinating care. That can lead to petty arguments and bad feelings, not good for anyone.

One more thing... If you haven't already, talk about end-of-life decisions sooner rather than later. If it comes to this, it will make all the difference if everyone is on the same page about your father's wishes. I didn't have that complete of a conversation on this topic with my mother, and ultimately had to make some big decisions at an emotional and high-stress time without being sure of what she would have wanted. I still feel bad about that today, so I tell everyone to get this stuff straight before you are in a situation where you'll need it.

Breezie, I'm sorry I missed your initial message. We also have been through this, just this last year kidney cancer. I haven't read all message, but from experience I second Annie and LavenderLass's messages.

I have one more to add that I hope you won't need. Hopefully your dad's personality or that organization so many recommend will make it unnecessary. Nevertheless, just in case: Fight this, yes, and plan on winning, but recognize that "positive thinking" is good for getting oneself up and fighting. Its record for willing oneself well is NOT good. Many studies on this have shown that people can be happy or unhappy, defeatist or convinced success is inevitable, and it really doesn't make a difference. So your dad does not have to lie to himself or others about how well he feels as part of "fixing" himself.

My dear fellow MIL, a lovely, vibrant person, whose own health-is-mostly-a-matter-of-attitude philosophy caused her to ignore literally months of warning signs and start fighting way, way too late, was convinced that her failure to beat her cancer was her own fault, her personal failure. She told me she was becoming discouraged in a weak moment, and I was shocked to learn that she blamed herself for not being strong and positive enough to marshal natural forces in her favor. For everyone else, tho, she had to spend her last weeks pretending and tending their illusions--that she wasn't suffering nearly as much as she was and that she was going to get well. Even the nurses seemed to require this peppy, can-do attitude that makes everything so much more comfortable for everyone but the one who counts most.

Best wishes to your dad and all of you.

Breezy,
So sorry to hear about your Dad. I'm amazed at all the good advice being given.
Take it all in, in your own time. Prayers and positive thoughts are going out to you and your family.

Breezy: Hugs and prayers for you and your family/Father. I'm with Oldhousegal... there is a whole world of non-mainstream medical options out there for people to take advantage of that have excellent results. There is a documentary on youtube titled "A beautiful Truth". It may be helpful for you to view it and if appropriate, share with your family.

Hi everyone. I sat down to try to read and reply to all your encouraging messages. I admit to only being able to get through the first few without breaking down.

I promise to come back tomorrow for more reading and to give an update when I'm not so exhausted. Please know that I can't sufficiently express my gratitude for your thoughts and prayers. Thank you isn't enough.

More tomorrow,
Wendy

Take your time my dear. Nobody here is expecting any type of response from you. You take care of yourself and your family. This thread is just to let you know we are thinking of you and some are sharing any ideas how they coped with similar situations.

The pain is very real that you are experiencing and it is quite normal. Just know we are here for you and keeping you in all of our thoughts.

Hang in there.
B

I'm so sorry to hear about your father's diagnosis. I hope he has the best outcome possible. (hugs)

Many hugs to you, Wendy...I am so very sorry for your pain. You'll be in my thoughts & prayers.

Dear Breezy...aka Wendy...All of our hugs and thoughts here are to give you a lift ...to give you the wings you need right now....hang in there ...we will keep you in our thoughts and prayers..

Beachpea...or the other Wendy

So sorry to hear this Breezy. Please know your are in my thoughts...

Breezy, I am so sorry to hear this news about your dear father. I am thinking of you. Sara

Breezy - I'm so sorry. That sucks. I know that isn't eloquent but it's honest truth. I'll be praying for you and your family. (Hugs)

Breezy just wanted to let you know my thoughts and prayers are with you. My mother was diagnosed with lymphoma last week and I can so relate. It's the hardest news to hear that our parents are sick. I am wishing you and your father and all of your family the very best. ((Hugs))

So very sorry to hear your news, Breezy. Please don't worry about answering here, we all know you are in the midst of a painful time and all we want you to know is that we are thinking of you. Take care.

Adding my ((hugs)) and prayers to the many coming your way.
I will stress the importance of being your own patient advocate these days. Be that, for your dad, and mom. You have a wealth of information at your finger tips, use it sweetie.

I could only skim through your messages last night through my tears, but it means more than I can say to have virtual strangers send such loving, supportive words.

The last week has been a roller coaster unlike I've experienced before. For several days we had hope that this wasn't pancreatic cancer as his large tumor isn't secreting the tumor marker at all. The GI doc who did the biopsy said his tumor looks very unusual, not typical PC. After the procedure he said that patients with malignant PC tumors that large are either dead or have lost 50 pounds and are extremely jaundiced. (Think Patrick Swayze. Remember how thin and sickly he looked before succumbing to his PC?) My father has lost about 5 pounds with no jaundice. We had great hope that maybe this was just lymphoma (which we were told was 100% curable) as the lymph nodes seemed a bit strange. The prelim pathology reports on the tumor tissue showed nothing definitive yesterday except that it wasn't lymphoma, but it still could have been a metastasis of his previous prostate cancer.

Then this afternoon my Dad called. As I'm idling chatting about the kids, my middle brother knocked on the door, which I thought strange as he never shows up without being expressly invited and even then barely does so. The GI doc said it is definitely PC, despite being very unusual. My Dad was worried about me being alone with the kids when he told me because my DH has been traveling so much in the past four weeks.

So, tomorrow we all again take the long drive up to the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance to meet with onco docs from the University of Washington. They will take the leftover biopsy tissue and do their own testing for confirmation, and we'll see if we can determine a course of treatment. We do know from meeting with them last week that my Dad can't have the surgery (Whipple procedure) to remove the tumor and pancreas as it is too close to the portal vein and has the cells on a large enough area that would be too difficult to remove it all. Surgery is the best chance for any long-term survival of PC.

I wasn't doing too badly until late tonight when I read his latest CaringBridge entry detailing today's events where he mentions wanting to find homes for his two purebread labs (hunting dogs). He loves those dogs so much. It has to be so depressing for him to give up those dogs! I'm not in a position with our yard and dog-scared kids to take either of them. My father is still upbeat about his future just as he has been through two rounds of prostate cancer, but he knows it will be too much for his wife to take care of him and the dogs during treatment regardless of the outcome.

My Dad is a very young, active, and vibrant 72 year old otherwise healthy man. He was the last of my parents, parents-in-law, and step-parents-in-law I expected to get this sick. He's beaten prostate cancer twice already and has great faith. I marvel at those of you who have lived through the mind-numbing pain of losing a parent. I can't fathom how much that hurts.

I appreciate all the postive thoughts and prayers being sent from around the country. For those of you praying for him, his name is Duane. He is much loved by his family and many friends.

Many blessings to you all,
Wendy

Oh Wendy, I'm so sorry that the news wasn't better. I know the sick feeling you have in your stomach right now. Yesterday my dad would have been 81. We lost him when he was only 54 to Leukemia. I remember the empty feeling I had inside while he was sick. Just being there for him and your family will make him feel more comfortable. I know it meant a lot to my dad that I was there with my mom, it was one less thing he had to worry about. Take care of yourself, you need your strength too.

Hang in there, and the prayers will not stop.
Karen

Dear Wendy,
It sounds like your father has been building a great legacy of love. That foundation will give you all strength through the battle.
I'll add you and 'dad' to the kitchen chalk board; the right side is a prayer list.
And please know that when you cry, you won't be crying alone. I'm sorry you all have to go through this and I am lifting you up.
Sincerely,
Katrina

I was going to ask for your dad's first name, so thanks for sharing. Please don't feel like you have to respond to us. I'll pray that God gives all of you the strength and courage you need.

Wendy; I am so sorry that the news couldn't be better. Cancer is so hard to deal with but I hope that the doctors will find an answer for you. Like your dad, my dad survived one bout of cancer when he was 50 but unfortunately lost the battle with the second bout at 65.

I was very close to my dad and we always had great conversations about the latest economic screw-up or the latest political boondogle or golf.. When the world economy went south I really missed him, our provincial (B.C.) politics would have him turning in his grave right now, and Tiger's escapades on and off the golf course would have him chuckling.

I hope that you will have many more years to create memories as I wished I had.

Suggestions for the Dogs: Contact your dad's vet to see if there is someone who can foster the dogs for the time-being. That way he can still see them and doesn't have to make a firm decision about having to give them up. From what I understand - pets can be a huge stress-reliever as they are very emotionally undemanding. My sister fosters cats for situations such as this.

Hi Wendy,
If I may suggest that you get his test results (so easy to do electronically these days) and get a second opinion at another cancer center regarding surgery.

A friend of mine's brother was told he had inoperable brain tumor, but he took his test results to another surgeon who told him that he could operate and remove the tumor. While the brain cancer recurred, it did buy him quite a bit of extra time and a lot more comfort.

My brother was having surgery to get a stent put in his carotid artery and the surgeon got in over his head...they had to rush my brother to a NYC medical center where the surgery was completed successfully.

Surgery is one of those things that depends on the skills, experience and philosophy of the particular surgeon involved...frankly, some are better than others.

Despite all our efforts to keep him alive as long as possible, my father had a heart attack this morning at home and passed away. He was taking large doses of pain medication to try to ease the growing abdominal pain. We were set to start chemo on Wednesday after the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer was confirmed last Wednesday.

I appreciate the prayer and support he, I, and my family have received. Please continue to send good wishes as we struggle through this time.

Wendy

Breezy, I am so very, very sorry. I have been an erratic presence here lately and feel badly I did not post here sooner. We have had a small scare with my dad lately and I had a tiny glimpse of what you have been going through.

It may not make you feel better at the moment, but you have been blessed with a wonderful relationship with your dad. Not everyone had that opportunity, so try to hold on to that gift as best as you can. And keep busy with the kids, they can be good therapy in a time like this.

I *may* be able to help with you with one small thing. A friend from the kids' school was looking for a hunting dog. If finding a new home for your dad's dogs is something on your to-do list (I know there are many at the moment), private message me when you are ready to tackle this issue and we can talk further.

peace,
colorfast

Posted in discussions, but wanted to leave some more (((hugs)))) here for you as well. You and your family are in my thoughts during this sad time.

I saw your last post and I am sitting here writing this through tears. I am so sorry to hear this news and wish there was something that I could do to to ease you and your family's pain. It must have been a shock for you and it is terrible. I am so sorry, Breezygirl. I am wishing you the best in the difficult days to come. Hugs and take care.

So sorry to hear about your father. That is an especially hard type of cancer to deal with on many levels.

Dear Breezy,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. May God give you and your family the comfort and peace you need during this time.

I'm so very sorry Wendy.

Breezy girl Wendy, I am so sad for your loss, and hope that you and your family are finding comfort in one another now and in the season of adjusting ahead.

Wendy (Breezy); I am so sad for you and your family and you are in my thoughts during this time. I was stunned to read what happened with your dad and I'm sorry for your loss.
(((Wendy))).

Lynn

I'm so,so sorry..If he had great faith as you said then know that he is in a much better place now. And be comforted knowing he didn't have to suffer through a prolonged treatment.I will continue to pray for you and your family to find strength and peace.

Wendy,(Breezy Girl),
I am so sorry for the loss you and your family have suffered. Your father's sudden passing must have been a shock for you and your sadness must feel overwhelming. I pray you as you go through this difficult time that you are able to focus on happy memories. Perhaps you can take comfort from the fact that he was not forced to endure months of suffering from the cancer, but God in his own way was merciful and took him quickly. I know that is a difficult concept, when you want a loved one around as long as possible. But, I know the thought that my FIL who had been ill for a few months went quickly without years of prolonged suffering helped all of us cope. My prayers and thoughts are with you. May you find peace in happy recollections of special times you shared, may your pain diminish with time, and your love for him sustain you and your family.
Lynda

Wendy,

I'm so sorry for the sudden loss of your Dad.

You and your family are in my thoughts tonight.

Sherri

Wendy,

My prayers are with you and your family as you deal with all of this. I know it is very difficult as I lost my dad to cancer two years ago (actually, the side effects of radiation treatment).

As you go through the next few days, think of him in happier times - it actually helped me, so maybe it will help you as well.

Don't worry about answering or acknowledging any of us right now - focus on you and your family. We'll see you when you're ready to come back!

I am so sorry to hear of your fathers passing. What a shock to hear. Bless you and your family. He sounds like he had great love in his life from you and the family and of course his beloved labs. Your family will be in my prayers.

Wendy,
I am shocked and saddened to learn of your fathers sudden passing. May you find time to rest and heal from the pain of the last few weeks. I am truly sorry for your loss and pass along my prayers and best wishes for you and your family.

So very sorry Wendy!

Breezy,
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. I am so sorry for the sudden loss of your father.
I have already lost both my mom (58) and dad (64). My mom before I even turned 30 to liver failure while I was pregnant with my second son and 3,000 miles away. And my dad to stage 4 mestatic prostate cancer only two years ago. They died less than 4 years apart. While I was very blessed with extra time with my dad (especially since i lived only 20 minutes from him) it wasn't without his own pain and suffering. My dad was in so much pain most of the time during his final year of life and on so many pain meds that sometimes that made his gift of time was very hard on him. His quality of life was greatly decreased. Even his final day was long and drawn out and painful that I smiled and sighed when my dad finally took his last breath. I know this may not bring you comfort now but know that your dad was very strong and such a fighter (esp from beating prostate cancer twice) his body decided to let him go peacefully and without a fight which is a beautiful way to go. Know that the time he had with you, he probably felt really good and wasn't in pain until only the very end. He also obviously felt very loved and very much at peace to be able to let go. Hold him in your heart always. Talk to him when you drive, walk or just need to - you will know he is listening and there with you. Share his memory with those around you and your family so that he may continue to live on in your children and you. Make sure you take time to grieve. I am sure Hospice grief counseling is available to you given your father's diagnosis, take advantage of it. It is very helpful.
Again I am sorry.
Jen (Ejs)

I am so sorry to hear this.

Breezy - My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. Please take a small bit of comfort knowing that your father is no longer in pain. You will always carry him with you in your heart and minds-eye. And he will always have you with him as well.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I am so sorry for the sudden loss of your father.

Oh Wendy, I am so sorry to hear this news. Losing someone suddenly is the hardest on those left behind, though may be a blessing for those who have passed if it spared them pain and suffering. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. I'm sending you comfort and strength in your time of sorrow.

Wendy, I replied on the Kitchen Forum but I will reply here how sorry I am to hear about your dad's passing and never having had a fear chance to fight the Pancreatic Cancer that returned. I had been so sick for 4 week (2 so sick and then the emergency room and then the emergency gallbladder surgery and now taking so long to recover that when I saw a post yesterday about you needing a lift, I thought it was about your kitchen and I thought I would read it today as I was obsessed with paint colors for my bathroom). I am so glad I took out the time before bed to read your post since you are one of my favorite posters and I love your kitchen and your personality from your posts. I am so sorry about you losing a dad you loved so much and who was ready to fight the cancer. May your dad Rest In Peace knowing how much he was loved and how he will never be forgotten. Sending you comforting and understanding hugs as I lost my mother at age 44 when I was 16 to Ovarian Cancer and I lost my father in August 2007 at age 77 to Congestive Heart Failure. From reading the posts above, it sounds like you have your mother still alive and she will need you to be strong. I hope you found wonderful homes for your dad's beloved dogs as he would want that and he knew you cared.

so sorry for the awful news. Can you get a 2nd/3rd opinion about having the surgery? Maybe at sloan kettering or NYU or another cancer center. My sister has brain cancer, and I know she got a lot of surgical opinions, and each surgeon had their own idea of what could be done. It is possible there is a surgeon out there willing to do the whipple procedure on him.

I have the name of a doc my friend used in NY for his successful whipple procedure. If you PM me, I will give you the name.

My thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time.

I'm so sorry Wendy that you have lost your dad and so suddenly. I have been away for a bit and just checked back on the boards last night. I'm sorry that you're having a hard week and I pray for strength and peach for you and your family.

Wendy, I am another one who does not post often, but have been lurking on Gardenweb for almost 9 years, usually on kitchen forum, square foot garden forum, and building a home forum. I rarely ever come over to the conversation side and had not heard about your father until today. I feel like there are so many people that I "know" on GW. Even though you may not know me, I feel like I know you a little bit. I am so saddened by your loss. Please accept my deepest sympathy.