My favorite for the young girls is The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls. There is also a version 2 for older girls.

Here is a link that might be useful: The Care & Keeping of You - American Girl

I went to Barnes and Noble this morning to get a book about where babies come from, and I saw several books in the same section about growing up/puberty/what happens to our bodies, etc. Maybe start with that??

We haven't told our oldest about the babies yet, but I know that he will have questions, and I wanted to be prepared. I figured that a book we could read together and discuss would be an easier way to have that conversation.

Good luck!

GWlol...may I ask how old your daughter is? My granddaughter had her first period a few weeks before she turned 11. I was shocked because she seemed so young. she and my daughter (elementary school teacher) assured me that many of my granddaughter's classmates had already started.

My granddaughter already knew what Was happening with her body. When she was 8 she was given the book that kickbox linked. Daughter and granddaughter also attended a class at our local hospital when she was 8 or 9. That was a great class, the nurse/instructor really got the girls participating, the many questions were answered truthfully and without embarrassment.

ML

Maddielee - DD is 8yrs old. I am seeing some secondary signs like body hair, body odor etc. She is quite petite (that is the genes). But what has me worried is what seems to have happened during a recent holiday she went on with DH's family. She apparently had blood on the bath tissue when she went to pee. Her aunt and older girl cousins confirmed this to me. The bleeding did not continue but with the other signs, I feel that this may be a talk I need to have soon. We are going to the pediatric endocrinologist to confirm.

Kickbox15 - thanks for the book link. I just ordered it on Amazon.

GWlolo, One thing I would think is you do have to let her know what is going on with her body but of course right now it does not have to be "everything." More of that can come in stages at the appropriate time. You and your daughter have my deepest sympathy though. I could not imagine dealing with those issues at such a young age. I hope you get some answers/help from the peds endocrinologist.

Just wanted to mention that one of my daughter's friends started menstruating just before her 9th birthday. She was much too young to take care of herself at school and her mother kept her at home during those days of the month. The girl's pediatrician and the school principal agreed, so she was given her work to do at home on those days. I would look into a similar arrangement if your daughter starts her periods any time soon.

Edited for crazy iPad word change :-(

This post was edited by kswl on Fri, Jul 12, 13 at 11:59

Wow, 14 is really old to be having "the talk" for the first time. I didn't start until I was 14, but almost all my friends did around age 12. I remember having a "special class" when I was in about the 5th or 6th grade. They gave us samples of Kotex, I believe. With a belt, ugh!
I bought my daughter a book (can't remember which one) and also talked with her at the same time. Around age 10 or 11. She ended up starting at age 12.5, which is exactly average. At least it was 15 years ago. Also bought my son a book about his changing body around age 10. He was fascinated...lol
Is there are particular reason you are taking her to a pediatric endocrinologist? Did her regular pediatrician recommend that? I just ask, because you certainly don't want her to think that there is something wrong with her for taking her to a specialist if it's not necessary.

I have been wondering the same thing about DD2, also 8.

I just looked this up . . .it was reassuring. Seems like it is "normal" for this age (!) but I wonder if I should also go to the doctor to halt things.

(Link below.)

Here is a link that might be useful: Precocious Puberty

As a teacher, I have noticed many more of our girls showing signs of puberty much earlier than in the past. I can't speak to what is considered normal these days, but I have wondered if some of the early onset is a result of or connected in some way to the widespread use of hormones in cows (milk), beef, and chicken now. It is a lot for a nine year-old to have to deal with-heck, it was a lot to deal with in ninth grade!

Two other books I can recommend are It's Not the Stork and It's Amazing. They are designed for different age groups and are written well. I also found The Care and Keeping of You to be a great book, as others have recommended. I went through pretty much everything ("body to babies") with my 10yo DD when she was 8. It wasn't nearly as hard as I thought and at her age it was more factual than uncomfortable for her since so much of what makes adults uncomfortable about discussing our bodies is that we have a sexualized view that young kids don't have yet.

On the topic of precocious puberty, both of my girls were adopted internationally and there have been studies linking early institutional care to early onset puberty. As a result, I have been extra careful about PBA, organic milk and foods, paraben and phthalates in lotions and suncreens and other things that are potentially linked to early puberty. I hope there continues to be more research about the environmental causes behind this trend.

My DD1 has started puberty. She has breast buds and pubic hair at 9 1/2. I bought her the Care and Keeping of You. We read it together last summer when I noticed she started having body odor. It was a great resource. The key is to not make a big deal out of the whole thing. I answered all her questions like I would have answered any other question. I assured her I've been there also, and I remember feeling embarrassed and told her there is no need to be when she talks to me. I opened it up early because I want her trust she can come to me any time and it will be kept between us. When I was a kid, I was mortified when my Mom called the every relative on the east coast to tell them I got my 'friend', and how I hated that she called it that!! I promised her that any discussion we have will always be kept private. She has since come to me several times with questions. She was also a little shy to change at dance class because of the breast buds that she noticed none of her friends have yet. We bought little camisole half tops from the Gap. They aren't really training bras, but more like a half tank.
Next discussion will be where babies come from, that one will be much harder, I'm so not ready for that!
Best of luck at the pediatric endo, I'm sure she isn't in precocious puberty and is just like about half the girls her age. I was 10 when I started, so 9 for my daughter isn't surprising. And best of luck talking with your daughter, this is an opportunity to bond with her and develop a relationship that will carry through her teen years.

I started my period at 9. Aimee was ten. Normal in our family. Having four older sisters prepared me. I think you have received great advice here. That book sounds awesome.

My daughter is 11 and has started, "I think". Let me explain. She got what we believe to be her period. We had talked some prior, they addressed it in an awesome way at her school with all of the girls, and we have talked lots since. However, it is very sporadic. She gets her period only about every 6 weeks or so and it is quite light. Is that normal? I started at 14, as did my sisters, and my mom started at 16! So when my daughter started right when she turned 11, I was surprised, even though she had the other signs of puberty. I don't remember mine being that irregular in the beginning. Any thoughts?

It's completely normal for them to be erratic when first starting. I believe it can take up to a year before becoming more regular, sometimes less and sometimes more.

Thanks Polly. That makes me feel better.

BTW-- I think HUMOR is the best way to talk about it. There was no humor (only embarrassment and avoidance) in my house, but somehow I have been able to laugh with my girls about it.

I wish I could tell you a conversation I had with my two middle kids. They were full of surprises and it ended up being hilarious.

Also, one of my kids is really into science, so we addressed it from that perspective with her (very matter-of-fact, talking about that is the whole reason we are here in a very basic sense, etc.) and it helped a lot.

I think my DD is getting hers soon. When she had her annual physical in March, her pediatrician said based on her growth spurt over the last two years -- not as much based on her "development" -- she would probably get her period within the next six months. She's 12, so it's not overly early, but I still almost fell off my chair because she is small for her age and I thought, "but she doesn't have a single hair on her body!" Well, the universe was out to prove me wrong because probably two months later I had to help her pee in a cup at the dr. because of a back injury and in a glance, I could see I was wrong about the "no body hair" thing, and I swear her boobs have popped up overnight (still small, but suddenly they're THERE). Sigh. I'm not ready for this.

I now have an arsenal of feminine products at the ready. I was surprised and pleased to see the "tween" products on the shelves. My DD is small for her age and I couldn't imagine giving her a normal size pad -- it would be like a diaper on her!

Sueb, my pediatrician said the same thing about my dd when she was 11. Her well visits are always in May around her birthday. She'd had body hair since she was probably 10, but she is very hairy anyway thanks to my Italian heritage. But he looked at her development, breast buds, etc and predicted she'd get her period about a year from then, which would have been at the start of summer that year. I also have a May birthday and got my period the summer I turned 12. Well, that summer came and went for her. She didn't get her period until the end of last summer, when she was 13, a full year after the pediatrician predicted. I was shocked as I know that girls get it earlier these days. I kept thinking maybe she was keeping it from me somehow (she HATED talking about anything puberty related with me, although now she has no problems discussing that stuff with me).

When she eventually did get it, she waited nearly 3 days to tell me! I was in the process of getting ready for a trip to Ireland with dh and she said she didn't want to bother me. Fortunately, she knew all about it already and I'd already made sure she had supplies - I'd given her a variety of items the year before when she went off to camp just in case she got it there.

Back to the OP, I think the earlier you talk with your dd, the better. I've found that some girls just shut down once they kind of understand that it's going to be a "sex talk" b/c they get embarrassed, think it's gross, etc. By talking to her now, I think you can have an easier time discussing it (at least that's my experience based on my dd and the things her friends' moms told me).

Coincidentally, I have an 8 y/o dd too and am a little concerned about her possibly having early onset puberty. She too has hair under her arms already. She has always been tall for her age, especially compared to my other kids (my other kids have always been average/below average), and then when I saw the hair under her arms, I started to get concerned. She didn't have it at her well visit in February, so I've been thinking of calling her ped just to see if I should get her checked out. Since she's always been high on the growth chart since birth, that didn't worry me (except found it odd since we are a family of short/average people), but the underarm hair thing does. no puberty hair yet though. That said, my kids are not big milk drinkers and I only buy organic, hormone free mik products anyway, so I don't think there's a link there for her.

I'd be interested to hear what your specialist says if you don't mind sharing once you meet with him/her.

And BTW, I also highly recommend the American Girl books. Love them for my girls.

Talk to her frankly and without embarrassment. Let her feel like it is a rite of passage and something to look forward to and not be ashamed of. Show her tampons and pads and make sure she know that tampons can be used even if you are a virgin and that it will not get "lost" in there, as many young girls think.

Encourage her to ask questions and tell you what she has "heard" from her friends.

Daughters are wonderful. My two are grown. But, so many memories.

I can't believe the rate at which girls are maturing! Is this 'safe' for them? I have 3 DD's and all started their period between 15 and 16. I was 16 also. There has been much research and many articles written on the relationship between early maturation and the hormones found in milk and meat. When I was raising my DD's, I'm sure there were hormones, but maybe they were a different type or less. We ate red meat at our evening meal almost every night, and always had a vegetable with it, as well as a glass of milk.

I have a 16 year old GD and she was raised on organic products, including meat and milk, but meat was mostly chicken and turkey. She didn't start her period until she was 12. Her mother is a bigger woman, and I'm sure she is taking after her. I'm only a little over 5' as are my DD's, and feel our girls take after us as far as the rate of maturity. However, with the 'hormone revolution', this may all have changed.

Here is a link that might be useful: Please read

We are in the same boat! I second the American Girl books. My DD reads the first one quite often and we talk A LOT about it! We'll probably get the second one eventually.

Are there any good books out there for boys?

"my kids are not big milk drinkers and I only buy organic, hormone free mik products anyway"

I posted this on the other thread on processed foods ... there are still lots of various hormones in organic hormone-free milk. They are delivered via milk fat.

Then there is the soy excess in products, the pseudo estrogens.

Here is a link that might be useful: Dairy Hormones - Harvard Gazette

This post was edited by snookums2 on Wed, Jul 17, 13 at 11:53

Thought I would post back. We got the results back for all the pediatric endocrinologist tests. DD8's hormone levels are normal. Phew! But the doc did say that she feels that DD will likely get her period in a couple of years. Beginning stages of breast buds. I ordered all the American girl books and I have read them. I do like them but I have not yet given it to DD. I guess I feel the discussion on reproductive health is a bit too advanced for her. I think this may be more of hang up for me as I feel she is still so young and still loves to watch cartoons and play with dolls. DD is also quite precocious and is the kind to ask hundreds of deeper questions which I feel unprepared to answer just yet. I will give this book to her in the next few months. We also did an hand X-ray to determine bone age and that was about 10-11. So this also confirms that she will be rather short. Wish we could do something about that. I am short and I feel a few extra inches would have made a big difference.

This post was edited by GWlolo on Wed, Jul 24, 13 at 1:08

I've stayed out of this discussion because I believe in sharing information very young, and never had to have "the talk" with our DD (who is now 15) because she had been given the information all along in an objective, matter-of-fact tone. My own mother failed her daughters miserably and did not create an atmosphere conducive to questions or normal, kid-like curiosity and I vowed never to do that.

I am aware that my perspective and parenting view is not the norm, however, gwlolo, providing your daughter with information about reproduction and sexuality will not discourage her interest in dolls, play or watch cartoons or impact her "innocence". Give her the facts now while she looks to you as the font of information in her life, waiting too long will result in her questions being put to peers, and that brings misinformation and the hang ups of other families into your DD's life.

And try to get over your own hang-ups about discussing reproductive issues with her, IMO if you create an atmosphere of providing factual, objective information and are not embarrassed by the discussion, she will turn to you in her teens and beyond when questions of reproductive health, and, indeed, sexuality, come up. And, again, all IMO, but I wanted to foster an atmosphere of trust and honesty so that my DD felt comfortable coming to me if she or a friend needed help, information or an adult perspective.

Good luck-

sandyponder

Excellent advice, Sandyponder, and I very much agree with your approach!!

Sandyponder, I agree. I did try to talk to my dd, but not until she was in 6th grade, and by then, she'd heard certain things from friends and was too embarrassed/grossed out to want to have a conversation with me. Fortunately, now, at age 14, she has gotten over much of that and is very able and willing to have these type of conversations with me (we had to discuss oral sex this year when a girl from her class decided to tell everyone she had partaken in this with two boys!). However, I wished I had talked to her at an earlier age before she had developed an awareness about what sex was or might be, from friends. I have a dd now the same age as GWlolo, and plan to have that conversation with my dd soon. Her body is starting to go through some early stages of puberty, so getting out the AG book and beginning the conversation now and having a basic, unemotional talk about sex is my plan. We've had a few conversations already, mainly about menstruation (based on her wanting to know what tampons were for). And Sandy, I don't think your perspective is really out of the norm. Most of my friends have the same thoughts about having the conversation as soon as it becomes appropriate (whether it's because the child is asking questions or they are approaching puberty, etc). All of us were of the mindset that we wanted them to hear it from us and not their peers which meant sooner rather than later.