Ok; this is your ex sister in law who is getting married a 2nd time?

I understand them wanting stuff that is theirs together; but lets face it; if they are that far in debt; the last thing they should do is throw a wedding with reception. If they really need stuff together; sell what you have. lol

I'm surprised you're even close to her still. I think the course is a good gift; but they may not appreciate it. Get them something small if you have to buy something & call it a day. Not sure I would add to their debt by going to a reception.

Just out of curiosity - what have they registered for? What do people who have everything and are broke want as wedding gifts?

He pays the the mortgage (will continue to do so in the event that she remarries).

I'm guessing that's not what you meant.

If you're still friendly with this woman then why focus on whether a gift should even be expected? Her personal finances shouldn't have any bearing on the subject. Sounds like she got screwed in her first marriage. Be happy for her.

I would give them a small gift from the registry and not fret about it. It can come across condescending and judgmental to offer them a money class. If they do decide they want that, that's great. But I wouldn't ask again and if they never mention it, forget it.

Heck, I am hosting a baby shower for my SIL's third baby, so I think I may be too biased to offer an opinion. My SIL's kids are 14 and 11 and this baby is blessing to her and her SO (no, they aren't married yet). However, I like to celebrate life's important milestones. Sounds like she got a raw deal the first time. Follow your heart.

I agree with Bumblebeez about not fretting over this sort of thing. Buy them a gift, either from the registry or not, and don't give your decision a second thought.

I often RSVP no to a second shower but if I attend the second wedding reception I always try to give a gift that might match or exceed the cost of our attendance. I do not think it need be off the registry but many times it is easier than searching for a gift. I think you should just give the classes to them with their card. They will use it or they will not but you have met if not exceeded your social responsiblities.

Either you like this ex-SIL and want to celebrate her new happiness, without strings attached, or you don't. You and your husband would basically be telling them they are irresponsible by offering the get-out-of-debt class at this happy time in her life. Think about if you were in her shoes: She's getting a second chance at a good relationship, and you're reminding her of her failures.

Yes, maybe they really do need those classes. But now isn't the time to push it in their faces.

Anyway, you said you'd already decided to buy a gift. So what's the big deal about just respecting her wishes and going to the bridal registry? Just get her something you know she wants and will use instead of something that could well end up on a closet shelf or in the basement. With a "you'll get this or nothing" attitude, I wonder if you really should be part of her celebration.

I'm still surprised that they would be invited because it's ttodds hubs brothers ex. Divorce is sticky; especially when there is cheating; but she has moved on too. I don't understand why Ttodd's BIL is still paying the mortgage; especially with another man living there & her remarrying. I'm a firm believer in selling the house & moving on. My SS didn't make his ex buy him out & the market tanked; he kicks himself. It's hard not to judge someone especially when you know the details.

My ex-SIL is getting married again. Her 1st DH (my DH's brother) cheated and then married the other woman right away. In the divorce settlement he happily gave her everthything. The only thing he took were his personal belongings. He pays the the mortgage (will continue to do so in the event that she remarries). She's been living w/ her boyfriend for a few years who also came w/ a full household of items (he is a widower) so they literally want for nothing but are still somehow in debt up to their eyeballs. They both work FT in the healthcare field.

WIP - I don't mind when additional babies come so far after other's - it's just when they are being born one right after another that I start to scratch my head as to why there has to be a full blown baby shower for each one to buy all new things that were bought 2yrs ago.

Ex-SIL and I are not 'friends' per se' in the fact that we don't actively seek eachother out to do things. It's not that we don't like eachother - she's just not my 'cup of tea'.

Like many divorces it is sticky. Our in-laws have a very large expanse of land for the area. When making up their will they divided the property as follows:

1 son would get a smaller amount of acreage and the other would get the larger portion of acreage w/ MIL & FIL's house.

BIL took the smaller plot and then asked for his share of his inheritance early to build a house. He let SIL build what she wanted and as soon as it was able to moved into he came clean w/ everything and asked for a divorce. He planned it that way so that their boys would inherit that land and he wanted to keep their children near their grandparents who live 1000+ yards away. BIL moved out of state to where he works (it was always a long distance marriage). That's why BIL will continue to pay the mortgage even after re-marriage and that's why see her on a regular basis. She is also marrying a close friend of both DH's and BIL so everybody's lives are oddly intertwined.

She really doesn't have family anywhere else and my MIL firmly believes that she will forever be her daughter (and that's cool for her) so she's always around.

So Pammyfay that's the long version of why we're invited. DH and I are also very involved w/ our nephews.

A poster asked about their gift list (noted as 'Gift Ideas' on the card:

Visa Gift Card
Gift card for a woodburning stove
Bed Bath and Beyond

I totally see what was mentioned about DH's gift suggestion. Point well taken.

I'll look at her Bed Bath and Beyond gift registry and make the suggestion to DH (who feels the same way as his mother about family) that we get something appropriate cost wise.

Thanks for the suggestion and helping me see the way other people may take things. I'm seeing a lot less red!

Well; I give the family credit that everyone is like that with her. It's nice the your BIL is doing it for his kids- my SS said the same thing in the beginning but she ended up taking him to the cleaners even though he was nice about it.

Don't want to side track the post- hope your mom is doing well...

Quite frankly, it sounds as though you have a wonderful family (except that part about cheating). That is something to treasure and to nurture. I think your BB&B idea sounds fine, but part of me loves the idea of the woodstove contribution, if it goes to the store directly. Think of the heating costs they will save!