I hope I'm going to have time to actually read more then a few posts in it. My 1st thought after reading she resents him for not having sex in the last trimester and she won't go to counseling was to separate. Maybe I'm wrong after I read more but I don't see a lot of hope for them.

Here is a link that might be useful: Roomates or Husband/Wife

Wow. I just spent entirely too much time wading through all of that, and I am left with the overall impression that many of the responses to the poor guy's posts are far more bizarre (and often downrighty snarky and unhelpful) than anything he has posted.

Someone over there replied:

"wow its sounds like youd be better off making love to a blow up doll than that strange woman"

I couldn't agree more. That said, the man is a complete door mat. Mona, I loved your response. I found that forum the other day and read part of his story. He needs to change the channel and star in a new movie. STAT!

I just did a quick post on the other side. Some of the responses are indeed bizarre and dare I say it, cruel. IMHO, if this situation truly is real, it sounds like the wife was sexually abused. Based on the descriptions, it fits that classic scenario and I hope both of them can get help and resolve it.

OK break over, gotta get back to work!

I don't think he's pulling anyone's leg. I would imagine that this type of scenario is far more common than most people in such a situation would care to admit to others. I admire the guy for being so honest (which I think he is being), and I also admire him for really seeming to want to do whatever it takes to win his wife's affection and the physical manifestation thereof. I wish him well. (But I don't think comments about making love to a "blow-up doll" are particularly constructive ...)

Ya'll don't find it strange that he registered on the very day he posted?

That's maybe a bit unusual, Mona - but I honestly don't find anything inflammatory or "red flag-worthy" in what he posts. He sounds like a sincere individual with a very real issue that he's seeking help with. At least that's my take on it ...

Mona, I actually replied on it, because it seems to me that the OP isn't joking. I have to admire his keeping his cool with all the responses he's gotten that seem so glib and facile and rather inconsiderate of what he's going through (NOT sweeby, though - never sweeby :)). Maybe I'm wrong, but it can't hurt to take him seriously and let him know life can be better.

I do think it would be quite telling to hear his wife's side of the story. I firmly believe that there's his side, there's her side, and somewhere in between the two lies the truth.

Jen, I find it strange that he just doesn't seem really upset at his wife's deception. I think most husbands would be more upset than he is at the fact his wife doesn't feel the need to express any kind of affection towards him. I could be wrong, but this doesn't seem like a true problem. And if it is, I think that poor man needs to stop acting like a doormat if he expects anything to change.

mona, emotional abuse can make you into a person at home that most people who know you outside the home can't believe you are.

I mentioned the lesbian aspect because it did happen here just a few doors down from us. When I first read the post and saw the wife was a physician, I really entertained the possibility that it might be my ex neighbor who was posting.

OMG! I sure hope it's not!

If his story is the real deal, I don't think we'll ever hear from his wife. He wouldn't dare let her find out he's been airing the laundry on an Internet site.

Man, I think he needs to cut and run. I believe him but life is way too short. She refuses to get help.

Never thought I'd ever advise Dr Laura, but I did.

I actually think he's a long time GW poster from his 1st post and made this new name just to post this.

I haven't even read the post yet (will later) but if it's something he's embarrassed about it might be easier for him to post online and not have to 'face' people.

He may have just stumbled across this site today while searching for a place for advice? I wouldn't think most guys would hang out on the gardenweb just for something to do.

He's quite eloquent and expressive, and I don't think someone who was acting as a troll would make as much sense as (I believe) he does.

Oh my goodness... that is the saddest forum I've ever seen. Agree with roselvr, he created a new account to post this.

I wouldn't consider him a doormat either. He is very concerned, as he should be, about his daughter and hopes to salvage his marriage and have back the woman he thought he married. I also think she was abused and may have even forgotten about it.

Maybe he isn't a door mat but no one can fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed. His friends even spoke to him about her control issues. She doesn't want him to even accidently touch her with his genitalia. No open mouth kissing, etc.

Mona, I wouldn't leave out the possibility of her sexual orientation, either. I have a dear friend whose ex finally admitted she was a lesbian and this thread could have been written by my friend. There was nothing he could do to please her because she wasn't attracted to men. God knows he tried because he was religious too and believed in his vows.

You guys are way nicer than I am. LOL! Run, Forest, run!

The end of his 1st paragraph -

We live in a nice home (with nice landscaping - thanks GardenWeb ;) ) and both work full time and earn good incomes.

A couple of you mentioned prior sexual abuse..... add that to the OP's comment about his wife's mood changes and other 'symptoms' and I can't help but think BiPolar.

Sometimes bipolar lingers within, only rearing it's ugly head once in awhile. It sometimes takes a trauma, or major life change or several major traumas or life changes in close succession for the bipolar to manifest itself to it's fullest form.

Take a woman whose religious background (No, I don't know what religion she is nor does that really matter) has extremely strict rules when it comes to sexual matters (fire and brimstone teaching/rules), a possible sexual abuse in the past, marriage, a baby and some strains in a marriage that are becoming worse .......enter frequent mood swings.
(don't ask how I know this *wink*)

WOW I just read all that. I feel bad for the whole situation. I think it's very sad. I also think some of the comments were down right rude. For crying out loud non candy coated advice can be given without being rude or snarky IMO. There was a lot of good advice there. I agree she does have some issues buried somewhere. It does sound like she was abused. Something happened in her life. It's just sad because one person can try all they want but if the other person doesn't want to make the effort. . .

I do wish I could hear her side also.

I read the posts and honestly think that this guy is trying to salvage his marriage if he possibly can.

I find it rather sad that most feel he should just put his foot down and divorce this woman. She sounds like she isn't a very kind person, and perhaps it is in the child's best interest to have a loving father living at home vs. just seeing him a few times a week. Divorce seems to be the answer to every ailment in a marriage anymore. Quite sad to me. I agree that they have issues, and she needs to get some counseling, but divorce to me should be the last recourse.

I know of very few children who have "benefited" from their parents getting divorced. Unless there is physical abuse or alcholism or something there that is dangerous for a child, he's at a great disadvantage in getting custody, visitation etc. Sex is definitely important in a marriage, but I give him some kudos for trying to come up with some options for fixing their situation.

Of course, it takes two to tango, and she doesn't seem very interested in fixing things, but if he's willing to stay together for the sake of his child's well being, then why badger him?

I have never ventured into the marriage forum before. There is a lot of stuff going on over there! From cheating spouses to "backdoor" action. Unfortunately most of the topics seemed pretty unhappy.

"He's quite eloquent and expressive, and I don't think someone who was acting as a troll would make as much sense as (I believe) he does."

I don't believe "he" is a troll, but I do believe that "he" may be a "she". The style of writing and prose, to me, is very feminine.

mrsmarv, very possible it's a she; but also possible it's a he.

At another forum I go to, there was another poster that made a new account to get marriage help. At one point the post got locked, he changed to an invite only blog which I was invited to. This posters writing reminds me of the blog I follow.

Divorce is not easy; living in a loveless marriage isn't either. Yes, it's hard on the kid(s) but eventually they adjust. It's easier if it's done when the child is young then to do as I did with my 2nd marriage and stay until the child is in school.

Sex seems like the main issue but it's probably the icing on the cake

I agree that this sort of thing is probably much more common than we might realize. I posted an answer there, I think they are both in denial. She is in denial about whatever it is that is keeping her from enjoying sex, and he is in denial about how bad things really are, thinking they are bound to get better. And they most certainly will not get better if they don't do something to fix it - my advice is therapy - and even with therapy, chances are it's too late.

But you know, it's easy to go day to day in a bad situation thinking the next day will be better, or thinking that this is as good as it gets so just live with it, or fearing consequences (divorce, single parenthood, child support, etc.) of actually doing something about it. And those days turn into months, into years, and the time goes by. You look up one day and realize how long it's been bad. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to pull yourself out of that.

"Ya'll don't find it strange that he registered on the very day he posted?"

No. I think he is a long time poster and decided to use a secondary name so his problems would not be associated with his "decorating" screen name.

"I don't believe "he" is a troll, but I do believe that "he" may be a "she". The style of writing and prose, to me, is very feminine."

I thought the very same thing. But, I do know men who write like that. I belong to a regional social networking site and there were a few posters who wrote in such a feminine style with a very feminine slant and viewpoint on life who showed up at the 'meet and greet' gatherings held for members, and they were guys. Usually guys with professional jobs in a field that is very non-competitive where one works alone instead of as a team, like a college professor or a minister.

There are LOTS of marriages that are sexless. It is far more common than many believe and the reasons for it are varied.