Hi Theresa: Thank you for your kind and comforting words, and thank you for providing such personal information about you and your mother. Whatever you are feeling, it is ok to feel that. The anger at your mother for not telling family members about her illness is understandable. It sounds like she was scared and in denial, and (as you said) did not want to burden others with such news. We all have issues with our parents; I guess it's because it's a dominant-submissive relationship. Even when we become adults, we are still viewed as children by our folks. What has helped me through my grieving process is to view my mother as a person--another human being going through this life process of being and growing--who made some good and bad choices but did her best under the circumstances, raised/treated me the best she could based on her life experience, and loved me through it all. We were gifts to each other because we needed to learn from each other. I remember when I was caring for my mother, I heard her ask her sister (my aunt)the following: "Do you remember Mom ever hugging you?" Here was my mother, in her 70s, asking her sister if she ever got hugs from their mother. My mother went on to say that she could not remember one time that their mother ever hugged her; she sounded so hurt. That's when it hit me that we are all just people trying to do our best based on how we were raised and loved as children. And no matter how old we get, there may be emotional needs not met that will hurt us and perhaps even haunt us for the rest of our lives. I believe my mother is around me quite a bit which is comforting. I realize that although there is no physical connection anymore, there is still a strong emotional one, a psychic connection if you will, and all I have to do to communicate with her now is to think a thought. The fact that you were with your mother, lay with her, and held her until she passed away is a true testament of love. Most people would not be able to bear that emotional pain. Bless you, Theresa! You are a terrific daughter. I shall keep checking this forum. You just keep posting your thoughts and feelings here so we can fully support you. You mentioned faith; I too am a big believer in faith getting me through rough times. The worse things got for me, the stronger my faith become. In addition to losing my mother and husband within a 10-month period, I also lost my therapist and mother-in-law to cancer during the next 14 months. So I lost three relatives and my grief therapist in a two-year period. At one point I felt like "Typhoid Mary." In fact, I refused to make any new friends for awhile thinking they might drop dead or become ill. That time period was hell for me and I too was a mess. You can and will make it through this hellish grieving process, Theresa. Be real, be honest with people about it, communicate with those who can and want to help you. One thing I wanted to ask is how are your children? How are they handling their grief? Have they talked to you about it? Take care, Theresa....you are special, you are loved, you are a valuable child of God. Mary R-K

So Hubby did indeed make it home (though late). We spent a good deal of yesterday cleaning and organizing but we still have a lot to do. With the chaos our life has been for the past several months cleaning (other than the basics) has been a very low priority. CT scan revealed that the mass in her shoulder is non-homogenous, there is definitely infection and the other parts could be abscess, live tumor and/or dead tumor cells. Plan is to do a CT-guided needle biopsy of all the different masses today. She should also get her stomach tube. The battles raging in her body have taken a toll on her in many ways. Probably the most difficult one right now is that she is easily confused and agitated and has no short-term memory. We have to explain to her multiple times where she is and why she's there and what is happening. They put her on oxygen last night (she has developed apnea and shallow breathing due in large part to the meds) and you could see it was really helping her but she kept wanting to take the cannula off. Hubby is at the hospital now hoping to catch up with the oncologist. I suspect he's going to be gone all day. We're still nowhere near ready. Adding to the stress, we came home some time after 11 pm (having spent the evening at the hospital) to discover the newly-vacuumed living room full of garbage and three very dirty and guily chihuahuas. My fault - I had left the (nearly full) garbage can where they could get at it. With a ham bone and other tasties in there it was just too tempting. So we spent our evening scrubbing floors and puppies. At least we hadn't shampooed the carpet yet.

It's such a pity that so many women out there have to deal with crazy, unstable MILs. It makes me wonderDid they forget what it's like to become a married woman themselves and want to be accepted and respected by their own MILS? I just donÂt get it. How do they turn into these overbearing monsters? Let me begin by saying thank you to everyone who has posted a story here. They were very interesting to read and I am sorry to all of you who have had to deal with crazy MILs. I am however so empowered by you and think it is awesome that you have still, however difficult, not let it end your relationships and marriages. ItÂs the easiest thing to do  just throw your hands up and walk out  and sometimes you just want to do it so badly. However, it really proves a point when you decide that youÂre not going to let someone elseÂs ridiculousness ruin what you have with your partner. You really have to stand up for yourself and your own life. It would be a relief to walk out but it would be a definite pity to let people like that win! My own story is certainly not as serious as some of the ones that have been posted here, nor am I a married woman like many of you here are. However, I have had an experience with the mother of my boyfriend, with whom IÂve been together for almost two years now. WhatÂs sad is that yes, weÂre not even married yet, and sheÂs already gone and done it. Some women have been married for years and have never had to deal with anything too crazy from their MILs, and other get it before marriage is even in the picture. Oh splendid!! ;-) Anyhow, to get to the point, what happened is that I was arguing over the phone with my boyfriend this past summer and she overheard us arguing. She and I always got along fine  almost too well, really  but she definitely did butt into our business sometimes when she didnÂt really have a place. It was never anything really serious though. This time, however, her over-involvement really went too far. I was directly asking him why he hadnÂt worked in the past ten months. He was in school from January to May, so okay fine, but then clearly in the summer he had no excuse. I asked this because I was curious if there was something he wasnÂt telling me (thatÂs part of a longer story) and I just wanted to make sure I wasnÂt being fooled or something. I also asked this because his money or lack thereof would sometimes directly affect our relationship; we werenÂt always able to do everything we (and I) would have liked to because he didnÂt always have the dough! And at this point our relationship had turned long distance (I moved back home from college)! (So, it is partly my business, at least I definitely think it is!) So, his mother overheard what I was saying through her son openly reiterating it in the house and got all defensive because his reaction over the phone made it sound like I was being abrasive and putting him down (when he is, without a doubt, trying to better himself and was back in school finishing his degree). She wrote the following on a piece of paper and flagged at him, to say to me: "Tell her she hasnÂt lost ten lbs in the past ten months and that makes her hard to defend!" Long story short, I ended up finding out that she wrote this, with the intention of him to saying it to his own girlfriend. I was so shocked and hurt (and then just outright pissed!). I cried well into the next day about it. Never has anyone been so outrightly mean to me sinceÂI donÂt know...elementary school! I couldnÂt believe she would talk about me like that, and better yet, try to get him to talk to me like that (he is nothing like that at all  very sweet and loving and accepting of me the way I am  the good and the bad). It was also shocking because, like I previously mentioned, we always got along very well and if anything I had only heard her say nice things about me, especially about my physical appearance  that IÂm cute, how nice I looked in a dress, things like that. I always knew she had a bad temper and when angry let things fly out of her mouth, but I never knew she could be that bad and loose ALL sense. ItÂs one thing when you let things fly out of your mouth to your family  families can usually make amends and move on  but to your sonÂs girlfriend? Please. Even some of the stupidest people on earth know you donÂt say things like that to people, and this woman, believe it or not, is very far from stupid and scummy. SheÂs got three degrees (one of them a J.D.) and is a reverendÂs wife!!! You would never think you could hate this woman, but then watch her snapÂand you wonÂt believe how she acts. I guess thatÂs how it goes with her, sadly. It is now over five months later and I have still not received any kind of apology from her. My boyfriend has said that he has talked to her about the situation multiple times and she does intend to apologize but when the "time is right." (Supposedly she said that she does not think IÂm fat or anything like that and just said that because she knows itÂs something IÂm insecure about.) I just think that sheÂs a coward and doesnÂt know how to be an adult and do what should have been done months ago. ItÂs been so long now and I feel like sheÂs lost her chance. At this point, what is an apology even worth? I donÂt feel that it would be genuine. If she really cared, if she really regretted what she said and the damage she did, she would have cleared things up a loooong time ago. I truly believe that. I know that everyone else does not think the way I do, but I do know that if I were her I would want to make things right again asap, as embarrassing as it may be. No one likes to apologize but it is the right thing to do and I know that I couldnÂt feel right about myself again until I made those amends. She is 46 and I am 22. ShouldnÂt she know this far better than me?! The facts of the matter are: she had no place in that conversation to begin with (it was between my boyfriend and myself  she had nothing to do with anything we were talking about) and on top of that she took a low blow at me (better yet tried to advise her own SON to take the low blow at me) thinking that bringing up my weight and attacking me with that is fighting on an even playing field. Okay, IÂm not Einstein (and I donÂt have a J.D.), but since when is attacking someoneÂs physical appearance equal to asking a person why they havenÂt worked? Hm. Still trying to figure that one out! I also know that what she said wasnÂt the most AWFUL thing in the world and could have certainly be a lot worse. However, it was still intentionally mean, cheap, classless, not to mention absolutely unnecessary! I do not think that I should just let this blow over. You canÂt treat people like that just because you feel they are "attacking" someone you love and that you need to provide defense! I donÂt even know how I would react if she did try to apologize this late on, but I do know that as long as nothing at all is done IÂm definitely not going to back down. I'm definitely not going to disrespect myself after she did as well. The incentive to write this story actually came from another situation that just happened earlier this evening. My boyfriend was fighting with his parents and she, angry and impulsive, called me. (I didnÂt pick up at the time.) I found out afterwards from my bf that she was calling me so that I could hear the way he was yelling at them and then I donÂt know, maybe think twice about staying with him? Well first of all, I already know that side of him (it has been two years!) and know that when people get pissed they yell! I do it to him too! If we were hitting each other and verbally abusing each other, thatÂd be another story. Furthermore, why in the hell does she think itÂs okay to call me ESPECIALLY knowing our circumstances? If you canÂt use my number for good, then donÂt use it at all! I certainly donÂt need her calling me to start drama and try to what  have me leave him?? And even IF we were on good terms, who the hell does that?!! What place did I even have in that situation and why did she try to use it to cause problems between him and I too??? I donÂt want to think that she wants me to leave him so that she can be rid of me, because I donÂt think thatÂs true. But seriously, the woman needs to get a hold of herself and start being her actual age (46), not the sum of her age. Okay so I know that was a novel but itÂs something that I havenÂt written about since it happened, and I guess I just had a lot built up. Bless you and thank you a million if you have made it to the end! If I can get any kind of feedback or thoughts from anybody about any aspect of what I wrote, I would greatly appreciate it! This is not something that I let bother me too much, but it is something that I wish did not have to be so. Thank You! Nicole

Just to add to what's been said, I'm not a fan of that particular mirror in your room, although I do like the mirror. The map works better for me, and may I add I think your fireplace is especially pretty, it's a style I'm always drawn to and have never had. The one in this house is all marble including the mantel, hearth. No mother in law issues here. I am not one, and my own had 10 children - I married #6. She was happy if we were not fighting with each other, paying our bills and were all well fed - other than that she had no time to care - too many of us ;).