Sorry I got here late - but it's nice to see Lee posting again, although sadly under a tragic circumstance. Your parents should not be out any money because of this accident - there is clearly someone else at fault, and the attorney should be able to take care of that for you. Your father is lucky that the driver was caught - so many times these accidents are hit and run with no witnesses, and that would have been even more tragic. I think you are good at keeping a positive attitude, as are your parents, and that is always a help. My thoughts remain with your family for a speedy recovery. Lars

A couple of more thoughts. Even though, without your mother's permission, her dr. cannot discuss her health with YOU, he CAN listen to you--your description of symptoms, your concerns. So don't hesitate to call him and let him know what you're seeing, so he has a head's up. Also, my husband is a utility company bill collector. I don't know what your mom's financial situation is, but there is a lot of help out there for seniors and others who need it paying their bills. Sometimes, you can even have a considerable amount in the bank, you just have to have a low income to qualify. My husband always has the contact info with him, sometimes he even has the applications for help. It wouldn't hurt to call your local utility company to see if you can get her some financial assistance. I know that's not the question you asked at all, but if at least part of the bill is being paid by a 3rd party, it would help keep her from getting so far behind she's in danger of being turned off. What happens when something gets turned off? Does your mom handle it? or--like mine used to do--does she call you and say (more or less) you handle it? If she's turning stuff like that over to you or your sister, when it reaches critical point, perhaps then, you could get her to okay the company putting you down as an alternate contact? More and more companies are understanding that our seniors are striving to be independent, but not always successful at it, and are willing to send duplicate bills to someone who is looking out for them. Best of luck to you. You will get this sorted out, and will get past it, but it feels really oppressive when you're caught in the midst of it, doesn't it?

Thank you both so much for your kind words and advise. Mental illness is so incredibly hard for a parent to bear. Since my son was 14 years old, he has struggled with dishonesty and was caught stealing several hundred dollars from my ex-brother-in-law. Then, during a period of time, he was faking "grand mal seizures" in front of me. Since he was previously diagnosed with epilepsy when he was 9 years old, there was no reason for me to doubt that these seizures were not real. I was constantly calling "911" until I finally brought him to UCLA to be put on telemetry (they hook him up to something that, not only can sense his brain waves, but it records the seizures). At one point, the neurologist realized that the seizures were not real. So, he did a "test" on my son to make sure. To my absolute devastation, he was faking the seizures and that's when my true struggles began. The doctor felt that - due to my son's medical issues, as well as being raise without a father, etc. - that it might be helpful for him to be admitted into the psychiatric ward at the hospital. He ended up spending close to 3 months in the hospital during which time - they weaned him off of his epilepsy medication (thinking that he really wasn't epileptic). Even when Michael said that he was having seizures, he was no longer believed by the doctors. Once he was discharged (and continuing to have seizures, this time losing bladder control during them), I had to take him to another hospital for testing (UCLA no longer wanted to be involved with the testing). This time, it was confirmed that he not only had epilepsy, but it was a form of epilepsy that he would never outgrow. Since this time, he just continued to spiral downhill and out of control. And, sadly, I spiraled along with him. Being my only child and, being that I raised him solely by myself, I had no idea what was wrong with him. For so many years, I felt that it was "only" because of me and the way that I raised him. I was overprotective, never wanted him to "fall". I never understood "why" he lied, only that he lied about everything in his life. There seemed to be nothing that he didn't lie about. It wasn't until the last 2 years (and all the "911" phone calls from me to the police, and all the trips to the hospital), that things finally started to make sense to me. But, even though I now know that he has a mental illness, it didn't stop the heartache that I feel in my life. It's almost like I am watching him die (always wondering when he may "actually" kill himself) on on a daily basis. But, there is never any closure. I feel that - in order for ME to LIVE and experience happiness again - that HE first has to be healthy. But, then I have to realize that this day may never come for him. After so many years of me being a devoted mom to Michael, I finally met a wonderful man in my life; however, the last 2 years have been so emotionally stressful and draining on both of us. We are in constant anxiety. I spend so much of my time being so worried about my son that I forget to remember all the people that are in my life who WANT me to be part of THEIR lives again. For so long, I feel only like I am a shell of a person. I have finally (last week after, yet one more episode from my son threatening suicide, then showing me the respect that I deserve) - decided that I need to back away. I finally said (in a text message that we were having) - that I would no longer allow him treating me like yesterday's trash. No matter how much I tried to be on his side giving him support, he treated me like I meant nothing. Deep inside, I know that he loves me. When he seems "more normal", he can be kind and caring, but these days are few and far between lately. But, I still need to focus on the reality of things. I cannot communicate with him if it means that "I" am the one that will suffer. And, as "I" suffer, my boyfriend (as well as the people who care most about me) suffers, as well. I just need to keep this feeling of "strength" up. I need to live MY life, even though my son seems to not want to live "his". If for no-one else, I need to live it for my absolutely wonderful grandsons. They are the light of my life. They give me purpose in my life and make me "want" to smile. I will not allow them to see the sadness that I feel inside. They are a huge reason for me living. And, yes, I "need" to learn how to put myself first. I just need to tell my "heart and mind" this..... Thank you again.

What would happen if your son said, fine, dad, I'm all in favor of forgiveness & putting the past behind us; let's just get the business part of it out of the way first; you just pay mom what the court says you owe her & I'm your boy, okay? Your situation reminds me of something my old roommate Laurie told me: Her mom, Fran, divorced her dad & didn't take one cent in settlement; Fran had been a homemaker her whole adult life; she didn't have the funds to fight her ex in court, & she knew she couldn't help her daughters financially, so she agreed to waive her rights if Laurie's father would pay for college for both their daughters. Laurie talked to her dad at least once a week, & he knew she was paying for her college with loans & grants, & he never offered to help. There were weeks when she ate ramen noodles, & he never offered to help. Laurie's younger sister was living with their mother, Fran, in their home country, where Fran had returned to take care of her mother & to get a job with a relative. At that time, international phone bills were prohibitively expensive, so Laurie hardly ever got to talk to her mother. When the younger sister graduated from high school, she came to Texas & got in touch with Laurie, & Laurie helped her get a scholarship. About 6 months later, Fran came to Texas to visit her daughters; when she found out that the girls had had *no* help whatsoever, she blew a gasket & called their father. made no difference; The father claimed that he would have helped the girls if they had *needed* it, but that they were doing fine on thier own. so Fran got no settlement, her daughters got no help, & her ex kept all the money.