Oh jeez! I'm sorry to hear this Anne. He knows you are right but doesn't want you to be..... My brother was like this. I told him for nearly two years he was diabetic and at times he would get very angry with me with his denials. He was having problems with his teeth and didn't go to the doctor for diabetes tests until the oral surgeon refused to work on him. When he made the announcement 'I have diabetes' at a family party he got mad because me and three sisters looked at him and said, 'I knew that'.... He'll learn what he can and can't do. Unfortunately he'll have to learn it on his own and when he's diagnosed you will have to decide to pretend to be surprised and help him OR say 'I told you so' and help him. Good luck. My thoughts are prayers are with you... Lori

Best halibut I ever tasted was at The Sea Chest in Cambria, CA. DH was the wine and liquor salesman at the time and we were up there letting the owner have a wine tasting. Just before the tasting was over, a local fisherman had come in with a 40 pound halibut he had just caught and wanted to sell it. Owner bought it, the cook cleaned the fish and grilled some of us. I bet the fish hadn't been out of the water more than 30 minutes. Yum! (And, no, I hadn't been tasting any wine.....was the designated driver, as always.)

I think many things are happening at the same time. Yes , your SM does picture you the way you were at 18, pot smoking etc.etc.. Over the years of you 'fixing' yourself, she didn't see this improvement so off the bat she will be defensive of you returning into her life. BUT it also sounds to me, that she did have pent up frustration over he years, maybe at you, maybe at your dad and its all surfacing now. I dont believe you are bad, that you did anything wrong. I think the JR has fixed view of you when you were in your 'bad' time and sees no change. PLUS she maybe going through her own issues now..you nver know maybe she is depressed or going throuhg menal pause. or having marital problems with you dad that you are unaware of. BUt its obvious her anger has focuses on you and your daughter. I also had a 'evil ' stepmother wheni was young after my mother died. The second SM was great. Just like JR. Friendly like a school teacher and friend. I'm friends with her too. BUT i also went through a bad stage in my life and also had a falling out with my sm. There was a 7 year lapse between my sm, dad and me. I didn't call and if i did they would be angry and hate me...etc... It took a few years for both sides to rekindle a relationship and alot of coffee talk etc... So do not be discouraged with your SM. I think she feels resentful about your daughter because you were with a man who was violent and in most cases woman choose to end their pregnancy because of that. Were you on drugs during that time as well? did your sm or family know this? She is fixed on your past, she needs to see and hear all the good stuff , all the change you have made. In the end, ifyou truly value you relationship with her, i think baby steps are in order, the way i did with my SM. I liked my sm alot. I was hurt to tears for many years by her when she turned around and also said hurtful things like you are going through. Though i never did drugs i was a loner and aggressive etc..etc..Misunderstandings did occcur between me and her and as i said it tooks years to rekindle a relationship. My advice to you is to not let this consume you. i think speaking to both your dad and her will help. Sure, you had a kids she doens't agree with , its wont make your daughter disappear. She is a woman has to accept that but you daughter should not be punished for your 'poor' judgement. i think that is very important for you to convey this to JR. Basically saying, yes i F up in the past, but my daugther should not be crucified for my wrong doings and solo parenting. Maybe you sm does have an issue being called grandma...dont knw..But you both need a break from one another and you both need to take baby step to rekindle a relationship, IF that is what you want. You could also cut her off....but are you will to also cut your brothers off...and your daughter from her grandfather? You cannot force JR to love your daughter. That is her own issue here. BUT dont expose your daughter unsupervised anymore there if she shows little concern for her either. Visit as a family but for the meantime, dont leave your daughter for those one day breaks for yourself. Depend on someone else now until things can be resolved. And nivea, i know how you feel about father's lack of involvment...my father first marriage with 1st sm was very much like that....marry a woman to 'raise ' me but he had no concern of me...And we had a family meeting and he admitted that he married to have someone for his kids. We told him our mother is long gone and he should marry someone for himself. So..second marriage was MUCH better....i've had my ups and downs with her but now having my own family i see i have more respect and understanding with her position and we've rekindled a friendship.

she probably said it because she was upset. when people are upset, it comes out harsh. it does sound harsh and i can see how you feel too. of course people should do things separatelly, but it seems like weekends are bad time for that when there are lttle children involved. My parents spent time together when we were kids. and even now. dad would go play tennis for few hours (mom does not do sports) but neither one of them would go to lunches or dinners with someone else on the weekend and they don't have little kids. my brother also plays tennis often but other than that weekends are spend with his wife and kids. i don't believe in spouses spending weekend times separatelly especially with young children involved. of course people should visit family members but most of the time together,not alone. it is just my view. evry divorced family i know would tell you that they spent their weekends and times sepratelly. my BF was surprised that i would go grocery shopping wiht him or to the library wiht him etc. he said that he and X did their own thing. she would go volunteer, lunches with friends etc on the weekends. well to make a story short: marriage fell apart. Most happy families do not spend weekends separatelly doing their own thing. i guess your SM worries that he rather spends time somewhere else even if it is his DD's family than being with her. Anyways both yours and hers position is understandable. It is tough for your dad to balance.